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No bride needs to hear this a month before the wedding....

TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

At friend's son's 1st birthday party yesterday...

Friend's Mom to me: "When are you due?"

Me: "We're getting married August 3..." (attempted to correct her without drawing attention to this, and letting her pretend she mixed me up w/ a pregnant guest)

Her: "Right, but WHEN ARE YOU DUE?"

Thanks lady!! I'm not pregnant, but apparently fat as a house and wearing an unflattering dress.....

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Re: No bride needs to hear this a month before the wedding....

  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
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    HAHA i've been working out for moths and feel like someone has secretly been feeding me Cowtein bars or whatever those were from mean girls!
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    WTF?  

    That was unbelievable.  I mean, she HAD to have been making a really unfunny joke because no one could possibly be that obtuse and/or mean. 
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  • tiny specktiny speck member
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    That's awful. She must be completely clueless. I can't even fathom anyone trying that as some weird joke either. :(
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
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    Oh, I'm sorry, even more awkward - IT WAS ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS' MOTHERS!!! So the mother of a friend who knows that my biggest concern involved in our entire wedding is my dress fitting and looking nice. I'm working out every day with a broken toe, not going crazy but really making an effort. I don't know if my friend heard, but I think it got back to her bc her husband send me an email last ngiht thanking me for coming to the party and saying how beautiful I look, etc.

    Really trying not to let it bum me out, and didn't tell friends about it, but honestly, I'm down today.

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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
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    Hopefully that woman is rightfully ashamed of herself. You will be a beautiful bride - and PLEASE don't overdo the working out and hurt yourself further!
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  • tiny specktiny speck member
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    I'm sure you are going to look stunning! Will you post a picture from your fitting later? :)
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You're going to look beautiful! Try not to think about what she said :)
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  • stantokmstantokm member
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    Aww!  Maybe she had also mistakenly heard that you were pregnant in addition to the upcoming marriage?

    The only way I would ask if someone was pregant would be if she was really close to me and doing something out of character.  With one friend, all I said was, "...I see that you're drinking Diet Coke" as my way of asking.  I would never ask based on size. 

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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's happened to me, too. Aaaaand I was asked about it publicly. So embarrassing to have my recent weight gain put out there like that.
    Some people are just really tactless, seriously.


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  • bnrandallbnrandall member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Whether she was joking, confused, or being outright rude, don't let anyone make you feel anything less than beautiful. I would have been just as hurt and bummed to hear something like that, but you have to let the ridiculous things people say roll off your shoulders. I am no string bean, but even if I was, I know that the people who want to make rude comments will find something else to criticize. Just look at yourself in that mirror tomorrow and remember that your FI is going to be floored when he sees you walk down that aisle, and that's all that matters.
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  • itzMSitzMS member
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    @TheBaysideBride, what exactly did you say to her when she asked the second time?

    I'm currently preggo and I can't stand people asking or staring at my stomach. I hope you shamed the shit out of her!

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    itzMS said:

    @TheBaysideBride, what exactly did you say to her when she asked the second time?

    I'm currently preggo and I can't stand people asking or staring at my stomach. I hope you shamed the shit out of her!

    So do I-that was so rude.
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    Itz - I just said, "I"m not pregnant. Sarah is pregnant. We each have big things going on right now..."

    Yah. At there were like 10 people standing there, and then she handed me a piece of birthday cake. Which I subtly handed to FI, excused myself with a smile to get a drink and just calmed in private down near the kitchen window.

    The dress is the one in my pic (not on me though!) - I will definitely post a pic tomorrow after the fitting :)

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  • jarednmeganjarednmegan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    TheBaysideBride said:

    At friend's son's 1st birthday party yesterday...

    Friend's Mom to me: "When are you due?"

    Me: "We're getting married August 3..." (attempted to correct her without drawing attention to this, and letting her pretend she mixed me up w/ a pregnant guest)

    Her: "Right, but WHEN ARE YOU DUE?"

