No kids at reception

Qkellygirl · June 2013

I'm in a quandry. My fiance and are planning a no children reception. The only exceptions are my three Godchildren who are in the wedding and a cousin with a four year old who is flying in from California. Our reasons are mostly expenses, but also neither of us are comfortable around kids. Now my other out of town cousin wants to bring his kids, ages 9-11. I know if we allow this than the local moms will be upset that their kids aren't allowed. Do I hold fast to the "no exceptions" rule? Our reception site is attached to a hotel so I know some folks are getting rooms, and they could get pizza for the kids and have them come down after dinner for dancing and cake but we just can't afford to feed everyone. This is causing me immense stress. Any thoughts?

6fsn · June 2013

It's up to you. Know that some people will be pissed and some won't. I wouldn't be upset if my kids weren't invited and others were (especially if I knew the people were OOT). Either have kids or don't but don't do the "come down after dinner for cake and dancing."

[Deleted User] · June 2013

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ashleymarieriley · June 2013

I wouldn't let it stress me out. This is your wedding. It should be the way that your fiance & you desire it. If you are choosing to not have children, then everyone should be respectful & understanding of that. But I do have to say, it is also all about how you go about handling the situation & letting guests know that children are not allowed. Do it tactfully, but honestly. To those that you are closer with, explain the budget concerns. On our wedding website, we have different events set up. Engagement party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, etc. On our rehearsal dinner, we put a little blurb at the end that says "We would prefer this to be an adult-only event with the exception of children in the wedding. Thank you for being so understanding."

Personally, I would allow out of town guests. It may be difficult for their parents to find arrangements for them. Politely explain to your local moms why you are amending this rule for them. Honestly, people have no right to get angry about it. Like I stated, it is YOUR wedding!!!

I hope that you are pleasantly surprised by the positive, understanding reactions.

PirateBarbie · June 2013

you've already started making exceptions, so people are going to be pissed off.

I'd skip out on going to an OOT wedding If I didn't have local childcare and my 2yo wasn't invited.

you can invite whoever you want, but keep in mind that people may choose not to come if they cannot bring their kids and don't have local care.

Qkellygirl · June 2013

Hi everyone thanks for the feedback. I can see different sides to the issue. My cousin from CA has a toddler, so we are letting him bring her, due to her age. (bonus, under five the meals are free!) as for the others they are old enough to amuse themselves for 2 hours and if asked would probably prefer pizza and a movie in the room over a boring dinner. Looking back all of their parents had an adults only reception. Funny how things change when you have kids and suddenly you expect the world to cater to you

Qkellygirl · June 2013

Hey scribe 95

It is partly about money. I don't know what kind of wedding you had/ are having, but did you have an unlimited budget? If so then good for you others are not as fortunate. To be honest I never wanted a big wedding in the first place. The moms took over and now we are SOL.

The short: If I had nieces/nephews I would invite them as they are immediate family. As for cousins, friends etc I don't think that asking them to get babysitters is akin to having the baby subjected to a Pagan sacrifice. They had a year's notice. Why was it ok for my cousin to exclude kids from his wedding 12 years ago when he was childless but now expect me to have them at mine as his family unit chnaged? If the parents are uncomfortable with sitters then they don't have to come. But I feel sorry for any kid in that situation as they are most likely still breast-feeding at 12.

And to answer the question I was "avoiding" Yes kids are invited to the ceremony. If the reception is really a "thank you" to the guests then should I turn away anyone who didn't come to the ceremony? Thats absurd.

And to answer your next question, no we are not having kids.

jarednmegan · June 2013

ashleymarieriley said:

I wouldn't let it stress me out. This is your wedding. It should be the way that your fiance & you desire it. If you are choosing to not have children, then everyone should be respectful & understanding of that. But I do have to say, it is also all about how you go about handling the situation & letting guests know that children are not allowed. Do it tactfully, but honestly. To those that you are closer with, explain the budget concerns. On our wedding website, we have different events set up. Engagement party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, etc. On our rehearsal dinner, we put a little blurb at the end that says "We would prefer this to be an adult-only event with the exception of children in the wedding. Thank you for being so understanding."

Personally, I would allow out of town guests. It may be difficult for their parents to find arrangements for them. Politely explain to your local moms why you are amending this rule for them. Honestly, people have no right to get angry about it. Like I stated, it is YOUR wedding!!! I hope that you are pleasantly surprised by the positive, understanding reactions.

Positive, understanding reactions?! Personally, if I were a local guest with children I would not take too kindly to this. It's flat-out RUDE. Either you invite everyone's kids or you don't invite any of them.

ReturnOfKuus · June 2013

Kids are like any other guests: you invite the people you're close to, and don't invite those you aren't. But I have to say, if you don't really want kids around, and aren't crazy about them in general, why are you having kids in your wedding?

No kids at reception

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