No Kids Allowed for Destination Wedding over Long Weekend

shilin008 · June 2013

I'm debating about a destination wedding (not overseas but different state) but NO KIDS ALLOWED.
It will be over long weekend so I'm not sure if that's better or not for parents with kids.
I'm just curious if you have children, would you be upset/offended and what's the likelihood of you still coming?

BTW, most of the kids right now are in the 2 year old range/toddler tots.

Also, would it be considered rude or bad etiquette to not even offer babysitting? I just reaallly don't want a bunch of toddlers at the wedding....

loca4pook · June 2013

It's your right to have no small children, but can I tell you? Some of my fave memories at my wedding included the small kids. Just food for thought.

You might also get people to decline because going away for a weekend without kids might be a challenge. Babysitting could get tricky if they don't have a family member to do it. It's your right not to have small children, it's their right to decline to leave their toddlers for an entire weekend

Also, most people won't leave their kids with a babysitter AT your destinatin wedding as they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with that

Viczaesar · June 2013

For me the likelihood of coming would be nil, particularly if my child were a toddler. I wouldn't be offended, but I would be pissed off if you got offended that I wasn't coming. No, it's not rude not to offer babysitting.

Weezy56 · June 2013

If we had children, we would be okay with it. Once we have kids my parents won't be able to get enough of the little one, so more than likely they would keep Baby Weezy for the weekend.

That being said, not everyone has such a convenient arrangement or feel comfortable leaving their kids for that long. However, it is not rude to not include children. There will probably be some people who fuss but they will just have to make a choice- that's part of being a parent. I wouldn't even try to get a sitter, because some parents might not want to use that service and then what will you do

MyNameIsNot · June 2013

There's no etiquette rule requiring you to invite kids, even to a destination wedding, but this is probably a bad idea.

Most people will come to a local wedding with no kids, but leaving a toddler with a sitter for a long weekend is just not an option for a lot of people. Even if the parent does have a relative or close friend that they would trust to watch the kid for a weekend, asking them to sit over a holiday weekend is quite an imposition.

If you decide to do this, you'll probably get quite a few declines from the parents. You'll probably also get some push back, but that's their fault.

vineheart137 · June 2013

I wouldn't be offended, but more than likely I would decline to attend. None of my family live near me, hubby's mother does but she works odd hours including weekends so it wouldn't be very convenient, if it's even possible at all, for her to watch our child for the whole weekend. He doesn't have grandparents either. A lot of people just don't have the resources to leave their baby, especially a toddler, behind for two or three days.

So in short, no it's not rude to not invite children, but be prepared for a lot of declines.

shilin008 · June 2013

I definitely wouldn't be offended.

I completely understand that this would be asking a lot of parents who don't have the luxury of parents of loved ones to watch them

Just trying to get a sense of what to expect. Sounds like my already small wedding will be even smaller!

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I would be prepared for a good number of declines from families with children. But you definitely don't have to invite kids. Just know that many may not be able to or want to get childcare for an entire weekend and then on top of that have to pay for travel to your wedding.

kmmssg · June 2013

I am all for kid free weddings and you are more than within your rights to not invite them. Just want to offer this: Finding childcare on a holiday weekend may be tougher for those with kids. I love me some grandbabies (I have 6!!) but I am not giving up a holiday weekend to babysit so my daughter can to away to a wedding for the weekend.

Belichick · June 2013

Is your wedding location a popular destination?

I'm all for kid-free weddings and I tend to not take my kids even when they're invited so I can relax and not be on mommy-duty. With that said we only have our parents take them overnight a couple times of year, so unless it's a destination that I'd want to go to anyway I'd probably decline.

As long as you won't be offended by parents declining, you're fine.

Ajuliana · June 2013

I attended a wedding of a mentor's daughter last fall, and was basically the on-site nanny for the other daughter's 3 month old from 10 AM-10 PM. Two other friends who also worked for my mentor were put up in a hotel room near the wedding with five toddlers under five. It worked out wonderfully.

But even with the best behaved 3 month old ever, I am putting off kids for a few more years.

Simply Fated · June 2013

shilin008 said:

I'm debating about a destination wedding (not overseas but different state) but NO KIDS ALLOWED.
It will be over long weekend so I'm not sure if that's better or not for parents with kids.
I'm just curious if you have children, would you be upset/offended and what's the likelihood of you still coming?

BTW, most of the kids right now are in the 2 year old range/toddler tots.

Also, would it be considered rude or bad etiquette to not even offer babysitting? I just reaallly don't want a bunch of toddlers at the wedding....

I wouldn't be offended, that's not the right word for it.
I'd probably decline, depending on the age, though. If something happens, I'd like to be nearby.

If the host knew I had a small child (like, 2 years old) and had a destination wedding without allowing kids, I would wonder if this was their way of telling me, "We want you to come, but not really."

