Attire & Accessories Forum

Wedding Guests Attire

At our wedding, our two families will meet for the first time due to living in separate states. Our families are extremely different. My fiancé's family is well off financially, culturally refined, and lives in the large city where our wedding will take place. My extended family is the exact opposite. My wedding will not be black tie due to the time of the day in which it will begin, but it will be very formal. It will also take place in a very formal ballroom. However, I have recently learned that in order for some members of my family to attend, due to their financial restrictions, I will have to pay for their wedding attire and possibly transportation to the location, although they are simply guests and not participants within the ceremony. I am willing to do this since it was my decision to have a formal wedding in a big city where my small town family members refuse to drive.  Now I am faced with another problem. At least two of my close family members are potentially refusing to dress in formal attire. No, they're not requesting to wear khakis or dress slacks, they wish to wear jeans and a "nice" shirt. I'm not sure how to respond. I feel as if the differences between our families will be highlighted even more if they refuse to dress in the formal attire that my fiancé's family will surely adhere to. I also feel as if I'm spending hundreds of dollars on formal attire and transportation for my family members, they are being selfish by rebelling against the dress code so horribly. I'd even be ok with khakis and a button up, but JEANS at a formal wedding?! I've been told to tell my family if they will not dress properly, they will not be able to attend the wedding. I don't want to have five people sitting on my side of the aisle due to unsupportive family though. What can I do?
«1

Re: Wedding Guests Attire

  • There are actually people out there who think these people should just not come if they are in jeans? I find that reprehensible. While I would personally never wear jeans to a wedding, it's just ridiculous to feel you wouldn't accept them in whatever they wore. I form relationships with people, not with mannequins.
    <Image and video hosting by TinyPic>
  • yeah you told them what the dress code was apoligize they knew what it was if they show up in jeans and a tee shirt so be it.. its about celebrating with your loved ones. i have been to weddings were the atire was dressy but not formal or semi and there were people in full formal gowns... and i have been to a formal wedding where people we wearing tea length clothes
  • It's about the people, not their attire.  You are being rather snobbish here.  Stop worrying about what others will think and welcome your FAMILY.  Would you seriously throw your family away because they didn't dress formally?  Really?

    Whoever it telling you not to let them into your wedding is someone you should NOT be listening to.  

    Take a step back. Breathe.  Refocus on your FAMILY and not impressing others.
  • First, I wouldn't pay for someone's attire who isn't in the wedding party. Second, why do you care what they'll wear? It doesn't reflect on you and they are the ones that will feel foolish if they are under-dressed. You've told them the formality of the wedding, and if they choose to come in jeans and a nice top, then thank them graciously for coming at the reception and move on.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • First off you shouldn't pay for someone's attire to your wedding.  Second of all you can't tell people how to dress. If they want to wear jeans to a formal event that's on them. They'll look like the ass, not you.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I want to tell you that I think it's nice of you to offer to pay for the attire of some of your guests. It sounds like they can't afford it and they wouldn't want to show up underdressed so you are helping them out. I hope that's the case and you didn't make them feel embarassed. I am paying for my mother and brother's attire because they just simply don't have the extra money, but they want to look nice for the wedding.

    As far as the people who want to wear jeans, unless your venue has a certain dress code and they won't be able to get in if they are wearing jeans then you need to just let them dress themselves. It won't reflect poorly on you and I'm sure that your FI's family isn't going to care what your family is wearing.  

    image
  • At my cousin's wedding the groom's family showed up in gym shorts. Did they look out of place? yes. Did it ruin the wedding? Not at all. 8 years later they are still married. Don't worry about it.

  • Wow I so disagree! @linzie07 let's pretend for a moment your wedding was going to be "Black tie"...everyone would have responded that it is rude of a guest to ignore dress code. You said you would be ok with "khakis and a nice shirt" so you are NOT being unreasonable or a snob. It is rude of your guests to "refuse" to TRY to dress for the occasion. People dress nicely for court dates because it is 1appropriate and 2 a sign of respect for the judge. So why not expect the same for a wedding? Where both appropriateness and respect for the formality and seriousness of the occasion are expected. For some people the nicest thing they own might be "jeans and a nice shirt" so if that is the case for your guests then so be it. But if they own a pair of slacks and are refusing just to be difficult and stubborn then they are being extreamly disrespectful and I wouldn't stand for it. I don't know what I would do if it were me but I would suggest posting this on the luxury wedding board to see if you get some helpful suggestions there. Good luck
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    I can't imagine kicking out someone you presumably care about (you invited them to your wedding after all) because they dared to wear jeans. That's just so backward. 

