Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
loca4pook
member
With all this talk of Gifts and Etiquette and rudeness
Just wondering how many people here have ever gone to a wedding and not given a gift. What were the circumstances behind it?
If you knew you couldn't afford to give a gift, would you skip the wedding? or go empty handed? used gift? just a card?
Anyone ever criticized for a gift you did give?
Just curious
This discussion has been closed.
Re: With all this talk of Gifts and Etiquette and rudeness
7 months after the wedding (almost to the day) I got to see her again and gave her a new card with a check and she seemed genuinely happy and surprised, though I'm pretty sure she never actually cashed the check.
ETA:
I could have not gone I suppose, but I genuinely wanted to see her married and see our mutual friends, even if that meant having to wait to give her a present until I could afford it.
I have gotten criticized over gifts before and it made me decide not to give to the critical recipients ever again.
I've always been taught that weddings were gift giving events, so I was a bit surprised at the number of people who did not give a gift at my wedding. I certainly don't care in retrospect, I just didn't realize it was so common.
DH & I would probably decline a wedding invitation if we couldn't afford to give a gift of at least $25, but that's just us.
I have never gone and not given a gift. It was the way I was raised, as well.
I expected to have some people give no gifts, but I was surprised at how many people couldn't even take the effort to give a CARD...I guess it was their way of hoping you didn't notice they didn't give you a gift?!? LOL
Realizing it's socially acceptable now, I could have saved myself a lot of money over the years on gifts I really didn't want to buy for couples I didn't really know and/or care too much for.
I think I would always at least bring a card, though.
I tend to agree with this. If I knew I couldn't afford a gift and I wasn't close with the person, I'd skip it. If it was a close friend, I'd hope they understood and would still go. I personally would apologize like crazy and tell them I owe them a gift when my situation changes. It's just not in my nature to attend that type of event and not ackowledge my lack of gift. I am self conscious about that type of thing and would personally feel worried they would think I was cheap or rude. I would rather explain my hardship and let them know how much I care, rather than look like I didn't want to "waste" money on them, if that makes sense.
One time-my FI's cousin's 2nd reception. They live and got married on the west coast, and we were not invited to the wedding or reception. They had a 2nd reception on the east coast, which we attended. Since we weren't invited to the actual wedding event, we didn't think of it as being the same thing as an actual reception, hence no gift.
Other than that, I've never shown up to a wedding without a gift.
ETA: FI is not close to this cousin at all, and it was the first time I'd even met them.
She brought it up later (with 3 of us bridesmaids) and said "Hey guys.... you know you are the only ones that didn;t give us a gift?" and the three of us just looked at each other and were like "we know." and then dropped it.
The good news is she is in my wedding and is still a good friend and is no longer bridezilla. (although she's had some really bad advice for me like "its your day do what you want.")....
I honestly don't feel bad about it (ok maybe like 5% bad)....
ETA: I had given her a gift at one of her showers. I was invited to both of them.
I had a wedding 2 weeks after my college graduation in florida for my cousin (we live in MA). I had been with FI for over 3 years at this point and my aunt was making a big deal about inviting him as well (so we are 22 and together for 3 years, and this aunt also made a big deal that this same cousin's SO should be invited to my sister's Bat Mitzvah a few years back...).
When my mom talked to her she explained we were serious (even though it took almost 5 more years before we are getting married lol!) and my aunt's repsonse was; "Well if she gets an adult invitation to bring a guest that she is expected to bring her OWN gift and not just tack on to yours." pauses and quickly follows with "I am only telling you this so you are aware of proper etiquette".
Granted its nobodys business how others spend their money but this family is extremly well off and the Bride and Groom were both successful lawyers, and my aunt wants to make sure her unemployed JUST graduated neice brings her own gift!!!
So I'm thinking I have no money.... I'll give her a print from my recent art class of a beautiful butterfly that I hand cut out of wood. And then I forgot to send it... and its 4 years later. oops
We don't think weddings are a tit for tat thing at all. I think he was more upset that he's generally on the giving end of things.