Worst wedding/marriage advice ever...

samwise1127 · July 2013

What's the worst piece of wedding/marriage advice you've been given?

Mine came out of a 1940s marriage manual "Don't marry someone you find repulsive."

frommithtoteal · July 2013

my dad told me that if I ever wanted to be happy in a relationship to find someone for me like his wife is to him... At his third wedding. Thanks for the woods of wisdom dad, they do say the third times the charm :P

AddieCake · July 2013

I don't think we got any bad advice, but every time I read "never go to bed angry," I get a little angry. Sometimes you need to sleep on stuff, and if you had a fight at like 8 p.m. you're just supposed to say, "Oh, well, too late in the evening for this one to count!" ?

wittykitty14 · July 2013

It wasn't marriage advice per se, but the guy I work with who told me that I've only got a 50% chance of making it. Yeah, that was fun...

"It's your day, screw the guests". Um, no. There are plenty of ways to do what you'd like but still keep your guests happy and comfortable.

Other than that, I haven't really got any advice, good or bad.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

"Fake it 'til you make it."

My co-workers threw a surprise shower and wrote advice on index cards. One of my co-workers came up to me a week later and told me she had been thinking about what to say but finally came up with "this" and handed me a post-it note with this written on it.

She further explained that it applies to "anything in life. Like when (her kid's name) was younger, he was so annoying. But I pretended like I loved him and I really truly do now. If you ever have a problem just pretend it's not there and you'll be so much happier. I promise."

rel1988 · July 2013

Agreed. 9 times out of 10 I'll wake up the next morning and can't believe I was upset/pissed about something so trivial.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

FI's grandmother told me, "If you want to be happy, you'll just do everything with our family after you're married, because that's what FI will want." Uhm....how 'bout hell no?

lyndsay782 · July 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

"He'll never buy the cow if he can get the milk for free." Take that, Grandma!

Heck, my own mother told me that. Right before she told me I was too old for a " fancy wedding". That was back when I was 28, and way before we were engaged... Seeing as I'm 30 now, my "AGE" was her reason for not wanting to contribute. Really, it all goes back to her love of me not succeeding.

Again, this is why I live 3 hours away, and plan on limiting her alone time with any resulting future grandchildren.

NerdyLucy · July 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

FI's grandmother told me, "If you want to be happy, you'll just do everything with our family after you're married, because that's what FI will want." Uhm....how 'bout hell no?

Eek.

photokitty · July 2013

My aunt told me it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is to fall in love with a poor one...

And I was in high school at the time.

manateehugger · July 2013

Not exactly marriage advice, but the crazy Indian family used to ask me constantly why I wasn't married and offer up random Indian dudes to me as potential husbands. Fun times.

hockeywife10 · July 2013

Not advice, but we tried that whole don't go to bed angry bit... we ended up being awake till who knows what time and only got a few hours of sleep before work. The next day was ruined, because we were tired and cranky. So, if its late, yes go to bed angry and work on it the next day, well rested.

swimmy1988 · July 2013

"The wife is always right"
I find it bad advice because I know I can be wrong sometimes. I'd rather have an equal partnership than having my husband kiss my ass all the time.

Oh and this isn't necessarily wedding advice, but when my dad was driving me to grad school, he was trying to tell me that since H was my only bf ever, and didn't have formal post secondary education, that I should keep my options open while at grad school. He thought that in the future when I'm a successful dietitian that it would be awkward in social situations with H because he didn't go to university. Little does he know that it's awkward in social situations anyway because we're both socially awkward.

QueerFemme · July 2013

LingerLonger1 said:

"He'll never buy the cow if he can get the milk for free." Take that, Grandma!

I got similar advice as a youngster. I have had multiple people wanna buy this milk. It's that damn good.

tereghan · July 2013

"Have a mandatory date night. You have to get out of the house together on a regular basis or you'll go crazy."

Maybe this works for some people, but we tried it for about a month in nine years of being together and it was expensive and forced. We can be perfectly content hanging out together at home, or even reading leaning up against each other but otherwise totally ignoring the other person. When we do want/get to go out it's special and fun, not just the same old thing.

Also, a coda to the oft repeated cow comment is, "Why buy an entire pig if you just want a little sausage?" Take that, mom.

annathy03 · July 2013

tereghan said:

"Have a mandatory date night. You have to get out of the house together on a regular basis or you'll go crazy."