    I can imagine feeling a brief flash of irritation. But honestly, for the bride, the day should be about getting to marry the person she loves, not to worry about how other adults dress themselves. If someone wearing jeans ruins your wedding, your marriage is in for a rocky ride. 
    image
  • Honestly "zilla" or not if I KNEW it was ILL INTENTIONED I would ask the staff to do so quietly.
  • akaneli said:
    Wow I so disagree! @linzie07 let's pretend for a moment your wedding was going to be "Black tie"...everyone would have responded that it is rude of a guest to ignore dress code. You said you would be ok with "khakis and a nice shirt" so you are NOT being unreasonable or a snob. It is rude of your guests to "refuse" to TRY to dress for the occasion. People dress nicely for court dates because it is 1appropriate and 2 a sign of respect for the judge. So why not expect the same for a wedding? Where both appropriateness and respect for the formality and seriousness of the occasion are expected. For some people the nicest thing they own might be "jeans and a nice shirt" so if that is the case for your guests then so be it. But if they own a pair of slacks and are refusing just to be difficult and stubborn then they are being extreamly disrespectful and I wouldn't stand for it. I don't know what I would do if it were me but I would suggest posting this on the luxury wedding board to see if you get some helpful suggestions there. Good luck
    Why is their attire so much more important than their presence?
  • akaneli said:
    Honestly "zilla" or not if I KNEW it was ILL INTENTIONED I would ask the staff to do so quietly.
    My God, I can't believe you would be so rude. You really think someone can be quietly removed without other guests noticing? 

    People will be talking about you and your rudeness for years. I know I would be horrified if I saw this happening at a wedding. 
    image
  • It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2013

    akaneli said:
    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.
    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 


    image
  • That's ok. It's your opinion and this is mine. What one person considers rude is usually true across the board for most people, myself included. But in this instance we happen to disagree. Such is life. :/
  • akaneli said:
    That's ok. It's your opinion and this is mine. What one person considers rude is usually true across the board for most people, myself included. But in this instance we happen to disagree. Such is life. :/
    Removing guests from a wedding because they don't meet your standards is ALWAYS rude. I don't care who you are. 
    image
  • PDKH said:




    akaneli said:

    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.

    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 




    No. Not what I am saying at all. Please read Above. OP said something to the effect of the guest in question having khakis as an alternative. and that if that we're the case, then to ME jeans would not be ok.
  • akaneli said:

    akaneli said:
    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.
    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 


    No. Not what I am saying at all. Please read Above. OP said something to the effect of the guest in question having khakis as an alternative. and that if that we're the case, then to ME jeans would not be ok.
    And so what if they don't want to wear the khakis. They are more comfortable in jeans. What then?
    image
  • PDKH said:


    akaneli said:

    That's ok. It's your opinion and this is mine. What one person considers rude is usually true across the board for most people, myself included. But in this instance we happen to disagree. Such is life. :/

    Removing guests from a wedding because they don't meet your standards is ALWAYS rude. I don't care who you are. 
    Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.
  • akaneli said:
    akaneli said:
    That's ok. It's your opinion and this is mine. What one person considers rude is usually true across the board for most people, myself included. But in this instance we happen to disagree. Such is life. :/
    Removing guests from a wedding because they don't meet your standards is ALWAYS rude. I don't care who you are. 
    Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.
    Ok fine. They're trying to ruin your wedding by wearing jeans (which is RIDICULOUS if jeans somehow ruins a wedding). 

    You honestly think you'll "win" by removing them? The best way to get revenge on someone trying to make a ill-intended statement at your wedding is to utterly ignore them. 
    image
  • akaneliakaneli member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    PDKH said:


    akaneli said:

    PDKH said:




    akaneli said:

    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.

    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 


    No. Not what I am saying at all. Please read Above. OP said something to the effect of the guest in question having khakis as an alternative. and that if that we're the case, then to ME jeans would not be ok.


    And so what if they don't want to wear the khakis. They are more comfortable in jeans. What then?

