Not your conventional wedding...

DiamondMinx · June 2013

So, this is my second kick at the can - i'm 45, and a burlesque performer. My fiance (his first marriage) is 32, and a competitive yoyoer.

Our ceremony will be the finale of a short cabaret show featuring performances by friends and family - including the groom's brother plying guitar as I sing, a classic burlesque fan dance, a magician, yoyo, and all hosted by a dear friend of mine who is a fantastic drag queen. The groom's cousin will accompany my entrance on the violin.

The ceremony itself will be a traditional celtic handfasting. Then the recessional, straight into toasts and cake cutting, then dance the night away. (the food part of the reception is actually going to be BEFORE the ceremony)

Oh, and the whole thing is being held in a fabulous venue that looks like a 1920's supper club - with a stage and booths, all done up in red, black, and silver.

My mother is rolling her eyes, but the groom's mom loves the idea and so do the wedding party. I think it will make for a fun and very memorable evening.

Jen4948 · June 2013

Except for the cabaret performances, it sounds like lots of fun. Don't treat your guests like a captive audience with all those performances. They're not there to listen to you sing to your BIL playing the guitar, the burlesque fan dance, and so on. They're there to witness you and your FI exchange vows that make you husband and wife.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

ah, but most of the guests have been to my shows, or my future sister in law's shows (she's a burlesque performer too), so this won't be "keeping them captive" It'll be "treating them to entertainment they enjoy"

- however not wanting to overwhelm the older relatives is why i've chosen to only have 6 numbers (a full show would be more like 14 numbers) that will take 45 minutes at most. They'll be free to wander down to the bar during the show as well, as they would during any "normal" cabaret show.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

(the officiant has offered his services for free just so he can come to the show - he's a family friend who is a big burlesque fan)

kaos16 · June 2013

I think that this type of wedding is one where you really have to know your audience. I am picturing a small group of close friends and family who are interested in this type of performances. Personally, I may be confused by this type of wedding, as it is not something I am familiar with. However, I could imagine loving it if it was what me and my group of friends and family were into.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

absolutely! ...although "small" is relative - there's a about 140 people on the guest list so far LOL! But yes, the vast majority of the guests are people who we feel will enjoy what we have planned

MairePoppy · June 2013

I'm going to be honest with you. When I go to weddings, I look forward to witnessing the vows and socializing with friends and family members, enjoying a nice, leisurely meal and drinks. If I want to see a show, I would gladly buy tickets and not expect to chat with fellow audience members. That's no reflection on the quality of the show you're putting together.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

^fair enough, although I have designed the majority of the evening to facilitate socializing. There will be plenty of time for people to mingle and talk - an hour and a half cocktail reception prior to the 40-45 minutes of entertainment, and 2 hours of dancing and cocktails where people can continue to mingle and chat afterwards.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

gotta say it's interesting seeing others' points of view. I look at our plans as far more interesting than having to sit through a formal church wedding.

Then again, the best (and funniest) wedding ceremony i've ever attended happened on the stage of the Burlesque Hall of Fame in Las Vegas and was officiated by a performer known as Miss Astrid Von Voomer - the true weimar fraulein (a hilarious eye-patched german who speaks in a complete deadpan. She called the groom a cunt during the ceremony. you kind of had to be there)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP0Fpbkc0os

We're unusual people, with artist and musician family and friends. It'll be awesome

RamonaFlowers · June 2013

If I attended a wedding like this, I'd probably be annoyed. And I actually don't mind watching performances, I'm a big fan of the arts, I love watching performances in general.

But when I go to a wedding, I really just want good music, good food, and good company. I seriously do not need anything more than that. And most people, I think would agree with me.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

I get the impression that you think the guests won't be fully aware of what is in store for them...

DiamondMinx · June 2013

...And at the end of the day, if it was a conventional wedding, the groom wouldn't show up. (he SO doesn't want a conventional wedding)

If anyone we invite isn't interested in celebrating with us in the way we have planned - they are welcome to decline the invitation. It's more important to me that he attends.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

DiamondMinx said:

So, this is my second kick at the can - i'm 45, and a burlesque performer. My fiance (his first marriage) is 32, and a competitive yoyoer.

Our ceremony will be the finale of a short cabaret show featuring performances by friends and family - including the groom's brother plying guitar as I sing, a classic burlesque fan dance, a magician, yoyo, and all hosted by a dear friend of mine who is a fantastic drag queen. The groom's cousin will accompany my entrance on the violin.

