thanks!

MollyL86 · July 2013

thanks for the helpful ideas

MollyL86 · July 2013

CMGr-We have spent a TON of money already for deposits. I just feel like why should I move my wedding date because of a mistake she made..again, selfish, but really?? Should my fiance kind of bring up that I am worried his family won't be there? Like, everyone is excited, I feel like someone should say like "wow, we are super excited, and we will be there at the wedding"...just some sort of acknowledgement ya know?

MollyL86 · July 2013

This is true, I shouldnt have called it a mistake, i should have said unplanned, because thats what it was. I just feel like a bitch about all of this. I dont really feel like i am being judgemental, I just wish someone would acknowledge my feelings in all this..

smalfrie19 · July 2013

Wow. Just WOW! You get ONE day! and even if she is due the day before your wedding that does not mean that A) she will deliver on that day and

if she does that your in laws will miss your wedding. Your FSIL and her BF, FI whatever may miss it but is that REALLY something you can hold against them. Call you vendors and if you are THAT bothered about it being SOOO close to "YOUR SPESHUL DAY" then move it out a month. At the end of the day, all that will matter is that you will be married to the love of your life.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Yeah... lets hope nobody called you a mistake before you were born. Especially not a family member. Because that would be cruel and hurtful and... oh wait...

MollyL86 · July 2013

Ok, well I guess I can switch my dates as suggested. Thanks for the kind words!

Viczaesar · July 2013

MollyL86 said:

CMGr-We have spent a TON of money already for deposits. I just feel like why should I move my wedding date because of a mistake she made..again, selfish, but really?? Should my fiance kind of bring up that I am worried his family won't be there? Like, everyone is excited, I feel like someone should say like "wow, we are super excited, and we will be there at the wedding"...just some sort of acknowledgement ya know?

WTF? You're calling her pregnancy with her FI a mistake? Wow. If you were my FSIL and I found out you said that you'd be on my shit list forever.

MollyL86 · July 2013

Again, thanks for the kind words, and I will be sure to keep this to myself.

libby2483 · July 2013

I was in a VERY similar situation, so I'm going to tell you about my experience and give you some advice. We got married last August. H's brother's girlfriend (now FI) was due one week after our wedding. There were several circumstances surrounding this pregnancy that made it hard for me to be excited and non-judgmental, mainly that she was 17 and H's brother is much older, she wasn't (and still isn't) sure that it was even his child. In addition, it made me nervous that several people might miss our wedding due to her having the baby, especially since her family is close family friends of H's family, and several of her family members were invited as well. The thought "I'm going to be pissed if H's brother misses our wedding for a kid he doesn't even know is his" definitely ran through my mind at first, but I quickly realized how selfish and petty that was, and put the thought out of my mind. I realized there was nothing I could do to change the situation, so I should just focus on being excited for my new nephew....which is exactly what I did. Sure, sometimes H and I vented our discussed how the situation wasn't ideal; I expressed my worries to by best friend a couple of times. However, I largely kept any negative feelings that I had private, and certainly didn't discuss them with H's family members. Were there times it was hard to do this? Yes, very.

H's brother's girlfriend ended up having the baby the day before our wedding, in a town 4 hours away from where our wedding was held. She, her mother, and her sister (very understandably) were not able to come to the wedding. The rest of her family, H's brother, and H's family still came to the wedding and then went to visit her and the new baby soon after. H's brother missed the rehearsal dinner, and showed up about an hour before the ceremony. But he made it, mostly due to his GF's urging, as she told him, "Our son will be here when you get back on Sunday, but Libby and her H will only have one wedding day, and I don't want you to miss it." In short, although the situation wasn't ideal, everything turned out perfectly fine. Just today, we visited H's family and saw our nephew, who just learned to walk and is the most freaking adorable, smiley child I have ever seen. I'm so glad that I focused my energy on being excited for my new nephew, not feeling resentful about how his birth might affect our wedding.

So, my advice to you is that it is okay to feel a little frustrated with the situation. But, you need to focus on feeling happy for H's sister and being excited about the fact that you will become an aunt. You need to keep any negative feelings you have to yourself, because if you say what you said on here, and use words like "mistake" when talking to your FI's family about this, you will look selfish, entitled, and childish. You need to realize that this situation is out of your control, and you just need to accept what comes your way when the time comes. At the end of the day, you will both be married to your FI, and you will have a new niece or nephew...two awesome things to celebrate!

