Inviting people not invited to the wedding to day-after activity?

loveliberte · July 2013

Hi all, We are getting married on a Friday and keeping the invite list to family and close friends. We are holding a picnic at a winery on Saturday to continue our celebration in a casual atmosphere. Is it okay to invite friends who were not invited to the wedding to the picnic on Saturday? There are local friends we want to celebrate with but don't have the budget for them for the actual wedding and reception. I don't want to b-list anyone or make anyone feel like a runner up but I also don't want to exclude them from the celebration altogether. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

How are you thinking they won't feel excluded when you don't invite them to the wedding? If you dont want them to feel excluded, do the wedding on Saturday casually with everyone. If not, I think a next day event is going to make people feel B-listed for sure.

CharlieKay10 · July 2013

Personally, I'd feel bad if I was one of those people. Chances are, people will be talking about your wedding and reminiscing about the cake, food, flowers, etc. To me, it would feel very b-list. I would also feel pressured to give a gift because it is so close to the wedding date - even though I wasn't invited to the actual wedding.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

You are describing a Delayed Reception. That is OK, however I suggest you allow a bit more time between the ceremony and the delayed reception, especially since you are apparently hosting a proper reception for the ceremony guests on the day of the ceremony.

Why not go on a honeymoon, return, then host a casual party at the winery? Tell your friends they will get to see your honeymoon photos.

misshart00 · July 2013

Why can't you just get married at the picnic and invite everyone you want to?

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

I think this is worse than inviting them to nothing. Likely your wedding guests will still be talking about the wedding the day after, making the division of who did and who did not make the cut glaringly obvious.

RebeccaB88 · July 2013

Take the money you were going to spend on the picnic, put it towards the wedding, and invite those people. No picnic. Everyone wins.

AddieCake · July 2013

Yeah, I don't understand why you can't just host this picnic as your reception and invite everyone to the wedding. If you can afford to host everyone the day after, why can't you afford to host them the day of?

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

I am lost. If you can afford two events with double the guest list, then WHY can't you afford to invite everyone to the wedding itself? Or at least to the reception?

harper0813 · July 2013

Put me down as another pro-picnic-canceler. Take that money and invite more people to your wedding. I would feel insulted if you deemed me as a day-after guest and would think you we're expected a gift from me. Even if that's not your intention.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

FloridaBride27 said:

Quick thread jack, So it would be ok to have a party after the honeymoon? Casual pot luck sort of event? I'm having a DW and 90% of my friends couldn't afford it. We wouldn't do dancing or cake or wear fancy attire. It would more or less be a chance to get all of our friends together with us.

Please don't have a pot-luck. If you have a wedding-related event, you shouldn't ask your guests to cater it for you.

easilyunamused · July 2013

I don't see it as a big deal. We are having a BBQ the day after the wedding and aren't going to exclude people just because they weren't invited to the wedding. Ours isn't necessarily wedding related. We are having the wedding in FIs hometown and thought it would be nice for family and friends who are OOT to spend more time together for another day if they wanted to.

And if it's a causal BBQ, potluck isn't that big a of deal either. If you "host" drinks and the main dishes like meat to grill I think it's fine.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

In theory this doesn't sound great. I can understand why PP's are saying "No, it's rude."

However - if you were one of my nearest and dearest and said to me "listen, we can only have a very limited number of people at the wedding - but I still would love to celebrate with you" I would be happy to get an invite to the picnic.

I'm also just not the type of person to get offended over every little thing. If you have friends who are, then I would reconsider it.

NYCBruin · July 2013

loveliberte said:

Hi all, We are getting married on a Friday and keeping the invite list to family and close friends. We are holding a picnic at a winery on Saturday to continue our celebration in a casual atmosphere. Is it okay to invite friends who were not invited to the wedding to the picnic on Saturday? There are local friends we want to celebrate with but don't have the budget for them for the actual wedding and reception. I don't want to b-list anyone or make anyone feel like a runner up but I also don't want to exclude them from the celebration altogether. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

If you want to celebrate with these friends, why not invite them to the wedding? You mention budget concerns, but you're now hosting two events.

Why not skip the Friday wedding ceremony and reception and have the wedding on Saturday with a picnic reception? That way you can include everyone you'd like to.

I'm assuming there's some reason for wanting the Friday reception (more intimate event, fancier venue, whatever)? If that's the case then you have to make a decision. Which is more important to you, including everyone or having the Friday reception you currently have planned? You can't have both without hurting people.

If you do have the Friday reception, then please don't invite people not invited to the wedding to the Saturday picnic. If I was invited to the Saturday picnic and not the Friday event, I would be hurt and feel like you were trying to hit me up for a gift.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

FloridaBride27 said:

Quick thread jack, So it would be ok to have a party after the honeymoon? Casual pot luck sort of event? I'm having a DW and 90% of my friends couldn't afford it. We wouldn't do dancing or cake or wear fancy attire. It would more or less be a chance to get all of our friends together with us.

Sure, have a party after the honeymoon, or any party at any time in the future that you want to have a party. A pot-luck would be in poor taste after you spent a lot of dough on a destination wedding. If you have the money for a wedding in a far-away place where 90% of your friends at home cannot afford to attend, then asking them to bring food to your next party is really a bad idea.

Pot-luck parties are, essentially, no-host parties, or where the "host" is an organization like a club or a church. Everyone pitches in. Another acceptable pot-luck party is a round-robin type deal where a group has a party at rotating homes, assigning main course, salad, dessert to rotating group members.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

CharlieKay10 said:

Personally, I'd feel bad if I was one of those people. Chances are, people will be talking about your wedding and reminiscing about the cake, food, flowers, etc. To me, it would feel very b-list. I would also feel pressured to give a gift because it is so close to the wedding date - even though I wasn't invited to the actual wedding.

I'm with this. It's basically a continuation and you said you want to celebrate your wedding. It doesn't sound fun to me with as the person not invited to the wedding.

Jen4948 · July 2013

Two things:

1) Don't invite people to a day-after party who aren't invited to the wedding.
2) Don't do a potluck. Host them at your own expense, not theirs.

cbrown828 · July 2013

CharlieKay10 said:

Personally, I'd feel bad if I was one of those people. Chances are, people will be talking about your wedding and reminiscing about the cake, food, flowers, etc. To me, it would feel very b-list. I would also feel pressured to give a gift because it is so close to the wedding date - even though I wasn't invited to the actual wedding.

This. I'd feel like I was missing out on some inside joke.

Inviting people not invited to the wedding to day-after activity?

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