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Do Shower Hosts Give the Bride A Gift Also?

kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am co-hosting a shower for my friend (the bride) w/ the other Bridesmaids.  I know etiquette officially says "gifts are not required, they are gifts, etc."  BUT just wondering, do you overall think we should also get her a gift, in addition to hosting?

The wedding is pretty expensive so far for the BMs.  It's OOT, the BM dress is not cheap, OOT bachelorette party + the shower.  Also, is it rude/inappropriate that I am even thinking about those factors when considering a shower gift?

TIA for your thoughts!
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Re: Do Shower Hosts Give the Bride A Gift Also?

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    kinsey0628 said:
    I am co-hosting a shower for my friend (the bride) w/ the other Bridesmaids.  I know etiquette officially says "gifts are not required, they are gifts, etc."  BUT just wondering, do you overall think we should also get her a gift, in addition to hosting?

    The wedding is pretty expensive so far for the BMs.  It's OOT, the BM dress is not cheap, OOT bachelorette party + the shower.  Also, is it rude/inappropriate that I am even thinking about those factors when considering a shower gift?

    TIA for your thoughts!


    I would give a gift, but that's my style.

    Keep in mind that you weren't required to host or attend an expensive bachelorette and shower, nor should you have agreed to purchase an expensive dress if it's not in your budget.

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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I don't think you have to but I would. Just something small from her registry.

    And I think it's fine that you're determining how much to spend based on everything else. But you don't have to throw her parties if you can't afford them or don't want to.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I personally think the shower IS the gift, so you should only do an additional gift if you really want to.  Perhaps you could do a small gift that you all go in on so it's just a tiny piece of the budget (like a cookbook that you all put a few recipes into?)

    image

     

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  • kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks for the thoughts, all.  Kate, I love that idea.  I was thinking of something like that -- like all of us chipping in on something that has more sentimental value than monetary value.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want to.  It doesn't have to be monetary or tangible in nature.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Are you one of my BMs? :)

    Mine is this weekend and I definitely do not expect gifts from my BMs. I see the shower as a gift from them - they've all been wonderful and have gone above and beyond my expectations already. If uou really really want, a sentimental gift from all of you, like Kate suggested, would be thoughtful - but again, not necessary.
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  • kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:
    If you want to.  It doesn't have to be monetary or tangible in nature.
    I was thinking maybe a framed picture (of all of us??) from the day of the shower that we all sign... I dunno... is that incredibly cheesy??  What is something that is sweet, but not cheesy.  Maybe I should talk to the other BMs for some good ideas too.
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  • kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    zobird said:
    Are you one of my BMs? :) Mine is this weekend and I definitely do not expect gifts from my BMs. I see the shower as a gift from them - they've all been wonderful and have gone above and beyond my expectations already. If uou really really want, a sentimental gift from all of you, like Kate suggested, would be thoughtful - but again, not necessary.
    Hahaha, I don't think I am :)  That is actually part of my concern w/ this bride.  I feel her expectations are a bit.... I dunno.... off.  Like, she essentially TOLD us to throw her this shower, acting like it is "one of our duties," NOT like it's an optional GIFT from us to her.

    That being said, she is an incredibly sweet girl and this behavior is totally consistent w/ her personality the whole time I've known her.  So, I definitely knew what I was getting into when I said yes to being a BM.  AND, I truly also am genuinely happy for her and and her future husband, and happy to celebrate with them.

    I guess I just fear I'll end up hurting her feelings somehow, bc of her expectations, which in my opinion, are self-focused and not really considerate of others.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited June 2013
    My shower hosts got me one, but it was something small from off the registry. I definitely did not expect it at all - throwing the shower was plenty.

    ETA: When I hosted my sister's shower, I did not get her a gift but took her out later that night.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2013
    I personally would NEVER show up to a shower or wedding without a gift...but that's just me. In my opinion, people who do that are rude, but that is just how I was raised. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it is the thought that counts
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    loca4pook said:
    I personally would NEVER show up to a shower or wedding without a gift...but that's just me. In my opinion, people who do that are rude, but that is just how I was raised. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it is the thought that counts

    But OP's not showing up TO a shower; she's HOSTING the shower.  She's spending money on food, decorations, supplies, etc.  That IS a gift.

    image

     

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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Kate61487 said:
    loca4pook said:
    I personally would NEVER show up to a shower or wedding without a gift...but that's just me. In my opinion, people who do that are rude, but that is just how I was raised. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it is the thought that counts

    But OP's not showing up TO a shower; she's HOSTING the shower.  She's spending money on food, decorations, supplies, etc.  That IS a gift.


    I still think something tiny would be a nice gesture. But that is just my opinion. I hosted my sister's shower and bachelorette. I purchased a gift for both.

    She did the same when I was married.

    It never HURTS to give a gift, so why not something tiny, at least?

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kinsey0628 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    If you want to.  It doesn't have to be monetary or tangible in nature.
    I was thinking maybe a framed picture (of all of us??) from the day of the shower that we all sign... I dunno... is that incredibly cheesy??  What is something that is sweet, but not cheesy.  Maybe I should talk to the other BMs for some good ideas too.
    One of my daughter's BM's did something along this line.  Because she has an artistic flair, she deemed herself the photographer for the shower.  She took lots of pictures, both fun and practical, and then created a small photo album/scrapbook to commemorate the day.  She created an online album with the rest of them.  My daughter loved it! The group picture and frame idea as you suggested is what she opted to do for the bachelorette party.
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