MollyL86 · July 2013

Thank you Libby. I guess that is what I was trying to get across, about it being hard to be excited..I am veryyyy excited to be an aunt for the first time!! I would never talk to his family about my feelings on this issue. I do have issues with control, and you're right, I don't have control over any of this. Over all, I just hope his family makes it because I would be sad if they weren't there. getting married, I just feel like it's two families coming together (and it would be a bummer if his family was not there). I really really didn't mean to come off as being selfish at all-but if wanting his family to share the day with us is being selfish, then so be it. I love his family very much and that's why I am upset they may not be able to come to the wedding. I am keeping all this to myself-which is why I started this question..I thought maybe someone was had been in a similar situation. So thank you Libby for your advice.

keochan · July 2013

Look into changing the date if you can and be supportive of FSIL. She is bringing a new life into this world, that's kinda a big deal. Also, for what its worth, back when I worked for an OB/GYN none of the women gave birth right on the due date, it's really just a well educated guess based on either last period or guessed date of conception(depends on the doctor)

MollyL86 · July 2013

Again, I said I knew I was feeling selfish. And I have also said that will contact the vendors About moving the wedding date. You know, I really was just venting here. I really could have done without the name calling. Think about putting yourself in this situation and the thought of your in laws missing your wedding. Would you be sad/care about that at all? Or would you say 'we'll that's just amazing news!! I really don't care if my in laws would be at the wedding at all!' . I do care about my fiancée feelings too. I hope they come to see their last child get married. Again, I know having a baby is a huge deal!! This is awesome that my In laws will have a grandchild..but wouldn't it be a little odd if you didn't care at all if your in laws came to your/their son's wedding? Yes it is just a day-well aware of that. Having a baby is a huge life event too. I care that my in laws see their son get married. Thank you for the legit advice about calling vendors to change the date.

thejucheidea · July 2013

MollyL86 said:

This is true, I shouldnt have called it a mistake, i should have said unplanned, because thats what it was. I just feel like a bitch about all of this. I dont really feel like i am being judgemental, I just wish someone would acknowledge my feelings in all this..

No one here is going to validate your emotions here. You're being judgmental and a super diva.

rel1988 · July 2013

Keep in mind that regardless of your feelings about the pregnancy and FSIL, the baby didn't ask for this. Calling the baby a "mistake" is uncalled for. Also while their engagement might seem hasty, it's her life and her decision on if they are ready for that commitment.

If the due date really bothers you that much, consider talking with your vendors to reschedule. If you are going with the same ones, I highly doubt they will make you pay down another set of deposits. Depending on your area, dates might still be pretty open especially since you're having a winter wedding. If you decide to keep your date, know that the baby might be born on a completely different date so it might not be an issue. Even if it was due the day before, I doubt FIL's would miss their son's wedding anyways.

Sierra524 · July 2013

Change your date, or risk not having your in laws there. You cant control when a baby comes, but you can control when a wedding happens. & stop being a brat about this.

NYCMercedes · July 2013

I understand feeling sad about the potential that your in-laws might miss your wedding and seeing their son be married. Good luck.

AddieCake · July 2013

I get feeling a little bummed at the possible letdown that his family won't be there, but there's really not a lot you can do about it, so I suggest focusing on enjoying planning your wedding and then enjoying the actual day with people who ARE there rather than getting upset about a "what if."

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Being bummed and un-wishing a person's existence so you can be at the center of attention are two separate things. One is understandable, the other monsterous.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

What a wretched, selfish way of thinking --that a baby is going to ruin your wedding! There's no validation or support for this because it's not deserved. If I were in your shoes, I would be entirely happy and I'd just be looking into moving the dates. Worst case scenario, in my family, my parents would attend the wedding and then rush over to the hospital since the baby isn't going anywhere.

I seriously feel bad for the family you are marrying into. Could you imagine how hurtful any of this would sound if you were any member of that family, particularly your husband's parents and sister?

What if it were you, would you feel obligated to plan your pregnancies around one day in someone else's life, 9 months later?

I judge the hell out of you.

radleyboo · July 2013

This very thing happened to my mom and dad when they got married 43 years ago. My Aunt was due to deliver my cousin on their wedding date, and guess what, she was born 2 days before the wedding. Obviously, my aunt and uncle weren't there, but everyone else was. It was no big deal.

