pink hair?

gabi312 · July 2013

So I took my moh out for drinks last night. I casually brought up that I was very surprised that she had changed her hair to such an unnatural color right before the wedding. She said she had never really thought about it and just did it on a whim. Then she said she does not not really want to appear in our wedding pics with pink hair, because she does not want to look back and see her not looking like herself(she has been her natural hair color since i have known her 6 years) and she agreed that it probably will not look nice with her dress. She said she thought it would be a fun change for summer and just didnt think about it. We came up with a few solutions. She is going to see her hair dresser to say if there is anything she can do to tone it down without damaging it ( she and i agreed that we would both rather keep the pink hair over going bald lol). If there is not anything she can do, then we are going to go shopping to see if there is a similar dress style in a different color that will look better with her hair, and I will buy her the dress. She will have a gorgeous dress to wear to weddings or other parties after her hair goes back to normal, which she was planning on changing in the fall anyway, and she will also have a dress to wear that will not clash with her hair and she will feel more comfortable at the wedding. I'm glad that I talked to her about it, because if I did not, we both would have not been happy at the wedding, and not talking to her probably would have caused more tension between us than talking about it. And before all of you negative nancy's out there say that I made her tell me what I wanted to hear, my moh is not the type of person to do that. If she was really hurt by what we had talked about, she would have told me. Thats the type of person she is, and that is also one of the things I love about her, and one of the reasons I chose her to be my moh. Thank you to all of the people who responded to my question with actual advice, instead of just to tell me what an awful person I am. It really helped me figure out how to approach the subject with her.

AddieCake · July 2013

gabi312 said:

So I took my moh out for drinks last night. I casually brought up that I was very surprised that she had changed her hair to such an unnatural color right before the wedding. She said she had never really thought about it and just did it on a whim. Then she said she does not not really want to appear in our wedding pics with pink hair, because she does not want to look back and see her not looking like herself(she has been her natural hair color since i have known her 6 years) and she agreed that it probably will not look nice with her dress. She said she thought it would be a fun change for summer and just didnt think about it. We came up with a few solutions. She is going to see her hair dresser to say if there is anything she can do to tone it down without damaging it ( she and i agreed that we would both rather keep the pink hair over going bald lol). If there is not anything she can do, then we are going to go shopping to see if there is a similar dress style in a different color that will look better with her hair, and I will buy her the dress. She will have a gorgeous dress to wear to weddings or other parties after her hair goes back to normal, which she was planning on changing in the fall anyway, and she will also have a dress to wear that will not clash with her hair and she will feel more comfortable at the wedding. I'm glad that I talked to her about it, because if I did not, we both would have not been happy at the wedding, and not talking to her probably would have caused more tension between us than talking about it. And before all of you negative nancy's out there say that I made her tell me what I wanted to hear, my moh is not the type of person to do that. If she was really hurt by what we had talked about, she would have told me. Thats the type of person she is, and that is also one of the things I love about her, and one of the reasons I chose her to be my moh. Thank you to all of the people who responded to my question with actual advice, instead of just to tell me what an awful person I am. It really helped me figure out how to approach the subject with her.

So in your OP, your question was "is that crossing a line" if you ask her to change it, and people said yes. And you brought it up to her anyway. Why even bother to ask us if you're just going to do what you want anyway?

gabi312 · July 2013

I did not ask her to change it. I told her that I was surprised, and the rest of the conversation was directed by her. We had a conversation about it rather than just a one sided asking her to change her hair because of the wedding... after reading the posts it helped me to realize that it would not be that bad if she didnt change it, and to decide how to bring up the subject without her feelings getting hurt.

pibetafly09 · July 2013

I may be the only one on Team Gabi so I will probably be the only one to say that I think you handled it well. There are ways to bring up touchy subjects with friends without attacking and causing hard feelings. I don't know about the rest of you, but my friends and I are usually very honest and open with each other. I think it would be worse if Gabi didn't say anything and pretended to like it and then, just like her MoH responded, have her MoH look at pics down the road and wonder why her best friend never warned her that the pink hair looked bad with the purple dress.

aurianna · July 2013

It sounds like you have a good friend. That's good.
It also sounds like she doesn't. That's too bad.