    Just curious. And not trying to offend this is a serious question. Would you wear jeans to formal wedding? If you had something nicer to wear for the sake of your comfort and make an ass of yourself and be disrespectful to the bride and groom? Just because you would be more comfortable? This is her family. She knows them best. I am saying if this were my family and I know that is NOT how we do it in my circle...I would know it was meant as a slap in the face and disapproval of my union. So I stand by what I said. No jeans. But that's just me.
  • PDKH said:


    akaneli said:

    PDKH said:


    akaneli said:

    That's ok. It's your opinion and this is mine. What one person considers rude is usually true across the board for most people, myself included. But in this instance we happen to disagree. Such is life. :/

    Removing guests from a wedding because they don't meet your standards is ALWAYS rude. I don't care who you are. 
    Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.

    Ok fine. They're trying to ruin your wedding by wearing jeans (which is RIDICULOUS if jeans somehow ruins a wedding). 

    You honestly think you'll "win" by removing them? The best way to get revenge on someone trying to make a ill-intended statement at your wedding is to utterly ignore them. 


    No. The jeans would not ruin my wedding. Again I would welcome any of my guests in a potato sack if they were there to celebrate with us! But I would not let someone attend/stay who wasn't there of genuine good will.

  • akaneli said:
    akaneli said:

    akaneli said:
    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.
    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 


    No. Not what I am saying at all. Please read Above. OP said something to the effect of the guest in question having khakis as an alternative. and that if that we're the case, then to ME jeans would not be ok.
    And so what if they don't want to wear the khakis. They are more comfortable in jeans. What then?
    Just curious. And not trying to offend this is a serious question. Would you wear jeans to formal wedding? If you had something nicer to wear for the sake of your comfort and make an ass of yourself and be disrespectful to the bride and groom? Just because you would be more comfortable? This is her family. She knows them best. I am saying if this were my family and I know that is NOT how we do it in my circle...I would know it was meant as a slap in the face and disapproval of my union. So I stand by what I said. No jeans. But that's just me.
    As I said, no, I would never wear jeans to a formal wedding. I would never wear jeans to a wedding period. I don't have any friends who would either (well - I have guy friends who probably would if their wives let them get away with it). 

    I still don't understand how jeans could be a statement of disapproval at a wedding. It's not a slap in the face unless the bride takes it as one. You're entirely too worried about what people should wear. It's like the stories of angry MIL's wearing white to their son's weddings. NO ONE ever judges the couple. People judge the mother in law for being an ass at her child's wedding. 

    I, personally, am not worried about my own comfort at my wedding. I'm worried about my guests' comfort. If that means they have to wear jeans, so be it. It's not about me. 

    Again - if someone wore jeans to your wedding as a slight, ignoring them would be the best revenge. Removing them from the wedding reflects badly on the bride and allows the offender to smirk because their plan worked. 
    image

  • akaneli said:


    Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.

    Why is an "ill-intentioned" guest even a concern? Why would you invite someone who didn't wish you well? And if this person's only way of expressing their ill-will toward your marriage is wearing jeans, so what? Certainly, it is better than shouting "I object!" during your vows or making some other scene. It seems like you are looking to find insult where none is intended.


    No not try to say this is what her family is doing. Or trying to look for insult. But simply stating that from my perspective. Knowing MY family this would not happen and that if it did. It would be a clear indication of insult. From what I understood OP was trying to make sure her family of modest means didn't feel underdressed for her formal affair. THEY in turn refused to wear anything formal and proposed jeans. I don't know if that was because they are too proud to let her pay for something more formal (be that khakis or a suit) and if that we're the case then perfectly ok. (As i stated above) I also don't know if her family responded this way out of ill will. And I only mention this scenario because I wouldn't see an issues with it otherwise.
  • akaneli said:
    akaneli said:
    Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.
    Why is an "ill-intentioned" guest even a concern? Why would you invite someone who didn't wish you well? And if this person's only way of expressing their ill-will toward your marriage is wearing jeans, so what? Certainly, it is better than shouting "I object!" during your vows or making some other scene. It seems like you are looking to find insult where none is intended.
    No not try to say this is what her family is doing. Or trying to look for insult. But simply stating that from my perspective. Knowing MY family this would not happen and that if it did. It would be a clear indication of insult. From what I understood OP was trying to make sure her family of modest means didn't feel underdressed for her formal affair. THEY in turn refused to wear anything formal and proposed jeans. I don't know if that was because they are too proud to let her pay for something more formal (be that khakis or a suit) and if that we're the case then perfectly ok. (As i stated above) I also don't know if her family responded this way out of ill will. And I only mention this scenario because I wouldn't see an issues with it otherwise.
    Which is wear it comes to word-of-mouth again. She can ask her mom to let her family know that most guests will be in cocktail attire. Once they've heard via word-of-mouth, they're allowed to decide on their own attire - if that's jeans, fine! They are adults capable of independent thinking, not props for the wedding.