Baby-sitters are also iffy. I would never leave my child(ren) alone with someone I didn't know. I would at least want to meet her or him before agreeing to leave my kids.

Sharpschruter22 · June 2013

That's what I did. We had 75 people at our wedding and no children except for our ring bearer and flower girl. Those with kids left them at home. In fact, I only had one person make a fuss about it. I'm sure you know it is rude to put adult reception on your reception cards so what I did is put (blank) seats are reserved in your honor. That way they didn't assume their kids were invited.

I received one back saying thanks for reserving 2 seats in our honor but we are a family of five so we won't be attending. Beyotch! We were glad they didn't come. It saved us $300.

Anyway, it's your wedding. You get to decide who is invited and who isn't. Don't you dare let anyone make you feel bad about wanting an adult wedding. Ours was perfect. No screaming children running around the dance floor! It was amazing.

lovesclimbing · June 2013

I would probably decline. I might ask one of my sisters (if they still live around here when H and I decide to have kids) if they wouldn't mind watching my child but I would never ask anyone else. And if they couldn't do it, I would decline. And I would be sad to have to miss it.

I wouldn't be offended, but honestly, I would feel a little bit disappointed that having a child-free wedding is more important than my presence.

annathy03 · June 2013

I'm in a similar situation, and agree with PPs. FI and I don't want children at the wedding, and while we won't be picking a holiday weekend, we know this may be an issue for a lot of cousins with kids. On the other hand a lot of folks are looking forward to an adult weekend since we happen to live in Vegas, and many hotels offer babysitting through their concierges if the parents would be comftorable with that. If it becomes an issue for enough people we will try to get a few sitters in a suite for all the kids, but we've had trouble keeping our guest list to 150 with just adults. There is no way we could afford to host kids as well and still host our guests at a venue close enough to things that they don't also need to rent a car, and I don't want to add that cost to everyone's travel so a few people can have kids there. We will allow nursing infants since they are impossible to leave for a weekend and won't/can't run around.

loca4pook · June 2013

Sharpschruter22 said:

That's what I did. We had 75 people at our wedding and no children except for our ring bearer and flower girl. Those with kids left them at home. In fact, I only had one person make a fuss about it. I'm sure you know it is rude to put adult reception on your reception cards so what I did is put (blank) seats are reserved in your honor. That way they didn't assume their kids were invited. I received one back saying thanks for reserving 2 seats in our honor but we are a family of five so we won't be attending. Beyotch! We were glad they didn't come. It saved us $300. Anyway, it's your wedding. You get to decide who is invited and who isn't. Don't you dare let anyone make you feel bad about wanting an adult wedding. Ours was perfect. No screaming children running around the dance floor! It was amazing.

Some of my fave memories of my wedding were the fun things the various kids did at the wedding. My nephew dancing to gangham style, my nieces playing ring a round the rosy with me, my other niece taking her little pillow and blanket onto the dance floor.

My niece even cried as she walked up the aisle as flower girl, then plopped her butt down in the aisle and someone needed to come get her. Was I offended and shattered that it ruined my perfect image? NO, she is a toddler and it will be a fun story I will share for years to come. I chalked it up to a great memory, not a catastrophe. It's truly about perspective, I think

Those are memories that will stay with me forever and stories I will tell them when they get older...

To each their own, I guess.

32daisies · June 2013

Just to play devil's advocate: we planned on inviting the children of about a dozen couples to what was, for them, an out of town wedding (it's in my hometown, not the groom's). These were all close friends or relatives, so we told them from the get-go their children would be invited. Every single couple has told us they prefer to make arrangements to leave their kids (age range: 7 months to 8 years) at home. They all said it would be easier for them to travel solo, and easier on the kids to stay with family/friends. Go figure! I don't know if our people were unusual, but just throwing it out there that it depends on how your friends feel about traveling. Maybe talk to them?

Weezy56 · June 2013

@mrsridings061513

I meant my "can't get enough of the little one" statement to come off as a slight exaggeration. Hence why I said "more than likely" after that. Of course my parents won't take a youngin every single second. We wouldn't ask them to. My bad for shittay communication

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Theres nothing wrong etiquette wise with your plan but I think a lot of people will decline. I just think its asking kind of a lot for people to travel and leave their (very young) kids with a sitter. FI and I are not having kids at our wedding. I'm really happy about the decision. It does confuse a lot of parents since they assume their kids "should" be invited.

You are certainly not required to do so but...Would it be an option for you to get a babysitter to watch the kids during the wedding? I think a lot more people will accept rather than decline if you had this option.

Jen4948 · June 2013

While none of this would be rude, and you aren't required to invite kids or get a babysitter for them, not inviting the kids may well result in a lot of declines.

