This is like the 4chan of wedding forums.

foxfeathers · July 2013

I'm out.

hmonkey · July 2013

foxfeathers said:

I got engaged in December and my wedding is in five days. This is not a smiley time to have a problem with a bridesmaid, let alone the MOH.

My MOH has largely been absent from helping to plan and execute my wedding. I have been very low-pressure about this, understanding that she recently moved, got a new job, and became single. I know my wedding isn't the end-all-be-all of everyone's lives. However, after she hit on one of my bridesmen and got turned down she went from MOH to MIA. She hasn't tangibly been there for me for anything. Not addressing envelopes, not helping with wedding favors or decorations or, well, anything. Last weekend she forgot my bridal shower, which my SIL took over. I told her I understand that not everyone can make pre-wedding parties, but I was really hurt that she straight forgot about it.

I asked if she was going to be able to be in the wedding or if she wanted to be in the wedding anymore.

She said she has been depressed and feels like she should bow out so I stop stressing out about her.

I said I don't need her to bow out, I need her to take care of herself and then decide on her own if she is capable of showing up and helping out.

She said she could buck up and make it to the wedding. I said, okay, good.

After all this, I still feel quite cross and am beginning to wish I had simply nipped this in the bud and removed her from the wedding party. However, there are five days until the Big Day and everything is really locked down as-is.

So is there a certain way I can position her in group photos so it's easy to Photoshop her out later? Off to the side, behind people? Should I ask my photographer to do this for me?

this one's a keeper!

hmonkey · July 2013

i srsly want to take this post behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

hmonkey · July 2013

hmonkey · July 2013

foxfeathers · July 2013

Oh, homie, I also gave her recommendations for a new therapist, assured her that depression is a real medical issue, that there is no stigma in dealing with it, it's treatable, and that her mental health comes before my wedding.

This was just the final straw on a big pile of "I don't like the wine you're ordering so I'm going to bring my own wine and a Riedel." and "But I want to walk down the aisle with the OTHER groomsman!" before months of silence.

hmonkey · July 2013

well, home skillet, you can just go back and cut her out of the wedding and save yourself a few hours of psd work.

foxfeathers · July 2013

My friend sucks, but she's still my friend, and I'd rather just make it easy for my photog do some wizard magic on his Mac. Actually kicking her out of the party would be a bridge too far (that's right, I read WWII literature), especially if she's already depressed. This way she'll have a happy from having pictures of herself, but I have the option of enjoying my photos without resentment.

hmonkey · July 2013

build me a bridesmaid, oh lord, who is strong enough to know when she is weak, brave enough to face herself when she is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending when i ask her to do wedding tasks, and humble and gentle in my bridal party.

6fsn · July 2013

It would be cheaper to end the friendship than it is to photoshop her out.

VarunaTT · July 2013

You know, I had a bridesmaid that was unhappy the entire time she was there. People commented on the bridesmaid who didn't smile to me afterwards. I should've though of photoshopping her out.

foxfeathers · July 2013

So is she. I guess we truly deserve each other.

zsazsa-stl · July 2013

I've found that putting ugly people 5 feet BEHIND the photographer works really well. Should work for you, too.

foxfeathers · July 2013

I value it quite a bit. I'm just disappointed. She has always been an attention seeker, not that that should downplay a very real mental thing, but she seemed so "with it" and very excited to be part of this just a few months ago.

PMeg819 · July 2013

Then she decided she didn't want to be your slave because helping with other people's wedding shit is so exciting? I mean seriously, you post something about how she isn't helping you with your wedding (plan your own damn wedding and do your own damn stuff), and suddenly you're looking on how to photoshop her out?

Really great "friend" you are.

hmonkey · July 2013

how did she hit on your bridesman? was it embarrassing enough that she just doesn't want to face him again?

foxfeathers · July 2013

I think that she should have helped with maybe one task, yes. That's reasonable in a very DIY wedding.

VarunaTT · July 2013

It's YOUR very DIY wedding. That means you do it. Or do you ask guests at a party you throw to do their own dishes?

I say that if you are seriously considering photoshopping her out, you should just ask her out. It's obvious you don't want the friendship anymore with this person, as she is, any more. So just stop.

