pink hair?

gabi312 · July 2013

So my MOH decided it would be a good idea to dye her hair bright pink less than a month before my wedding. First of all that is going to look awful with the color of her dress, and secondly she has totally ruined every single bridal party picture we take. I am all for expressing yourself and being bold, but not for my wedding. I really want to ask her to dye it back to a more natural color, but is that crossing a line? I mean it is my wedding, but it's her hair.....

banana468 · July 2013

You need more red wine and bubble baths if pink hair is going to ruin your photos.

Of course you can't ask her to dye it.

AllieBear725 · July 2013

Ditto PP. Although I myself would never dye my hair pink, you def can't ask her to dye it back. You'll live.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

Seriously? You really think pink hair is going to ruin every single wedding photo? I think you need a reality check.

I am sure your friend has experimented with different colored hair in the past since she went bold with pink. And you knew what she was like before your wedding even came into the picture. You can't expect her to change who she is just for your one day.

Her hair will not ruin anything. The only thing you will notice 50 years from now when you look at your pircutres are the happy faces of your family and friends, not their hair color.

artbyallie · July 2013

Aside from it being none of your business what color she wants to dye her hair, with less than a month in between it would damage her hair badly to do anything else to it chemically. Most hairdressers recommend a minimum of 3-4 weeks between treatments.

Unless the dresses are red, I don't see pink hair clashing with any particular color. And 'ruin' your pictures? Seriously? Is this person your friend or not? How could you say that about her?

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

It would be rude of you to ask her to dye her hair.

I would never dye my hair a funky color right before someone's wedding if I was in the WP, but unfortunately she did. If it clashes with her dress that terribly and she actually does look bad, then I feel badly for her because everyone else will notice and be thinking it.

What color are the BM dresses? Maybe it will look just fine?

Don't worry about her ruining your pictures, and please don't hurt her feelings by trying to exclude her from them either. If the thought of her pink hair in some WP photos really does bother you, then I'd suggest limiting the formal WP pictures and taking more with just your new hubby.

gabi312 · July 2013

She has been her natural blonde hair since i have known her about 6 years so no i had no idea she would do this.

AddieCake · July 2013

I'd be more worried about your awful attitude ruining the friendship than her awful hair ruining the pictures.

gabi312 · July 2013

Yes I still would have asked her, i would have been prepared and probably chosen a different dress color.

gabi312 · July 2013

Wow I'm really glad everyone is being so civil. I asked a question, and I would like your opinions on the situation, not on your ideas about me or my attitude. I have not said anything to her about this, and I probably will not. I'm sorry everyone feels that it is so awful, but really are we not supposed to be concerned about the way our wedding party looks? How would you like it if one of your bridesmaids showed up to your wedding in sweatpants? Would you Not be concerned how it would look in the pictures? I have spent alot of time and money to make sure that I have the wedding I want, and that wedding includes the bridal party. And no I do not think telling her that I was expecting a natural color for the wedding would ruin our friendship, it wouldnt be a very strong or honest relationship if it did. And to the color question, its a bright pinkish purple color. And her hair is hot pink.

manateehugger · July 2013

gabi312 said:

Wow I'm really glad everyone is being so civil. I asked a question, and I would like your opinions on the situation, not on your ideas about me or my attitude. I have not said anything to her about this, and I probably will not. I'm sorry everyone feels that it is so awful, but really are we not supposed to be concerned about the way our wedding party looks? How would you like it if one of your bridesmaids showed up to your wedding in sweatpants? Would you Not be concerned how it would look in the pictures? I have spent alot of time and money to make sure that I have the wedding I want, and that wedding includes the bridal party. And no I do not think telling her that I was expecting a natural color for the wedding would ruin our friendship, it wouldnt be a very strong or honest relationship if it did. And to the color question, its a bright pinkish purple color. And her hair is hot pink.

Right, and their opinion on the situation is that you need an attitude adjustment (I agree).

Look - a bridesmaid's job is to show up on time, sober, and in proper attire (i.e. sweatpants aren't likely the proper attire - not the same situation). If your friend gets the dress and shows up, she's done her job. Her hair WILL NOT ruin your photos, I promise. No one really cares what the wedding party looks like; and I'd bet you wont really care what they looked like in a few years as well.

You get to look the way you'd like to look on your wedding day. Spending time and money doesn't give you the ability to dictate another person's appearance.

Pinkish purple and hot pink will probably look fine. And if they don't, trust your friend to make the call for herself. Remember that she is YOUR FRIEND, not a wedding prop.

gabi312 · July 2013

Sorry not directed at you. Your response has been pleasant and helpful.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Wow, that must be some seriously pink hair if she's going to ruin photos she's not even in.

Think about what you will hang on your wall, and what you'll stick into a book an look at once a year. If you answered that you are hanging pics of this lady on your wall, and your bride/groom pics get put away, then you're lying.

KDM323 · July 2013

I could, personally, care less if any of the ladies in my bridal party went out and dyed their hair, got piercings, etc. And if they showed up wearing something other than the dresses they chose...I wouldn't really care about that either.

Then again...I didn't pick the bridesmaid dresses (nor did I pick the color) and those kind of details really are not important to me.

Who knows...maybe she will change her hair color in the next couple of weeks or it might fade.

RamonaFlowers · July 2013

My opinion on the situation (since that's all you want from everybody) is: Her hair, her business, end of story, get over it.

QueerFemme · July 2013

Another vote for "none of your business". It's not like you are going to hang a poster size picture of your wedding party in your home. Chances are, you probably won't even print any of them. They'll sit on a disk or a weblink for the next 20 years and you'll look at them every so often.

And hopefully, when you look at your wedding photos, you will see one of your best friends standing next to you and remember the wedding fondly, instead of ranting and raving about how your prop didn't turn out the way you wanted it.

pibetafly09 · July 2013

Wow, I am shocked at the comments on this thread. I really doubt that any of you would be thrilled if a member of your WP decided to make a drastic, attention-seeking change right before the wedding. She did not dye her hair from blonde to brown or brown to blonde. She chose an obnoxious, unnatural hair color and completely disregarded her friend's upcoming big day that she no doubt has sunk tens of thousands of dollars into. I'm sorry, but a good friend would have thought about someone other than herself and thought "hmm maybe the pink hair can wait until after Gabi's wedding." Its common courtesy.

gabi312 · July 2013

Thank you for saying that! I'm glad some one sees my point....

QueerFemme · July 2013

pibetafly09 said:

Wow, I am shocked at the comments on this thread. I really doubt that any of you would be thrilled if a member of your WP decided to make a drastic, attention-seeking change right before the wedding. She did not dye her hair from blonde to brown or brown to blonde. She chose an obnoxious, unnatural hair color and completely disregarded her friend's upcoming big day that she no doubt has sunk tens of thousands of dollars into. I'm sorry, but a good friend would have thought about someone other than herself and thought "hmm maybe the pink hair can wait until after Gabi's wedding." Its common courtesy.

What does Gabi's financial investment in her own wedding have to do with someone else's right to control her own body?

Gabi should be a better friend and accept her friend for exactly who she is. If she doesn't... that's on Gabi, not her friend.

Barbiiieee · July 2013

I don't think it is really your place to say.

Also, if you hate it and are worried about your pictures being ruined, have them printed in B&W. Problem solved.

Viczaesar · July 2013

pibetafly09 said:

Wow, I am shocked at the comments on this thread. I really doubt that any of you would be thrilled if a member of your WP decided to make a drastic, attention-seeking change right before the wedding. She did not dye her hair from blonde to brown or brown to blonde. She chose an obnoxious, unnatural hair color and completely disregarded her friend's upcoming big day that she no doubt has sunk tens of thousands of dollars into. I'm sorry, but a good friend would have thought about someone other than herself and thought "hmm maybe the pink hair can wait until after Gabi's wedding." Its common courtesy.

Wouldn't care in the slightest, but then I think the tradition of dressing up your wedding party members like barbie dolls so they can be photo props is creepy and bizarre altogether.

Gypsy79 · July 2013

One of my bridesmaids spent all last summer with her hair bright pink, and it was actually still bright pink when I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She ended up dying it back to her natural color, and at some later point stated she was considering doing pink again. I said Hey go for it, it was cute.I absolutely did not care that it would have been in my wedding photos. I wanted her to be my bridesmaid, with or without hair of any color.

gabi312 · July 2013

Just to put it out there I have never and would never act like that. And the other thing I would like to put out there is I really don't understand why something like this would end any friendship, ever. If you are really friends with someone why would they get mad at you for letting them know you are not happy with something. If I did ask her to consider changing her hair, and she said no, end of discussion, I would not be mad or kick her out of my wedding over it. And I really feel like we are good enough friends for me to tell her my feelings and she would not get upset about it. Its kind of sad to think that there are people out there that would end a friendship over something like this, on either side of the situation.

QueerFemme · July 2013

gabi312 said:

Just to put it out there I have never and would never act like that. And the other thing I would like to put out there is I really don't understand why something like this would end any friendship, ever. If you are really friends with someone why would they get mad at you for letting them know you are not happy with something. If I did ask her to consider changing her hair, and she said no, end of discussion, I would not be mad or kick her out of my wedding over it. And I really feel like we are good enough friends for me to tell her my feelings and she would not get upset about it. Its kind of sad to think that there are people out there that would end a friendship over something like this, on either side of the situation.

It's kind of sad that you care more about someone's appearance for your pretty princess day, then you do the right for your friend to control her own body and how she chooses to look.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

gabi312 said:

Just to put it out there I have never and would never act like that. And the other thing I would like to put out there is I really don't understand why something like this would end any friendship, ever. If you are really friends with someone why would they get mad at you for letting them know you are not happy with something. If I did ask her to consider changing her hair, and she said no, end of discussion, I would not be mad or kick her out of my wedding over it. And I really feel like we are good enough friends for me to tell her my feelings and she would not get upset about it. Its kind of sad to think that there are people out there that would end a friendship over something like this, on either side of the situation.

