Role for a nine-year-old

SBmini · June 2013

My niece is a little old for a flower girl but a little young for a jr bridesmaid. I can't have her be a candle girl because there's no open flames allowed at the venue. I would love to have her be a jr bridesmaid, but I'm worried we won't be able to find a dress that fits her. I haven't picked out my bridesmaid dresses yet, but a lot of jr dresses I see online come in size six as their smallest size. I don't know how much this sizing differs from the real world, but she is definitely not a size six.

Any thoughts?

aurianna · June 2013

Is she nervous about public speaking? If not, consider letting her do a reading.
Or just make her a bridesmaid (drop the junior. she'd be super excited to be a bridesmaid at 9. She'd feel so grown up. It would make her day). Just let her get a dress in the same fabric type, length and a close color. It doesn't have to be the exact same.

She could probably also be an usher.

Any chance it's a Catholic wedding? She could present the gifts. (though I can't recall if you need to be a confirmed Catholic to do this or not)

If none of those work, just let her be a guest.

aurianna · June 2013

my evil shadow post.

zitiqueen · June 2013

SBmini said:

My niece is a little old for a flower girl but a little young for a jr bridesmaid. I can't have her be a candle girl because there's no open flames allowed at the venue. I would love to have her be a jr bridesmaid, but I'm worried we won't be able to find a dress that fits her. I haven't picked out my bridesmaid dresses yet, but a lot of jr dresses I see online come in size six as their smallest size. I don't know how much this sizing differs from the real world, but she is definitely not a size six.

Any thoughts?

There's an age limit for bridesmaids?

Jen4948 · June 2013

Just have her as a bridesmaid or doing a reading if she can handle public speaking.

Or just as a guest.

SBmini · June 2013

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

Jen4948 · June 2013

So get her a nice dress in an appropriate size and style-whether or not it's billed as a "junior bridesmaid's dress."

And don't worry about her not being at a bachelorette party-it's a given that bridesmaids who are minors can't attend them if they involve drinking or other adult feature. When that's the case, you can do something special and age-appropriate with the younger bridesmaids.

aurianna · June 2013

The only requirements to be a bridesmaid is to show up at the ceremony on the bride approved dress, be by the bride's side and smile for pictures.
A nine year old can do all of those things ergo a nine year old can be a bridesmaid. Attending the bach party is not a BM requirement.
Try looking for dresses that aren't specifically labeled as "Jr Bridesmaids." There are all sorts of cute dresses in department stores and children specific stores.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

Alfred Angelo has BM dresses in girls 7-14 that match or coordinate with the misses sizes.

SBmini · June 2013

A lot of people on this forum really have a knack for reading way too far into questions. Does it invalidate the marriage? How on earth can you take the very legitimate question of if nine is too young for a bridesmaid to mean that having a young bridesmaid means your wedding isn't valid. Instead of attacking me when I ask a question that I don't know the answer to, is it really so hard to just say that nine isn't too young to be a bridesmaid? I think not.

SBmini · June 2013

RetreadBride said:

Re-read my post, and tell me where you see a single mention of you in it.

Oh, you were responding to the other person asking about nine year olds in the wedding party? I must have missed their post.

AddieCake · June 2013

zitiqueen said:
There's an age limit for bridesmaids?

Yes! Don't you remember that one crazypants who informed us the bridesmaids had to be of driving age so they could get to the parties?

zitiqueen · June 2013

SBmini said:

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

So what you're saying is there's actually going to be somebody at the church checking the label of all of the bridal party's dresses, and if they see a designer who doesn't specifically make and market those dresses for senior bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, those people will be forbidden to stand up with you?

Tough church, man. Those are some crazy-ass rules.

And you're also required to invite a 9-year-old to a bachelorette party? One would think common sense would come into play here and everybody would realize how inappropriate that would be, but it sounds like you're reading from a pretty harsh book regarding who is allowed to be a bridesmaid and who isn't.
What's the title of this book? I'd like to see if it's on Amazon.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

I don't think 9 is too old to be a flower girl at all! I was super excited to do it at that age. You could take her shopping with you in the city (any city is exciting at that age right?), let her pick out something she loves, take her out for a grown-up lunch with you etc.

