Chit Chat

They are taking my nephew away *UPDATE: in comments*

CharlieKay10CharlieKay10 member
10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
edited July 2013 in Chit Chat
My nephew Calvin was born on April 23rd, 2013 to his birthmother (we will call her Lisa). My sister Jackie adopted him that day.

Let me back up...
Jackie met Lisa through an adoption agency four and a half years ago when Lisa was pregnant with a boy, Travis. Lisa, having three children already, did not feel that she had it in her to parent another child. Jackie adopted Travis the day he was born. They left the adoption somewhat open but Lisa had no interest in Travis and moved on with her life. 

Fast forward to April 1st, 2013 - another adoption later (Jackie adopted Travis and then Carly from another adoptive mother) - Lisa calls from out of the blue (she was in prison on drug charges - set to get out in August, 2013) and she is 8 months pregnant. The baby was conceived from rape and Lisa was waffling between keeping the baby and finding someone to care to the baby until she was out of prison, or giving the baby up for adoption. My sister said she would adopt the baby. Lisa, after a few weeks, agreed to the adoption. And Calvin was born to Lisa, given to Jackie. The papers were signed and Jackie left the hospital with Calvin in her arms the next day.

So here we are. I just got word from my sister that Lisa wants Calvin back. She has contacted the adoption agency and wants Calvin given to her upon her release from prison. My sister was hysterical on the phone, and my mom is doing no better. I do not know what to do. My sister's husband has contacted a lawyer.

Can Lisa really take the baby back? She already has three other kids (not including Travis). And is still in prison on drug charges. Calvin's post-birth testing came back negative for drug addiction, but she was clearly using while pregnant. I just cannot understand how this could happen. Not sure what to do or where to turn to. We are in Minnesota, if that helps.

Re: They are taking my nephew away *UPDATE: in comments*

  • edited July 2013

    Fuck. That sucks.

     

    I'd have her contact a lawyer immediately.  I thought there was only a short window of time in which a birth parent could change their mind, but this isn't the type of law I practice.  I hope this works out for your sister :(

     

    I can't confirm the accuracy of this website, but this looks like the answer is no: http://www.adoption-minnesota.com/adoptive_parents_faqs.htm 

     

    ETA: I wasn't clear.  It looks like she can't "take him back" if a certain amount of time has passed since she signed the papers.  But I don't know from your story how long that's been.

  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Yeah - your sister needs an attorney.  There are going to be a million pieces that play into this:  what the adoption paperwork says, what the laws are regarding adoption in your area, etc.

    She needs to get a very good family law/adoption attorney immediately.


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  • I'm so so sorry. :( I would assume the details are in the adoption agreement, but a lawyer that practices family law is really the only one who can help you.
    T&P's to you and your family.
  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    Ditto PP, any lawyers and judges involved are the ONLY people that can determine if Calvin's mother can just take him back, and that all depends on how the adoption paperwork is written out.

    I know in a lot of states, once you terminate your rights as a parent, that's it, no more parental rights for you. Common sense tells me that to put your kid up for adoption, you would have to terminate those rights in the first place...but I know common sense doesn't always find its way into the legal system....so I can't even pretend this is a no-brainer.

    I really just hope that the language if the adoption paperwork is clear-cut, ironclad, and in your sister's favor,

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  • I don't really have anything to add since adoption laws vary by state.  Your sister and her husband were smart to contact a lawyer right away.  Since Lisa is still in prison, that at least gives your sister a little bit of time to make the appropriate court filings.  I'm so sorry for your family.  T&Ps to you and everyone in your family.  I really hope everything works out ok.
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  • CharlieKay10CharlieKay10 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    Okay I have an update...

    It looks like the papers weren't signed after all. The adoption agency led my sister to believe that they were signed (they never gave her any other reason to think otherwise). I mean... she left with the baby... They told her everything was taken care of.

    Under normal circumstances, the baby would be considered "abandoned" if the papers aren't signed within 60 days, and the child is then fully signed over to the adoptive family by the state. It has been well-over 60 days and the papers weren't signed. But because Calvin is of Native descent, the birthmother has more rights than a non-Native American birthmother under the Indian Child Welfare Act. She is able to take Calvin back basically as long as she wants - there is no time limit because she never signed the papers. Under the ICWA, the papers must be signed in order for the adoption to take place and if the papers aren't signed, the birthparent can take the child back at any time for any reason.

