Canceled

Ro041 · June 2013

Well........I am now one of those women who has had an engagement end. After a few days o non-stop crying, I need to figure out what to do about the guests. No invitations have been sent, but Save the Dates were sent. The idea of printing a cancellation notice makes me want to jump off a bridge. Is word of mouth good enough? Also, how the F do I take down the wedding website on TK? I cannot figure out how to remove it, but I need it gone, like, now.

CreeperKitten · June 2013

Sorry to hear that

I don't know the proper etiquette but personaly I would use word of mouth.

Ro041 · June 2013

Just to be clear, I do not mean "one of those women" in a condescending way. The cancellation of an engagement is a life event and one that I will always carry with me. It's sad.

HornyKitten · June 2013

my condolences. thats really rough. I am with PP, email KP she should be able to help you.

*internet hugs*

MistressKytten · June 2013

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think word of mouth will do since you haven't sent invites yet. Ditto to PP about PMing KG's.

MsYeck · June 2013

It will get better. About a year and a half ago I had an engagement end badly and I thought I would never get over it either. It is better to realize it was a mistake before the marriage than after. Less than 3 months later I met a man who is so much more than the ex could ever hope to be.

DrunkKitten · June 2013

I'm really sorry. I can't imagine how heartbroken you must be and how daunting the task of telling people must be. My heart truly goes out to you.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

I'm so sorry to hear that... Best of luck in navigating this difficult time.

If you're having a bigger wedding w/ ppl from OOT, I would send cancellations so no one makes travel arrangements and/or sends gifts. It sucks but might be easier on you so you don't have to keep repeating it over and over again. If anyone sent you gifts, etiquette is to return them.

KittenTrumper · June 2013

I'm sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and best wishes.

MsYeck · June 2013

When my first one ended I did the word of mouth method and it only didn't make it to one out of town friend who months later asked how the wedding went. So all I had to do (over the phone thank God) was one very akeward announcement. However I did announce on FB as well so acquaintances did not unknowingly ask how the ex was doing.

KDM323 · June 2013

Many hugs.

I cancelled my first engagement.

The Knot staff will help you take down your website.

As for letting people know...I told my Mom that I couldn't handle it and she spread the word through the family via word of mouth.

You'll also want to reach out to any vendors that you may have contracts with and see if they will refund you any money and what you have to do about cancelling your contracts, etc.

SpaghettiKitten · June 2013

I'm so sorry to hear this. Would your mom be willing to send out postcards to let your guests know? Or maybe a friend can help you out?

Good luck.

B+itchykitten · June 2013

I am sorry to hear this. Have it spread word of mouth. Change Facebook status etc. We are all still here if you need to vent or need advice. It does not end because of a broken engagement.

tammym1001 · June 2013

I'm sorry that your engagement ended. I'm going to assume you let the key people know already like your parents and wedding party. I would probably ask some close relatives to spread the word around.

Amyzen83 · June 2013

I'm sooo sorry to hear that!

I can't imagine anything worse than having a reminder of that. I think word of mouth is perfectly fine, my best friend cancelled her wedding like 3 days before and everyone was set to go. She had the friend who was there when she called it off, call everyone to break the news and told everyone to give her a few days to herself. If you don't want to do the calls, why not do what my friend did and delegate it to someone close to you. Events like this are hard, and in my friends case, I'm sooo glad she called it off as opposed to going through with it. That would have been a HUGE mistake if she married him. Also take some time for yourself to just heal from this and you can have your friend to tell people to give you time, so you aren't bombarded with all these phone calls and people asking for reasons etc.

Just so you know, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Amy

Jen4948 · June 2013

I'm very sorry. Sending you hugs, prayers and good thoughts.

krizzo17 · June 2013

Could you send a mass email to reach as many people as possible? My FIL recently passed away, and after about 10 phone calls MIL couldn't take it anymore and did this for everyone who wasn't family. No one judged this, and those who received the intial email were able to spread more information by word of mouth.

I know it's rough now, but you made the right decision. Try to get some sleep - that helps everything.

RebeccaB88 · June 2013

I am so sorry! This was me last fall. Fortunately we had nothing set in stone yet, but the whole process of telling people was excruciating. I recruited my mom. He handled it by announcing his engagement to someone else the same day we broke up. I took several months off from TK, but ended up coming back because I just missed this place, and I'm getting help from other ladies here who have been there. Plus, I'm using it to stand in faith that someday I will need TK to plan the right wedding! I understand why it's too painful to stay, but you are welcome to!

Ro041 · June 2013

Thank you everyone for your input. I think the email is a great idea. I will do that. There have been no gifts given, and I am currently getting all my contracts together so I can call each of the vendors.

runpipparun · June 2013

I had an engagement end when I was 23. It sucked for a long time, and I was so super embarrassed. It does get better, and I did eventually find an awesome guy. Getting married in 2 and a half weeks, 7 years later.

Ro041 · June 2013

CMGr said:

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a learning experience. That sucks.
Save the Dates are a new thing, and there is little established etiquette about them. I think email is a good idea.

As the goddess of all things invitation - I am relieved that you think there is no clear cut answer. I feel so much better!

OjitosVerdes · June 2013

I agree that an email would probably be the easiest and least painful way to handle it. I am so sorry, and know exactly how you feel. I cancelled an engagement and wedding about 8 years ago and remember how difficult it was. (We handled the guests via word of mouth and email). It was without a doubt the best decision I could have made, but it didn't change the fact that I felt like the rug had been pulled right out from under me - it felt like everything I thought my life was going to be and all the plans and life we had built together vanished in an instant. I know you didn't ask for life advice, but PPs are right that it WILL get better. It takes a bit to mourn the relationship (and I admit to mourning the awesome wedding I had planned just as much as the relationship. Red flag perhaps?!), but it is so much better for things to end now than several years into the marriage. {Sending lots of virtual hugs}. You will be wiser and stronger when this is over.

tiny speck · June 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree that an email might be the easiest way if you don't want to send out a paper announcement. Hugs!

SomethingBeautiful08 · June 2013

Remember that you don't need to explain why or the details of how this happened to anyone if you don't want to. Don't let anyone pressure you. Any announcements are purely to prevent people from making unnecessary travel plans and maybe to prevent them from wondering when the invite is coming around. So sorry you have to go through this.

FizzySips · June 2013

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for you.

I would think that something written as opposed to word of mouth (where the message can quickly get distorted) would be best. I remember years ago reading something written by Diane Farr (yes, from Loveline on MTV) about when she ended an engagement. She sent out cards notifying people and returning gifts that said something like "picked the wrong man, gave him the wrong finger".

You may not be in that place yet, but I wish for you that you gain the strenth to soldier through this very challenging time.

Cute puppies to try and make you smile....

1FairMaiden · June 2013

You send out a mass mailing to all the people who received a Save the Date that says

"Wedding Canceled. Picked the wrong guy. Gave him the wrong finger."

I'll design it for you ^_^

Seriously, I'm so sorry

I have been there, and it was within 2 weeks of the wedding. All the OOT guests came into town anyway, and it was embarrassing and weird. I so know what you are going through. If it makes you feel any better, though I know it seems like nothing will right now, this happened for a reason, and even though it makes absolutely no sense to you now, you will reach a point where you don't feel broken anymore, and you will be happier and more complete because of it.

Also, egg his car.

Lored · June 2013

So sorry you're going through this. I would echo PP's, if you can delegate your mom, aunt, friend, whatever to spread the news and ask all to give you some privacy right now. Hugs to you, your FI sounds like a complete douche if he's already engaged?? You're better off. It may not seem like it now, but in 5 years, you'll be in such a different state. XOXO

Lored · June 2013

Also, egg his car.

1FairMaiden · June 2013

Lored said:

Also, egg his car.

See? This is clearly a good idea.

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