Wedding Etiquette Forum

My brother's finacee asked my sister to be a bridesmaid but not me, very little advice out there

Hi I have a question, I've been searching the internet and I've only found 2 or 3 posts about this topic.  My brother's fiancée asked my sister to be a bridesmaid but didn't ask me.  There are 3 of us siblings: me, my brother and my sister.  The bride had 3 girls stand up: her sister, her best friend, and my sister.  It is my brother's first wedding and will be his fiancée's second.  The bride and my sister are not friends. 

I was completely left out and didn't even know the bride had asked anyone until a few months after the fact my mother told me.  I had been asking questions about the wedding and getting no information, not even a wedding date.  No one even talked to me about why I wasn't included.  The wedding party had already had gone dress shopping and had the bridesmaids dresses picked out and ordered by the time I knew anything had happened.  I cried when my mom told me and I told her I never expected me or my sister to be bridesmaids just because we are siblings, but to have my sister included and not me really hurt my feelings.  My sister and have both been married 10+ years and we both have children, so that can't be the reason.   I can't imagine why my FSIL excluded me, there has not been anything that happened between us to my knowledge.  A few weeks after my mom told me, my brother called me up and asked me to do a reading.  I of course said yes because I didn't want to create any drama and make the day be about me, or demand that I be included as a bridesmaid because I thought that would be in very poor taste.  I tried to take the high road and said I'd do the reading and offered to help with the wedding in any way I could.  But my feelings were terribly hurt.

The rehearsal and the day of the wedding were 2 of the hardest days for me to get through without crying in public.  My sister was involved in the entire wedding day and I was sent an invitation and told to be at the church 1/2 hour before.  My sister was in all of the pictures, posing with the bride and the other girls at the rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding party pictures the day of the wedding.  I was left out of all of these because I was not in the wedding party. 

The final slam came when at the rehearsal, they asked me to stand in the back and help the flower girls go out on their cue so that the photographer would get the best possible shots.  They also wanted me to stay back and straighten the brides train before she walked down the aisle.  They told me I could just quickly walk up a side aisle and go sit down before the bride's procession began.  The photographer was taking all these photos of the attendants walking down the aisle with their bouquets and it was all I could do to not cry when I hurried up the side of the church and took my seat so as not to be walking in at the same time as the bride.

After the ceremony I was included in 2 pictures.  My sister was in every picture as part of the wedding party.  At the reception a guest of the brides came up and introduced himself to me and asked me how do you know the couple?  When I told him I was the groom's sister he said I thought the grooms sister was in the wedding and I had to tell him he has 2 sisters. 

I am a loss of how to even start to handle this.  She is now my SIL and how could she make this decision without giving any thought to our future together in the same family, consisting of Christmas, holidays, etc.  I know it was just one day, but it is also more than that. Their wedding pictures include my sister but don't include me and I can't imagine what they were thinking when they made this decision.

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Answers

  • kipnuskipnus member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I completely understand why you're feeling upset and hurt, but the bride did not do anything wrong. She was not obligated to include you as a bridesmaid. Perhaps she is much closer to your sister than you realize.
    [Deleted User]FizzySips
  • MimiFz said:

    Hi I have a question, I've been searching the internet and I've only found 2 or 3 posts about this topic.  My brother's fiancée asked my sister to be a bridesmaid but didn't ask me.  There are 3 of us siblings: me, my brother and my sister.  The bride had 3 girls stand up: her sister, her best friend, and my sister.  It is my brother's first wedding and will be his fiancée's second.  The bride and my sister are not friends. 

    I was completely left out and didn't even know the bride had asked anyone until a few months after the fact my mother told me.  I had been asking questions about the wedding and getting no information, not even a wedding date.  No one even talked to me about why I wasn't included.  The wedding party had already had gone dress shopping and had the bridesmaids dresses picked out and ordered by the time I knew anything had happened.  I cried when my mom told me and I told her I never expected me or my sister to be bridesmaids just because we are siblings, but to have my sister included and not me really hurt my feelings.  My sister and have both been married 10+ years and we both have children, so that can't be the reason.   I can't imagine why my FSIL excluded me, there has not been anything that happened between us to my knowledge.  A few weeks after my mom told me, my brother called me up and asked me to do a reading.  I of course said yes because I didn't want to create any drama and make the day be about me, or demand that I be included as a bridesmaid because I thought that would be in very poor taste.  I tried to take the high road and said I'd do the reading and offered to help with the wedding in any way I could.  But my feelings were terribly hurt.

