Etiquette questions

6fsn · July 2013

There is a baby coming in September. I've been stalking the usual places for registries for weeks and finding nothing. As of last week there was no mention of a shower so I just picked up some random useful stuff- towels, washcloths, sleepers, some teether toys- on clearance. I did not keep receipts or get gift receipts. Today I get a shower invite complete with registry info. The registry has a lot of expensive unnecessary items (baby food makers and storage stuff, 3 bath tubs, 2 strollers, 2 swings, a bouncer) and some items that I was going to pass on if she wanted it (a car seat, rock and play, high chair).

There are a couple of registry items I'd be willing to buy to add on to what I have already. So, do I do that? Or do I return everything I have and spend more money on fewer items, but get the specific towels and washcloths she registered for? All 3 registries are clothes, blankets, and burp clothes or over my budget.

Also, the invite is just to me. It's out of town and Max does not do well without me and he won't take a bottle. Do you think it's ok to take him?

baconsmom · July 2013

I would give what you already have, and if you want to add, do that, but don't scrap it. She gets what she gets and she doesn't have a fit. We hope.

I would call and ask about Max.

VarunaTT · July 2013

Though I would be irritated, I'd return the stuff already bought and purchase what she wanted or just get a GC to the stores she registered at at the same value you've already bought.

I'd just call the host and ask re: Max. Sometimes, the host isn't aware of kid situations (having just received a list), but I'd want to make sure it was a kid-friendly place before hauling him out.

dharmabunny · July 2013

Two swings? Sleepy swing and the Gravitron?

Then there's three tubs. Shampoo, undercarriage and Carnauba wax stations.

But to actually answer the question, just gift what you already got. And ask about Max

MNNEBride · July 2013

I agree with BM. She's going to need the things you bought. You could supplement with something on the registry if you wanted, but I don't think it's required.

I'd also call the hostess regarding Max.

6fsn · July 2013

I spent $12 for 2 sleepers, 2 towels, and 5 washcloths. I could pretty much only buy the washcloths she registered for. The registry is every animal print princess pink item made and I'm pretty sure enough stuff to have at mom and dad's separate homes. While there is a fancy baby food maker there isn't a bottle or nursing item on there. There are also no books.

I'll ask about Max. I'm always afraid they'll say yes because they feel obligated to, not because it's really ok. The location is a hotel.

hmonkey · July 2013

wtf @ a baby shower at a hotel?

Wzz · July 2013

1. i'd bring the kid regardless if he were specifically mentioned on the invitation if i had no sitter. it's a baby shower, i am going to think it's okay. if not, oh well. lucky me gets to go home early.

2. my go-to shower gift lately is an off registry home made bin of items i fond on clearance. they are going to need sleepers, washcloths, onesies, bibs, etc., so putting that together in the $3.99 pastel bin from christmas tree shop is oging to make a great gift. throw in a bottle of gripe water and "what to expect the first year" and the mom to be will go on for years about how you saved their lives.

6fsn · July 2013

The shower is in BFE. The RSVP is to someone in another town. I'm guessing she picked it so as not to impose on the locals or to make people travel? I don't actually know the RSVP person. Considering the nicest restaurant in BFE is Bob Evans the hotel doesn't bother me at all.

Wzz · July 2013

i've been to baby showers at hotels. it is rare someone has an intimate shower here anymore.

alikatt17 · July 2013

My baby shower is going to be at a winery w/ a sangria bar.

I would go w/ what you have and only add registry things if you really want to.

Wzz · July 2013

besides, that is stuff they can use, and they can return things that come with gift receipts if they want store credit after the shower is over.

6fsn · July 2013

These registries are killing me:

3 monitors
2 travel systems
3 bathtubs
3 bouncers
4 swings
3 pack and plays
2 baby food makers
3 high chairs
2 pack and plays and 1 play yard

Some of these multiples are at the same store too. The bathtub are all at Target.

tawillers · July 2013

I would take the baby and get something small off the registry to go along with the things you already have.

dharmabunny · July 2013

6fsn said:
These registries are killing me:

3 monitors
2 travel systems
3 bathtubs
3 bouncers
4 swings
3 pack and plays
2 baby food makers
3 high chairs
2 pack and plays and 1 play yard

Some of these multiples are at the same store too. The bathtub are all at Target.

I wonder if she plans to pawn all the extras for the baby consignment circuit for fun and profit

6fsn · July 2013

She'd make more returning the extras, but I really do think it's an attempt to have things at mom's place and a set at dad's place since they aren't together. I know none of mom's friends can afford that stuff. I think I'll keep what I have and add a book (because I really don't think she'll get any otherwise).

