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Maid of Honor

rgronkergronke
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Party
I have this friend who I asked to be my maid of honor. I asked her to be my maid of honor because she was fantastically helpful in the beginning and I thought it would be a great way to honor her and it has been up to this week. I am getting married soon and so we all went to Vegas like I always do this time of year. I invited the bridal party with, but she was the only one who could go, no worries. A little background here, she has some issues with men and drinking, but my fi and I are both in the field and he's an addictions counselor so we thought, no worries, we can keep her safe. Well it turns out she creeped out my brother, pissed off my aunt and yelled at her, no one yells at my aunt, ever!, and royally pissed me off with her bad manners and ridiculous behavior. She was obnoxious to the extreme and I had had enough by the time she left. After she left my family and I stayed a few more days and omg were those nice and relaxing with minimal drama. It was amazing. So she can back Monday and I got back yesterday and I have seventy something days left till the big day and we aren't talking. I'll admit I'm stubborn, but I also don't know what to say. I am so mad and to be honest I'm disappointed. The way she acted at the hotels we were staying at was awful and I've never been so embarrassed and the way she acted towards my family and other friends was just rude. I know I'm going to get slammed for this but I need to know what do I do next. I would like to see this work because she is my friend, but part of my is just sick of this behavior and if it happens at the wedding/bachelorette party or bridal shower I will lose my shit. HELP!
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Re: Maid of Honor

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is this the behavior you were worried about when you mentioned she had a problem with drinking or was it worse than usual?
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  • rgronkergronke
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    It was actual worse than normal. She yelled at my aunt, she's usually sweet, and she harassed my brother, told my mom I need to put on valium, this after I told her she needed to take it down a notch at cocktail hour. She was a 10 and we needed her at a 5.  She was just ridiculous. 
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  • rgronkergronke
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    He does, mostly that I suck it up and deal because she helped us get our venue for super cheap.  He also didn't see everything that she did, and so doesn't know what the big deal is, I actually didn't know about some of it until after she left, FI left the same day she did because of work.  Yes he's a counselor, but he can't do that for her because we are to close.  It's just stupid because we've gone out before and she's been fine, but this was beyond fine, it was like watching a train wreck. 
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Call her and talk to her like the good friend she is. Don't talk about the wedding. Ask her about herself.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, you can't "suck it up and deal" if she goes bananas at your wedding, because she can't go bananas at your wedding.  This goes beyond etiquette.

    I'd leave her alone for now.  Minimize the time you have to spend with her.  But if she starts acting out when you need her not to, give her a heads-up that she is to cease and desist from that behavior from here on in or she will be escorted out, and follow through on that if necessary.  After the wedding, you might re-evaluate your friendship with her.
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  • cbrown828cbrown828 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Substance abuse therapist here. You are absolutely right that your FI can't get involved with this because of your relationship with her. I agree that it might help if you sat down and talked with her from the perspective of a friend concerned for her close friend's well-being, not the perspective of a bride who's wedding is being ruined. She won't care. She likely doesn't see any issues with her thinking and behavior right now. A conversation might get some gears turning. FI might help you recommend a therapist/treatment program for her. Put it out there, and back off. Give her time to think and let her defenses down. I agree you may need to have a plan to deal with potential bad behavior at your reception, but keep the big picture in mind. She's your friend before she's your bridesmaid.
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