Ms or Miss?

Bubblegum5586 · June 2013

When does a Miss become a Ms?

misssunshine17 · June 2013

I might be wrong, but people normally call Miss for girls maybe like 16 or younger? After that, I go with Ms.

Feel free to tell me I'm wrong.

mstallae · June 2013

Pretty sure Miss is used for unmarried women, Mrs for married women and Ms. can be used by anyone married or unmarried and is a personal preference.

phira · June 2013

Traditional: Miss = unmarried; Mrs = married

Ms was created as a title to replace both Miss and Mrs (basically, the feminine equivalent of Mr), and bears no relationship to marital status.

So Miss becomes Mrs when she gets married. Ms stays Ms.

My never-married great aunt went by Miss. She was 105 years old.

Kate61487 · June 2013

mstallae said:

Pretty sure Miss is used for unmarried women, Mrs for married women and Ms. can be used by anyone married or unmarried and is a personal preference.

This. I personally hated being called Ms. before I was married b/c I felt like it was saying I was an old maid - i.e. "you're old enough you should be a mrs by now but you're not so you're a ms" Alternatively I know many unmarried ladies my age (25) who feel like miss is implying they're children. So you really can't win and should probably just go with one.

As you see people respond on RSVPs or get mail from them note what they write (or have on return addresses) and address them accordingly on future correspondence (place cards, thank you notes, etc.)

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

PPs are correct about the distinction, but honestly I would just get used to using Ms. for everything. The Miss v. Ms. vs. Mrs. distinction will become more and more obsolete as the years go by (especially with "Miss")

In a professional environment it is basically unheard of to refer to someone as Miss and it's rare to refer to someone as Mrs.

Just to put it in perspective, it used to be commonplace to address young men as "Master" instead of Mister...and the title of Master is bordering on obsolete now.

Bubblegum5586 · June 2013

This is all very helpful, I'm 26 am inviting a lot of people around that age, and some of them are single women. As PP said I always felt a little "old maidish" at the thought of being called Ms. (I put Miss on all my RSVP cards). But as we are having an adults only reception, I should keep it easy and stick with the Ms.

Thanks again for everyones help!

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

bubblegum1309 said:

This is all very helpful, I'm 26 am inviting a lot of people around that age, and some of them are single women. As PP said I always felt a little "old maidish" at the thought of being called Ms. (I put Miss on all my RSVP cards). But as we are having an adults only reception, I should keep it easy and stick with the Ms.

Thanks again for everyones help!

Just an FYI, particularly for older, married guests I'd stick with Mrs. I was just saying in my earlier post that Ms. is where we're headed as a society (and I do actually believe that Miss is going to be "extinct" earlier than anything else), but there are a lot of (particularly) older, married women who would really prefer Mrs.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

CMGr said:

It is a mistake to think that unmarried ladies of the past were "old maids" because they couldn't get a husband. Most of them preferred to stay single, and were proud of their unmarried status. Women often surrendered their property rights when they married to their husband. Childbirth was the most common reason for early death among women, and many feared it. Birth control was not available. Many women preferred a life of study, writing, and doing good works.
I'm sure the term "old maid" was invented by MEN. It is a put-down term, and shouldn't be used in today's world.

I couldn't agree more. Good call.

phira · June 2013

I mean, the majority of women I encounter in a professional setting go by Dr ...

I think that if you don't know what a particular woman prefers, Ms. is the right default. If someone has expressed a preference, then you go with her preference.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Harry87 said:

Okay, double checking, but you only become a Mrs if you take your husband's last name, correct?

Yes - I was just about to correct the "Mrs = married" comment.

When women keep their maiden name, they are referred to as Ms NOT Mrs. You're only a Mrs if you take your husband's name. So it's:

Miss = unmarried

Mrs = married with husband's last name

Ms = unmarried, married w/o husband's last name, or personal preference.

ETA: I would use Ms instead of Miss for an adult woman because I think of Miss as a term for women who are either not yet adults or on the cusp of adulthood. Maybe that's just me though..

Bubblegum5586 · June 2013

NOLAbridealmost said:

bubblegum1309 said:

This is all very helpful, I'm 26 am inviting a lot of people around that age, and some of them are single women. As PP said I always felt a little "old maidish" at the thought of being called Ms. (I put Miss on all my RSVP cards). But as we are having an adults only reception, I should keep it easy and stick with the Ms.

Thanks again for everyones help!

Just an FYI, particularly for older, married guests I'd stick with Mrs. I was just saying in my earlier post that Ms. is where we're headed as a society (and I do actually believe that Miss is going to be "extinct" earlier than anything else), but there are a lot of (particularly) older, married women who would really prefer Mrs.

Yes I will use Mrs. for all my married (with husband's last name) friends. It was the unmarried group I was having trouble with!

wittykitty14 · June 2013

When I addressed the invites, this is how I did it:

Mrs=Married with H's last name or widowed

Ms=Married with maiden name, or over 18

Miss=Under 18 years old

Doing it this way really worked for me. It helped me be consistent when addressing the invites.

cmclaire · June 2013

I think the 'Ms' can be tricky. I'm a very happy 32-year-old Miss and will swap to Mrs when I marry. In my culture (Scotland), being a Miss is just fine (much like some of the PPs, Miss is not seen as old maidish by the ladies in my village).

cmclaire · June 2013

Apologies for the doublepost, it would not let me edit! I meant to add - of course, as this is predominantly a US site, I'm aware my thoughts may be way off base, just thought you might appreciate a different take also. Hope you find a rule that works for you, OP!