If you can't move your date, don't worry about it. These things happen. Just enjoy your wedding day with the people who can make it, and then go and enjoy time with your new niece or nephew. It might actually be cool if you shared an anniversary with his or her birthday-a double celebration.

MoonlightSilver · July 2013

If you're going to move your wedding date, consider that first time babies often come late (not always, but often).

It's good that you came to strangers to let all your feelings out. Now that you've let them out, though, you have to let them go. Having a wedding and having a baby are both joyous events. You should be happy for the to be parents.

As for the term mistake... I wouldn't say it to your family, but I don't see the big deal. One of my cousins was a "mistake" baby, and the family still loves her. Mistakes aren't always a bad thing... heck, chocolate chip cookies were invented by mistake.

RamonaFlowers · July 2013

MoonlightSilver said:
If you're going to move your wedding dAs for the term mistake... I wouldn't say it to your family, but I don't see the big deal. One of my cousins was a "mistake" baby, and the family still loves her. Mistakes aren't always a bad thing... heck, chocolate chip cookies were invented by mistake.

Did you seriously just compare inventing chocolate chip cookies to somebody "slut-shaming" their FI's sister ( why else would it matter that they've "only been dating since February"?) because her pregnancy interfering with their wedding plans? Seriously?!?!?

manateehugger · July 2013

I was an unplanned baby. I'd be a little hurt if a family member ran around calling me and my life a mistake.

manateehugger · July 2013

And just change your date if you're worried about inlaws not being there. Most vendors will allow you to take an open date in their calendar without penalty -especially if you give them enough notice that they can re-book your former date.

We held off setting a firm date because my sister was trying to conceive and it was important to me that she and her husband be at our wedding. We got an all clear when she announced she was due 6 months before the wedding.

MuppetOverlord · July 2013

To use the word "mistake" implies an unwelcome error. Like stage said, "accident" would be a lot more appropriate.

radleyboo · July 2013

My third was a delightfully unplanned 'surprise'. Wouldn't change it for the world!

winelover123 · July 2013

My FSIL is due 2 days after my wedding. FI and I know that it is possible for her baby to come earlier or later than expected. It's not a big deal. I don't know about your FSIL, but mine doesn't want a huge crowd at the hospital the day the baby is born - she's just having the father of her child and her bff there and I believe everyone else will visit the next day. At most, it would probably be your FSIL, her FI and her parents at the hospital instead of your wedding.

Take a deep breath. You've had your freak out, now get over it and move on.

manateehugger · July 2013

Harry87 said:

PDKH said:

I was an unplanned baby. I'd be a little hurt if a family member ran around calling me and my life a mistake.

My aunt did, and I don't have a relationship with her anymore.

OP, the world has collided and fate has left you in a situation, and it's fine to feel a little bummed about that part. But remember, this baby is going to be your niece / nephew! YOUR little one who will look up at you and call you auntie. Please don't start resenting the baby now.
Secondly, if you could think of this baby in a loving way, I bet your venue would be much more open to switching your date without any problems. "We simply can't miss the birth! This will be our first time as Aunt and Uncle!" will get you so much farther than "Yeah, we have to move the date because my stupid sister went and got knocked up and like, they won't show at the wedding. UGH!"

Solid advice here. And I'm sorry your aunt is a jerk. I'd cut off contact too. That's so reprehensible.

MairePoppy · July 2013

That would be a tough choice for me to make: the birth of my daughter's child or my son's wedding. You're about to join a new family. Please take their situation into consideration. You're the one who has the ability to change dates, your FSIL has no control. Call your venue and get a list of open dates, then contact the rest of your vendors. Most likely, they will be willing to work with you, as long as they won't be losing any money.

Remember, you get one day for your wedding, not the seven months leading up to it. Other people are allowed to give birth and otherwise live their lives while you're planning your wedding.

MoonlightSilver · July 2013

TXKristan said:

I got stabby when I first saw the word "mistake". And I also originally thought OP was being selfish.

Then I think about all the times I've put my foot in my mouth when having a knee-jerk, emotional reaction. And I know how I felt like sh!t afterwards.

She slept on it. She recognized it was the wrong thing to say. She's moving on.

I encourage ya'll to do the same.

This is kinda what I meant but said a lot better.

HuckSC · July 2013

The story gets told pretty often in my family about how my grandmother cried for days when she found out she was pregnant with my mother.

It is a mistake to have a one night stand and get pregnant. It is an accident when the condom breaks.

thanks!

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