Groomsmen refuses to pay for attire.

mmmiler346 · June 2013

Rude! He will never wear again? Tan pants? They go with everything. But that should not matter. If he is a friend he should want to be a part of the special day regardless of the attire.Who needs a friend like that?!

Ajuliana · June 2013

@stagemanager14 You live in Arkansas? That just blew my mind. I kind of pictured you as a Colorado or Oregon gal.

phira · June 2013

I've seen some bridesmaids dresses that I've thought are beyond tacky, or that would make me miserable to wear. Unless the couple is asking the groomsmen (or bridesmaids) to wear something truly humiliating, I don't think they're out of line.

I'm a non-traditional bride myself, and not all weddings are highly formal affairs these days anyway.

If the groomsman doesn't want to wear the outfit, he doesn't have to, but he'll have to be a guest and not a groomsman.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

It doesn't sound like a money issue to me if, in all actuality, the outfit you're asking him to purchase is cheaper than a tux rental. I will say that H has been in many, many weddings where he has rented a tux. They have ALWAYS been $150+. So I can totally see being able to purchase pants, a vest, and a button down for cheaper than that, depending where you shop.

But that is neither here nor there. The point is it isn't the money, so he obviously has an issue with the clothes themselves. Perhaps he is just not comfortable wearing that outfit. Maybe it just makes him feel self-conscious but he is too embarrassed to say something like that to you. I agree with Stage; I would let your FI talk to him about this and see if he can understand really why he is against the outfit.

I would NOT make a GM or BM wear an outfit they were totally uncomfortable in. So if it is a comfort issue, can you just let him wear something he's more comfortable in? I mean, my BMs all agreed upon the same dress, but I got all their input on budget and style of dress first. I did not find a dress and then say "Here. You're buying this and wearing it," which is pretty much what you did, so I can understand being put off by that as a WP member, especially if the outfit was not in my personal comfort zone.

stantokm · June 2013

It sounds like he just hates the outfit. I once hated a bride's first choice for a bridesmaid dress--truly loathed--but I kept my mouth shut and luckily was unable to get it in my size (and alterations would have cost almost twice the cost of the dress so the bride chose something else). I would never have dropped out of the wedding because the dress sucked, but I *would* drop out if I was uncomfortable in it (if it didn't cover butt or boobs appropriately, for example) and the bride didn't care. It sounds like your GM really hates the outfit and you can't force him to wear it, so let him step down and be a guest.

Also, I've been to weddings and seen the look you're describing for the GMs and it looked great both times.

MairePoppy · June 2013

Summer2011Bride said:I would NOT make a GM or BM wear an outfit they were totally uncomfortable in. So if it is a comfort issue, can you just let him wear something he's more comfortable in? I mean, my BMs all agreed upon the same dress, but I got all their input on budget and style of dress first. I did not find a dress and then say "Here. You're buying this and wearing it," which is pretty much what you did, so I can understand being put off by that as a WP member, especially if the outfit was not in my personal comfort zone.

Would the gm be willing to rent a tan tux and wear it without the jacket for your pictures? He will blend a little better with the other men, but still be dressed.

I'm in roughly the same generation as @Retreadbride and @CMGr so I understand the point they are making about proper men's attire. That said, I was the bride in the 70's that thought it would be cool to have the men rent brown tuxes with tie colors to correspond to their bm partners pastel colored qiana knit dresses. Anyone who looks at my wedding album would have no problem identifying the decade. Was it tacky? Yes, but I wasn't going to bend to my parent's notion of style. My dad, who owned a standard black tux, was a good sport and agreed to rent the brown tux to coordinate with the wedding party. He drew the line at getting a yellow bow tie and vest to match my mom's dress : )

The pants and vest outfit is a fad, probably borrowed from shows like Boardwalk Empire. What looks tacky to us, seems fashionable to some. When your kids look at your wedding album,they'll probably react the same way my kids react to mine. They laugh at the style and marvel at how young we looked in those pictures.

Maggie0829 · June 2013

MairePoppy said:

Summer2011Bride said:I would NOT make a GM or BM wear an outfit they were totally uncomfortable in. So if it is a comfort issue, can you just let him wear something he's more comfortable in? I mean, my BMs all agreed upon the same dress, but I got all their input on budget and style of dress first. I did not find a dress and then say "Here. You're buying this and wearing it," which is pretty much what you did, so I can understand being put off by that as a WP member, especially if the outfit was not in my personal comfort zone.
Would the gm be willing to rent a tan tux and wear it without the jacket for your pictures? He will blend a little better with the other men, but still be dressed.

I'm in roughly the same generation as @Retreadbride and @CMGr so I understand the point they are making about proper men's attire. That said, I was the bride in the 70's that thought it would be cool to have the men rent brown tuxes with tie colors to correspond to their bm partners pastel colored qiana knit dresses. Anyone who looks at my wedding album would have no problem identifying the decade. Was it tacky? Yes, but I wasn't going to bend to my parent's notion of style. My dad, who owned a standard black tux, was a good sport and agreed to rent the brown tux to coordinate with the wedding party. He drew the line at getting a yellow bow tie and vest to match my mom's dress : )

The pants and vest outfit is a fad, probably borrowed from shows like Boardwalk Empire. What looks tacky to us, seems fashionable to some. When your kids look at your wedding album,they'll probably react the same way my kids react to mine. They laugh at the style and marvel at how young we looked in those pictures.

I love this Maire! I understand traditional attire, but almost all wedding attire is a fad or a trend of some sort. Heck I am sure my one shoulder dress will look outdated in a few years, but who cares, I loved it! I know I look at my parents album and laugh at the brown bell bottom tuxes and ruffled shirts but that was the style then and what they liked. When it comes to picking attire for weddings you need to go with the style and look you like now. Could it look ridiculous in 20 or 30 years? Sure. But at least your pictures will represent you at the time of your wedding. I would much rather look back on someone's wedding album and get a feel for their personal style and taste (even if it is a bit insane looking) rather then a traditional cookie cutter wedding style. There is nothing wrong going with something outside of the box as long as everyone involved is comfortable with it.

MairePoppy · June 2013

Maggie, you look absolutely beautiful in your dress. Take heart, your kids may laugh at your style, but your grandchildren will be blown away by your elegant dress.

I love looking at my grandmother's wedding portrait. In the 1930's, she wore a fitted silk gown with a sweep train, cap sleeves, lace jacket and a Juliet cap with a cathedral veil. Her dress would look perfectly at home in a high end designer bridal shop window, today.

cmcole4509 · June 2013

Is there maybe a way you can do similar outfits that have slight differences so that the men are all comfortable? For example, I am going to be having a rather large WP. I am telling my girls that I picked a color, length, and type of fabric from David's Bridal and that they are more than welcome to pick whichever of the several styles that they are the most comfortable with. I'm doing it because they are a bunch of different sizes and body types among them. Maybe there is a way to make a compromise? I don't know hun. My advice would be talk to your FI first, and then I would let your FI talk to the GM. Best of luck to you.

Groomsmen refuses to pay for attire.

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