MairePoppy · June 2013

You should ask your niece if she would like to be a flower girl or bridesmaid. If she feels that she's too old to be a fg, she'll let you know. The size 6 and up that you're seeing are children's sizes, not misses sizes. They run in 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, and 16, just like misses. Your nine year old niece is probably a size 10, 12 or 14.You should ask her mom to help you find an age appropriate dress. Don't buy her dress so soon that will outgrow it.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Browse_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Junior-Bridesmaids

hlvonb · June 2013

I do not see her being a problem being a flower girl if that's what you really want but I personally would make her a bridesmaid. She would be so excited and it would mean the world to her. She may even make her parents crazy from her being so excited. Lol

vk2204 · June 2013

I have two younger cousins, ages 9 and 7. They both were in our wedding as bridesmaids. We asked them what they wanted to be, and that is what they decided on. If their grandma hadn't made their dresses for them, I would have told them to wear whatever they wanted.

Viczaesar · June 2013

MairePoppy said:

You should ask your niece if she would like to be a flower girl or bridesmaid. If she feels that she's too old to be a fg, she'll let you know. The size 6 and up that you're seeing are children's sizes, not misses sizes. They run in 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, and 16, just like misses. Your nine year old niece is probably a size 10, 12 or 14.You should ask her mom to help you find an age appropriate dress. Don't buy her dress so soon that will outgrow it.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Browse_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Junior-Bridesmaids

This.

Viczaesar · June 2013

RetreadBride said:

SBMINI: Read my post. Read it again. It is an article/information post. Nowhere does it refer to you, or to anyone in this thread, personally.

There are no "YOUs" or names anywhere in it. I am sorry if you feel attacked or persecuted, but that's a complex with which I cannot assist.

Perhaps you should rethink copy-pasting generic answer posts.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

OP, I'd ask this girl what she would like to do. Our flower girl is 10, and she is SO excited about it! She's never been one, and she can't wait. The average age of FGs is typically a little younger, but IMO, what matters most is how she feels about it. I don't personally know anybody who'd think that a nine-year old flower girl is too old.

SBmini · June 2013

I was originally going to have her be our flower girl and her brother the ring bearer (they are my fiance's niece and nephew). Then my mom suggested I ask my cousin if her two little girls (2 and 4) would like to be the flower girls. They are definitely more age appropriate and I think my cousin would really like to have them in the wedding. That's why I'm trying to find her role.

Why people are getting their panties all in a bunch over a very simple question is beyond me. I've never been to a wedding that has had attendants this age, aside from one I was in with my sister where we lit candles. We wore different dresses, walked down after the flower girls and before the flower girls. I just want to make sure I put her in a role that won't lead to heart break when, for example, we can't find a dress that fits her and works with the other dresses.

Some of you ladies need to tone down your attitude and start being more accepting of people who don't have the answer to everything. Your attitude is uncalled for and only serves to scare off new members. Did I mention rules that would prohibit her from wearing a dress from a different designer? No. Did I say I felt having a nine year old attendant would invalidate the marriage? No. So take your crazy assumptions somewhere else. I have no patience for uncalled for ridicule and have no need to defend my question.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

SBmini said:

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

So don't buy a dress that is marketed as "bridesmaid." Many older bridesmaids buy dresses from department stores or elsewhere that are just regular, nice dresses. It does not have to say "bridesmaid dress" in order to be worn at a wedding.

BMs also don't have to attend bachelorette parties. In fact brides don't even have to have them. You are just bringing up a bunch of arbitrary "facts" because deep down, you just don't like the idea of having a really young bridesmaid.

Why don't you ask her what she would like to do? If she says flower girl, then make her a flower girl. If she says she'd love to be a BM, then I would let her be a BM.

SBmini · June 2013

Summer2011Bride said:

SBmini said:

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

So don't buy a dress that is marketed as "bridesmaid." Many older bridesmaids buy dresses from department stores or elsewhere that are just regular, nice dresses. It does not have to say "bridesmaid dress" in order to be worn at a wedding.

BMs also don't have to attend bachelorette parties. In fact brides don't even have to have them. You are just bringing up a bunch of arbitrary "facts" because deep down, you just don't like the idea of having a really young bridesmaid.

Why don't you ask her what she would like to do? If she says flower girl, then make her a flower girl. If she says she'd love to be a BM, then I would let her be a BM.

