Please tell me I don't have to invite

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

delujm0 said:

If this is the case, and the person is completely reformed, and has been for many years,

The OP said the person WILL be convicted, future tense. The situation is still in flux, apparently. It's not ancient history.

bethsmiles · July 2013

BarbLovesDave said:

BMoreBride6 said:

Just because you don't have a problem with it doesn't mean it is wrong...how would you feel being the person asked as a replacement? "Oh hi friend! I know we didn't ask you to be a part of our wedding party, but now we have uneven sides, would you be a space filler?" not nice.

I have been in that situation and it didn't bother me a bit.

Friend has several sisters, one of whom is a difficult diva. Friend asked sisters to be in the WP, and only sisters. Fine with me.

As planning progressed Diva Sister became more and more difficult. One night, two good long-term friends sat and talked about it, heart-to-heart. I told my friend that if she needed to kick Diva Sister out of the WP, I would step up in a heartbeat. I didn't care if it was literally five minutes before the ceremony. I would have my friend's back no matter what. I meant it then and mean it now. I would consider it an honor to be the kind of person my friend could count on during her special day, especially when her own sister was being such a jerk.

1) Kicking someone out of the wedding party is a bridezilla move

2) If someone does drop out of the WP the bride does not NEED someone to replace them. No one needs to step up. You don't need a certain number of BMs to get married so I really don't understand what exactly you were "stepping up" to do.

3) Also this makes it sound like you talked the bride into kicking her sister out of the wedding party and offered yourself as a replacement. Is that what happened?

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

bethsmiles said:

1) Kicking someone out of the wedding party is a bridezilla move

2) If someone does drop out of the WP the bride does not NEED someone to replace them. No one needs to step up. You don't need a certain number of BMs to get married so I really don't understand what exactly you were "stepping up" to do.

3) Also this makes it sound like you talked the bride into kicking her sister out of the wedding party and offered yourself as a replacement. Is that what happened?

Kicking someone out of the wedding party can be the sanest thing a person has ever done.

You are welcome to jump to any conclusion you like about the relationship I have with a woman I have known since I was 4 years old, grew up with and love like a sister. Other than my family, this is the person I have known the longest in my life.

My point was that it is not necessarily insulting to ask someone, even at the last minute, to step in. You asked how I would feel. I told you how I did feel. I will anticipate your next question. No I was not jealous she asked her sisters to be bridesmaids. I know she has sisters. I know sisters get asked to be bridesmaids. That's just the way of the world.

bethsmiles · July 2013

BarbLovesDave said:

bethsmiles said:

1) Kicking someone out of the wedding party is a bridezilla move

2) If someone does drop out of the WP the bride does not NEED someone to replace them. No one needs to step up. You don't need a certain number of BMs to get married so I really don't understand what exactly you were "stepping up" to do.

3) Also this makes it sound like you talked the bride into kicking her sister out of the wedding party and offered yourself as a replacement. Is that what happened?

Kicking someone out of the wedding party can be the sanest thing a person has ever done.

You are welcome to jump to any conclusion you like about the relationship I have with a woman I have known since I was 4 years old, grew up with and love like a sister. Other than my family, this is the person I have known the longest in my life.

My point was that it is not necessarily insulting to ask someone, even at the last minute, to step in. You asked how I would feel. I told you how I did feel. I will anticipate your next question. No I was not jealous she asked her sisters to be bridesmaids. I know she has sisters. I know sisters get asked to be bridesmaids. That's just the way of the world.

So you are saying yes you talked her into kicking her sister out and then took her place? I'm sure her sister wasn't at all offended or hurt by those actions. BTW - I'm not juding your relationship with your friend I'm judging your actions which I think were super tacky.

Kicking someone out of the WP isn't sane. It's mean and hurtful. It damages relationships.

ETA: I actually didn't ask how you would feel about it. And just because you feel one way doesn't mean others feel that way - I think that's pretty obvious by how often people disagree with you on the boards.

jennylee813 · July 2013

Sisters don't get to be bridesmaids by birthright. Bridal parties are chosen because they are those nearest and dearest to you.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

bethsmiles said:

So you are saying yes you talked her into kicking her sister out and then took her place?

I did not say that.

You are welcome to jump to any conclusion you like.

bethsmiles · July 2013

BarbLovesDave said:

bethsmiles said:

So you are saying yes you talked her into kicking her sister out and then took her place?

I did not say that.

You are welcome to jump to any conclusion you like.

But I've asked for clarification twice, I don't understand why you wouldn't just clarify it for me.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

bethsmiles said:

BarbLovesDave said:

bethsmiles said:

So you are saying yes you talked her into kicking her sister out and then took her place?

I did not say that.

You are welcome to jump to any conclusion you like.

But I've asked for clarification twice, I don't understand why you wouldn't just clarify it for me.

OK, one last time.

I did not talk her into booting Diva Sister, nor did I try to talk her into booting Diva Sister.

My friend was the one who wanted to boot Diva Sister, and I was actually trying to stay as neutral as possible, erring on the side of keeping Diva Sister in the wedding because I believed that Diva Sister (and mini-Diva Mom) would cause even more drama if booted.

I told my friend that should she decide to boot Diva Sister, I would step in without hesitation, without feeling offended and the show would go on.

So, what happened?

After our all-night heart-to-heart marathon talk, my friend took Diva Sister aside and spelled out her expectations of her and told her that an alternate plan was in place, even if Diva Sister was booted five minutes before the wedding began. This was extremely tough for a trodden-upon younger sister to do with a dominating older sister.

This actually brought Diva Sister in line, since there was a clear alternative to her being in the wedding party. Knowing that she could get booted and alternate plans were in place to carry on should she get booted resulted in a marked change in attitude.

Diva Sister stayed in the wedding party. She was actually OK on W-Day. My friend is happily married and had a baby last year.

I believed then and believe now I did the right thing.

You may continue to jump to whatever conclusion you like. I'm done.

delujm0 · July 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

get a restraining order- boom, that was easy.

Strongly agree - and if the couple is on-again-off-again as it is, the WP member probably won't even mind his not being invited. Especially if he is in jail at the time, as I'm seeing from the above is a possibility. I wouldn't kick her out of the WP though - she's still family, no matter who she has chosen to have in her life. Hopefully she'll come out of this having left her horrible spouse and will be better off for it.

Please tell me I don't have to invite

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