I don't go to weddings unless I am close to the couple in the first place. I've gone to weddings when I couldn't afford a gift, but gave them a nice card. The couples, again, were close to me, and therefore would have known why I didn't get them a gift.
I would be crushed if someone avoided my wedding because they couldn't afford a gift. That isn't why I invited them.
Someone tried to assign me to pour punch at a wedding a few years ago. I just left quietly.
I wasn't criticized over a gift, but my sister called me up and bitched me out for walking to her wedding. She said I embarrassed her. I'm sorry I spent money I really couldn't afford to buy the bitch a gift.
My aunt has never forgiven me for bailing the day of her wedding and not coming. I had to leave work that afternoon because I became so ill....and went to the hospital two days later. Pneumonia. She still thinks I should have sucked it up.
She was embarassed you walked there? LOL...That's an odd thing to care about
Once. I was in grad school and totally strapped for cash. The wedding was in NY and I was in Indiana at the time. Between air fare and hotel, I couldn't afford a gift.
Right after graduation from college, while I was still working my retail college job, I was a bridesmaid, and my friend said what she wanted more than anything was the ice cream maker on her registry. So I went right out and bought it. Then the bills started adding up- for the bachelorette party, the dress, the shoes, and going in on the group gift from all of the bridesmaids. I was getting ready to move abroad for a year for a job and started to look at my finances and freak out, so I ended up returning the ice cream maker right before the wedding.
I guess I technically did get a gift, because I was in on the group gift. But I do feel bad about returning the ice cream maker last minute- if I had not gotten it in the first place, or if I had timed it a little bit better, maybe somebody else would have gotten it for her.
I've always taken a gift, although it's often been much smaller than what I wished I could give. I probably spent about $15 on a gift for one of my best friends. I couldn't afford to travel, buy a bridesmaid dress, and purchase something expensive or give a big cash gift. I knew she'd much rather have me there than anything else!
I try to always give something, even if it's small. If I really couldn't afford something, I'd probably write a nice card and I might try to get them a gift for their 1st anniversary. I can't say that I've ever gotten an invite to a wedding of people I didn't have a close relationship with, so these are all people who I enjoy picking out gifts for and want to celebrate with.
Fortunately, I've never had anyone complain to me about the gifts I have given them. I can't imagine that someone who would bitch at me about the value of a gift would be a friend of mine for much longer. Besides it being greedy and materialistic, it would probably hurt my feelings a little. No matter what I can afford, I try to pick out something that I think the couple would love or really use. Having that criticized would probably bug me.
FI and I once went to a wedding of a couple of his good childhood friends. I went out and bought quite a few smaller things off their registry. I wrapped them and put it in the back of my car.
Several months later I open my "trunk" (I drive a hatch-back but I rarely use it) and there is the gift.
I was mortified. I'm hoping they didn't study their registry too closely and wonder where those items were. lol
Fortunately they had a party thrown in their honor a few weeks later and I was able to bring it to them and apologize. I did feel silly being the only one with a gift though...
Does it count if you don't give a gift when you're just attending as someone's plus-1?
no, I think it's the responsibility of the actual invited person to get a gift. Plus ones have no obligation...though, I guess I probably would buy one if i knew the other person didn't as I wouldn't want to feel embarassed knowing I went to event and gave no gift as a "unit".
I've only been to 3 weddings as an adult. One was OOT so I printed some pictures and put them in magnetic frames for her to use on the fridge and a plaque in her wedding colors. I also was like the "helper" to the bridesmaids so that was a present to her.
I was in two weddings last year. One I bought her the glasses she wanted to match her dishes. Then I made her a recipe book for her shower--the cover had a print of lots of photos over the years of our friendship. Lots of the ladies at the shower loved the idea.
2nd wedding I was MOH--my mom and I threw her a shower. Then my family got her one of their biggest registry items.
We're having a party a month after our wedding and I honestly don't care if people bring gifts.
I did not give a gift to a friend who specifically asked for no gifts.
That is one of three weddings I've been to, and I have given gifts to the other two. I'm going to another next month, and I bought gifts for her bridal shower but for the wedding, I've set up having my dad provide transportation for her and her husband as they're leaving the wedding. Because that saved them a few hundred dollars, I'm not giving a wedding gift in addition to that.
The guests has up to a year after the wedding to send a gift.
Will your friend be more hurt that you didn't attend just because you couldn't afford a present?
ACTUALLY, it would be poor etiquette for a bride to complain about a gift or lack of gift, HOWEVER, it is also actually poor etiquette to not give a gift for a wedding as an attendee, as well.
Etiquette books do say you should get a gift for a wedding, though you do have a year to give a gift, but not sure anyone really does that "year" thing anymore
The guests has up to a year after the wedding to send a gift.
Will your friend be more hurt that you didn't attend just because you couldn't afford a present?
"So what happens after that year is up?"