Tell me more Frued! I think I've explained my thinking enough here. I don't want to get into a situation that makes a little girl cry. I'd rather know what is doable and what is expected than run into problems.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Is this a Catholic/otherwise religious ceremony? Have her do a reading or bring up the gifts. Or she could hang out programs? I'd ask her. I asked my 10 year old cousin if she'd want to do anything at the wedding. She said no. Some kids don't want to participate.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

I don't think 9 is too old for a flower girl, too young for a reader (if she's comfortable), and I personally have no issue with the label junior bridesmaid. If you want to involve her, I think she's at an age where she could do any of these roles. I'd also take her maturity into consideration. You do have to ask her if she wants any of these roles. If she's super shy, she might not want to be involved at all, in which case problem solved!

ETA: if you make her a bridesmaid, it might not be appropriate to invite her to your bachelorette party - which is totally fine. In other words, if she's a BM the bachelorette doesn't have to be a slumber party just to accommodate her.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

SBmini said:

Summer2011Bride said:

SBmini said:

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

So don't buy a dress that is marketed as "bridesmaid." Many older bridesmaids buy dresses from department stores or elsewhere that are just regular, nice dresses. It does not have to say "bridesmaid dress" in order to be worn at a wedding.

BMs also don't have to attend bachelorette parties. In fact brides don't even have to have them. You are just bringing up a bunch of arbitrary "facts" because deep down, you just don't like the idea of having a really young bridesmaid.

Why don't you ask her what she would like to do? If she says flower girl, then make her a flower girl. If she says she'd love to be a BM, then I would let her be a BM.

Tell me more Frued! I think I've explained my thinking enough here. I don't want to get into a situation that makes a little girl cry. I'd rather know what is doable and what is expected than run into problems.

Why would you be making a little girl cry? You make no sense.For all your ranting in your post above about the "attitudes" of the people here, you sure have a big one yourself. Pot, meet kettle.

SBmini · June 2013

Summer2011Bride said:

SBmini said:

Summer2011Bride said:

SBmini said:

Her little brother is going to be the ring bearer, I would feel awful leaving her out. The fact that Jr. bridesmaids dresses don't even come in little girl sizes tells me that yes, there is an age limit for bridesmaids. After all, I don't know how many nine-year-olds would be permitted to a bachelorette party.

So don't buy a dress that is marketed as "bridesmaid." Many older bridesmaids buy dresses from department stores or elsewhere that are just regular, nice dresses. It does not have to say "bridesmaid dress" in order to be worn at a wedding.

BMs also don't have to attend bachelorette parties. In fact brides don't even have to have them. You are just bringing up a bunch of arbitrary "facts" because deep down, you just don't like the idea of having a really young bridesmaid.

Why don't you ask her what she would like to do? If she says flower girl, then make her a flower girl. If she says she'd love to be a BM, then I would let her be a BM.

Tell me more Frued! I think I've explained my thinking enough here. I don't want to get into a situation that makes a little girl cry. I'd rather know what is doable and what is expected than run into problems.

Why would you be making a little girl cry? You make no sense.For all your ranting in your post above about the "attitudes" of the people here, you sure have a big one yourself. Pot, meet kettle.

Read:

"I just want to make sure I put her in a role that won't lead to heart break when, for example, we can't find a dress that fits her and works with the other dresses."

Jen4948 · June 2013

SBmini said:

"I just want to make sure I put her in a role that won't lead to heart break when, for example, we can't find a dress that fits her and works with the other dresses."

Why would a nine-year-old's heart break because her dress if different from the other dresses? Why in the world would her role be contingent on what she wears? There is no requirement that wedding party members match and sometimes they look better when they don't match.

Good grief.

SBmini · June 2013

Well thank you all for confirming that I can in fact find a Jr. Bridesmaid dress that will fit a 9 year old.

That wasn't too hard, was it?

NYCMercedes · June 2013

SBmini said:

Well thank you all for confirming that I can in fact find a Jr. Bridesmaid dress that will fit a 9 year old.

That wasn't too hard, was it?

What was so difficult about reading my post from June 14? I gave you a store. David's bridal has tons of jr bridesmaids dresses. Half the word's BM dresses come fom there.

ambercarter123 · June 2013

Instead of a traditional flower girl she could walk down the aisle with something else instead. It could relate to the theme of the wedding, so for example if it's a Cinderella themed wedding she could walk and bring you a glass slipper. OK that may be a far fetched example but something like that that puts a special stamp on your wedding day.

Role for a nine-year-old

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