Maybe this works for some people, but we tried it for about a month in nine years of being together and it was expensive and forced. We can be perfectly content hanging out together at home, or even reading leaning up against each other but otherwise totally ignoring the other person. When we do want/get to go out it's special and fun, not just the same old thing.

Also, a coda to the oft repeated cow comment is, "Why buy an entire pig if you just want a little sausage?" Take that, mom.

Hahahahaha! I haven't heard that retort, love it! We haven't gotten any bad advice YET, unless you count my FMIL wanting us to get preggers like, yesterday.

tereghan · July 2013

Oh gawd. My mom is also joking when she says this, but she wants grandkids so badly she's threatening to give us baby blankets as wedding presents. And mentioning it to clerks in stores when we're shopping for wedding stuff. Then I get to explain how it's not a shotgun wedding, she's just crazy. Joy.

AddieCake · July 2013

PDKH said: Not exactly marriage advice, but the crazy Indian family used to ask me constantly why I wasn't married and offer up random Indian dudes to me as potential husbands. Fun times.
I abhor that. So many times in the past when I have been single, people have said, "So why don't you have a boyfriend?" Ummm, gee. I don't know. Nobody finds me attractive, I guess? I mean, WTF are you supposed to say to that?

monkeysip · July 2013

I'm guessing since my dad left my mom, and my mom was worried the same might happen to us, my mom's advice to my sister and I growing up was that it was always better for the man to love the woman a little more than she loves him.

Even as a kid, I was like...

Shouldn't the husband and wife love each other equally?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

My aunt told me to disregard my concerns about the guests and to "just focus on your day. They'll get over it." Yeesh.

My coworker told me her and her husband got married six months before their wedding because "they didn't want to deal with the paperwork." She happily said it was much less stressful and that I should do the same but not tell anybody about it. *headdesk*

monkeysip · July 2013

Umm.. what? Because the paperwork for your wedding is just SO stressful. Having to get that marriage license and everything! UGH. *sarcasm*

Unless she meant the stress of changing your name, combining bank accounts, etc. but that doesn't even apply to every couple and can be done at a leisurely pace.

samwise1127 · July 2013

We've seriously considered getting married before we actually 'get married', just the two of us (and whatever two random witnesses we can find), simply to have it be just the two of us.

The most recent bad piece of advice I was given was "get a script for Valium it does wonders to keep you calm".... just what I want for my wedding day... drugged out and being helped down the aisle.

wittykitty14 · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

"Have a mandatory date night. You have to get out of the house together on a regular basis or you'll go crazy."

Maybe this works for some people, but we tried it for about a month in nine years of being together and it was expensive and forced. We can be perfectly content hanging out together at home, or even reading leaning up against each other but otherwise totally ignoring the other person. When we do want/get to go out it's special and fun, not just the same old thing.

Also, a coda to the oft repeated cow comment is, "Why buy an entire pig if you just want a little sausage?" Take that, mom.
I think the mandatory date night is good advice, especially for busy couples, but it shouldn't be about getting out of the house. It should be about setting aside time to spend just with each other. Our "dates" include flea marketing, going to the $5 arcade, finding random places to go parking, renting movies and having an indoor picnic dinner from the local deli, etc. This week's was rearranging the nerd lair! It's only stressful and expensive if you try to force yourself into the Hollywood idea of a "date". @samwise1127, I still want an answer to my question. Why is not marrying someone you find repulsive bad advice???

I am intrigued! What is this nerd lair you speak of?

KeptInStitches · July 2013

Stage, I am so jealous of your nerd lair you have no idea.

wittykitty14 · July 2013

KeptInStitches said:

Stage, I am so jealous of your nerd lair you have no idea.

I agree, this sounds fantastic.

cmiles89 · July 2013

Whenever BF's dad says, "Son, you'll soon realize that the only words you need to say in marriage are 'Yes Dear'", I get stabby. So I get stabby often. My deal is that this just lends credence to the whole getting married is the end of the husbands life thing.

Anyone who says that sex isn't important in a happy marriage can suck it. This is total crap.

