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Who to take dress shopping??

I've been trying to read alot of the threads around here, hoping to get some confidence about dress shopping...I'm still dreading it. I'm sure the cause is my everyday lack of self-esteem but I KNOW alot of my anxiety is because the one time I went dress shopping to try and see what style even to search for, I took my mom. I felt like it would be the best experience with her...it wasn't!! All she did was point out every flaw about me in every dress I put on. It's either my arms are too big and need to be covered, or I have back fat that we need to find a way to cover up, or it shows my other problem areas.Nothing I tried on was right and I actually left the bridal shop in tears, which my mom couldn't understand. She thinks she is helping me by pointing these things out. 

It's because of this that I'm not sure I will find a dress, no matter who I take with me. I'm currently a size 24/26 and have started a weight loss program that has been successful for many other people I know, but for me its not working at all! Maybe its the stress?? I do have about 6 months before I have to purchase my dress...

Who did you take with you? Did you take those who were most supportive? My sister made the best statement to me that I try to keep remembering..."It's not like people are expecting you to suddenly be skinny when you wear a wedding dress. You are who you are! People know what size you are and love you for it, their love isn't going to change if they see your arms."

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Re: Who to take dress shopping??

  • I took my best friend/MOH. My mom can be very negative and immature and I didn't want her to ruin the experience for me.
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  • I would take people who are supportive of you, perhaps this is a best friend (MOH) or a close preferably female/fashion forward relative. Make sure that the individuals you bring will tell you the truth without attacking your insecurities, and not just yes every dress that you put on. That being said, if you fall in love with a dress, don't get derailed by other's opinions, after all, this is your day to shine! 
  • my mom was the same way when i took her to a sample size consignment store that had dresses for me to try on. the lady was honest and said i dont get many of your size in but i do have a good selection of dresses. but they also dont fly out of here so if you are unsure it may be here i went once before with my bestie and the same gown i tried on a year before was still there.  my mom is very judgemental she does not like strapless i need to cover my arms. it makes u look fat your backfat is hanging out i dont like corset bla bla bla we fight all the time the one dress she did like was for someone who was an older women bride 50+ i tried it on for her.. she did not like the bolero idea but after seeing gowns with it on she is more open to it and likes the way some look.

    dont be discuraged at all take your sister and only your sister.. find what u really love then take your mom back with you and say i like these  what do you like.

    my issue is i want my arms covered and i want a higher laced back and bonny has those requirements but having a hard time finding the full line anywhere
  • I took a small group of people (one friend, 2 FSIL's and FMIL) the first trip. It was too many people.  I actually bought my dress when I was with only FMIL.  
  • Thanks to everyone for your input!!

    hyechica81 - I've been searching for the Bonny line as well...after looking at many of the gowns they have, they seem to be the most in tune with brides like us who want a higher back etc. Why does this have to be so difficult??? 

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  • tigger75 said:
    Thanks to everyone for your input!!

    hyechica81 - I've been searching for the Bonny line as well...after looking at many of the gowns they have, they seem to be the most in tune with brides like us who want a higher back etc. Why does this have to be so difficult??? 
    i know i had a salon that carried bonny bridesmades that was going to get 3 gowns in for me to try on on loan from the designer but when i called to make sure they were able to sucure the gowns she told me honestly i only have one bonny that u can try on. this salon did not carry larger sizes in the past and she the owner told me that she had 2 dozen gowns coming in mid august for me to try on.. i was kind of crushed but.. i had a bridal apointment a few hours before i made the call
    and fell in love with this morliee dress that might be discontiuned. its got a higher corsetted back its a one shoulder but the owner of this small bridal salon said she could get another strap add it to the dress to make it with straps a little more lace to make it cap and a laced back to cover the rest of it 

    not sure where you are from but if you go to bonny and type in your zipcode and put that you will travel 100 miles distance you can see all the designers in your general area that have them.. might be worth a trip i was ready to do that until i saw this morliee gown and now i am not so sure.. i have bridal appt  at another store with a totaly different set of designers cassablanca, allure, not sure if anything will look good on me but they have plus and i want to try on other options
  • tigger75 said:
    Thanks to everyone for your input!!