    So now Lisa is getting exactly what she wanted in the first place - a loving home for Calvin until she got out of prison and then she could take him back. My sister and her husband are still consulting with lawyers at this point but it is beginning to look even more grim as the hours pass.

    I appreciate all of your advice and positive thoughts. I totally did not come here looking for legal advice. I am just wondering what I can do to support her. I am at a total loss. It feels like a part of our family is being ripped away. I cannot even begin to comprehend the pain she is feeling. 

    Edited for: clarity
  • I think the baby Veronica case was regarding the Indian Child Welfare Act and doesn't relate to any other types of adoption. That completely sucks.

    How can this woman only want her new baby back, and not the first one? That reminds me of my aunts adoption of her son. My cousins biological parents were a poor married couple with three children. They gave him up because they couldn't afford him...and then had a child after him which they kept.

    He has a better life with parents who are lucky to be able to put him through private school and private college, but psychologically that must be so hard on him.
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  • Oops! I was typing while she posted about the child being of native American descent. Yeah, I don't know how good the odds are in this very sad situation.
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  • I'm really really sorry. I'm familiar with the recent SCOTUS decision, and I know how hard that will make it for your sister to retain custody. 

    Massive hugs to your family. Could this woman actually be a fit mother? Is there a chance the court would deem her unfit?
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  • I agree with everything Linger said.  

    @daria24 it's really, really had to get someone declared to be an unfit parent.  Even if a court decides to take her children away, they will go into the foster system.  When she shows that she's "gotten better," she will get them back.  It takes YEARS for a court to terminate a biological parent's rights.
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  • Ugh... I'm so sorry for your sister.  I can't even imagine how upset they must be. I also, personally cannot imagine adopting a child and not having the signed, notarized papers in my hot little hands immediately.   I am sure your sister just thought it was a formality, but holy hell. I would have been following up on that signature every day.

     

  • CharlieKay10CharlieKay10 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    I'm so sorry.  This is almost exactly what the Baby Veronica case was about (except from my understanding in that case the father DID sign away his rights but still was able to get his daughter back).  After that case and this story, if I had ever been considering adoption I can tell you right now I'd never adopt a Native American baby.  I hope your sister and her husband end up with custody.  Their home sounds like a much better environment for a baby than his birth mother's
    I agree. My sister and her husband were done having children. They had a boy and a girl (both Native and no adoption problems whatsoever) and they had no desire for any other babies. But then Lisa calls out of the blue and their entire world changed - they had a brand new baby boy and he was a half blood-sibling of Travis, their older son (which almost never happens in adoption). It was such an amazing thing. And man, they instantly fell in love with Calvin. 

    Now birth mom wants Calvin back. I just do not understand. Also, just for clarity- my sister's husband is 50% Native American, which is why they were given priority for their childrens' adoptions in the past. Lisa did not even hesitate to sign over her rights for Travis, so I do not understand why Calvin is any different. She already has three children at home that she has to take care of and she is still in prison. It just does not make sense. 

    Ugh... I'm so sorry for your sister.  I can't even imagine how upset they must be. I also, personally cannot imagine adopting a child and not having the signed, notarized papers in my hot little hands immediately.   I am sure your sister just thought it was a formality, but holy hell. I would have been following up on that signature every day.

    That is the problem - they had a paid (damn near $20,000) contract with their adoption agency that everything would be taken care of and if any changes happened that they would be notified immediately. They were never told she hadn't signed the papers or that their son's custody was in jeopardy. They were told everything was fine. 
  • edited July 2013
    I have nothing to add except **hugs** for you and your sister's family.


    ETA:
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  • I am so, so sorry.  This is a terrible situation all around.  I'm glad your sister and her husband have a lawyer and I hope something can be done for them.
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  • This is absolutely devastating. I am so sorry. 

    Obviously your sister should clear this with her attorney first, but if I were her I'd see about speaking with Lisa, in person, about the situation.  Try to reason with her mother to mother.   I mean, shit, they already have a child of Lisa's that they've been raising for years. Obviously Lisa knows what a great home her second child would have with them.  

    I think an appeal to her human side might be the best thing she could do right now. 
  • I have nothing to add other than virtual hugs. I'm so sorry - I hope it works out in your sister's favor.
  • I have nothing to add other than virtual hugs, and prayers, and best wishes for a good outcome to this.
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  • This is awful, and I'm so sorry.

     

    This is also likely the last thing on her mind right now, but I'd report this adoption agency to the state and look into my legal remedies against them.

  • I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through, I can only advise doing anything you can for your sister and your brother in law right now.  Sending you hugs x
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