PirateBarbie · July 2013

is this for your friend's teenage daughter? the one with all of the issues?

i agree with sticking with all of the essentials that you bought. the baby doesn't know or care if it's crapping up it's back in a $3 clearance onesie or a $100 designer onesie.

are you adding a book for the baby or a book on parenting? i'd say yes on the book(s) for baby, but not on a parenting book - that comes across as a little insulting.

ETA: I'd ask before bringing the baby.

6fsn · July 2013

Yes, it's the friend's grandkid. NO WAY would I give a parenting book. Baby books all the way. I already told her about the Imagination Library.

Wzz · July 2013

::shrugg:: busy gave me what to expect as a hand me down, and it helped me more than all the unsolicited advice i received.

hmonkey · July 2013

even from us?

EFF YOU

kryan32 · July 2013

I always buy books for baby showers - board books and classics for bedtime reading... but then again, I don't think I've ever been to a baby shower where there was a registry...

Multiples of most baby items seem silly since babies grow out of the need for them so quickly...

leroweb · July 2013

Bring the kid.

Keep what you got her and maybe but something small off the list.

I registered for stuff for my baby shower, but was thankful for what ever I got and they should be too....

leroweb · July 2013

and you dont need all the bells and whistles to have a happy well adjusted child, aint no need for a stroller let alone 2. I have survived 2 years with out one at all...

*off my soap box*

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

Is there a chance she already got all the cheap stuff and now needs the more expensive stuff? When I found out I was pregnant, I started stocking up on the little things like washcloths, burp cloths, etc and when we found out we were having a girl, and then someone offered to host a shower for us, I made my registry based on what I didn't already buy and what my sisters/friends hadn't already offered to lend/give me.

Target's return policy blows. While I was grateful for the gifts I got, there were a lot of people who bought what they felt I needed and it turned out I already had it or had already been given/loaned it by someone else. So I had to return a whole cart full of stuff to Target in 100 degree weather when I was 8 months pregnant, and then argue with the jerk at Target on top of it because of their stupid return policy. It would have been awesome if I could have avoided that.

Return what you bought and give her something off the registry. If she picked super expensive stuff, she will have to realize that each guest isn't going to come loaded with a whole truck load of stuff. Or you can always give her a book or small toy and a gift card she can use toward the bigger items. We got lots of gift cards and used them to buy the more expensive things. Maybe that will help teach her a lesson about needs vs wants if she has to spend her own money/gift cards, rather than just be handed top of the line items.

Wzz · July 2013

eff me? EFF YOU.

Wzz · July 2013

"Target's return policy blows. "

LOL

there are more than 4 stores in the world. i wouldn't return a thing out of that gift. it is a nice gift, and if she can't use it, then she can decide what she wants to do with it. she may also get a few things she actually did register for and can't use, so she will also have to decide what to do with that. the registry is not an absolute gift giving guide.

hmonkey · July 2013

leroweb said:

and you dont need all the bells and whistles to have a happy well adjusted child, aint no need for a stroller let alone 2. I have survived 2 years with out one at all...
*off my soap box*

6fsn · July 2013

I can't imagine not having a stroller.

Since it is essentially what she registered for (just stripes instead of leopard) I'm keeping them. I added a few books. So yeah, I'm the asshole that goes off registry. I just really am concerned there won't be books.

Heffalump · July 2013

6fsn said:

I can't imagine not having a stroller.

Since it is essentially what she registered for (just stripes instead of leopard) I'm keeping them. I added a few books. So yeah, I'm the asshole that goes off registry. I just really am concerned there won't be books.

Are they zebra stripes? If so, I'm pretty sure that makes it okay.

Is it possible that they're already buying books? I never registered for books because we were both buying them compulsively. This kid probably now has more than DH and I combined, and that's saying something.

The not having a stroller thing reminds me of the old yellow pages commercial with the woman pushing her kid in a wheelbarrow. Seriously, now?

http://www.splendad.com/ads/show/993-YELLOWPAGES-COM-Park

hmonkey · July 2013

sometimes people don't need a stroller because

VarunaTT · July 2013

I still just think of Total Recall every time I see that picture.

I would find it weird to see books on a baby registry. I wouldn't assume no books on the registry = no books in the house. While I silently judge people who are not readers, I try to keep it silent; reading is a difficult chore for some people and I try to remember that.

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