HE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! (maybe wrong board.)

karlijo21 · June 2013

I am getting married Sept. 28th we have been engaged for about two months and together about 2 and a half years living together a year and half of that. I believe we know each other extremely well for the amount of time we have been together..... However... He is driving me bat shit crazy lately. He works a week on and a week off in another state so I see him for 7 days at a time. Normally I cant wait for him to come home and never want him to leave. But I find myself wanting him to leave so badly! Everything he does annoys me.. He doesnt help around the house, the week ends are dedicated to his friends, and he cuts me off in sentences, always trying to have sex (which normally I like but I wan him to quit touching me!)..... I have commitment issues. I know this. I always said I would never get married till I met him. I love him.... I cant help but think its just me... What do I do to deal with this?? Advice?

mlg78 · June 2013

You need to seek counseling...immediately.

manateehugger · June 2013

mlg78 said:

You need to seek counseling...immediately.

Yeah, this is all I've got too.

mlg78 · June 2013

Oh, and don't get married.

Edit: (until you seek the above recommended counseling)

manateehugger · June 2013

mlg78 said:

Oh, and don't get married.

This is the other part of all I've got.

LuckyAloha · June 2013

Yeah, this is why I'm glad FI and I lived together long before we go married. I can't think of any other problems we had until we moved in together (3 months after we started dating). Have you brought up any of these issues to your FI?

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

1. Seek counselling. Like, yesterday.

2. Do not get married until you have done No.1.

These issues aren't all you. Your description of him raises several red flags for me. You said:

"He doesnt help around the house, the week ends are dedicated to his friends, and he cuts me off in sentences, always trying to have sex."

The fact he doesn't help is huge. That will not change after you're married.

The fact that weekends are dedicated to his friends is huge. That will not change after you're married.

He cuts you off in sentences -- has he always done this, or is it new? And does he realise he's doing it and apologise, or just keep talking over you? It's a sign of disrespect and it's huge.

The sex thing... Sex is 10 percent of a relationship until it's a problem and then it's 90 percent of the problem.

So, just so I'm clear, he: doesn't help around the house, spends time with his friends over you, interrupts you, and only wants sex? And you want to marry him....why?

hordol · June 2013

Sounds like a bit of cold feet to me. I'm no expert but I agree with Stage that this doesn't seem like something you should end the engagement and seek therapy over, at least at this point and based on the info you gave. When I get super stressed, I tend to take it out on FI a bit, it's natural to do that to the ones you love. Whenever he is irritating me, I sit long and hard and think about the REAL reason why. Is he truly doing something out of the ordinary that I feel is hurting our relationship? Or am I letting stress get to me and am not seeing things clearly?

That said, he shouldn't get out of housework and dedicate entire weekends every weekend to his friends. You should make sure you talk to him about that. Tell him how you feel and be specific in what you would like him to do to fix it. Being specific is important, especially for a guy. When I talk to FI about something, nothing changes unless I'm very specific about what he needs to do.

Something I learned in premarital counseling (and have seen displayed by my parents as a model) is that you aren't going to be head over heels in love every single day. There are going to be times where you have to work your ass off to love your partner. This is one of those times. Don't give up just because you are going through a rough patch.

TKzilla · June 2013

OP, use your words. If you haven't blatantly said "I need you to help with this" or "I don't feel like having sex right now, please stop grabbing my ass" or "I want to see a movie this weekend" then there isn't much we can say or do that'll be helpful.

s-aries8990 · June 2013

Unless you are telling him these things, it won't get better. I don't live with BF, but we went through a bit of a rough patch a few years ago - then I started telling him what I really wanted/needed and things were wonderful again. People who say communication is important in a relationship are NOT talking out of their asses.

TKzilla · June 2013

Let's light a candle and leave it in the window for her.

pesematology · June 2013

Things will not get better on their own. And they might not get better at all. Don't get married if you're not stoked about the relationship in its current state.

pesematology · June 2013

In my own experience a lot of "commitment issues" are "you're doing something that bothers me and I don't feel comfortable thinking too hard about it" issues.

Pookieson · June 2013

What Stage said. If you do not talk to one another, how can you fix anything. In your married life you will have some issues. You will annoy the hell out of each other. Someone will have a lazy streak where they don't want to do their share of cleaning. Perhaps he is feeling like because he is getting married he needs more "guy" time now because of that age old rumor that once you have the "ball and chain" on you have no time for friends. You need to talk to each other. If these issues still persist after communication, then that is something you may need to reevaluate.

NonosGirl · June 2013

Just wanted to weigh in on the 'helping around the house' thing. I used to ask FI for help then one day I read a quote that our wedding officiant posted to her fb page. I can't remember it word for word but the idea behind it was that when you ask for help you imply that the thing you need help with is your responsibility and it allows you significant other to think of it as your responsibility instead of a shared responsibility. I told my FI about the quote and stopped asking for help, now he has his own chores too

Pookieson · June 2013

I wasn't implying that she "ask for help" just that she share her concern that the house work has become her responsibility when it should be a shared family responsibility.

NonosGirl · June 2013

@Shannon1401 - my post was not in response to your post it was a general statement regarding 'asking for help' and I actually started writing it before your post even existed.

Pookieson · June 2013

I see. It was directly after my post so I thought it was sent my way. In my experience the whole "reply" button doesn't always indicate who your post was directed at. Your time posted was a good amount after I posted mine as well so I just thought it was for me. No problem, I still stand by both of my posts

NonosGirl · June 2013

Yeah it took me so long because I went back to fb to see of I could find the actual quote but after searching and searching I just gave up.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

OP? Are you out there?

It's really hard to tell what's going on here. OP said he "annoys" her and that he's gone for 7 days straight and then home for 7 days straight. That schedule would make me crazy. I'd miss him like hell and then get super annoyed after the 2nd or 3rd day. Although I might be hurt if he spent half the time with his friends. Do you miss him when he's gone?

HE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! (maybe wrong board.)

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