Bride with a Plus One Problem

mstuttle12 · July 2013

Hi Everybody! I'm having such an issue with a plus one question that keeps coming up.

My fiance and I have made our guest list, revised it numerous times, and the envelopes are all addressed and ready to go out. We have invited significant others of our guests as long as they have been in a committed relationship that we know about. I'm having one problem with this:

I have a bridesmaid who keeps BEGGING me to bring a plus one. She is not in a relationship, nor has she been seeing anybody. She just wants to be able to bring somebody so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable or be by herself all night for fear that she's not going to know anybody.

Am I out of line to keep telling her no? My own MOH doesn't have a plus one, either, and she hasn't said a single thing about it. I've discussed this with both my mom and sister-in-law (who is also in the wedding party) and they both agree with me. We are already over the number of people who I wanted to invite and I don't want to start handing out plus ones to have random strangers who aren't significant others be at our wedding.

Any advice?

QueerFemme · July 2013

mstuttle12 said:

Hi Everybody! I'm having such an issue with a plus one question that keeps coming up.

My fiance and I have made our guest list, revised it numerous times, and the envelopes are all addressed and ready to go out. We have invited significant others of our guests as long as they have been in a committed relationship that we know about. I'm having one problem with this:

I have a bridesmaid who keeps BEGGING me to bring a plus one. She is not in a relationship, nor has she been seeing anybody. She just wants to be able to bring somebody so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable or be by herself all night for fear that she's not going to know anybody.

Am I out of line to keep telling her no? My own MOH doesn't have a plus one, either, and she hasn't said a single thing about it. I've discussed this with both my mom and sister-in-law (who is also in the wedding party) and they both agree with me. We are already over the number of people who I wanted to invite and I don't want to start handing out plus ones to have random strangers who aren't significant others be at our wedding.

Any advice?

Honestly, I would always give the wedding party a plus one.

coolwhipz1 · July 2013

She's a bridesmaid, if you can budget for her to have a plus one you should definitely give her one.

Is budget the only reason you don't wanna give her a plus one?

bethsmiles · July 2013

I'd give everyone in the WP a plus one.

coolwhipz1 · July 2013

That being said if she doesn't have a SO then you technically don't need to give her one. Although it would be nice of you.

Sounds like she knows she is going to not know really anyone........you should really give her one if she's asking. It would be nice of you

AlexisA01 · July 2013

I can't answer but I'm in the same predicament with people who aren't in relationships I'm unsure of what to do but they know other people involved in the wedding.

AddieCake · July 2013

To me, giving the WP a plus one is just a given. I can't imagine denying one of my bridesmaids that.

QueerFemme · July 2013

For what it's worth, I gave every guest a plus one. I made sure we picked a venue, caterer, etc. that could accomodate that. I felt pretty ridiculous not allowing a grown ass person to bring a date to a social function.

SunriseAmber · July 2013

You should really give her a plus one.

rajahmd · July 2013

manateehugger · July 2013

She's (assumably) a dear friend who has given up a bunch of time and money to be your bridesmaid. I think it's a very small but considerate gesture to give her a plus one to ensure her comfort at your wedding.

Don't you want everyone to be comfortable and have a blast at your wedding?

SunriseAmber · July 2013

Ditto all of this --

QueerFemme said:

For what it's worth, I gave every guest a plus one. I made sure we picked a venue, caterer, etc. that could accomodate that. I felt pretty ridiculous not allowing a grown ass person to bring a date to a social function.

rajahmd · July 2013

PDKH said:

mstuttle12 · July 2013

She will know a lot of other guests at the wedding, plus, she knows my entire family. I guess I just figured that she (along with the other single people in the WP) would be busy most of the day being in the wedding, then taking pictures, that it really wouldn't make a difference. I go to weddings with my fiance and end up dancing the night away with my girlfriends most of the time anyway.

If she did get a plus one, I feel as though I would have to open it up to a lot of other people, which we don't have the space in the venue or the budget for. I also told her to wait it out and we'll see when RSVP's start coming back if there will be room to add on plus ones for people.

QueerFemme · July 2013

mstuttle12 said:

She will know a lot of other guests at the wedding, plus, she knows my entire family. I guess I just figured that she (along with the other single people in the WP) would be busy most of the day being in the wedding, then taking pictures, that it really wouldn't make a difference. I go to weddings with my fiance and end up dancing the night away with my girlfriends most of the time anyway.

If she did get a plus one, I feel as though I would have to open it up to a lot of other people, which we don't have the space in the venue or the budget for. I also told her to wait it out and we'll see when RSVP's start coming back if there will be room to add on plus ones for people.

She will be busy during the ceremony and immediately after for photos. After that, her job is done.

manateehugger · July 2013

mstuttle12 said:

She will know a lot of other guests at the wedding, plus, she knows my entire family. I guess I just figured that she (along with the other single people in the WP) would be busy most of the day being in the wedding, then taking pictures, that it really wouldn't make a difference. I go to weddings with my fiance and end up dancing the night away with my girlfriends most of the time anyway.

If she did get a plus one, I feel as though I would have to open it up to a lot of other people, which we don't have the space in the venue or the budget for. I also told her to wait it out and we'll see when RSVP's start coming back if there will be room to add on plus ones for people.