    The rehearsal and the day of the wedding were 2 of the hardest days for me to get through without crying in public.  My sister was involved in the entire wedding day and I was sent an invitation and told to be at the church 1/2 hour before.  My sister was in all of the pictures, posing with the bride and the other girls at the rehearsal dinner, and of course the wedding party pictures the day of the wedding.  I was left out of all of these because I was not in the wedding party. 

    The final slam came when at the rehearsal, they asked me to stand in the back and help the flower girls go out on their cue so that the photographer would get the best possible shots.  They also wanted me to stay back and straighten the brides train before she walked down the aisle.  They told me I could just quickly walk up a side aisle and go sit down before the bride's procession began.  The photographer was taking all these photos of the attendants walking down the aisle with their bouquets and it was all I could do to not cry when I hurried up the side of the church and took my seat so as not to be walking in at the same time as the bride.

    After the ceremony I was included in 2 pictures.  My sister was in every picture as part of the wedding party.  At the reception a guest of the brides came up and introduced himself to me and asked me how do you know the couple?  When I told him I was the groom's sister he said I thought the grooms sister was in the wedding and I had to tell him he has 2 sisters. 

    I am a loss of how to even start to handle this.  She is now my SIL and how could she make this decision without giving any thought to our future together in the same family, consisting of Christmas, holidays, etc.  I know it was just one day, but it is also more than that. Their wedding pictures include my sister but don't include me and I can't imagine what they were thinking when they made this decision.

    I'm very sorry you felt left out. And I'm sorry the asked you to do trivial chores during the wedding.

    But here's the thing. We tell brides on here all the time that no one gets to decide who is a bridesmaid except the bride. For whatever reason, she decided not to have you as a bridesmaid. And that was her right to make that decision. If you were a reader, it's not like they were trying to hide you during the wedding. Being a reader is a special honor.

    Did your sister or mother give you a reason? It's possible your sister is closer to your SIL than you know.

    Otherwise, I really think you'll have to learn to let this go. Crying over not being a bridesmaid for a woman you aren't close to is kind of silly. I also get the feeling that you're letting jealousy of your sister leak in here. You're letting your SIL and her wedding photos have way too much control in your life. Yes, it sucked, but it was her decision to make. It really was just one day - being an aunt to her kids, a sister to her later in life will matter much more. You have to let it go. Focus on the future relationship you'd like to have with her, not the past.

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  • I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, sincerely.

    But.. (unfortunately there is a but).. it's the bride and groom's right to pick whoever they want to stand up for them.  You say the bride and your sister are not friends, but it certainly sounds like they are. Failing that, perhaps your brother feels much closer to your other sister, and thus asked that she be included.  Your brother could have just as easily asked you to stand up on his side.  This is not all your new SIL's fault. 

    As for how to handle it:  You take a few moments to yourself to wallow in how sad you are that you weren't more involved in your brother's wedding (sounds like you may have already been doing this for quite some time).  Then you take a deep breath, wipe away the tears, and go on with your life.  You treat your brother and SIL with the love and kindness you would have shown them if you were both in the WP or if neither of you had been in the WP.  You do your best to let this go, because you can't get that day back and whining about it now will do nothing but put bad blood between you and your brother.  Years of happy memories with your brother / your kids' uncle is far more important than some posed wedding photos.

    [Deleted User]
  • When my brother got married I was asked to do a reading and our younger sister was asked to be the flower girl. Our two older sisters weren't asked to be in the wedding at all and neither came, due to other things going on their lives.

