Wedding Guests Attire

akaneli · June 2013

PDKH said:

akaneli said:

@Pdkh
In this case the bride knows of their intent to wear jeans. Whatever that means for her/ them. I have already said what it would mean for me from my family and they would therefor not be invited. If they dared to crash my wedding they would be denied entry and asked to leave in the quietest manner possible. I know not everyone would agree with this and as someone else commented people would talk. But that is ok with me.

Wearing jeans doesn't qualify as crashing a wedding. Again, if I was at your wedding and learned you removed a guest because they attempted to wear jeans as a slight (still don't understand this), I would think you were ridiculously rude. It should not matter what a guest wears.

If you want to be side-eyed, by all means, attempt to be an attire dictator. You will be remembered as the bride who was more focused on what people wore than on the fact that she married her husband.

Again. It's not the jeans. I would not ask anyone to leave because they were not dressed to my liking. I said before that in my family (or my FI family for that matter) we would not dare wear something inappropriate to a wedding. I never said it was right for OP to talk about a dress code with the guests in question. I agree that it is rude and insulting. I would not do that And if an invited guest shows up in flip flops and a house dress, jeans, gym shorts etc I would be happy that they were able to make it. Period. BUT if prior to the wedding someone in my family made it a point to inform me that they will be wear something inappropriate knowing that is not done in our circle I would read between the lines and know they do not approve of my union and simply not invite them. If they showed up sans invitation THAT is crashing. In my opinion asking uninvited guests to leave/denying them entry is not rude. Oh and yes I am the kind of person who wouldn't care what people thought/said because of it.

akaneli · June 2013

@stagemanger14 Agreed. Wearing jeans does not = causing trouble. But like I said I know MY family best, the comments I have made are from my perspective if this were happening to me and my my family. That being said, it would be taken as disapproval of my union because that is the only circumstance under which that would happen in my family. So I would avoid the entire situation by simply not inviting who ever it was that disapproved.

akaneli · June 2013

PDKH said:

akaneli said:

OP what IS the reasoning for your guests to want to wear jeans and not the khAkis? All this back and forth made me realize maybe I should have Asked you that first...are they just Uncomfortable having you pay for something more appropriate? Because that is really understandable. Do they know khakis is an option? If they don't maybe they will gladly wear these if they have them. Just looking for some clarification

None of these questions matter because guest attire should not matter. Spread by word-of-mouth the formality of the wedding and call it a day. Good Lord.

Yes I agree with this. I'm pretty sure I said it here somewhere....not sure to who now

I only ask the questions because 1i assumed there was some ill intentions and others have pointed out that might not be the case and 2 she has already committed the faux pas so just trying to help the woman salvage this situation.

Angelface225 · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

akaneli said:

Agreed. HOWEVER removing guests who are there to PURPOSEFULLY cause problems is not. And no I do not mean that a jeans clad guests is a problem. I mean an ILL INTENTIONED guest is a problem.

Why is an "ill-intentioned" guest even a concern? Why would you invite someone who didn't wish you well? And if this person's only way of expressing their ill-will toward your marriage is wearing jeans, so what? Certainly, it is better than shouting "I object!" during your vows or making some other scene. It seems like you are looking to find insult where none is intended.

This exactly. I think this is ridiculous. OP didn't say that the guest in question owned khakis and refused to wear them, just that she suggested them as an option.

People will wear what they will, get over it. And if you're worried about your family looking too country around your FI's family, get over it, NBD.

AddieCake · June 2013

Just wanted to share this pic from my wedding. It's 2 people I absolutely love and adore, in jeans, totally worshipping me on my wedding day. It was awful. My whole day was ruined b/c of these jeans.

misshart00 · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

Just wanted to share this pic from my wedding. It's 2 people I absolutely love and adore, in jeans, totally worshipping me on my wedding day. It was awful. My whole day was ruined b/c of these jeans.

And one was wearing a backward baseball cap. How rude! It's because he doesn't approve of your marriage.

manateehugger · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

Just wanted to share this pic from my wedding. It's 2 people I absolutely love and adore, in jeans, totally worshipping me on my wedding day. It was awful. My whole day was ruined b/c of these jeans.

My God, Addie. How are you not in tears over this picture? Your wedding was clearly ruined!

Serious side note: adorable photo.

AJuliaNJ · June 2013

linzie07 said:

I've been told to tell my family if they will not dress properly, they will not be able to attend the wedding. I don't want to have five people sitting on my side of the aisle due to unsupportive family though. What can I do?

WHO told you that? I am having trouble figuring out if you are saying (a) his parents (or someone) are hosting it and gave your family an ultimatum via you or (b) people are giving you the advice that this is what you should do. Which one?

I can empathize with you on the joining of 2 families with very different backgrounds. Many of my family members dress differently than my fiance's conservative family might dress. My mom tends to dress in revealing clothes and shop at stores that I stopped shopping at after college. I remember feeling a ton of anxiety the first few times they met. I think that is the place you are in right now. It briefly went through my mind to advise family members what to wear--BRIEFLY--but I came to the conclusion that it would be HIS family's rudeness if they had a problem with it. And you know what? They did not say one word and seemed to get along very well. It was all in my head. If someone told me my family had to dress a certain way or they couldn't come, I would tell them I won't be there either. A wedding should be a happy time when the families come together, not a time to start rivalries and hurt feelings that will not soon go away.

I also wouldn't pay for the attire of the family members. If you already agreed to, I'd just do it, but if you are just thinking about it and haven't actually offered, I wouldn't. The transportation, fine. I get it. I just wouldn't want you to set the precedent where you are supporting family members for nonessential items.

We are also having a very formal wedding. I would not at all be thrilled if someone showed up in jeans. I would still treat them the same and would defend the hell out of them to others who didn't, but in the back of my head, I'd think it was very strange.

jenn5628 · June 2013

Which is wear it comes to word-of-mouth again. She can ask her mom to let her family know that most guests will be in cocktail attire. Once they've heard via word-of-mouth, they're allowed to decide on their own attire - if that's jeans, fine! They are adults capable of independent thinking, not props for the wedding.

You are MASSIVELY over-thinking this. I never realized that denim had such a capacity to offend.

@PDHK that is where you're so wrong!

Sierra524 · June 2013

@akaneli
I would def show up to your wedding in jeans, and if you didnt let me in, I would sneak into the back and crash the shit out of that party.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

OP, only you can decide if you love your family more than you hate jeans. Nothing I or anyone else can say can convince you to value them more than some cloth if you don't.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

Will the reception follow the ceremony or the polo match?

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

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