    You are MASSIVELY over-thinking this. I never realized that denim had such a capacity to offend. 
    image
  • akaneliakaneli member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    @Pdkh
    In this case the bride knows of their intent to wear jeans. Whatever that means for her/ them. I have already said what it would mean for me from my family and they would therefor not be invited. If they dared to crash my wedding they would be denied entry and asked to leave in the quietest manner possible. I know not everyone would agree with this and as someone else commented people would talk. But that is ok with me.
  • akaneli said:
    @Pdkh In this case the bride knows of their intent to wear jeans. Whatever that means for her/ them. I have already said what it would mean for me from my family and they would therefor not be invited. If they dared to crash my wedding they would be denied entry and asked to leave in the quietest manner possible. I know not everyone would agree with this and as someone else commented people would talk. But that is ok with me.
    Wearing jeans doesn't qualify as crashing a wedding. Again, if I was at your wedding and learned you removed a guest because they attempted to wear jeans as a slight (still don't understand this), I would think you were ridiculously rude. It should not matter what a guest wears. 

    If you want to be side-eyed, by all means, attempt to be an attire dictator. You will be remembered as the bride who was more focused on what people wore than on the fact that she married her husband. 
    image
  • OP what IS the reasoning for your guests to want to wear jeans and not the khAkis? All this back and forth made me realize maybe I should have Asked you that first...are they just Uncomfortable having you pay for something more appropriate? Because that is really understandable. Do they know khakis is an option? If they don't maybe they will gladly wear these if they have them. Just looking for some clarification
  • akaneli said:
    OP what IS the reasoning for your guests to want to wear jeans and not the khAkis? All this back and forth made me realize maybe I should have Asked you that first...are they just Uncomfortable having you pay for something more appropriate? Because that is really understandable. Do they know khakis is an option? If they don't maybe they will gladly wear these if they have them. Just looking for some clarification
    None of these questions matter because guest attire should not matter. Spread by word-of-mouth the formality of the wedding and call it a day. Good Lord. 
    image
  • akaneli said:

    akaneli said:
    It's not. I didn't say it was. I just think that it is incredibly rude to insist on wear something inappropriate IF you own something that is. I said if their nicest clothes ARE "jeans and a nice shirt" then that is fine and totally acceptable.
    So are you going to inspect each of your guests closets pre-wedding to insure that they wear their nicest for you? That's ridiculous. 

    I have full length gowns in my closet, but I've only worn one to a wedding once. Are you going to be upset if I show up in a nice cocktail dress because I didn't wear my nicest gown?

    Most people I know wouldn't show up to jeans at a wedding, even if it was a simple backyard BBQ. Those who are going to show up in jeans are going to wear jeans, no matter what you attempt to dictate to them. Yes, it would be nice for people to dress appropriately, but if they don't, THEY look bad, not the bride and groom. The only way I would judge the bride and groom in that situation is if they demanded the undressed guest be removed. 


    No. Not what I am saying at all. Please read Above. OP said something to the effect of the guest in question having khakis as an alternative. and that if that we're the case, then to ME jeans would not be ok.
    And so what if they don't want to wear the khakis. They are more comfortable in jeans. What then?
    Just curious. And not trying to offend this is a serious question. Would you wear jeans to formal wedding? If you had something nicer to wear for the sake of your comfort and make an ass of yourself and be disrespectful to the bride and groom? Just because you would be more comfortable? This is her family. She knows them best. I am saying if this were my family and I know that is NOT how we do it in my circle...I would know it was meant as a slap in the face and disapproval of my union. So I stand by what I said. No jeans. But that's just me.
    No, I wouldn't wear jeans to a formal or even semi formal wedding. But I can also say with absolute certainty that someone under dressing to a wedding does NOT "cause trouble" or impact the wedding in any way.
    Not true - didn't you know the wedding is automatically invalid and absolutely ruined if someone shows up in jeans?!?!
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards