When someone says "Don't buy me a gift," do you buy her a gift?

ohwhynot · October 2010

In this particular case, it's my mother in law, but I have seen invitations for adult birthday parties and teh like that say "no gifts, please" or "your presence is my present." Do you ignore that and bring a gift anyway? What kind of gift?

My mother in law, whom I adore, just sent a mass email to all the kids, saying basically "Times are tough; spend the money on your own families, don't buy me a Christmas gift this year."

H has no idea what to do. We know she means it, that she'd really rather we spent our money on our own families, but she's his MOTHER, he has to get her a Christmas gift! Your advice?

P.S. She is a very wonderful woman on an extremely limited income (recently retired-she's about 70 years old). She keeps a very tidy household with very few frills and she doesn't indulge herself in anything. She's hard to buy for even under normal circumstances.

LesPaul · October 2010

That's tough, OWN. I would get her something, even though she has said not to. But I would make it extremely practical - something she uses at home regularly. Can you get her a basket of pantry basics she would use? Or even cleaning supplies? She's probably not really into bath & body stuff (my MIL hates that kind of thing), so it might not be really personal, but useful. If she's still driving, can you buy her an oil change or car service?

allisong23 · October 2010

Can you cook some meals for her that she could freeze and reheat later? Like a few trays of lasagna or a casserole?

LessThanZero · October 2010

I would still get her something, but like Les said, something practical. Maybe a nice throw blanket? A robe? Even something like chocolates or one of those Edible Arrangement baskets with the fruit and chocolate (if they have that in your area)?
I guess think of the things she's interested in. Maybe a book, something for gardening? An engraved picture frame?

And of course a card.

SarahPLiz · October 2010

Usually if someone says this, I make or cook them something. For instance, my dad will tell me not to give him a gift. HOwever, he loves home made tamales, so I get them made for him and bring them when we go for Christmas. He has yet to get mad at me for that. FI hates getting gifts, but my sister always makes him pralines or chocolates and he LOVES getting those.

kd.joseph · October 2010

A NEW MATTRESS!

ohwhynot · October 2010

These are all great ideas; thanks. We live about 8 hours away from her, but we are going to visit on Thanksgiving and Christmas this year (in the past, we've chosen one or the other). Of course, we're going to insult her by staying at a hotel for Thanksgiving (that's another story - lol).

Please keep the ideas coming - I am loving this! For my own mother, I'm going to continue the tradition I started several years ago - I buy a gift in her honor at the heifer project. H doesn't really like that idea for his mom, though - he wants to give a good, wrapable gift, lol.

ohwhynot · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_someone-says-dont-buy-gift-buy-her-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5e57009b-a1d3-4858-a76d-3f9c248f54d2Post:09428d29-db65-4a02-bc13-2e8aba901e9a">Re: When someone says "Don't buy me a gift," do you buy her a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]A NEW MATTRESS!
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

LOL. We WANT to get her a new mattress! We were all in the process of getting everyone to contribute when she sent around this email (maybe she caught wind of it). Instead, we're going to slap her face by staying at a hotel for Thanksgiving. We need to sleep!

kd.joseph · October 2010

Well if she's on a limited income maybe a GC for the grocery store.

LesPaul · October 2010

Agree w/ Sarah - edible is always good. Does she have a sweet tooth? Is there some treat she really likes but doesn't buy or make it for herself?

shaydenise · October 2010

Given the circumstances I would give her a card with cash (I would usually say check but she wouldn't cash it it sounds like). That way she can't really give it back and rather than a gc she can use it anywhere.

Though I do like the idea of preparing meals that she can just heat up. My MIL did that for us when FI was in the hospital and we had dinner/lunch for 2+ weeks. It was AWESOME.

SarahPLiz · October 2010

Oh, one year, my dad had just moved into a little trailer house. He was out to sea for Christmas, so my cousin and I went over and cleaned the whole thing, stocked his TP and paper towels, hung some curtains we got at good will (took down the aluminum foil in the windows), and hung all his pictures for him. Cousin is an interior designer, so that helped. I would not have had that idea on my own.

He came home to a place that actually looked like a home, and he loved it. He still lives there and the curtains are still up. His GF lives with him now, so she has decorated more, of course. Those curtains are still up, though.

I don't know if that is an idea for her, but maybe do some yardwork or landscaping?

SarahPLiz · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_someone-says-dont-buy-gift-buy-her-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5e57009b-a1d3-4858-a76d-3f9c248f54d2Post:26f60d03-1e53-4c89-b747-e5f6fe1d311b">Re: When someone says "Don't buy me a gift," do you buy her a gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Given the circumstances<strong> I would give her a card with cash </strong>(I would usually say check but she wouldn't cash it it sounds like). That way she can't really give it back and rather than a gc she can use it anywhere. Though I do like the idea of preparing meals that she can just heat up. My MIL did that for us when FI was in the hospital and we had dinner/lunch for 2+ weeks. It was AWESOME.
Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]

<div>Or just hide cash in her house next time you are there.. in the sugar bowl or mugs in the cabinet, in the medicine cabinet, between the couch cushions, etc. </div>

deb84 · October 2010

I like the ideas of helping her out with something. Oil change, yard work, etc. Even if you don't live close enough to do it personally hiring someone works. I also like the idea of a family outing. Play, museum, etc. But 8 hours is kind of far away to do that. Maybe a family picture in a nice frame? My parents love displaying pictures of their kids and grandkids, she probably wouldn't even view it as a *gift*.

slubkin · October 2010

Two years ago, FI's family conspired to get pro family pics done at Sears for FI's grandmother, so when we were all together for Thanksgiving we went first thing in the morning the next day to go get our family photos done. That was the Christmas gift to her from the family- it was FI's mom and sister and their husbands and kids and all the kids' girlfriends/wives. Grandma was super pleased and hung it in the dining room.

JennaV26 · October 2010

An Edible Arrangement! Who doesn't like receiving a big bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries?! I got one of my mom for her birthday last year and she seriously loved it!

Does she like coffee.. or jam?? I'm thinking of small gift baskets like one with different types of tea or flavored coffees or a basket filled with yummy jams.