    I am asking both of my FSILs to be BMs but I grew up with both of them, and thus am close to both. My FH is asking my nephew to be a GM but not my brother, but my FH feels closer to my nephew than to my brother. Wedding parties are people who the bride and groom are closest too and though it seems odd that my closest people are 8 wonderful ladies, they are my four closest friends, 2 of my sisters and my 2 FSILs.

    I will say it is kinda shitty you weren't included in more photos. I wrote out what photos I want and the list is 2 1/2 pages and I included photos like B&G with readers, B with readers and G with readers. Since our readers will most likely be friends, we might only have them in those posed pictures.

    The best I can say is let it go. Its in the past and letting this harbor in you will only make Christmas', holidays and what more akwkard and uncomfortable. Take time to get to know your new SIL ask her out to lunch or to get pedis.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited July 2013
    I'm sorry you feel left out, but I agree with PPs. You are not entitled to be in a wedding. You are always welcome to decline when someone asks you to help with something.

    Are you really planning on resenting her for not asking you to be a BM? I mean with the whole mention of Christmas and everything else? I have one brother and one sister, my sister was my bridesmaid, my brother was not included in WP my brother was totally fine with it. Be happy for your brother and SIL.

  • Isn't this really a problem with your brother? Surely he could have told you about the plans, invited you to be one of his honor attendants, and made sure to include you in pictures?
  • I am sorry you are feeling hurt and understand why, but it is time to start moving on.

    To me, I can see @AJuliaNJ's hypothesis being correct - your sister may have been asked to be a bridesmaid to even out the sides. It's also possible that you were asked to do a reading and straighten the bride's train as a way of including you in the ceremony. It's a crappy consolation prize, but that may have been the mentality and not intended to be hurtful.

    As for the photos, I think that sometimes couples don't have a good list of which groups of people they want to get on film. I've read on the boards here that they hadn't realized how few family photos they got until getting the proofs back weeks later. My point is, it could have entirely been an oversight and not intentional at all. Again, I understand why that would be hurtful, but it's very unlikely that it was deliberate and personal against you.

    You got through the wedding. You're having your pity party, and that's absolutely OK. But you need to let this issue go and be able to get along with your SIL. Some weird things happened that could be considered insensitive, but that doesn't have to affect the rest of your relationship with her. So please find a way to move on.
  • Ok..OP, I get your hurt.  I really do. My younger sister got married almost 3 years ago and while my younger sister was in the wedding, I was the one called to help with every question and had to listen to every detail only to find out that I wasn't in the wedding. 

    In fact, I wasn't even supposed to be a reader until her priest told her she needed one. My sister went all bridezilla and even tried to demand that I take a day off work to come to the rehearsal at the last minute  (literally at about 4:55 pm the day before the rehearsal).  

    I did the reading, and even helped fill in as the day of coordinator because no one else was doing the job.  And you know, I wasn't recognized in the program or anything.  I was literally in three of the photos, including the family ones and the ones guest took, because I was busy doing what no one else would.  That's it.  Three.  And Two of them are AWFUL.  Like the "burn it and pretend it doesn't exist" kind of awful.

    You know what I did?  I let it go.  Sure, she hurt my feelings, but she chose who she chose, just as I chose who I did.  I left her out, but I'm also aware of how her feelings might be hurt if I bombard her with wedding questions.  I still spend Holidays with her just as before, and more than once, she's been the family member to defend me when it's needed.  She realized how much help I did actually do, and thanked me eventually, but it wasn't needed.

    Remember they may have not realized they were hurting your feelings.  The wedding was about them, not you.  Now, take a deep breath, eat one more piece of chocolate, and move on.  

    You will feel better. 



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    huynhette said:
    I'm sorry you feel left out, but I agree with PPs. You are not entitled to be in a wedding. You are always welcome to decline when someone asks you to help with something.