See if I were your friend and you asked me to change my hair color because you didn't like it and it would clash with the dresses you picked out for your wedding day and you want your wedding to look a certain way, well I would feel like you cared more about your damn wedding then letting me be me.

By asking her to change her hair color you are basically telling her that you do not accept her for who she is and the decisions she makes.

Just let it go.

Viczaesar · July 2013

You're right, OP. My BFF is simply being unreasonable if she gets upset at me walking up to her and saying "Hey Susie, your pants make you look fat and don't match the hue of my graduation robe. Please change before you show up to my graduation ceremony or you'll be responsible for my graduation photographs being ruined! I spent a lot of time working on this degree and paid a lot for a photographer to document my graduation and if you really loved me you'd make sure your personal appearance is arranged to my specifications. No, I don't care if you like those pants and you think you look hot in them. It's my day, damn it, and my photographs!"

RamonaFlowers · July 2013

\

pibetafly09 said:

I really doubt that any of you would be thrilled if a member of your WP decided to make a drastic, attention-seeking change right before the wedding.

My bi-polar older sister got pregnant on purpose so she would be pregnant at my wedding. Because I was getting married before her, and she wanted her boyfriend to propose. And yes, she has told me several times that she got pregnant just to spite me. It doesn't really get more "drastic, attention-seeking change" than that.

I survived just fine and did not notice if anybody did pay more attention to her than me that day ... I was too busy being focused on what actually mattered that day: marrying my husband.

So I repeat what I said: it's her hair, her business, end of story, get over it.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

It's okay to not like her hair choice, but there's no polite way you can address this with her. You are going to have to find some way to be at peace with this. I agree with PPs that you are not likely to buy humongous prints of you and the bridal party. They will most likely take up a few slots in your photo album.

aurianna · July 2013

If I were asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding, at first I would feel honored that she wanted me by her side.
And then if I decided I wanted to do something fun, to my own body, for myself, that I was excited about, I'd naturally assume my friend would be happy for me because I'd know how I look doesn't matter to her. We're friends, right?
...But then if she told me she didn't like this change I had made and felt proud of and she wanted me to change it back because she thought it would play even a small role in making "her day" not as good, I know I'd be hurt.
I would feel like she cares more about my appearance than me as a person or my feelings. I'd also feel like she maybe wanted me by her side, not because I was her friend, but because I would serve as a good prop for pictures.

Who knows; maybe if you asked her to change it back she'd totally understand and not be hurt at all by it... but if you were a true friend, how could you even risk hurting her feelings like that and possibly make her feel like you care more about her appearance than you care about her?

You have to look at it like this:

- It might be a cheap dye that will fade. Great, it will come out on your own so you needn't say anything.
- She might have been planning all along to dye it back right before the wedding. Great, it will be back to normal so you needn't say anything.

- Or she used permanent, really likes it, and has no intention of changing it back, because she likes how it makes her look and how it makes her feel. If this is the case, what kind of friend asks someone to change something about their body that they like and makes them feel good... because they're worried that hair and dress might clash in a few pictures (which it won't).

Just stop and think about what this friend means to you and why you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I'm guessing the answer isn't "I picked her because she'd make excellent wedding pictures." No... I'm assuming it's because you love her for who she is. And if that's the case, don't risk offending or hurting her over something as stupid as hair color.

aurianna · July 2013

Also...
Say you ignored everyone's advice here and asked her anyway.

Possible outcomes:

1. You ask her, she seems fine with it, and changes back.
pros: you get what you want
cons: you might have hurt her feelings and you won't know it. She could also then secretly resent you for a long time.

2. You ask her, she reluctantly agrees to change it back
pros: you get what you want
cons: you've obviously hurt your friend and you know it. And if you have a heart you'll automatically feel guilty for making her do something she didn't want to do and making her feel sad at the same time.

3. You ask her, she casually says no thanks.
pros: umm... you didn't outright lose your friend?
cons: you might have hurt her feelings and you won't know it. She could also then secretly resent you for a long time. And YOU will probably feel annoyed that she wasn't willing to do you a favor for your "big day" (even though almost everyone here will tell you that you are unjustified in feeling that way)

4. You ask her and she tells you where you can shove it.
pros: congrats. Your friend is a real person and apparently not just a mannequin
cons: OMG! Your sides in your pictures are going to be uneven because you'll be missing a bridesmaid.

Please do not ask her unless you honestly think the pros outweigh the possible cons in ALL of these situations.

NuttyAlmond · July 2013

Hairs easy to dye. Maybe she only planned to have it the month. My ladies are pierced tattooed hair colored but they agreed to have normal hair for the day. Just ask her.

pink hair?

Re: pink hair?

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