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Father/daughter dance difference of opinion...

Looking for advice on how to handle the situation with my dad, not necessarily more song selections.

We have been going back and forth for months about our father/daughter dance song. We're very close and have a good relationship, and our dance is a moment he's really looking forward to. 

That said...he keeps persisting with suggestions of really slow, sappy songs. It doesn't take much to make me cry, but I like to be private about it and really don't want to break down in front of all the wedding guests, which his musical choices would definitely cause me to do. When I realized he was going down this track, I explained this to him. But I don't think he gets it, because every time he goes back to the drawing board, he suggests more of the same tearjerker stuff. I've found a few songs that I think are still sweet and touching, but are less likely to put me in the "danger zone." Like "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart.

So last week he sent me his top 5 choices, and his #4 and #5 are more upbeat. So I was like, great, can we use #4 (Father and Daughter, Paul Simon)? and he agreed...only to email me yesterday and say he thought 4 and 5 were a little fast and might be hard to dance to, and "didn't you listen to my #1 choice, what do you think of that?" Argh! Of course I listened to it, and if I wanted to dance to it, I would have told you so. At least FI is on my side and agrees it's odd that my dad keeps trying to make me change my mind.

I'm just really frustrated at this point. My mom says "just do the song your dad wants, you're both going to be crying anyway!" which may end up being true, but I want to give myself a fighting chance, you know? I have a younger sister, but am his first daughter getting married. I feel like a bad person for not liking my dad's song selection, because I know this is going to be a really sentimental moment for him and he wants to turn the cheese up to 11 (his first suggestion way back when was Butterfly Kisses, if that gives you an idea of his taste). But don't my preferences count too? I really thought the Paul Simon song was the best of both worlds, but apparently he doesn't agree. 

TL:DR version: father keeps pushing for a sappy song and won't drop it, but I want something more uptempo that won't make me burst into tears in front of everyone. Am I being selfish? Should I just do what he wants because it's his precious "goodbye little girl" moment?

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Re: Father/daughter dance difference of opinion...

  • IMO, this is going to be a very emotional day to start with.  The moment you dance with your father will be exponentially more emotional, no matter what song you dance to.  If you and your dad are, in fact, very close, he should understand your feelings and you should be able to compromise.

    My father and I will be dancing to I Loved Her First (I didn't give him a choice), which is a song I have never been able to get through without bawling, but I have surrendered to the fact that I will be crying a lot that day. I am the last of three daughters to get married, so my dad and I will probably both be a wreck. 

    I would try to take the "cry factor" out and pick a song that you both like, no matter how sappy.  If it's a song that means something to both of you that's all that matters.  People will expect you to cry and that's totally okay. I've never seen a bride not cry when dancing with her daddy, but if that's your main concern and you think there's a song that wont make you tear up, I really hope you find it! If your heart is set on not being overly emotional, try to make your dad understand that it doesn't matter what song you dance to; that it will be an incredibly special moment even if you chose the Hokey Pokey!  It all comes down to whether you want to pick a song that means something to both of you and risk crying, or pick a song that might not be as special, but will keep your eyes dry. At the end of the day, this is YOUR day and you have to do what you're comfortable with; unfortunately, you're the only one who can decide what's right for you.

    Good luck!

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    lttlkasa
  • Thanks for your advice, it really makes me feel better about the situation! I am going to find time to talk to him this weekend and see what is going through his head. :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PandPMeant2B
  • I've always thought that my Dad should be the one to choose the song we dance to. I feel like most of the other details have been decided on by my fiance and me. Your wedding day symbolizes you becoming a woman and not being his little girl anymore. Your Dad probably just wants to pick a song that means a lot to him and truly expresses how he feels about you...he wants everyone in attendance to know that. And I agree with PandP, it's going to be an emotional day regardless of the song yo two dance to.
  • My dad was the one person who made me cry all day-- and I did not think that would have been the case at all, but it was.  I thought I'd cry saying vows, but nope; happy/excited.  But seeing my dad coming in for pictures--cried; seeing him again to start walking down the aisle--cried; father/daughter dance--cried at first but stopped once we started dancing.

    anyway, our dance was the one thing my dad wanted serious imput on--so I gave him the power. and then he wanted it to be a surprise; so I said OK.  It really was one of my favorite parts of the day when the song played (he chose Little Girl from Tim McGraw).

    Let your dad have his moment with the song he wants.  You get all the other moments throughout the day
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    Anniversary
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