Jessica41381 · July 2013

It says no where that your bridesmaids need to help you with anything, all they are obligated to do it get a dress and stand next to you. Anything extra is just that extra. I haven't asked my bridesmaids for anything , I can do my own wedding planning and tasks( as can you) all I ask of my bridesmaids is to stand by my side on my big day. Complaining that she hasn't slaved over you is crazy and wanting to photoshop her out is ridiculous.. Your a great friend I see..

Jessica41381 · July 2013

foxfeathers said:

I think that she should have helped with maybe one task, yes. That's reasonable in a very DIY wedding.

it's your DIY wedding not hers, you choose to have a DIY wedding so you do it yourself and be glad she and the other people haven't backed out.

foxfeathers · July 2013

I don't know guys. I've been part of DIY weddings and I loved helping. I rolled silverware, hauled tables, whatever. I loved helping my bride friend.

zsazsa-stl · July 2013

Not everyone loves DIY. And not everyone loves helping.

SBmini · July 2013

foxfeathers said:

My friend sucks, but she's still my friend, and I'd rather just make it easy for my photog do some wizard magic on his Mac. Actually kicking her out of the party would be a bridge too far (that's right, I read WWII literature), especially if she's already depressed. This way she'll have a happy from having pictures of herself, but I have the option of enjoying my photos without resentment.

This has got to be the most passive aggressive thing I've read on this site. You think she's depressed now, just wait and see how depressed she'll be after she pretends to be happy on your day only to find out that you didn't even want her there and went to the lengths of removing her from your photos.

foxfeathers · July 2013

I'm glib and facetious, sure, and disappointed in a friend, but I'm glad to not be as dogmatic and as full of singleminded vitriol as some of you here. When has launching as hominems on a wedding forum ever helped to change anyone's mind? Courtpenguin21 is the only person who has been reasonable and helped at all. Thanks penguin!

foxfeathers · July 2013

I think Courtpenguin is right. I'm upset and I wrote this in a fit of pique. My original post was designed to vent frustration and get a bit of a chuckle.

It's true that not everyone loves helping or DIY, but this friend does. I didn't demand servility, but right from my engagement this friend was there and wanted to help. She started planning bridesmaid dresses and wine service before I did, which I was okay with, because she has a good sense of style and I don't. We got together on multiple occasions and discussed what needed to be done, what our expectations were of each other, what my budget was, what hers was, timelines, all things both whimsical and practical.

Then everything fell through and I didn't get a straight answer as to why for months. Obviously if she is dealing with depression then that comes before being in a wedding. And as she once offered her resources to me, so I offered mine to her.

But my feelings of disappointment and upset are still valid. Just as the feelings of those in this thread who told me that I was ugly and a terrible friend are valid. Those statements may not be objective facts, but you are entitled to your reactions, opinions, and your personal feelings.

foxfeathers · July 2013

@hmonkey, it's probably not going to be really comfortable for her or the bridesman.

NYCMercedes · July 2013

Good grief! I feel sorry for your friend. She's newly single and just moved and has a new job. How have you been supporting this poor girl? Not only that, she was just shot down by a new guy. She needs a friend! If you have needs, go to your fiance. He can do all the DIY for his wedding.

mrsconn23 · July 2013

zsazsa-stl said:

Not everyone loves DIY. And not everyone loves helping.

Word. DIY is not my wheelhouse at all.

I'd come watch other people DIY while I drink the wine I brought.

And the 'Y' means 'yourself'...If you don't want to 'do it yourself' you may want to rethink your plans.

6fsn · July 2013

Is 4chan some youngin' speak I don't know about?

youngin'? Young'n'? Young'n? What's the contraction for young one?

mrsconn23 · July 2013

IDK what 4chan means either.

I think it's youngin'? However, none of them look right to me.

thejucheidea · July 2013

4chan is a popular image board, the most popular board on it being /b/. People who hang out on /b/ are the propagators of many memes and are known for their jadedness in the face of graphic gore and sex. /b/ is not even vaguely sfw. They are master trolls. /b/ is also the place from whence Anonymous spawned.

And I'm just laughing at OP's vocabulary. Thank you for showing us that you know how to use a thesaurus and that you paid attention in senior English class.

Also, I had to deal with a DI"Y" bride who expected us to do all of her projects for her -- it sucked and I hated it. On top of that, she made us pay for required makeup, hair, nails and shoes in addition to our dress. It was fucking awful.

This is like the 4chan of wedding forums.

Re: This is like the 4chan of wedding forums.

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