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Bridesmaids Not On Board

knottief5e92525b1cb7f43knottief5e92525b1cb7f43 member
Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Name Dropper First Comment
in African American Weddings
Hello ladies, I am new to this discussion forum and I'm in need of un-biased advice. I got engaged on May 22, and my wedding is August 31! Fast I know, but I didn't want to miss out on the nice weather because I really wanted to have my ceremony outside. I knew right away who I wanted to be as part of my bridal party and everyone SEEMED happy and on board. Until we went to pick out their dresses. We found a dress that was regularly $189 on sale for $49...the exact dress I had been eyeing online! No one could buy it that day, they said they wasn't prepared. But here we are a week 1/2 later and only 2/5 bridesmaids have made this purchase. Which are my sisters. I'm thinking of telling the other 3 I would no longer like for them to be a part of my wedding. I am paying & planning everything else without their help, all I asked was they purchase their dresses, is this too much to ask? It's mid-June my wedding is a little over 60 days away I just don't feel like they have my back! What to do?
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Re: Bridesmaids Not On Board

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited June 2013
    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and welcome to the boards. :-) I really think you need to relax and take a step back. Your bridesmaids are adults and will all purchase the dress. Two months is plenty of time. Also, I find it concerning that you would ask them to leave the bridal party for something like this. These are presumably your closest friends. Kicking them out of the bridal party will cause unnecessary and irreparable hurt and likely end the friendship. You've asked them because you love them and couldn't imagine getting married without them there, correct? Not because they will be wearing matching dresses and can purchase them exactly when you think they should. While $50 is reasonable, it's still a good amount of money to part with for a dress you didn't choose and will only wear once.

    Just step back and relax. They will purchase their dresses, and even if they don't, you will still get married, which is what this is all about, right?

    P.S.- If you're stressed out about paying for and planning your wedding, I suggest you ask your fiance to step up. After all, this is his job, not your bridesmaids'.
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  • leatbaleatba member
    500 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Give them a little more time. I know it's frustrating. My girls have known about the dress and the cost since December and still only 2/6 have purchased. I wouldn't kick them out, let them kick themselves out. My thought is............ If they don't have the dress I selected on my day then they can be guests. No need to stress about it.
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  • knottief5e92525b1cb7f43knottief5e92525b1cb7f43 member
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Name Dropper First Comment
    @blue_bird Perhaps you may have misunderstood some of the points I was making in my post. I obviuosly do not want to ask them out of my bridal party, I allowed them to select the dress, they all agreed on this particular style because it is something they can certainly remix and where as many times as they wish. The color is a special order so can take 2-4 weeks to come in, and it's discontinued so once all sizes are gone they're just gone. That's where my worry with time comes in...and when I made the point that I'm paying & planning for my bridal shower it's because I know bridesmaids will usually take that on, but I opted to do it myself. It is definitely not a stressful task I enjoy planning to the fullest! And as for my FI stepping up he's funding the entire process, from start to finish...when I say "I" am paying, it absolutely means he's backing me, we're a unit and finances comes from ONE pot.

    I appreciate your comment, you're right my "marriage" is the bigger picture, not the wedding. Thank you :)
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  • knottief5e92525b1cb7f43knottief5e92525b1cb7f43 member
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Name Dropper First Comment
    Very good point!! Thank you @leatba
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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer
    dfletcher713leatba said...but i would give them another notice and let them know hey heres the deadline to purchase your dress and if you arent able to get it at least let you know so you wont wait around for them...and yes August is around the corner so maybe a meeting with them even if its a phone conference just to let them know whats going on....HTH....Also Congrats and nice to meet you....welcome to a wonderful board of very helpful and resourceful ladies where the snarky-ness (i know thats not a word LOL) is non-existing.....

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • drmass2013drmass2013
    100 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    First of all, Congrats on your engagement and welcome to the best board on TK!! Like @misstira mentioned these ladies are the best, very helpful and resourceful and they are here to talk about any and everything!!! They are just all around awesome!! I agree with the other ladies I wouldn't stress about it but I would give them another notice and very soon since you said the dress is discontinued and once it's gone it's gone. I think misstira suggestion of a phone conference or meeting would be great that way everyone would get the notice and get it all together that way you don't have to worry about one of the girls saying they didn't get that memo or misunderstood. And after they get the notice if they still don't get the dress then they have kicked themselves out and will just be guest. Keep calm and relax I'm sure your going to have a great wedding. Happy Planning!!
    [url=http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt17d00d.aspx[/img][/url]
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  • LeciaBLeciaB member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    hi love congrats and welcome... just like all the other ladies said.. give them a deadline and if they dont do it by then.. oh well they kicked themselves out. I think the meeting is a great idea to get everything out and let them know that the dress is discontinued...