    Are you really planning on resenting her for not asking you to be a BM? I mean with the whole mention of Christmas and everything else? I have one brother and one sister, my sister was my bridesmaid, my brother was not included in WP my brother was totally fine with it. Be happy for your brother and SIL.
    I'm not making plans to resent her.  I am happy for them and I am thrilled that my brother got married.  I think in your case your brother is a guy, and it might not mean the same thing to guys as it does to us girls. I'm just left wondering what the heck?  I'm his sister just as much as my other sister is, no more and no less.  I was a bride once too, and I know how hard it is to try to please everyone.  But I also made sure I didn't trample on people even if it was my special day.
    Simply Fated
  • Perhaps since you stated you are not close with her, she didn't imagine you would be upset. Once you expressed your feelings to your mother, it sounds like she relayed that to the couple. As a result they may H's e come up with other ways to include you, all those crappy jobs were maybe fixing things in their eyes.

    Either way, it's their right to pick their bridal party and I think you are way over reacting.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MimiFz said:
     
    huynhette said:
    I'm sorry you feel left out, but I agree with PPs. You are not entitled to be in a wedding. You are always welcome to decline when someone asks you to help with something.

    Are you really planning on resenting her for not asking you to be a BM? I mean with the whole mention of Christmas and everything else? I have one brother and one sister, my sister was my bridesmaid, my brother was not included in WP my brother was totally fine with it. Be happy for your brother and SIL.
    I'm not making plans to resent her.  I am happy for them and I am thrilled that my brother got married.  I think in your case your brother is a guy, and it might not mean the same thing to guys as it does to us girls. I'm just left wondering what the heck?  I'm his sister just as much as my other sister is, no more and no less.  I was a bride once too, and I know how hard it is to try to please everyone.  But I also made sure I didn't trample on people even if it was my special day.
    Not asking you to be in her wedding party =/= trampling you.



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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish you the best in moving on. As PP have said, there could have been multiple reasons you were slighted. Can you talk to your mom about it, to gain another perspective? Can you talk to your brother about it, to gain his perspective? Can you work it out with a therapist?
    harper0813
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I have an older brother and a younger sister. When my brother got married, his now wife asked my sister to be a bridesmaid, but didn't ask me. I was asked (along with the bride's two brothers) to hold up the chuppah. My sister was also supposed to help hold the chuppah, but my brother couldn't cut down his half of the wedding party, and my sister-in-law needed one more bridesmaid. So she asked my sister, and found someone else to hold the chuppah.

    I was very upset about it. I didn't want to be a bridesmaid, but I still felt left out. And, as you mentioned, my sister is now in a billion wedding photos, and I'm in only a handful. It also made me feel like my sister-in-law was publicly demonstrating that my sister was important to her, but that I wasn't.

    But ... it was my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, and it was their decision. Plenty of other people were unhappy with other details of the wedding; I'm sure you're not the only person who feels frustrated or left out. But you're married, too--you probably inadvertently hurt plenty of people's feelings. Not because you were being rude or insensitive, but because that is what happens when you plan a wedding.

    It's okay to be upset about this, but there's nothing that you can or should do, except try to move on.
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  • Have you ever actually spoken to your brother about it?  At this point, its over so you can't do much about the wedding and the pictures, but if you feel like this will continue to impact your relationship with her, I strongly recommend you have a calm, level headed conversation with your brother.  
  • I do understand being hurt that your sister was included and you were not ... however, I am one of 5 children (I have 2 brother and 2 sisters), and I know someday that at least one of my brothers will get married, and it's pretty ridiculous to expect whoever he marries to include all 3 of us as BMs ... or even for the both of them to include all 3 sisters in the ceremony at all.

    I know when that day comes, most likely my youngest sister will somehow be included in the WP (She and my one brother are Irish twins, and are exceptionally close from growing up together like that), while me and my older sister and my youngest brother will be given alternate roles in the ceremony if we're even included at all. It's sad, because I know I would love to be a bridesmaid or groomswoman in my brother's wedding ... but I know nobody actual owes that opportunity to me. That's just how the world works.

