Wedding Day Dress Code

drummerbonbon · July 2013

I recently received an invitation for a friend's wedding, and I'm just very curious about the etiquette of what she wrote. I know it's fairly common to have some sort of dress code for your wedding: black tie, formal, informal, whatever. But this one said "Sunday best, black preferred."

I get the Sunday best part, but is the "black preferred" common etiquette where you are from? I already know what dress I'm wearing to the wedding (I only own about three Sunday dresses, none of which are black), but I'm still really curious about this. What's the etiquette?

Is it okay to wear a dress that isn't black? Is it okay for her to request that we wear black?

kipnus · July 2013

Dress codes should not be included on invitations, with the exceptions of black tie and white tie. Wear what you like.

jcrmc · July 2013

I have never heard of white tie??

Also, yeah besides black tie, I have never heard of dress code on invites. On my wedding website, under Guest Info I did write:

Attire:
We want you to be comfortable at our wedding, especially with the August heat. Please dress accordingly, but we do respectfully ask that you not wear jeans or cut-off shorts.

Honestly, I doubt most people will look at the site, and those that do will understand my preference for no jeans/cut-offs...still gives a wide range of options - including shorts (just not cut-offs!)

drummerbonbon · July 2013

jcrmc said:

I have never heard of white tie??

Also, yeah besides black tie, I have never heard of dress code on invites. On my wedding website, under Guest Info I did write:

Attire:
We want you to be comfortable at our wedding, especially with the August heat. Please dress accordingly, but we do respectfully ask that you not wear jeans or cut-off shorts.

Honestly, I doubt most people will look at the site, and those that do will understand my preference for no jeans/cut-offs...still gives a wide range of options - including shorts (just not cut-offs!)

See, I didn't even know it was a "thing" to wear jeans to weddings. I would never wear jeans to a wedding unless the couple told me to. Then again, I guess I do have a couple friends who would. It wouldn't offend me if they did, though.

I've also never received an invitation with any sort of dress code on it, so I didn't know black or white tie were the only two that were acceptable. Thank you for the explanation!

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

The only time I see mentioning attire to guests, other than true black tie and white tie situations, is in a situation like jcr mentioned (although I get where you're coming from, I'm not sure how I feel about the jeans request)...for example FI and I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and there was an insert explaing, "ceremony and reception will take place outdoor on the lawn. Please dress comfortably and ladies, we advise shoes that will not easily sink into the grass."

jcrmc · July 2013

I was at a funeral once, and someone wore ragged sweat pants and a stained t-shirt with tiny holes in it...people are strange.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Ignore the rude attempt at bridal dictatorship and wear whatever you want.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

drummerbonbon said:

"Sunday best, black preferred."

Huh? "Sunday best" sounds to me like clothes that one would wear to church. Nice clothes, nothing ragged or torn.

I am a regular church-goer. I'll admit that here in California, especially in the hot summer, our church is a pretty casual place. I've seen adults in cargo shorts and Crocs in our church. We're not all that formal. Last Sunday I wore a cotton knit shirt, khaki skirt and sandals. It was 109F.

Can't say I've ever seen anyone in all black on Sunday morning, though. Except at a funeral, and funerals are never held on Sunday morning.

Bottom line: Wear what you like. Pick a pretty dress and stand out from the All Black Brigade.

itzMS · July 2013

I think it's funny that she's asking guests to wear black...the traditional color of mourning.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

daveANDkristen · July 2013

Erikan73 said:

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

This just sounds really strange to me. Flowers, centerpieces, paper elements can be used to carry out a palate, but not guests' attire.

NYCBruin · July 2013

Erikan73 said:

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

Something about this just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like doing this treats your guests like props.

itzMS · July 2013

Erikan73 said:

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

My DH would laugh in their faces. Not kidding. He doesn't wear or own tan pants or lighter colors.

Asking guests to show up in "uniform" is so bizzare and controlling.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

NYCBruin said:

Something about this just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like doing this treats your guests like props.

I agree. Communicate the level of formality with the invitations style, add something like "Black Tie" if you like, but then let people wear what they want to wear.

Telling guests to wear a certain color is just plain weird.

Mindyerbiz · July 2013

What is " white tie"? I never heard of that before

radleyboo · July 2013

White tie:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_tie

I've been to one white tie event, not a wedding. It was spectacular!