"So I took my moh out for drinks last night. I casually brought up that I was very surprised that she had changed her hair to such an unnatural color right before the wedding"

You still told her "I think your haircolor is unnatural blah blah blah blah blah MY WEDDING." You made her personal appearance about you. I don't understand why you can't see how selfish that is.

If you really did not influence the conversation, as you claim you did not, and she really did come up with the idea that it wouldn't look good with the dress, she wouldn't want to see herself not looking like herself in pictures, etc, then this would have occurred to her closer to the wedding anyway. If it seriously wouldn't have occurred to her until the wedding day, then that in all likelihood means that it really wouldn't have been a big deal to her. She is only trying to please you.
No matter how sweetly and innocently you brought it up, it was obviously tainted with both your disapproval and your concern about your stupid wedding aesthetics. It had to be. Because that was your motive, after all.

There was no logic in asking this of her.
Either she would have taken care of the "problem" herself, or she'd never really find it a problem, in which case you crossed the line asking about it.
You were totally motivated by "I want I want I want." Tell me one selfless motivation you had for bringing this up with her. One.

She's doing this to please you. You're lucky she's a good friend. But do not pretend like you did her some favor by magically making her realize she would have hated the pictures.

Also... OMG. Are you really so fixated on some sort of color scheme that you'd go to all this trouble? It will no matter no matter what color her hair is. Seriously. Chill pill. Take one.

aurianna · July 2013

double post.

So I'll add... I'm glad you're paying for the second dress. I'd also pay for her hair appointment.
And treat her extra specially nice. She's altering her personal appearance to please you. Reward her for that incredibly generous behavior in every way you can.

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

So... I'm confused, are you wanting us to give you an award for gambling your relationship with her over something vapid and vain? I'd say the same thing I'd say to someone who just played Russian Roulette in front of me: "Wtf? What is wrong with your priority system??".

artbyallie · July 2013

You really think she doesn't know you brought it up because you're concerned about your bloody wedding pictures? How naive.

AddieCake · July 2013

The very fact that you brought it up to her was a suggestion that she change it. If you had said, "Wow! I'm surprised you went with pink!" then you could get away with your claims. But you said, "I'm surprised you changed your hair to such an unnatural color so close to the wedding," which made your meaning crystal clear that you cared how it would affect your wedding.

ETA: I also have to say this. Frankly, I'm skeptical that this conversation even happened. I'm always a tad suspicious when people come on here, have something they want to talk to someone about, and then later that day or the next day talk to that person and surprise, surprise, they were totally cool with it and we were all wrong about the situation. Apologies if I'm wrong, but I just seldom actually buy it. It's all a little too convenient if you ask me.

harper0813 · July 2013

Wow. Why do brides think they own their bridesmaids for these 6-12 months? Unbelievable.

I feel bad for your friend. I urge to to offer to pay for both hair appointments - the one where she dyes it a natural color and the one where she dyes it back to the color she wants.

How would you feel if you got braces before a wedding and then a bride told you how inappropriate you were and then you had to remove them because she made you feel terrible? Or if you cut your hair and she told you to get extensions? Or if you needed to amputate an arm?

clg1213 · July 2013

Would it bother me? Honestly, yes. I tend to have a pretty simple style, probably on the conservative side.

Would I have a right to make her change it? No...I might fantasize about redoing it in her sleep, but it would stay in my head (actually, i'd need to tell someone and might use the boards since it doesn't get back to her).

Would I talk to her about it? Maybe. But I would take a non-confrontational approach (and not just b/c I tend to be non-confrontational in general, here it feels appropriate). I'd prob ask what made her decide to go pink, if she likes it, and how people have reacted....I might throw in that I wonder how my mom or someone would react if I did it/will react when they see BMs new hair. I'd try to just talk. It may be me, but the more I understand, the less it will bug.

You could ask you photographer to do more B&Ws of the bridal party if you want some pics that don't showcase the pink. Though it might be something you look back at with a smile one day...part of your history and your younger years.

pink hair?

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