Pre-wedding Parties

Online long-distance bridal shower?

My mother is interested in throwing a shower in my honor, and inviting her personal friends, neighbors, clients, and some of our family members.  I live in PA, and she lives in NE.  I wouldn't be able to travel back to my homestate for a shower, so she would like to throw this shower with my presence through Skype.  My fiancee and I have 130 guests on our guest list, and I anticipate that NONE of the friends my mother would like to host at this shower will receive an actual invite to the wedding-- we just don't have the budget for it, and there is no such thing as a 'courtesy invite.'  She, however, is a mother that lives far away from her daughter, and genuinely wants to do something special for me (which is very sweet).  Will her friends and family (whose daughters have been supported by my mom's presence at their local weddings and/or showers) feel okay with this?  Etiquette-wise, is this arrangement acceptable?

Re: Online long-distance bridal shower?

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    No, no, no, and no.

    Bridal shower invitation=Wedding invitation.

    The only true exception is co-workers throwing you a shower.


  • No, it's unfortunately pretty much the opposite of acceptable.

    Pretty much the biggest etiquette rule of bridal showers (as with any pre-wedding party) is that you don't invite anyone who isn't invited to the wedding.

    The second biggest rule is that you open boxed gifts in person- while I suppose you could do this over Skype, how would it work?  Would the guests send gifts to your home, and you open them while the guests watch over Skype?

    But really, Skype stuff aside, it's just beyond rude to ask for gifts from people who you aren't inviting to the wedding.  There are a lot of wedding etiquette rules that get broken pretty routinely nowadays, and many people don't mind.  This isn't one of them. 

    Is there something else your mother could do to feel included?  Go virtual dress shopping with you, or something along those lines?

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Not acceptable.
    It's rude to invite people to a shower and not the wedding. 
    It's rude to invite people to bring gifts to a bride, who can't or won't be at the shower. 
    Your mom's friends, coworkers etc...don't owe you gifts because your mom gave their children gifts.

    I'm sure your mom feels like she's missing out on the wedding stuff. You should think about arranging some activity that the two of you enjoy when you or she arrives for the wedding. Maybe a lunch and spa date. 

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Skype is not acceptable for the guest of honor.  Also not acceptable to have people invited to the shower but not the wedding.  Decline the shower.
  • An acquaintance from college did this-and posted about her great Skype shower all over FB, and how she wished she could have been there in person.  I thought it was so tactless and was almost embarrassed for her.  This is highly against etiquette on all accounts.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Not acceptable at all.   The guest of honor has to be physically present at any party in her honor, and all the guests at a wedding shower need to be invited to the wedding.  Otherwise the message you're sending out is "We want your gifts but not the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company at the occasion you're giving them for."  Even though this isn't your specific idea, going ahead with it will reflect very badly on you.
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