The bride and groom don't get that wedding gift. Which is NBD. If the bride and groom are expecting guests to fork over gifts, they are the ones in the wrong, not the guest.
yes and no. Should a bride/groom ever complain about "not" getting a gift? No, that would be poor etiquette
HOWEVER,
It IS poor etiquette for someone attending a wedding not to get a gift for the bride/groom according to etiquette books. Weddings are gift-giving events, however, the hosts who don't receive a gift are expected to just shut it if they don't receieve a gift
It's a double bind. The bride and groom would be breaking etiquette if they pointed out someone's etiquette mistake.
FI and I attended an out of town wedding of his old work colleagues (still in touch with, but not closest friends). At the time I was unemployed and we had just moved to the other side of the country. We couldn't afford a gift at the time (although the couple have just moved to SA so didn't want gifts), but will give them a gift at a later date (still haven't been paid from my new job). We gave a card.
Neither the bride or groom were offended as they were just happy we could attend!
I don't understand all this about gifts. Be thankful for what you are given, and don't expect anything. I was always taught that as a child, and i think the same stands now.
FI was a groomsman in a wedding in his home state. It was right after we got engaged and it was the first time I had ever met the bride/groom and all of his buddies. I assumed he took care of the gift since he was involved in the wedding and it was his friend... A week after we got home I asked him what he ended up getting them. He never got them anything. I was really embarrassed and we sent a gift that evening.
This is seriously making me think back, trying to remember if we have gifts to the first few weddings we attended together while we were still in college. I imagine we must have, but I honestly can't swear to it.... We have definitely given gifts for every wedding we have attended since then.
I actually got an email from one of H's aunts a month or two ago asking for our address for "an overdue wedding gift" (our second anniversary is next month). I responded with our address and general other chit chat. Still haven't seen a gift. I honestly didn't think anything of the fact that we hadn't gotten one in the first place, but to specifically bring it up so far after the fact? It just seems odd...
My brother and SIL got married almost a month ago. They had registered with honeyfund and plan on going to Paris for a week or so. FI and I paid for our flights and hotel (not cheap where we live, and not cheap in their city over Memorial Day). FI is in school, I'm a state employee- we're saving every dime for wedding and his grad school. We gave what we could afford, considering they wanted money- 100 Euros, roughly 150 USD. I don't feel like we were being stingy- this is what we could afford, and we tried to make it personal by making it useful on the honeymoon, lots of small denominations for those cups of coffee, quick bites, or "buy a photo on top of the eiffel tower" type details.
Almost one month. Still waiting on thank you note.
FI and I were invited to his cousin's wedding last year. I was sick the say of so he went by himself. He failed to mention to me until much later that he didn't give them anything, much less a card. I purchased a Bed, Bath & Beyond gift card and sent it in the mail along with a really nice card from us. With them becoming my family soon I felt it was a good idea to do this!
FI was a groomsman in a wedding in his home state. It was right after we got engaged and it was the first time I had ever met the bride/groom and all of his buddies. I assumed he took care of the gift since he was involved in the wedding and it was his friend... A week after we got home I asked him what he ended up getting them. He never got them anything. I was really embarrassed and we sent a gift that evening.
That's how I feel. I wold be EMBARASSED to not give a gift because in my ciricle, it either means your are too poor to afford one or you're just too rude. Neither of which I would want people tho think I am
My brother and SIL got married almost a month ago. They had registered with honeyfund and plan on going to Paris for a week or so. FI and I paid for our flights and hotel (not cheap where we live, and not cheap in their city over Memorial Day). FI is in school, I'm a state employee- we're saving every dime for wedding and his grad school. We gave what we could afford, considering they wanted money- 100 Euros, roughly 150 USD. I don't feel like we were being stingy- this is what we could afford, and we tried to make it personal by making it useful on the honeymoon, lots of small denominations for those cups of coffee, quick bites, or "buy a photo on top of the eiffel tower" type details.
Almost one month. Still waiting on thank you note.
still have time to send a thank you, I think. Etiquette wise they have time. That is a good gift, I think
I know they have time, etiquette wise, to send the note. I'm just keeping track of the time frame, as I have a niece who has yet to send a note for her bday presents from almost 3 months ago, and a cousin who has not sent any notes for bday or christmas. Evil Chipmunk has a mental race going on as to who will send them out first
I know they have time, etiquette wise, to send the note. I'm just keeping track of the time frame, as I have a niece who has yet to send a note for her bday presents from almost 3 months ago, and a cousin who has not sent any notes for bday or christmas. Evil Chipmunk has a mental race going on as to who will send them out first
do people send thank you cards for christmas gifts? It doesn't usually happen in our circle of the world since everyone kinda balances each other out with gifts?!? What does etiquette say on that?
I've never been one to send (or require receiving) Thank You cards. It's just not something I was ever taught. But when I send a gift through a registry, have paid for it on my credit card, and it gets blindly mailed to the registry address, I'd like to know that the couple received it. If I hand them the gift at a shower and see them open it, I care significantly less.