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Erikan73 said:
A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

"looking cool" is a really bad reason to be obscenely rude to your guests. What's next, all the attractive men and women are required to show up in swimsuits to please you? They're just objects and props after all. Who cares if you usually can only tell people what to wear if you are paying them?

annathy03 · July 2013

OP, wear what you like. As PPs have said, it's rude to indicate a dress code unless it's black/white tie, and there is a gray area if the venue has a strict dress code and wouldn't allow your guest in if they didn't meet it (and even then, that is usually spread by word of mouth or website). I think the only other ok thing, and for a website not the invite, is information to help your guests be more comfortable like BMoreBride6's example.

cbrown828 · July 2013

itzMS said:

Erikan73 said:

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

My DH would laugh in their faces. Not kidding. He doesn't wear or own tan pants or lighter colors.

Asking guests to show up in "uniform" is so bizzare and controlling.

They would all look like inmates to me in khakis and white shirts. I'd be weirded out fo sho.

efmcc67 · July 2013

radleyboo said:

White tie:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_tie

I've been to one white tie event, not a wedding. It was spectacular!

As I understand it, white tie weddings are pretty much unheard of in the United States. They're more common in some European countries. I'd love to attend a white tie event sometime, but I can't really imagine when I would.

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

efmcc67 said:

radleyboo said:

White tie:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_tie

I've been to one white tie event, not a wedding. It was spectacular!

As I understand it, white tie weddings are pretty much unheard of in the United States. They're more common in some European countries. I'd love to attend a white tie event sometime, but I can't really imagine when I would.

If anyone has a white tie event they'd like to invite me to, I'd be happy to attend : )

Gypsy79 · July 2013

At our wedding, even when asked I told people to wear what they thought appropriate. Somehow, all family members managed to wear similar shades of blue, on both sides. I honestly found it a little weird and...sort of creepy. I just know people will think we coordinated that (lol) but still, yeah the point is just that people were there, not what they wore.

Viczaesar · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

Erikan73 said:

A friend of mine asked everyone to wear blue to her wedding (on website, not invite). She put on there that everyone invited meant so much to them (only 45 guests) that she wanted everyone to be a special part and look like one big bridal party. Of course she didn't limit people to certain shades of blue or ask the women to wear a certain style of dress. It looked very nice.

I've seen photos of a wedding (again small guest list) where they asked the men to wear white shirts & tan pants, I forget what color they asked the women to wear.

For both events the photos looked really cool have the color scheme carried throughout.

Treating your guests as photo props is never cool. You know what makes you wedding photos so awesome years down the road? Being a visual account of your wedding. The cool posed stuff and detail shots of dress hanging on the door or your BMs' feet all in a circle don't matter at all later. But the photos of everyone talking and laughing and dancing, enjoying themselves? Those are the ones you cherish forever. I think the number one mistake that brides make today is planning the wedding around the photography rather than the photography around the wedding.

Amen, Stage.

drummerbonbon · July 2013

itzMS said:

I think it's funny that she's asking guests to wear black...the traditional color of mourning.

That's what I said! I was like, "Oh, hmm, she must be foreshadowing something here."

And I'm with BMoreBride6: if anyone has a white tie event, I would love to attend.

You all rock. Thanks for the advice!

efmcc67 · July 2013

Anyone up for a Knottie white tie event?

ohmena · July 2013

BMoreBride6 said:

efmcc67 said:

radleyboo said:

White tie:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_tie

I've been to one white tie event, not a wedding. It was spectacular!

As I understand it, white tie weddings are pretty much unheard of in the United States. They're more common in some European countries. I'd love to attend a white tie event sometime, but I can't really imagine when I would.

If anyone has a white tie event they'd like to invite me to, I'd be happy to attend : )

I go to a fair few 'white tie' things (though they are NEVER called white tie- always full evening dress/full dress) they are amazing actually amazing. The work that goes in to them.

Really full dress weddings are only seen in very few countries in Europe now and not that frequently (I have never been to one) perhaps it is morning dress you are thinking of? Which is the daytime equivalent to full evening dress. They are still very common. (esp in the UK, Ireland and places) though some will just have WP as they hirer. The posher you are the more likely all guests would wear it.

full dress events still happen more than you'd think. I've hosted a few and they are spectacular.

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