The ceremony itself will be a traditional celtic handfasting. Then the recessional, straight into toasts and cake cutting, then dance the night away. (the food part of the reception is actually going to be BEFORE the ceremony)

Oh, and the whole thing is being held in a fabulous venue that looks like a 1920's supper club - with a stage and booths, all done up in red, black, and silver.

My mother is rolling her eyes, but the groom's mom loves the idea and so do the wedding party. I think it will make for a fun and very memorable evening.

Am I seriously the only one who doesn't know what a competitive voyeur is?

And I would be miserable at a wedding like this... unless, like you said, you didn't mind if people didn't watch. I would go to the bar and chat with people. But, would I then miss the actual wedding ceremony?

MairePoppy · June 2013

That's true. If the guests understand what they're being invited to, they're free to decline.

The point of a church or civil ceremony is that the couple is making sacred or solemn vows to each other and they're inviting their friends and family to witness the important occasion. I don't expect to be entertained by the wedding ceremony and I feel honored to be included.

Calling the groom a cunt during the actual wedding ceremony isn't funny; it's crude and disrespectful. Calling him a cunt during a vaudeville show may be hilarious, depending on the delivery and the audience's perception.

I'd love to see your show during cocktail hour, especially if you eliminated the toasts and speeches, but not as a replacement for the ceremony. I'm sorry if you're offended, but I thought you were looking for perspective when you posted.

MairePoppy · June 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

DiamondMinx said:

So, this is my second kick at the can - i'm 45, and a burlesque performer. My fiance (his first marriage) is 32, and a competitive yoyoer.

Our ceremony will be the finale of a short cabaret show featuring performances by friends and family - including the groom's brother plying guitar as I sing, a classic burlesque fan dance, a magician, yoyo, and all hosted by a dear friend of mine who is a fantastic drag queen. The groom's cousin will accompany my entrance on the violin.

The ceremony itself will be a traditional celtic handfasting. Then the recessional, straight into toasts and cake cutting, then dance the night away. (the food part of the reception is actually going to be BEFORE the ceremony)

Oh, and the whole thing is being held in a fabulous venue that looks like a 1920's supper club - with a stage and booths, all done up in red, black, and silver.

My mother is rolling her eyes, but the groom's mom loves the idea and so do the wedding party. I think it will make for a fun and very memorable evening.

Am I seriously the only one who doesn't know what a competitive voyeur is?

And I would be miserable at a wedding like this... unless, like you said, you didn't mind if people didn't watch. I would go to the bar and chat with people. But, would I then miss the actual wedding ceremony?

She said competitive yoyoer. I'm assuming he is talented with a yo-yo. Competitive voyeurism would be something else, altogether.

kmmssg · June 2013

MairePoppy said:

That's true. If the guests understand what they're being invited to, they're free to decline.

The point of a church or civil ceremony is that the couple is making sacred or solemn vows to each other and they're inviting their friends and family to witness the important occasion. I don't expect to be entertained by the wedding ceremony and I feel honored to be included.

Calling the groom a cunt during the actual wedding ceremony isn't funny; it's crude and disrespectful. Calling him a cunt during a vaudeville show may be hilarious, depending on the delivery and the audience's perception.

I'd love to see your show during cocktail hour, especially if you eliminated the toasts and speeches, but not as a replacement for the ceremony. I'm sorry if you're offended, but I thought you were looking for perspective when you posted.

yeah, calling the groom a cunt during a wedding would have me walking out. It is a word I do not tolerate and I think it is crude, disrespectful, and disgusting.

I too am sorry if you are offended, but I agree with Maire wholeheartedly.

pesematology · June 2013

Good thing no one from this thread is invited, then.

I think it sounds rad.

TKzilla · June 2013

To be honest, I'd much rather attend this wedding than a long Catholic mass wedding service. I think so long as your guests know what's in store (include some information with the invitations) and the subject matter of the "show" portion is appropriate for the occasion and the audience, go for it. It's better than yet another "look at the pretty princess bride" wedding and it's CERTAINLY better than fucking rustic burlap and mason jars.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

CourtaniaLynn said:

To be honest, I'd much rather attend this wedding than a long Catholic mass wedding service. I think so long as your guests know what's in store (include some information with the invitations) and the subject matter of the "show" portion is appropriate for the occasion and the audience, go for it. It's better than yet another "look at the pretty princess bride" wedding and it's CERTAINLY better than fucking rustic burlap and mason jars.

Why you gotta hate on my wedding?!

