Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Invite to shower but not to the private DW

afryer1217afryer1217
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am throwing a couple’s shower for my friend who is having a private destination wedding. How do I indicate on the shower invite that people are not invited to the wedding? I’ve considered some of the following but I’d like it to sound kinda cute on the invite (not awkward):
“in lieu of their wedding, please celebrate with us before the couple makes their big getaway”
“Please join us to shower the couple before they run off …”
any ideas would be much appreciated!!
Note: I realize its not proper etiquette to invite ppl to a shower & not the wedding. No need to reiterate that point.
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Invite to shower but not to the private DW

  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    afryer1217 said:

    I am throwing a couple’s shower for my friend who is having a private destination wedding. How do I indicate on the shower invite that people are not invited to the wedding? I’ve considered some of the following but I’d like it to sound kinda cute on the invite (not awkward):
    “in lieu of their wedding, please celebrate with us before the couple makes their big getaway”
    “Please join us to shower the couple before they run off …”

    any ideas would be much appreciated!!
    Note: I realize its not proper etiquette to invite ppl to a shower & not the wedding. No need to reiterate that point.
    If you already know its rude, why are you asking how to do it?
    Report Reply
  • vineheart137vineheart137 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    AFAIK, there is no polite way to invite someone to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding. Word it however you would like, no matter how "cute" you try and make it it will be rude either way.

    Edited for unfinished thought.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    This is an etiquette board.  No one is going to tell you how to do something that is basically poor manners.  There is a reason people don't do this and it is because it is rude.
    Report Reply
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You don't.  It's basically saying "Come give the couple gifts for the party you aren't invited to!" 

    So as Shes said, you really can't ask for the right wording when there isn't any.  
    Report Reply
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Also, honest question here,

    OP, why do you want to throw this shower in the first place?
    Report Reply
  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    BMoreBride6 said:
    Also, honest question here,

    OP, why do you want to throw this shower in the first place?
    So she can get mad gifts, ya know?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you know it's rude, don't do it. No one on an etiquette board is going to give you advice on how to be rude. Also, as a guest, if I were invited to this kind of shower, I would side-eye the shit out of the hostess for doing it and the bride for allowing it. I'd judge and judge hard.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    PDKH said:

    I agree with everyone else. But I have to say, if I ever recieved a shower invitation that informed me I wasn't invited to the wedding, there is no way in hell I'd ever attend or send a gift. All I'd do is sit and think how tacky the bride and shower host were. Don't give people a poor impression of yourself.

    This. If you want a better shower turn out, don't tell them they aren't invited. Just let them figure it out on their own.
    Report Reply
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    afryer1217 said:
    I am throwing a couple’s shower for my friend who is having a private destination wedding. How do I indicate on the shower invite that people are not invited to the wedding? I’ve considered some of the following but I’d like it to sound kinda cute on the invite (not awkward):
    “in lieu of their wedding, please celebrate with us before the couple makes their big getaway”
    “Please join us to shower the couple before they run off …”
    any ideas would be much appreciated!!
    Note: I realize its not proper etiquette to invite ppl to a shower & not the wedding. No need to reiterate that point.
    So, people are supposed to give you advice on how to be super tacky?

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • vineheart137vineheart137 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    MuppetOverlord said:
    This bolded point *is* the reason there is no wording for this that is not awkward. Instead of having a shower, why not have a party celebrating their marriage when they return?

     Leave registry out of the equation, it just looks like a gift grab. If someone wants to buy something for them, they will.
    I second the bolded. A party to celebrate the marriage AFTERWARDS would be nice. Anyone who would like to bring a gift can still do so, but it is not expected.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • BarbLovesDaveBarbLovesDave member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    It's not just improper etiquette, it's downright insulting.

    Want to run off and get married on a deserted island with an officiant and two witnesses?

    Don't expect a heap-o-gifts from those let behind.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Yeah, this is an odd one. Usually people say something to the effect of "I don't care if you think that this is rude, my family won't think so, and it's totally my day so it's not rude, yadda yadda blahfuckyblah."  But outright admitting that you're aware of the fact that the plan is against etiquette makes this even worse.
    Report Reply
  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    People would be terribly offended to be invited to give gifts, but not to the actual event. Are you being pressured by the bride or someone else to hold this shower?
    Report Reply
  • BangBangs39BangBangs39
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    To "Hawaii" (Or w/e) they`ll go to take their vows,
    but before they do we`ll /Let's show them how
    to create a hut built for two
    A couple`s shower is what we`ll do…
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Somehow I knew cute wording would be involved. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieL73 said:
    Somehow I knew cute wording would be involved. 


    Where is the sign?!
    image
    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieL73 said:
    Somehow I knew cute wording would be involved. 


    Everything sounds better with a poem!!!!!!11111


    image
    Report Reply
  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    It seems like OP isn't coming back. Wonder if she's lurking.
    Report Reply
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Perhaps...

    "The couple likes your money,
    More than they like you,
    Don't want to bring a gift?
    Sending cash will do!"
    Report Reply
  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Good grief.

    "Hey etiquette junkies, can you help me come up with a cute way to insult all of my friend's shower guests?"

    OP, we can't help you do something rude. It goes against our beliefs here on an ETIQUETTE board. I strongly urge you to re-think this idea.
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My new favorite thing is that Simply posted in pink with plenty of exclamation points. 

    OP, this sign is what many people are thinking of this plan. It is really more directed toward brides, but the overall message works. 



    image
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieL73 said:
    My new favorite thing is that Simply posted in pink with plenty of exclamation points. 

    OP, this sign is what many people are thinking of this plan. It is really more directed toward brides, but the overall message works. 



    image
    You fulfilled all of Liatris' dreams AND you made it rhyme!
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    Report Reply
  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
    My work friends threw a shower for me, I actually asked them not to at first bc the women I work w/ arent' invited to the wedidng, but they said it's so rare to have a wedding in the office that htey wanted to do something. So they really had a "luncheon" for me - it was very sweet, and much less showery. Many of the women still brought gifts, and I think i was gracious in my thanks and appreciation of it.
    Report Reply
  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
     
    fyrefly76 said:
    TheBaysideBride said:
    My work friends threw a shower for me, I actually asked them not to at first bc the women I work w/ arent' invited to the wedidng, but they said it's so rare to have a wedding in the office that htey wanted to do something. So they really had a "luncheon" for me - it was very sweet, and much less showery. Many of the women still brought gifts, and I think i was gracious in my thanks and appreciation of it.
    I think work showers and church showers are exceptions to the rule since, for the most part, I think most of those attending don't actually expect to be invited to the wedding, but want an excuse to eat cake!
    I think the exception is that anytime the uninvited people take it upon themselves to do something for you.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards