Bride sends guest a nasty message cause gift was not enough

Chrissy241987 · July 2013

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/wedding-gift_n_3535780.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

LissyM83 · July 2013

WOW

Smitten2012 · July 2013

This is just so wrong and crazy!!! I love how weddings are becoming all about money and the meaning of love is suddenly covered by dollar bills

bereasonable2 · July 2013

General rule of thumb - you should expect to cover the cost of your plate at the reception. If you can't afford to give a gift, you may want to pass on attending the reception - especially if you are a "not so close" friend. She could have just as easily "shown support" by attending the ceremony only, since that's the part that really matters, right?

Chrissy241987 · July 2013

I do not expect the guests to cover the cost of their plate at a reception. You invited them as your guests. You are the hosts. It is the party YOU are throwing. The invited guests are not responsible for paying for it. People who opt for a more expensive venue are not entitled to a bigger gift in my opinion. Everyone needs to live within their means. Including the guests. My favorite uncle in the world has money issues. I know he cannot afford a gift for us. Does that mean he should not come because he cannot cover the cost of his dinner? NO! He is my guest.

Chrissy241987 · July 2013

Celebrity wedding planner and HuffPost Weddings blogger Sharon Sacks weighed in on the matter, calling this "an inappropriate response to a wedding gift."

"Weddings are a wonderful time to share with family and friends," she wrote in an email to The Huffington Post. "The expense and the cost of the wedding is solely the responsibility of the bride, groom, and their families, and never the people who are attending."

bereasonable2 · July 2013

If you are invited to a wedding, you have a choice. You can either go or not go. If you decide to go, you should be prepared to gift appropriately.

njdoxie · July 2013

bereasonable2 said:

If you are invited to a wedding, you have a choice. You can either go or not go. If you decide to go, you should be prepared to gift appropriately.

Sorry, but if a couple decides to break the bank for their wedding that's their choice, but it's not my responsibility to pay for it. I understand the costs of weddings in NJ are high and I do gift accordingly but if you go above what is considered the average, that's not my problem.

bereasonable2 · July 2013

njdoxie said:

bereasonable2 said:

If you are invited to a wedding, you have a choice. You can either go or not go. If you decide to go, you should be prepared to gift appropriately.

Sorry, but if a couple decides to break the bank for their wedding that's their choice, but it's not my responsibility to pay for it. I understand the costs of weddings in NJ are high and I do gift accordingly but if you go above what is considered the average, that's not my problem.

No, you don't get it. If you don't want to or can't gift appropriately, don't attend the reception. Period. Nobody is asking you to "pay" for the couple's wedding. It's common courtesy/etiquette to pay for your (and your date's) plate.

And in the case of the guest in the original article - she was an acquaintance, at best. Maybe she shouldn't have gone to the wedding AND brought a date, if she was going to give a measly $100 gift for the both of them. $100 each would have been more appropriate.

GB520 · July 2013

Omg! That is crazy. Actually wondered how many ladies have heard of people not giving gifts at a wedding. My cousin got married in Vegas last year and she only received 4 gifts. I know the gifts were from me, my bro, my mom, and our aunt. My question is, is that a southern thing to do? People were gambling $$ away, so I could not believe that when she told me. At least they could have given $50, $75, anything!!! I had lost my job and were barely making ends meet but we still gave $150. We are from the east coast but a lot of the people were from the south.

bereasonable2 · July 2013

GB520 said:

Omg! That is crazy. Actually wondered how many ladies have heard of people not giving gifts at a wedding. My cousin got married in Vegas last year and she only received 4 gifts. I know the gifts were from me, my bro, my mom, and our aunt. My question is, is that a southern thing to do? People were gambling $$ away, so I could not believe that when she told me. At least they could have given $50, $75, anything!!! I had lost my job and were barely making ends meet but we still gave $150. We are from the east coast but a lot of the people were from the south.

Did the guests have to travel for the wedding? If people are asked to attend a destination wedding and pay for everything out of pocket, a gift should not be expected.

Dancer2873 · July 2013

Why does one have to pay to attend the reception? I don't get it?