    Daisypath - (PNE7)
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    dfletcher713 said:
    Hello ladies, I am new to this discussion forum and I'm in need of un-biased advice. I got engaged on May 22, and my wedding is August 31! Fast I know, but I didn't want to miss out on the nice weather because I really wanted to have my ceremony outside. I knew right away who I wanted to be as part of my bridal party and everyone SEEMED happy and on board. Until we went to pick out their dresses. We found a dress that was regularly $189 on sale for $49...the exact dress I had been eyeing online! No one could buy it that day, they said they wasn't prepared. But here we are a week 1/2 later and only 2/5 bridesmaids have made this purchase. Which are my sisters. I'm thinking of telling the other 3 I would no longer like for them to be a part of my wedding. I am paying & planning everything else without their help, all I asked was they purchase their dresses, is this too much to ask? It's mid-June my wedding is a little over 60 days away I just don't feel like they have my back! What to do?
    dfletcher713, I don't think I misunderstood you, but I am happy to know that you wouldn't make that mistake. Also, by planning your bridal shower, you really aren't giving them the opportunity to give you one. Ultimately, it's your choice what you do, but it seems to me like you're underestimating your friends, unless there is something you haven't mentioned. Whatever you do, I wish you a happy marriage.
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  • ladycane015ladycane015 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    CONGRATS on your engagement!!! I understand your frustration when it comes to dress ordering and preparation for everything. I do have to agree with pretty much everyone else and say a deadline will be key. Decide on the absolute final day that you want everyone to purchase by. Let everyone know your expectation and let it work itself out. If they cannot meet your deadline they will hopefully let you know and you won't have to "kick" them out of the wedding. $50 is definitely a GREAT price for dresses, however, not everyone is abe to dish out $50 without shifting things around or waiting on other income/finances to come in. If the girls went to look at dresses they probably didnt go in with the assumption that they'd be actually purchasing the dress that day or even within a week or 2 of looking at dresses. Also try to keep in mind that no one is going to be as excited as you are about your big day so while it may seem like no big deal to spend $50 for the dress to you, it may seem less of a priority to the girls. My girls had 6 months to order their dress and they still ordered after the deadline :/
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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer
    CreoleBride30 Such a touching statement......tears......

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • knottief5e92525b1cb7f43knottief5e92525b1cb7f43 member
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker Name Dropper First Comment
    @CreoleBride30 @Ladycane015 thanks so much for your warm wishes and kind words!! I'm very happy to say that 3 of my 5 bridesmaids have purchased their dress and the other two are planning to get theirs on Friday! I was very frustrated when I published this post, I'm so lucky to have had help from all you lovely ladies!
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  • CreoleBride30CreoleBride30 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Aww Thanks T @mistira !!!  @dfletcher713 You're welcome!  I'm glad things are working out for you!!!  Sometimes we just need to vent...that's what we are here for!

    Cha
    click here to view our Amazing Love wedding website Anniversary
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  • MrsBad13MrsBad13 member
    Tenth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Clap.clap..clap @CreoleBride30. That's why we are sisters
    Love it ! Everything that Cha said and the other ladies. Wishing you luck and welcome to the best board on TK !
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  • aquari0216aquari0216 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    CreoleBride30 said:
    First, welcome to the AAW Forum and congratulations on your engagement!!! I totally agree with @ladycane015 and some of the other ladies.  Everyone goes through this.  If you did not set a deadline when you all first met to look at dresses, you can not assume that they would purchase or be able to purchase their dresses right away.  However, since you did state that the dress is discontinued, I understand the urgency in your girls moving faster.  They need to know this.  As Tira stated, set up a phone conference or a simple email letting them know the deadline date. Make this date a little earlier than they actually/TRUE deadline date.  

    I personally see no reason in you kicking them out for this...they may just need to be reminded of timing, ya know.  I also would not take offense to them not helping you plan your wedding.  I can say MOST brides on this board planned their own wedding with minimal help of their bridesmaids except for a suggestion or idea here and there.  Your girls' time and ideas can be put towards your bridal shower and/or bachelorette party if you will have those 2 things.  Of course I understand every bride/person is different, but I just don't want you to be disappointed by what may appear to be in your eyes a "lack of help".  Also, as ladycane stated, no one will be excited as you are for your wedding.  No one!  Well...maybe us because we are either ladies in waiting or have crossed over to the other side of Mrs-dom!!!  :-)  I wish you all the best in your planning.  Please don't hesitate to come to us with your vents, frustrations, and happy moments!!! Brides have a bond like no other when it comes to wedding planning!!! Once again, congrats on your engagement!

    Cha
    BEAUTIFULLY STATED!
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
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