    The wedding is over, there's no changing what choices got made. If you want to be mad/hurt/whatever over it, fine, you're entitled to your feelings. But it's not doing anyone any good for you to hold a grudge over these decisions now that there's nothing to be done about them. You have a choice: accept it and move on, or stay angry and let it be the elephant in the room whenever you're around your brother and SIL for as long as they both shall live. I suggest the former, as the latter isn't going to accomplish anything other than reinforce your hurt feelings for a very long time ... and that's just no way to live.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • WeeshWeesh NY member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    phira said:
    I have an older brother and a younger sister. When my brother got married, his now wife asked my sister to be a bridesmaid, but didn't ask me. I was asked (along with the bride's two brothers) to hold up the chuppah. My sister was also supposed to help hold the chuppah, but my brother couldn't cut down his half of the wedding party, and my sister-in-law needed one more bridesmaid. So she asked my sister, and found someone else to hold the chuppah.

    I was very upset about it. I didn't want to be a bridesmaid, but I still felt left out. And, as you mentioned, my sister is now in a billion wedding photos, and I'm in only a handful. It also made me feel like my sister-in-law was publicly demonstrating that my sister was important to her, but that I wasn't.

    But ... it was my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, and it was their decision. Plenty of other people were unhappy with other details of the wedding; I'm sure you're not the only person who feels frustrated or left out. But you're married, too--you probably inadvertently hurt plenty of people's feelings. Not because you were being rude or insensitive, but because that is what happens when you plan a wedding.

    It's okay to be upset about this, but there's nothing that you can or should do, except try to move on.
    Very good point!  I can completely understand feeling a little left out and hurt.  However, I think you need to try to find a way to move on or get past it.  If you don't find a way to do that, you will carry this resentment with you and family gatherings will be very uncomfortable.
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  • I would agree with previous posters that it sounds like you've already spent some time being sad about this and it's time to move on.  I understand why you are hurt.  Feeling left out is never fun.  But I think one of the ways you can help yourself move on is to stop thinking thinking about what happened as a purposeful slight toward you.  I'm in the middle of planning my wedding right now.  My fiance and I are trying to be very considerate of everyone's feelings, but sometimes, it is just impossible to please every single person.  Also, sometimes with everything going on, I think that there must be something we will forget or not think about and maybe someone will feel upset or hurt, but we are doing the very best we can.  That's all we can do.

    I have a brother.  He's getting married early 2014, not that long after my own wedding.  His choice to get married so close to my wedding has caused a lot of family drama (not necessarily so much between me and him directly), and there are hurt feelings flying around a lot right now in relation to his wedding.  HOWEVER, it is ONE day of our lives.  A very important day for him, but in the grand scheme of things, my relationship with him is too important to me to let any nonsense (like who is/is not in pictures), etc, ruin a lifetime of us being close and sharing our lives.

    As a previous poster said, eat one more chocolate and move on.  Put on the big girl panties and focus on building your relationship with your SIL if that means a lot to you and be a positive force in your brother's family's life.  There's too many better things in life....

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I understand being sad and feeling left out. But the bride did nothing wrong, does not owe you an explanation, and did not trample on you. It's time to let this go. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MimiFz said:
     
    huynhette said:
    I'm sorry you feel left out, but I agree with PPs. You are not entitled to be in a wedding. You are always welcome to decline when someone asks you to help with something.

    Are you really planning on resenting her for not asking you to be a BM? I mean with the whole mention of Christmas and everything else? I have one brother and one sister, my sister was my bridesmaid, my brother was not included in WP my brother was totally fine with it. Be happy for your brother and SIL.
    I'm not making plans to resent her.  I am happy for them and I am thrilled that my brother got married.  I think in your case your brother is a guy, and it might not mean the same thing to guys as it does to us girls. I'm just left wondering what the heck?  I'm his sister just as much as my other sister is, no more and no less.  I was a bride once too, and I know how hard it is to try to please everyone.  But I also made sure I didn't trample on people even if it was my special day.
    To the bolded, you may have an equal biological relationship, but that doesn't mean that you're all equally close to each other. I have a much better relationship with my brothers than I do with my sister and am closer to them. I genuinely like them and would be friends with them even if we weren't related, while if my sister wasn't my sister, I probably would have nothing to do with her. That's not because she's a horrible person or has done anything I find offensive, it's that we just have personalities that clash and don't have much in common. So sure, we all have an equal relationship as siblings, but some of my siblings are also my friends. It's possible that your brother or SIL feel that way about your sister, and that she was included as a friend and not as a sibling. You say that's not true, but I can assure you that my sister would say the exact same thing. We don't exactly go rubbing our close relationships in her face, because saying things like, "I know I only call you once a month, but I talk to Ed at least once a week, and I like him better than you," would be really, really shitty.