To answer the original question, I think I've given a gift at every wedding I've been to, though I've been known to forget to bring a card to the actual wedding. Well, no, that's not true. My sister just had a destination wedding. They did not want gifts (they wanted people who could make it to come to their wedding), so they did not register. She even said on her website that she did not want gifts. I did, however, officiate her ceremony, so I guess my signature on their wedding certificate was my "gift."
consider yourserlf taught now. Get a gift, send a thank you card or you wil be considered rude. now, you can't plead ignorance. you now know
As someone who works two jobs just to barely get by, sometimes I have to just bring a card, but I always send a gift as soon as I can swing it. ONCE I only brought a card with no intention of getting them a gift. After I had already RSVP'ed and made transportation arrangements, the bride admitted to me that she had been cheating on her fiance. She also had invited me without a +1 (every other single person in our group got one), then later told me I could bring someone if I wanted, then told me specifically not to bring my best friend. She also invited my mother to her bridal shower without inviting her to the wedding. Those wedding-related things, on top of how poorly she treated me as a friend our entire lives, just made me not want to get her a gift. We're no longer friends, shocking.
Re: With all this talk of Gifts and Etiquette and rudeness
She was embarassed you walked there? LOL...That's an odd thing to care about
Right after graduation from college, while I was still working my retail college job, I was a bridesmaid, and my friend said what she wanted more than anything was the ice cream maker on her registry. So I went right out and bought it. Then the bills started adding up- for the bachelorette party, the dress, the shoes, and going in on the group gift from all of the bridesmaids. I was getting ready to move abroad for a year for a job and started to look at my finances and freak out, so I ended up returning the ice cream maker right before the wedding.
I guess I technically did get a gift, because I was in on the group gift. But I do feel bad about returning the ice cream maker last minute- if I had not gotten it in the first place, or if I had timed it a little bit better, maybe somebody else would have gotten it for her.
Fatty Blog
no, I think it's the responsibility of the actual invited person to get a gift. Plus ones have no obligation...though, I guess I probably would buy one if i knew the other person didn't as I wouldn't want to feel embarassed knowing I went to event and gave no gift as a "unit".
I was in two weddings last year. One I bought her the glasses she wanted to match her dishes. Then I made her a recipe book for her shower--the cover had a print of lots of photos over the years of our friendship. Lots of the ladies at the shower loved the idea.
2nd wedding I was MOH--my mom and I threw her a shower. Then my family got her one of their biggest registry items.
We're having a party a month after our wedding and I honestly don't care if people bring gifts.
ACTUALLY, it would be poor etiquette for a bride to complain about a gift or lack of gift, HOWEVER, it is also actually poor etiquette to not give a gift for a wedding as an attendee, as well.
Etiquette books do say you should get a gift for a wedding, though you do have a year to give a gift, but not sure anyone really does that "year" thing anymore
yes and no. Should a bride/groom ever complain about "not" getting a gift? No, that would be poor etiquette
HOWEVER,
It IS poor etiquette for someone attending a wedding not to get a gift for the bride/groom according to etiquette books. Weddings are gift-giving events, however, the hosts who don't receive a gift are expected to just shut it if they don't receieve a gift
It's a double bind. The bride and groom would be breaking etiquette if they pointed out someone's etiquette mistake.
We couldn't afford a gift at the time (although the couple have just moved to SA so didn't want gifts), but will give them a gift at a later date (still haven't been paid from my new job). We gave a card.
Neither the bride or groom were offended as they were just happy we could attend!
I don't understand all this about gifts. Be thankful for what you are given, and don't expect anything. I was always taught that as a child, and i think the same stands now.
I actually got an email from one of H's aunts a month or two ago asking for our address for "an overdue wedding gift" (our second anniversary is next month). I responded with our address and general other chit chat. Still haven't seen a gift. I honestly didn't think anything of the fact that we hadn't gotten one in the first place, but to specifically bring it up so far after the fact? It just seems odd...
My brother and SIL got married almost a month ago. They had registered with honeyfund and plan on going to Paris for a week or so. FI and I paid for our flights and hotel (not cheap where we live, and not cheap in their city over Memorial Day). FI is in school, I'm a state employee- we're saving every dime for wedding and his grad school. We gave what we could afford, considering they wanted money- 100 Euros, roughly 150 USD. I don't feel like we were being stingy- this is what we could afford, and we tried to make it personal by making it useful on the honeymoon, lots of small denominations for those cups of coffee, quick bites, or "buy a photo on top of the eiffel tower" type details.
Almost one month. Still waiting on thank you note.
That's how I feel. I wold be EMBARASSED to not give a gift because in my ciricle, it either means your are too poor to afford one or you're just too rude. Neither of which I would want people tho think I am
still have time to send a thank you, I think. Etiquette wise they have time. That is a good gift, I think
consider yourserlf taught now. Get a gift, send a thank you card or you wil be considered rude. now, you can't plead ignorance. you now know
As someone who works two jobs just to barely get by, sometimes I have to just bring a card, but I always send a gift as soon as I can swing it. ONCE I only brought a card with no intention of getting them a gift. After I had already RSVP'ed and made transportation arrangements, the bride admitted to me that she had been cheating on her fiance. She also had invited me without a +1 (every other single person in our group got one), then later told me I could bring someone if I wanted, then told me specifically not to bring my best friend. She also invited my mother to her bridal shower without inviting her to the wedding. Those wedding-related things, on top of how poorly she treated me as a friend our entire lives, just made me not want to get her a gift. We're no longer friends, shocking.