    Thanks lady!! I'm not pregnant, but apparently fat as a house and wearing an unflattering dress.....

    THIS (in bold). THIS is the worst part of that dialogue. Not even that she made the mistake of assuming you were pregnant, but that she persisted in getting an answer. I might expect this from a kid, but your friend's MOM?!?! Wow, she must be a peach.
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  • Belle2188Belle2188 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    That's just SO rude.  My mom is a labor and delivery nurse, and one thing she always told me was never to ever ask a woman if she's pregnant...unless you see the baby's head sticking out as one PP has already said!

    My FSIL was CLEARLY pregnant before she told us--no mistaking it--she even got up from the dinner table to vomit, and I still didn't ask for fear of offending her.  Where are people's manners?
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  • vineheart137vineheart137 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Lobster1987 said:

    I am very much against shaming people....but THIS is one of those times that I am all for it....Seriously. It is NEVER, ever ever ever to ask someone that question.

     

    I've been asked it before...and I say, "I'm not...I'm just fat."

    I've lost a ton of weight....145ish pounds...and all the extra skin in my stomach area makes me look pregnant if I don't hide it. It's freaking embarrassing...so if someone can think of something much better to say than that, I'm open to suggestions! :)

    Burst into tears and run away wailing "I'M NOT PREGNANT." But maybe that only appeals to the overly dramatic like me. ;-)

    BTW, CONGRATS on the weight loss! Wow! Send me some of your motivation!
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  • cmclairecmclaire member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh good Lord, how rude!  I'm sorry she was so keen to put her foot in her mouth.

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  • tinambridetinambride
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    If it makes your feel any better, you're definitely not the first this has happened to. I was at a party a few months ago and almost everyone (of all sizes) had some story at some time. Don't take it personally. She's definitely the one who should be shamed.

    I was at an event with FI's extended family and some distant cousin asked when we were planning to have kids. I was wearing an empire waist dress (my mistake) and she just kept staring at my belly waiting for me to make some big announcement. I excused myself. I'm also a generally thin person so just because this happened to you, it really doesn't mean you should be self conscious.
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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Let's name Bayside's fake twins!

    I like:

    Sid and Nancy
    Bonnie and Clyde
    Ramona and Beezus
    Fred and George
    Pinky and TheBrain
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    HAhaha Coutnania - I was going with "HateYour" and "Face" :)

    AND FOR THE RECORD, the BM daughter of this woman just told me she can't come to the fitting bc 12:30 is her son's nap time. I managed to fit going to his b-day party in between meetings yesterday, and my SAHM friend who also has a nanny can't come to my fitting.

    I picked great bridesmaids.... whatever. At least I picked a great husband!!

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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
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    TheBaysideBride said:

    HAhaha Coutnania - I was going with "HateYour" and "Face" :)

    AND FOR THE RECORD, the BM daughter of this woman just told me she can't come to the fitting bc 12:30 is her son's nap time. I managed to fit going to his b-day party in between meetings yesterday, and my SAHM friend who also has a nanny can't come to my fitting.

    I picked great bridesmaids.... whatever. At least I picked a great husband!!

    :D

    You don't need them to go with you. Bring all of us!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    FierceFemme said:

    Fat is not shameful.  People are sometimes assholes.  There is no reason to run away sobbing, or act as though she has just killed your puppy.

    YES, that woman was an asshole and has no business commenting or asking about any changes that happen with anyone's body.  But, acting as though calling you out on a perceived pregnancy or fatness is the worst possible thing someone can say to you, is just perpetuating the fuckedupedness that being fat should be something you should be ashamed of, and you should run away crying.

    here's are some appropriate answers to someone being an asshole and asking body questions:

    I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.

    I'm not pregnant. 

    <blank stare>

    Are you really asking me that?

    Please don't make comments about my body. It's rude and inappropriate.

     

    Also, "None of your business.  Don't ask me again."
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