Being "sick" while planning a wedding sucks

KDM323 · June 2013

You guys don't know me, you may not like me...and honestly...I'm just writing this out to vent.

I have an autoimmune thyroid disease. It was just discovered in April. In fact, my doctors aren't even sure WHAT is wrong with me...other than my thyroid is fucked up, my blood tests are all over the board...and we're trying to figure it out.

I've had more doctors appointments and blood work, tests, etc. in the past couple of months than I can remember in my entire life prior to April of this year. In fact, had I not had a sore throat and gone to my doctor for that purpose, I wouldn't have known.

Instead, I'm being told that I should effectively be completely lacking in energy, have my hair falling out, having ALL the effects, etc. My TSH level is at an 81.27. Normal is something like a .4 to a 4.5 or some shit. I've "swung" from a 22.45 to a 5.2 to an 81.27 in a matter of 5 tests and being "on" and "off" 3 different med/dosage levels because I don't tolerate them.

I don't feel BAD....and for that I am grateful. But I have a pretty sizeable "goiter" on my thyroid that is becoming more and more apparent. The superficial side of me is pissed because it was actually visible in our engagement pictures.

I've worn the same exact size for years....I bought my wedding dress confidently knowing that I've worn the same size for years. I wear a size 2 in street clothes, and my wedding dress is a size 4. It fit perfectly when I bought it.

I just dropped 16 lbs in a month due to a thyroid medication. Not on purpose. (I weighed in at my heaviest ever in Feb, with much celebration at 124 and 5'10" tall). At my doctor in May, I was at 106. I'm back to 114.

All of this SUCKS. I've dropped over $300 in copays just for office visits since April. That's at $15 and $50 (for specialists). I'm still getting bills for bloodwork.

I'm 34. I'm so excited to FINALLY marry my Prince Charming. I just want to plan our wedding and be happy...but I'm squeezing meeting with DJs and photographers in between meetings with doctors (outside of working hours) and it sucks. And I'm tired...and then I wonder if I'm tired because I'm trying to do all of this at once...or if it is my body.

And then I'm pissed. We saved a LOT for this wedding. We sacrificed. And now I am not getting to enjoy these moments because I'm running around trying to go to doctors in the middle of my wedding planning appointments.

I don't feel sick. I feel fine. But NO...I'm not fine. I have a thyroid that is sizeable and completely out of control and no one is "fixing" it because apparently it isn't a simple matter of "hypo" or 'hyper"...it is some sort of autoimmune bullshit. And I'm pissed.

My fiance is awesome. Beyond awesome. He has been since day one when I met him...but every time something comes up, he raises the "awesome" bar again with assuring me that everything will be ok and then going above and beyond to take care of me, etc. He's ready to throw everything we've saved for to the wind and do whatever it takes to make me "better". I don't feel bad. I know my body isn't healthy, but I don't feel bad.

I'm happy. I have energy. I go to work every day. I don't need to be "coddled", I'm fine.

I just want to be well. And I just want to bitch anonymously. I'll push through...and the doctors will figure this out. It isn't life threatening...it just sucks.

You can go about your days now....thanks

NYCMercedes · June 2013

Oh no. I'm so sorry. Please vent here and feel better soon.

hlvonb · June 2013

I hope the doctors figure out what is going on soon and it doesn't matter if people on here like you or not. You vent whenever you want and there's always going to be someone to listen (well read) and who will care.

rel1988 · June 2013

Good luck with all your planning and doctor's appointments. Sending vibes they figure out soon what is going on! All the best in feeling better to enjoy this very special time in your life.

SummerGrl15 · June 2013

@drexelkathy - I feel your pain. I was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto Disease a few months ago. I am not sure if that is the autoimmune disease you are referring to, but even if it's Graves, I know that they are similar (yet different.)

I was diagnosed accidently also. I found a swollen gland on my neck and after it being there for months, I had it checked out. They still don't know what the gland is from, but they discovered the Hashimoto disease. Over the years, I have gone through stages of being tired to the point of not being able to function (most recently over the winter) and my hair has thinned and fallen out so much that I was forced to cut it because I looked "sick". I have had a bunch of other medical issues and the dr's kept telilng me it was all due to "stress." Apparently it wasn't. Even with taking 5mg of biotin as my dermatologist recommends, my hair won't grow. I used to have very long hair. Not anymore. For my wedding, I am getting clip in hair extensions. Sigh...

My thyroid levels apparently swing from normal to high frequently so I was put on medication for a few days, only to be taken off because my levels normalized. I also have a tumor on my thyroid gland which is non-cancerous, but it will need to be watched. I also have a goiter on the front of my thyroid.

I now have to see an endorinologist every three months for the rest of my life, to have my levels monitored. Good times.

It absolutley sucks to be diagnosed and dealing with this while planning a wedding. I truly feel your pain. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat. Try to remain positive though, as hard as it is.

KDM323 · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

I don't know you, and I don't like your posting style or advice 99% of the time, but to imply that that would mean I (or anyone else) would be indifferent to your personal physical suffering is pretty damn offensive, just for the record.

I am truly sorry you are dealing with all this, but if you want to know why some people "don't like you", the tone of the first paragraph is a pretty good example.

Thanks so much for taking time to stop by on a post that was almost a week old (and that I wrote when I was feeling down) to point out how you don't like my tone or advice. Bored this Friday and just felt the need to get a jab in at someone on an online forum?

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