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

I did the same as Wittykitty. I only had two under 18 females and I addresssed the invites as Mr. & Mrs. Parents on one line and Miss Young Lady on the second. I had one boy under 18 and I did the same addressing for the ladies, but used Master Young Man.

ETA: Outdated or not, I felt it was appropriate to address him as Master.

tammym1001 · June 2013

I'm 34 years old and have never been married. I prefer to be addressed as Miss. With that being said, I would never side eye someone who used Ms. instead. It's seriously not that big of a deal. They essentially mean the same thing, which is I'm not married.

VadersValkyrie · June 2013

As an unmarried teacher, I am actually CONSTANTLY called "Mrs" by students and colleagues, and it really grinds my gears. I do the old fall back, "Mrs. So-so is my mother". At least in my area of the world (New England) this seems to be what happens to all women.

Personally, I prefer Ms. for everyone, as then you don't have to check hands to see who is or isn't married. Miss is acceptable as well, but I don't really hear it that often.

Just my $0.02.

HuckSC · June 2013

I get all three varieties of titles at work. Some people address me as Mrs. Lastname, uh no that's my step-mother. I have one contractor (I'm an engineer) that calls me Miss and it annoys me to no end. I feel like he doesn't take me as serious as he would a male my age because it is harder to know if they are married. I don't want my marital status to be involved in my career.

phira · June 2013

Yeah, I'm not always joking when I say that I'm getting my doctorate so I can have a non-gendered title.

WinstonsGirl · June 2013

I went by Ms. when I was unmarried, cos I felt Miss. was too young sounding for me. But my students have called me Miss, Ms and Mrs both before and after I was married. I personally don't care. I actually sign my name with Mrs. MaidenLastName cos I find parents treat me differently now that I'm married (more of an equal versus younger than them). Anyway, PP's have stated the correct (from what I understand it to be) usage of the terms:

Miss - unmarried woman

Ms - Personal decision or married with maiden last name

Mrs - Married with Husband's last name

Jen4948 · June 2013

Ms. can be any girl or woman, while Miss is an unmarried girl or woman and Mrs. is a married woman.

But since many women have preferences, try to find them out and go with their preferences.

cwaggoner07 · June 2013

To make it easy, the cutoff age for our invites was 21. It's confusing, and there's no way to get everyone right (unless you have a small guest list). I can't imagine that we offended anyone, but now I worry...

Salsera29 · June 2013

CMGr said:

Try teaching in the south! The children pronounce all three titles exactly the same. "miz"

I was just going to say this. I don't teach in the south but it really wouldn't matter which I preferred because all of us, married or not, are "miz."

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

I use Ms. for any unmarried woman over 18. Miss is too much of a throwback for me.

WalkersFurMama · June 2013

From Emily Post -

Maiden name

Ms. Jane Johnson
Miss Jane Johnson*
*usually 'Miss' is for girls under 18

SomethingBeautiful08 · June 2013

Add a level of confusion, at least in my area, "Miss" is used as term of respect when a child is referring to an adult women by their first name only regardless of marital status. So "Mrs Jane Doe" would be referred to as "Miss Jane" or "Mrs Doe".

Before I was married, I personally preferred "Miss", but wouldn't be offended by "Ms". I would default to "Ms" unless you knew of a preference.

SilverSarahB · June 2013

I think I'm always going to prefer Miss. I'm a dance teacher, and dance students have always addressed me as "Miss First Name", and I always called my dance teachers "Miss First Name". Even when we have to do last name (some schools have such rules), I was always "Miss B". I don't think I'd ever get used to "Ms." or "Mrs."

It's weird, though, because I would have thought that even though I am keeping my last name, I would have started calling myself Mrs. Dunno, guess I never knew that!

Kate61487 · June 2013

HuckSC said:

I get all three varieties of titles at work. Some people address me as Mrs. Lastname, uh no that's my step-mother. I have one contractor (I'm an engineer) that calls me Miss and it annoys me to no end. I feel like he doesn't take me as serious as he would a male my age because it is harder to know if they are married. I don't want my marital status to be involved in my career.

@hucksc - I'm an engineer too :-) I've found that several of our construction guys call me Miss Kate with the southern flare - they also call my male colleagues Mr Firstname; is that the case with your one contractor? I had a contract engineer who called me 'sweetheart' one time and I wanted to punch him in the face; he didn't last long...

rajahmd · June 2013

Add me to the list getting a doctorate to avoid this whole debate. I'm dreading the six months between our wedding and graduation where people will be able to call me Mrs. I hate it because I feel like it forces me to be defined only by my marital status. Can't wait to be Dr. F.

glbelou · June 2013

To me, Miss seems like you are talking about a little girl, whether that is the ettiquite or not. It almost suggests that a woman is child-like until she is married. As an adult woman, I have always perfered to be referred to as Ms.

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