I gave some thought to a destination wedding as well as not inviting small children, but since nearly everyone in my family would decline, I came to the conclusion that I won't do these things. I do plan to set some non-negotiable limits on the participation of small kids in my wedding though.

msuprincess04 · June 2013

I'm having a destination kid-free weekend. Of the 100 people invited, only 2 have mentioned that they wouldn't be able to find a sitter. So, they are bringing their little one, and another family friend (and hubby) to watch the little one while they are at the wedding. No one else has had a problem or anticipates a problem with a kid free event. I should say, my wedding is a while off, so any of this may change. I understand either way.

monkeysip · June 2013

I would only be offended if it were the wedding of a super close friend or sibling. But then I'd just talk to them, "Hey girl, you know I can't leave little Sally to come to the wedding, why would you choose a kid-free wedding?" (all hypothetical... I don't have children yet).

But if I wasn't super close to the person, I wouldn't be offended at all. It's their choice, but I probably wouldn't go.

kabieber · June 2013

I traveled for a wedding when ds was 13 months. It was my cousin's wedding and she is ds' godmother, but it was a no kids wedding so he was not invited. She did, however, offer to help me find a babysitter in her city since she knew lots of local families with teenaged girls that babysat. I did leave ds with the sitter she recommended and it was fine.

Now would I do the same for a destination wedding where no one personally knew or recommended a sitter? No way. I'd ask my parents to watch ds. However, if it were a holiday weekend AND I needed to leave ds behind, I would likely decline because I wouldn't want to impose on my parents for the full holiday weekend. But I am also of the thinking that holiday weekends are horrible wedding weekend choices because travel is generally more expensive and it's presumptuous of the couple to assume that going to their wedding is what I want to do with my holiday.

AllyIdo · June 2013

We are having our wedding in Las Vegas - we didn't invite kids. But who wants to take kids to Vegas?

We only have a handful of friends with kids at this point and they all (say) they have parents/relatives who will be glad to take them for the weekend. The exception is for two couples who will have 6 month-old babies. The babies are invited of course as they will likely be nursing and wouldn't want to leave their newborns, but I doubt they will take us up on that. Odds are one couple will not attend, and for the other, FI's brother will come solo.

If we pushed this wedding out further so the babies would be older we would run the risk of losing even more people... people are getting pregnant left and right!

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

why can't they bring their kids, but not to the ceremony and reception? We are doing a destination wedding and a lot of families are coming and found childcare for the evening ceremony and reception. kids are welcome at the rehearsal cocktails and sunday brunch. everyone seems happy w the arrangement.

shilin008 · June 2013

Oh! they are welcome to bring their kids to the destination..it's just I much prefer a kid-free wedding is all.

So we're going to look into the cost of a caretaker for the those must bring their kids to the destination. Nothing's definite but clearly with the amount of declines anticipated here, we thought it would be worth looking into.

Thanks everyone!

LavenderHoneyBee · June 2013

It's your right to invite who you like, but I do think it is a lot to ask of people to attend a destination wedding and leave the kids at home. Would you consider offering a babysitting service during the reception? I know this isn't always very easy, but I think it would be a polite way to accommodate those with kids, and avoid a bunch of kids running around the dance floor.

loca4pook · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

While none of this would be rude, and you aren't required to invite kids or get a babysitter for them, not inviting the kids may well result in a lot of declines.

I gave some thought to a destination wedding as well as not inviting small children, but since nearly everyone in my family would decline, I came to the conclusion that I won't do these things. I do plan to set some non-negotiable limits on the participation of small kids in my wedding though.

umm..what does that mean?

Jen4948 · June 2013

loca4pook said:

Jen4948 said:

While none of this would be rude, and you aren't required to invite kids or get a babysitter for them, not inviting the kids may well result in a lot of declines.

I gave some thought to a destination wedding as well as not inviting small children, but since nearly everyone in my family would decline, I came to the conclusion that I won't do these things. I do plan to set some non-negotiable limits on the participation of small kids in my wedding though.
umm..what does that mean?

It means exactly that. Specifics to be developed.

LavenderHoneyBee · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

loca4pook said:

Jen4948 said:

While none of this would be rude, and you aren't required to invite kids or get a babysitter for them, not inviting the kids may well result in a lot of declines.

I gave some thought to a destination wedding as well as not inviting small children, but since nearly everyone in my family would decline, I came to the conclusion that I won't do these things. I do plan to set some non-negotiable limits on the participation of small kids in my wedding though.
umm..what does that mean?

It means exactly that. Specifics to be developed.

How do you intend to put limits on the kids? Like.... no dancing? No running around the venue? Unfortunately, the childrens behavior is up for their parents to control, not you,

Jen4948 · June 2013

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

No Kids Allowed for Destination Wedding over Long Weekend

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