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9ddd0GofM1qcirt8.gif

plumander · June 2013

You sound like such a fun couple! I say do whatever the hell you want.

MoonlightSilver · June 2013

If you're my weird friend, I'd think you're crazy but probably attend. I'd feel like you didn't respect your marriage, but it's your marriage to treat how you see fit. But a family member? No, I don't want to see that.

QueerFemme · June 2013

I have many friends who do queer burlesque. It's fabulous. And if any one of them had a burlesque show at their wedding, I would seriously question their sanity. Offbeat is fabulous. Nontraditional, fabulous. Turning your wedding into a performance, not so much. It makes me think you don't think getting married is all that serious. Calling your groom a cunt, I would have absolutely walked out. And like Stage, I'm no stick in the mud. I often attend burlesque shows to support my friends, I go to the Folsom Street Fair every year (BDSM fair) and I am a radical queer feminist. And I still think getting married is too serious of an event to turn into a sideshow.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

I'd like it. I'd think you're certifiably nuts, but I'd like it.

DiamondMinx · June 2013

Note to all - I wasn't actually soliciting opinions. I was merely putting an offbeat idea out there. That said, thank you to those who have seen my perspective that a wedding doesn't have to be a solemn affair. We are fun, flamboyant people and our choice reflects that. It doesn't in any way (in our opinion) reflect any lack of respect towards our wedding vows.

I am aware that having a burlesque number at a wedding is a risky choice - and there will be only one burlesque number - but what i've chosen is a classic fan dance by a very talented and elegant performer. It doesn't get much classier than that in the genre.

As for Miss Astrid callling the groom a cunt, you really had to be there. It was an audience of 800 burlesque performers, producers, fans, and photographers from around the world, and it was funny, touching, romantic, and completely appropriate for the couple in question. (now if the officiant calls my husband to be a cunt during our ceremony, i'll be unimpressed - but that's why we're having my best friend's dad do the ceremony, and not my drag queen friend :P )

DiamondMinx · June 2013

and yes - it was Yo-Yo, not voyeur. (how would one score competitive voyeurism?)

DiamondMinx · June 2013

NOLAbridealmost

My first honeymoon was to Mardi Gras. I always thought getting married on a float (yes, the ceremony) in one of the parades would have been fantastic. ...I probably am certifiably nuts

MrsH86 · June 2013

I think it sounds like fun! If my opinion mattered, the only thing I would do differently would be to have all the fun stuff at the reception after you say your vows. I know you don't want a traditional wedding though! I think 'different' is great! Although... I don't want anyone cussing out my precious groom during our wedding day! LOL!

DiamondMinx · June 2013

So, I posted about this on Facebook, and got an interesting flip side to the negative opinions on here.

My favorite comment from a friend in LA: "It's a great idea. Gives people an opportunity to pay homage to the couple, reinvents the aisle, provides some genuine entertainment, and you'll have the best bridesmaids ever. Plus Youtube."

The french have a wonderful saying - Vive le difference! Life would be far less interesting if we were all the same. Go rock your traditional church weddings, weddings in barns, backyard weddings, whatever makes YOUR day personal to you. I'm gonna rock my cabaret wedding.

This has been an educational experience - and I blogged about it.

For those of you who are interested, i'm blogging my wedding planning experience - http://burlesquebride.blogspot.ca/

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

As long as people know what the hell they're being invited to, and you host them properly....

IMHO, this is tacky and unnecessary. But I know that won't change your mind, soooo....

Yeah, I got nothin'

[Deleted User] · June 2013

It's probably not a great idea to post about your wedding on facebook unless you plan to invite every single friend you have on there. (Unless you were just posting generally and not specifically about your wedding). I've just seen girls on here that get in very sticky situations where people begin to invite themselves. This sounds like quite a production, so it's probably not something you want 8,000 people at.

QueerFemme · June 2013

I realize you weren't soliciting opinions, but you did post your plans on a worldwide public message board, so you will get opinions whether you want them or not. Also, you are much more likely to get positive responses from people on your facebook page. They know you and they aren't going to want to hurt your feelings, even if they don't think it's a good idea. Also, in my experience, for every 1 person who says "yes!! go for it" there are 10 more people rolling their eyes and just going along with it because they don't want to burst your bubble.

No one is going to change your mind, that's clear. But, strangers here are much more likely to give honest opinions and answers because we have nothing riding on it. It doesn't matter if you get pissed or hurt feelings. Most people's friends and family members won't be that honest so they can salvage relationships.

Not your conventional wedding...

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