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

It is the EXCEPTION not the RULE for guests to "pay for their plate." I've always thought that paying for your plate was ridiculous, and I was pleased to learn by way of my own wedding that it is not common practice. We got married at a pricier venue in the area. If people felt they had to cover their plate, nobody would have come. Only 4 people paid for their plate: my parents, his parents, my wealthy aunt/uncle, and our financial planner. It is NOT required NOR expected. I would be upset to find out that someone missed our wedding because they "couldn't afford it." We wanted our friends and family there, not their money.

bereasonable2 · July 2013

Wow, people just don't get it. If I'm invited to my friend's wedding. I'm honored to be there. The least I can do is give them a gift that will cover their expense. That's what friends would do for each other, at least my circle of friends, anyway.

Best of luck to you all.

Dancer2873 · July 2013

I would give a give a gift and would try to match the plate price as best I can but I would not want someone who couldn't afford to pay for the plate to choose not to go because they can't. I would do it myself to the best of my ability but would not expect it of others. That's superficial and not what a true lasting relationship is based on. It's not what I am expecting from everyone when it comes to my wedding. I made the choice what to spend per plate not them, so why should their decision be contingent on that?! That's the exact opposite of being reasonable.

Chrissy241987 · July 2013

It costs guests a lot of money to attend a wedding. The couple is not the only one with expenses. We attended a wedding last year down the shore. It was a Friday. First, it cost my fiance and I a vacation day each. I needed a dress. He needed a new shirt. And shoes. I got a mani/pedi. We gave an engagement gift. A shower gift. Spent money on gas going to the engagement party. And the shower. And the wedding. We ate out before the ceremony as it had been a three hour drive. We needed a hotel room. And now I should cover my plate costs? I spent more attending the wedding than the bride spent on us by far. Attending a wedding costs waaaay more than the gift you give. For me,what matters is the presence of my guests. Not the presents from my guests.

bereasonable2 · July 2013

Chrissy241987 said:

It costs guests a lot of money to attend a wedding. The couple is not the only one with expenses. We attended a wedding last year down the shore. It was a Friday. First, it cost my fiance and I a vacation day each. I needed a dress. He needed a new shirt. And shoes. I got a mani/pedi. We gave an engagement gift. A shower gift. Spent money on gas going to the engagement party. And the shower. And the wedding. We ate out before the ceremony as it had been a three hour drive. We needed a hotel room. And now I should cover my plate costs? I spent more attending the wedding than the bride spent on us by far. Attending a wedding costs waaaay more than the gift you give. For me,what matters is the presence of my guests. Not the presents from my guests.

I hope they were good friends and not just an acquaintance like the person in the HuffPo article.

jcg98 · July 2013

It's attitudes like that which lead to articles like this. Entitled much?

It is most certainly NOT etiquette to "cover your plate". Common practice in our area, perhaps. But not etiquette. Big difference.

And how very fortunate for you that you can afford to pay what you think is an appropriate gift. For a lot of people in this economy, $100 is a lot of money. So they should never ever go to a wedding until they can afford to give more? Pardon my French, but fuck that.

ETA: just to be clear, my comments are entirely directed at bereasonable.

emmmy1221 · July 2013

I get so annoyed when people talk about "covering your plate" at a wedding. If a bride chooses to get married at a venue that is 100/pp vs. a bride paying 200/pp, that is their decision. A guest should not have to give a bigger gift because the bride chooses a more expensive venue!!!

bereasonable2 · July 2013

Friends generally run in the same socioeconomic circles. So, if one friend gets married at a $200/plate venue, then most other can probably afford it.

However, it seems The Knot if full of $50/plate buffet brides, so I can understand the sentiment if one of those types of people decide to have a $200/plate wedding.

Be Reasonable, out.

PetKatSold2011 · July 2013

Idk ladies, I can see a little bit of all sides. Overall a wedding or any party you are hosting is a monetary loss. Anyone planning a wedding expecting to get exactly what they put in should probably elope. It's not realistic and it's the sentiment that needs to be valued. With that being said, as a guest, at least something to show your appreciation of being invited should be given. I at least try to pay for me and my date's plate due to our area and wedding but everyone is different. I have families of 5 coming to my wedding I don't expect them giving me $600 (but this is close family). This is where the bride went out of line, she should have just let it go. BUT let's be honest, as bad as this might sound, some guests hold more sentimental value no matter the value of the gift ex. a person that says they aren't close to the couple yet attends by also bringing a guest knowing they are tight financially vs. an uncle or bestfriend that is tight on funds themselves. My problem is that this guest is awknowledging that she is not close to the couple. It also has to do with the approach. If she can't afford her plate but has expressed to the bride that she was happy and honored to be a guest then attend, show support, its the thought that counts...if I were her though, I would have reconsidered bringing a date or maybe even had declined myself if I didn't want to go stag, but thats just me. I think that it is just showing some consideration to the couple. I don't think couples should feel entitled or assume that a guest paying for their plates is a standard. And a guest shouldn't think just because they get an invite they have to attend..especially when they don't feel close to the couple and financially tight. Weddings are pricey for both sides. Just put each other in each others shoes and let it goooo...lol

bereasonable2 · July 2013

PetKatSold2011 said:

Idk ladies, I can see a little bit of all sides. Overall a wedding or any party you are hosting is a monetary loss. Anyone planning a wedding expecting to get exactly what they put in should probably elope. It's not realistic and it's the sentiment that needs to be valued. With that being said, as a guest, at least something to show your appreciation of being invited should be given. I at least try to pay for me and my date's plate due to our area and wedding but everyone is different. I have families of 5 coming to my wedding I don't expect them giving me $600 (but this is close family). This is where the bride went out of line, she should have just let it go. BUT let's be honest, as bad as this might sound, some guests hold more sentimental value no matter the value of the gift ex. a person that says they aren't close to the couple yet attends by also bringing a guest knowing they are tight financially vs. an uncle or bestfriend that is tight on funds themselves. My problem is that this guest is awknowledging that she is not close to the couple. It also has to do with the approach. If she can't afford her plate but has expressed to the bride that she was happy and honored to be a guest then attend, show support, its the thought that counts...if I were her though, I would have reconsidered bringing a date or maybe even had declined myself if I didn't want to go stag, but thats just me. I think that it is just showing some consideration to the couple. I don't think couples should feel entitled or assume that a guest paying for their plates is a standard. And a guest shouldn't think just because they get an invite they have to attend..especially when they don't feel close to the couple and financially tight. Weddings are pricey for both sides. Just put each other in each others shoes and let it goooo...lol

You are a smart man. You're obviously a man, because women don't think this logically.

Dancer2873 · July 2013

now if that isn't the dumbest comment I ever heard from this post?!

bereasonable2 · July 2013

Dancer2873 said:

now if that isn't the dumbest comment I ever heard from this post?!

Do you really think I meant that... like for real? On a board that is 99% women? I vote your comment the dumbest.

PetKatSold2011 · July 2013

LMAO! If I were a man my FI would be highly disapointed..and if he's not that would be a bit worriesome, haha. At the end of the day, people are marrying the person they love (hopefully) so why sweat the small stuff. It's just trying to be fair to everyone since there is always both sides of the story. We can all agree that everyones financial situation is different so wouldn't that mean the answer is that there is no specific answer? Or at least have the answer to be some courtesy...Overall, kinda just have to laugh things off. Lesson: Brides, don't harrass the guests you invited yourself like a mobster, it's not lady like. Guest shouldn't be responsible for paying YOUR wedding. And guests, yes, the couple is spending whatever they want/or can and invited you with allowing you a guest maybe so you wouldn't be alone but does the couple getting married have money flying out of their ass...to assume their financial situation is like what the bride did in reverse. And if you don't feel close to the people getting married (and are not required family)...I shouldn't even have to tell you what to do, lol.

Dancer2873 · July 2013

well by the tone of your other posts I would think you were serious. Even as a sarcastic person it's still hard to read sarcasm on the board. Petkat nice answer.

bereasonable2 · July 2013

PetKatSold2011 said:

LMAO! If I were a man my FI would be highly disapointed..and if he's not that would be a bit worriesome, haha. At the end of the day, people are marrying the person they love (hopefully) so why sweat the small stuff. It's just trying to be fair to everyone since there is always both sides of the story. We can all agree that everyones financial situation is different so wouldn't that mean the answer is that there is no specific answer? Or at least have the answer to be some courtesy...Overall, kinda just have to laugh things off. Lesson: Brides, don't harrass the guests you invited yourself like a mobster, it's not lady like. Guest shouldn't be responsible for paying YOUR wedding. And guests, yes, the couple is spending whatever they want/or can and invited you with allowing you a guest maybe so you wouldn't be alone but does the couple getting married have money flying out of their ass...to assume their financial situation is like what the bride did in reverse. And if you don't feel close to the people getting married (and are not required family)...I shouldn't even have to tell you what to do, lol.

Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?

Bride sends guest a nasty message cause gift was not enough

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