    hyechica81 - I've been searching for the Bonny line as well...after looking at many of the gowns they have, they seem to be the most in tune with brides like us who want a higher back etc. Why does this have to be so difficult??? 
    i know i had a salon that carried bonny bridesmades that was going to get 3 gowns in for me to try on on loan from the designer but when i called to make sure they were able to sucure the gowns she told me honestly i only have one bonny that u can try on. this salon did not carry larger sizes in the past and she the owner told me that she had 2 dozen gowns coming in mid august for me to try on.. i was kind of crushed but.. i had a bridal apointment a few hours before i made the call
    and fell in love with this morliee dress that might be discontiuned. its got a higher corsetted back its a one shoulder but the owner of this small bridal salon said she could get another strap add it to the dress to make it with straps a little more lace to make it cap and a laced back to cover the rest of it 

    not sure where you are from but if you go to bonny and type in your zipcode and put that you will travel 100 miles distance you can see all the designers in your general area that have them.. might be worth a trip i was ready to do that until i saw this morliee gown and now i am not so sure.. i have bridal appt  at another store with a totaly different set of designers cassablanca, allure, not sure if anything will look good on me but they have plus and i want to try on other options
    I tried on a Mori Lee dress at the appointment I had (where my mom was with me) and I did like the fit and how the back also came up high enough. I too found a small shop in Sheboygan that carries Bonny and I went in one day just to look at what they have, not try anything on, and the owner was very willing to help me customize any gown. There was one I saw and she went over a few different options that we could do to make straps or cap style sleeves. I loved her willingness to help me but they don't carry a big selection of plus sizes :(

    The problem I find is that even though there are many different bridal shops...its not easy to find ones that actually carry plus sizes. Amelishan's in richfield had a nice selection of plus sizes but I didnt have a good experience with the consultant working with me. 

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  • My one point of advice is to make appointments at stores that carry a large number of plus size samples.  When I was looking, I literally called stores on a list to ask how many plus size samples they had before I made an appointment..  

    Also, there are plus sized bridal boutiques scattered throughout the country, so try to find one of them.  I purchased my dress from a plus sized bridal boutique in MD and it was the best experience.  From the understanding nature of the salespeople to the larger sized dressing rooms, it'd made the experience almost relaxing.
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  • I took my mother and my best friend, two people who are the most supportive of who I am.  Though you may want your mother to be part of the dress picking process, I'd definitely take people who were way more supportive.  You want to enjoy the experience, not focus on your "flaws."  The truth is that your fiance fell in love with you at your current size and proposed... your family and friends love you the way you are.... You just need a dress that makes you feel beautiful and like a bride.  You need to see what everyone else sees!  Have you tried going to a plus-size bridal salon?  I am the same size as you, and after a terrible experience at a chain bridal salon, I felt defeated.  The dresses didn't fit and I could only see what I didn't like about myself.  However, I went to a plus-size salon and found five dresses I looked amazing in!  Salons that specialize in our sizes know good quality and smartly constructed dresses----they have in mind what we are concerned about and can find dresses to hide those problem areas.
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    ~Melissa
  • I'm not sure of your relationship with your mom, my mom and I have a very good relationship, but I've already come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to have the "positivity" talk with everybody.  I want honesty, but not cruel honesty.  If your mom is like mine and insists on being a part of every tiny decision you make for your wedding, then you may want to have a talk with her that what she says is hurtful and you left in tears because she was making cruel and destructive comments about your body and that if she makes any comment during the next visit, she will be asked to leave.  However, if she isn't insistent upon being part of every decision, then it may be best to leave her out of this one and fill your crew with supportive and honest people who won't tear you down.

  • Thank you to everyone for your responses!! I think  I have finally got a good few people who I can take dress shopping with me. My problem is...I dont think I will be one of those brides who finds a gown and can fall in love with it until I have some kind of validation from those who are with me. Almost like instead of me coming out in a dress saying I love this and feel beautiful, I'm waiting to see their reaction. And when I finally get that "Oh you look beautiful" then I will start to see the dress as possibly being the one. I know to most of you that won't make much sense...but its my lack of self confidence that has me thinking this way. 

    @des9724 - I've tried searching for just a plus size bridal store in my area and it doesnt seem there is one...I'm even willing to travel but it doesnt look like anything is closer than 6 hours away. :(

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  • @fiercefemme - I'm in Wisconsin near Milwaukee. 

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  • Tigger, have you checked with Vera's House of Bridal here in Madison? They aren't a plus size bridal shop, but from what I heard they do have plenty of plus size options. I found my dress at David's so never went there. Might be worth a call though?

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