No Kids Allowed for Destination Wedding over Long Weekend

AllyIdo · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

This seems mean... why bother to invite them at all if you're keeping them penned up? It reminds me of when my mom trained our dog not to come into our dining room.

Jen4948 · June 2013

allyscud said:

Jen4948 said:

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

This seems mean... why bother to invite them at all if you're keeping them penned up? It reminds me of when my mom trained our dog not to come into our dining room.

Because their parents won't come without them...and they're traveling long-distance. And some of these kids are particularly rambunctious and their parents can't be counted on to control them.

Unfortunately for me, my family tends to be a very "child-centric" family and I tend to get the short end of the stick. Everything has to be child-friendly and everything gets interrupted with "Mommy! Daddy! Look at me!" from the kids. They can be very sweet, but sometimes I would just like some adult time with adult relatives that isn't all about their kids.

This is a compromise-the kids can come but can't take control, and they probably wouldn't enjoy the reception all that much, but they can bring whatever toys, games, books, videos, etc. they like and enjoy them in a supervised setting. Also, in and around the week of the wedding, since it would be in or near NYC, there are lots of things in the NYC area they would enjoy, and I would be happy to help organize and pay for some excursions that are about and for the kids.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

Good luck with that.

Who is going to enforce this rule? Are you going to have bouncers to make sure the tots don't come into the main room with their parents? What are you going to do if the parents bring their children into the main room with them?

Do you see how logistically this is impractical and that it comes off as very controlling?

It would be easy to just leave he children's' names off of your invitations.

Pookieson · June 2013

I would not be offended. You do not have to provide babysitting either. You will get a much higher number of declines because finding babysitting for an entire weekend is difficult. Whether or not I attended would depend on how close we were and if grandma/grandpa were busy that weekend. I wouldn't just any old babysitter for an entire weekend. Not everyone has a family option.

Edited for reading comprehension fail. If I was able to take them to the destination this might be an option for me to get a sitter there. That being said, I don't trust everyone with my child and I can be a helicopter parent, so the chances of me using a babysitter that I didn't know would be pretty low. Also, it would depend on the age of my child(ren)

AddieCake · June 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

Good luck with that.

Who is going to enforce this rule? Are you going to have bouncers to make sure the tots don't come into the main room with their parents? What are you going to do if the parents bring their children into the main room with them?

Do you see how logistically this is impractical and that it comes off as very controlling?

It would be easy to just leave he children's' names off of your invitations.

This. I can't imagine you would go up to your guests and tell them to put their kid back in the corral room or leave.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

I may not have them in the main rooms at all-I may decide that they can be in a nearby room on site with a babysitter (of the parents' choice or of mine), and parents can go check on them, but they can't bring them back to the main rooms.

If parents want to have a freakout about that, they can arrange to have their kids babysat by someone they trust-either at their own homes or in the nearby room. But I can well decide if they can be in the main rooms.

Good luck with that.

Who is going to enforce this rule? Are you going to have bouncers to make sure the tots don't come into the main room with their parents? What are you going to do if the parents bring their children into the main room with them?

Do you see how logistically this is impractical and that it comes off as very controlling?

It would be easy to just leave he children's' names off of your invitations.

This. I can't imagine you would go up to your guests and tell them to put their kid back in the corral room or leave.

http://belfastmediagroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Bouncer-1024x597.gif

Excuse me miss, can I see your ID? What do you mean you don't have ID, you're only 5? Well sorry missy, you can't come in here. I don't care if you want your Mommy, no one under 25 gets past me.

Jen4948 · June 2013

scribe95 said:

Either stick to your guns on no-kids and and deal with some people not coming, or don't. But this weird in-between of inviting the kids but not letting them be at the actual reception is just stupid.

I'm sure that's how you see it. I don't agree. Let's just leave it at that, okay? Neither of us is going to change our opinions. You've issued some that I find stupid.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

scribe95 said:

Either stick to your guns on no-kids and and deal with some people not coming, or don't. But this weird in-between of inviting the kids but not letting them be at the actual reception is just stupid.

I'm sure that's how you see it. I don't agree. Let's just leave it at that, okay? Neither of us is going to change our opinions. You've issued some that I find stupid.

Where did that come from?

Viczaesar · June 2013

Jen4948 said:

scribe95 said:

Either stick to your guns on no-kids and and deal with some people not coming, or don't. But this weird in-between of inviting the kids but not letting them be at the actual reception is just stupid.

I'm sure that's how you see it. I don't agree. Let's just leave it at that, okay? Neither of us is going to change our opinions. You've issued some that I find stupid.

Issued some what?

hoffse · June 2013

Etiquette-wise, you're fine. Practically I think the whole child-free things is generally blown out of proportion. I think we had like a dozen under the age of 5. I literally didn't notice them because I was so busy with other things. One of them even got lost apparently and my mother had to organize a search party during the reception. I didn't notice that either.

You are well within your rights, but you will have a high decline rate and some major push-back. Would I have (theoretically) preferred a child-free wedding? Sure. I'm not a person who really enjoys spending time around children. But did I want to see my aunts/uncles from California? Yes, absolutely. So my baby cousins were invited... as well as everybody else's kids. Honestly the idea of having "adult time" during a wedding is ridiculous. You'll spend 5 min with various families and then have to move on to the next. The entire thing is a blur.

ridedatbike · June 2013

i have a toddler there is no way in hell I'd leave her for a long weekend with anyone but my parents let alone for someone else's wedding. so if i was your sister I'd be upset with you because it would basically mean i couldn't go. i know its not rude but i can't honestly say i wouldn't feel like.other ladies said they would about it seeming like the bride and groom were saying "we kinda want you here but not really." mostly because its a destination wedding and IM assuming most guests will be fairly close to the bride and groom like best friends and close family. if it wasn't a destination wedding it might be different. its not rude but i wouldn't want to do anything to prevent my nearest and dearest from attending.

ashleyep · June 2013

I don't think it's unreasonable to not invite kids. If you want to provide a babysitter for those who do choose to travel with their kids, then that's great! But you need to make sure that the invitations don't imply the kids are invited. Don't let your guests think you're inviting their kids and then lock them away in a room all night.

It will be very difficult to police those guests who can't ignore their kids whining that they want to go see the party when they check on them.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Maybe I'm on glue (haha) but I think OP is saying kids can travel to the destination but parents need a sitter for the ceremony and reception. it's not a big deal. resorts generally can make that happen. But OP, be clear w/ people that you're not saying they can't bring their kids at all. that would be kind of bizarre.

No Kids Allowed for Destination Wedding over Long Weekend

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