Also (and this is going to start a riot), I think some of the BEST advice for me that I've heard is that loving your husband more than your kids is normal and perhaps healthier (therefore the inverse would be bad advice in my book). After I read this article it totally changed my perspective on the wife-husband-children triangle. A lot of people don't agree with this or say it makes her a bad person, but I think it makes sense if you can be open to what she's saying. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1185105/A-mothers-confession-Hate-I-love-husband-MORE-children.html

manateehugger · July 2013

samwise1127 said:

We've seriously considered getting married before we actually 'get married', just the two of us (and whatever two random witnesses we can find), simply to have it be just the two of us.

The most recent bad piece of advice I was given was "get a script for Valium it does wonders to keep you calm".... just what I want for my wedding day... drugged out and being helped down the aisle.

That's called eloping and then having a pretty princess day. I seriously hope you don't plan to lie to people about being married. Own up to family/friends and have the one wedding you want to have.

TKzilla · July 2013

I also hate the "never go to bed angry". I'd like to substitute that with "never argue when you're hungry". I often am not sure if I'm really mad or just need a sandwich.

monkeysip · July 2013

cmiles89 said:

Whenever BF's dad says, "Son, you'll soon realize that the only words you need to say in marriage are 'Yes Dear'", I get stabby. So I get stabby often. My deal is that this just lends credence to the whole getting married is the end of the husbands life thing.

Anyone who says that sex isn't important in a happy marriage can suck it. This is total crap.

Also (and this is going to start a riot), I think some of the BEST advice for me that I've heard is that loving your husband more than your kids is normal and perhaps healthier (therefore the inverse would be bad advice in my book). After I read this article it totally changed my perspective on the wife-husband-children triangle. A lot of people don't agree with this or say it makes her a bad person, but I think it makes sense if you can be open to what she's saying. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1185105/A-mothers-confession-Hate-I-love-husband-MORE-children.html

I agree completely with this advice. I mean, in some ways, I think it's completely natural to love your children more than your spouse because they're from your flesh, they're your children and you're meant to take care of them. If a bus was coming, you'd save your child over your spouse (obviously you'd try to save both... but you know what I mean).

But it is important that spouses love each other and put their RELATIONSHIP first, before the children, because having two parents who have a great marriage is the best foundation for the children. If the parents are happy and loving, the children will see that and be happy too. They will feel secure and loved as a result. It's not like it's really either/or, it's more that you can help love your children through loving your spouse and putting your marriage first.

NYCBruin · July 2013

monkeysip said:

cmiles89 said:

Whenever BF's dad says, "Son, you'll soon realize that the only words you need to say in marriage are 'Yes Dear'", I get stabby. So I get stabby often. My deal is that this just lends credence to the whole getting married is the end of the husbands life thing.

Anyone who says that sex isn't important in a happy marriage can suck it. This is total crap.

Also (and this is going to start a riot), I think some of the BEST advice for me that I've heard is that loving your husband more than your kids is normal and perhaps healthier (therefore the inverse would be bad advice in my book). After I read this article it totally changed my perspective on the wife-husband-children triangle. A lot of people don't agree with this or say it makes her a bad person, but I think it makes sense if you can be open to what she's saying. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1185105/A-mothers-confession-Hate-I-love-husband-MORE-children.html

I agree completely with this advice. I mean, in some ways, I think it's completely natural to love your children more than your spouse because they're from your flesh, they're your children and you're meant to take care of them. If a bus was coming, you'd save your child over your spouse (obviously you'd try to save both... but you know what I mean).

But it is important that spouses love each other and put their RELATIONSHIP first, before the children, because having two parents who have a great marriage is the best foundation for the children. If the parents are happy and loving, the children will see that and be happy too. They will feel secure and loved as a result. It's not like it's really either/or, it's more that you can help love your children through loving your spouse and putting your marriage first.

I agree with this 100%

I think when parents put their child above their spouse, it can also lead to inadvertent bad parenting. This happens when parent A thinks that X is best for child and parent B thinks that Y is best for child. Instead of prioritizing their relationship and coming to some sort of agreement on what they should do, both parent the child according to their own idea. Not only is the child left completely confused, this then causes a lot of friction between the parents. Everyone loses.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

samwise1127 said:

We've seriously considered getting married before we actually 'get married', just the two of us (and whatever two random witnesses we can find), simply to have it be just the two of us.

The most recent bad piece of advice I was given was "get a script for Valium it does wonders to keep you calm".... just what I want for my wedding day... drugged out and being helped down the aisle.

That's the worst advice I've heard.

Worst wedding/marriage advice ever...

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