Have you ever been a bridesmaid? I've been one a number of times. I like to think that once dinner starts, I'm officially released from my duties. That means for the entirety of the reception, I basically become just another guest. Therefore shee would have the entire reception to hang out with somebody. Just because you would be ok with attending alone, doesn't mean she is.

I look at wedding party plus one's differently than guests-at-large plus one's. It's one single plate and she's a good friend.

Edited for typo.

mstuttle12 · July 2013

RajahBMFD, I definitely see where you're coming from. I'm really not trying to be a Bridezilla or anything and I'm accommodating all of my BM's as much as possible. Everybody really has given me something to think about. Thanks!

AddieCake · July 2013

You DON'T have to open it up to other single guests if you can't afford to or don't want to. But I just think you should make an exception for someone in your WP. Honestly, do you want one of your nearest and dearest friends thinking you're a bitch?

ordinary1 · July 2013

You don't need to give her a plus one. Plus ones aren't mandatory or a given. Honestly, if she keeps asking you, she is being rude not you.

rajahmd · July 2013

mstuttle12 said:

manateehugger · July 2013

@RajahBMFD - I've been trying but failing to post a great minds gif from my work computer. Sigh. It's the thought that counts.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

She's put her time and money into being a BM, just let her bring someone. She's obviously uncomfortable with not bringing anyone.

rajahmd · July 2013

PDKH said:

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

You don't *HAVE* to, but how much does it really matter? Is it a hill worth dying on? If it's something where deep down you know you're just digging your heels in (i.e. it wouldn't throw you into debt if the WP had plus ones), then just let her bring one. If it'll make her feel more comfortable, she'll probably be more fun anyway. More people on the dance floor!!

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

Full disclosure: I didn't give truly single WP members plus ones because we had a fairly small wedding. But also full disclosure, the 2 single WP members who did not have plus ones had at least 10-15 other friends at the wedding so they'd have a bunch of people there that they knew. If either of them had been at risk of not knowing anyone other than the other couples in the WP, we would have given a plus-1 in a heartbeat.

MoonlightSilver · July 2013

We gave my MOH a +1, didn't tell any of our other guests, and therefore didn't worry that other people would demand a plus one too. The rest of our party members were dating, so they were invited with SOs.

KDM323 · July 2013

Every truly single person invited to our wedding gets a +1. I've been the "single" person before and it has kind of sucked...I was adamant we not subject ANY f our truly single friends/family to that so we are extending the +1 to them.

Whether they bring a date is their choice

allispain · July 2013

I would give her the plus one without a doubt. One of my BMs also asked me if she could have a plus one (I was already planning on giving her one) even if she wasn't dating anyone for the wedding. So did DH's sister. BM ended up bringing a friend of our from college who I wouldn't have invited otherwise because we fell out of touch - he ended up being my favorite dance partner all night. DH's sister brought her gay best friend. They were both happier having someone there with them, and I was happy they were happy. Would they have known plenty of other people to socialize with? Sure. But to me that's not necessarily the point. As an example, when a slow song plays at a wedding, I want to have someone to dance with - I don't want to awkwardly wander off the dance floor and find someone else who's dateless to talk to. It would just make me feel out of place, especially if "all the other people" I know happen to be in relationships...

libby2483 · July 2013

I agree with most PPs that, while not required, it is a very nice gesture to give your WP members a plus one. If you are concerned about budget and space, you don't need to extend this to single people outside of the WP. For our wedding, we gave all WP members a plus one and we gave single guests who did not know many others at the wedding a plus one. We did not give our single friends who knew several people at the wedding a plus one, but we did let two single guests who asked to bring a date do so after receiving some declines.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

mstuttle12 said:

Hi Everybody! I'm having such an issue with a plus one question that keeps coming up.

My fiance and I have made our guest list, revised it numerous times, and the envelopes are all addressed and ready to go out. We have invited significant others of our guests as long as they have been in a committed relationship that we know about. I'm having one problem with this:

I have a bridesmaid who keeps BEGGING me to bring a plus one. She is not in a relationship, nor has she been seeing anybody. She just wants to be able to bring somebody so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable or be by herself all night for fear that she's not going to know anybody.

Am I out of line to keep telling her no? My own MOH doesn't have a plus one, either, and she hasn't said a single thing about it. I've discussed this with both my mom and sister-in-law (who is also in the wedding party) and they both agree with me. We are already over the number of people who I wanted to invite and I don't want to start handing out plus ones to have random strangers who aren't significant others be at our wedding.

Any advice?

You are in charge of the guest list and in charge of the budget. Stay in charge.

If you had the budget and the space to let her bring some unnamed, undefined date, then great. Go for it.

You say you do not have the budget nor the space. Inviting this unnamed, undefined date means you have to take someone else that you do know off the list.

loca4pook · July 2013

I think giving plus ones to bridal party would be generally a good idea.

Furthermore, if she is THAT close to you and feels this uncomfortable that she is "beggining" you, I think it would be the nice thing to do for her since she is standing up for you. She clearly feels uncomfortable and as a former single person for many years, I understand her point. Weddings can be hard if you don't know anyone else. Honestly, she knows you, but you will be so busy all night, you won't be able to entertain her..trust me on that one

Bride with a Plus One Problem

Re: Bride with a Plus One Problem

Choose Another Board

Search Boards