    But whatever the reason is for including you in the wedding in a different way than your sister (because being asked to do a reading is considered an honor as well), it doesn't matter anymore. It happened, you felt sad, and now it's time to act like an adult and let it go. If you're still feeling "trampled" and want to cry over something this trivial, then you sound like you need some help, because that is not an emotionally appropriate response after more than a couple days. Vent to a friend for a bit one last time, and then just stop dwelling on it. If not, it will color your relationship with your brother and SIL, even if you think you're hiding it well. These types of negative emotions tend to show through even when we think we're putting on a pretty good face, and then YOU will be the one making Christmas and holiday celebrations uncomfortable with your attitude toward your new SIL.
    SKPM
  • I'm sorry you feel hurt.  Your brother and SIL didn't do anything wrong and I doubt they were trying to exclude you.  Being a reader is a wonderful way to include someone... my cousin/godmother did the readings at my wedding and it was wonderful.  I'm glad that you came here to vent because I know that it hurts to be left out. 

    I wanted to add, because it sounds like you really want to know why... the why really doesn't matter.  It is not likely to make you feel better no matter what their reasoning.  It's quite possible they "needed" one more BM to even out the sides and chose your sister for that role (meaning maybe she was an afterthought).  Maybe they chose her because she has more money to throw showers, buy the dress and accessories, etc.  Maybe they chose her because of her appearance (yes, people do this).  We can't tell you why.  Try to put this behind you and be happy that you were asked to be involved at all.

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  • I'll say it: I don't understand why you are hurt. They included you in helping with the rest of the wedding party and you got to be there at all. I mean, you are taking someone else's wedding day and make it all about you and your feelings. That is obnoxious. Now its going on to affect future get togethers? It sounds like it was nothing personal and that they still wanted to include you with preparations and the wedding party. Its ridiculous and immature to still have your panties in a twist about this so long after the wedding. 

    They didn't disinvite you or kick you out of the dance hall. Its up to the bride/groom to include who they want to include in their WP. Its not some personal middle finger to you that they didn't include you but they did include your sister. You have no idea if they were closer friends than you think. Its presumptuous to think you understand another friendship. 

    I think you are taking something into Drama Queen Territory that it never had to go. This could be the reason that the bride didn't ask you. She wanted to steer clear of unnecessary histrionics. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm very sorry you didn't get to participate as a bridesmaid although your sister did and that you didn't enjoy the wedding for that reason, but I don't think nursing your disappointment is good for you.  As hard as it may be to let this go, I think that's the best thing you can do.
  • MimiFz said:
     
    huynhette said:
    I'm sorry you feel left out, but I agree with PPs. You are not entitled to be in a wedding. You are always welcome to decline when someone asks you to help with something.

    Are you really planning on resenting her for not asking you to be a BM? I mean with the whole mention of Christmas and everything else? I have one brother and one sister, my sister was my bridesmaid, my brother was not included in WP my brother was totally fine with it. Be happy for your brother and SIL.
    I'm not making plans to resent her.  I am happy for them and I am thrilled that my brother got married.  I think in your case your brother is a guy, and it might not mean the same thing to guys as it does to us girls. I'm just left wondering what the heck?  I'm his sister just as much as my other sister is, no more and no less.  I was a bride once too, and I know how hard it is to try to please everyone.  But I also made sure I didn't trample on people even if it was my special day.
    Oh you know, because men are incapable of feeling left out. You didn't get left out. You were invited to the wedding. You were able to participate. Ultimately, you got to witness your brother got married, he wedding has come and gone. Nothing you do will change it. Don't approach her, don't bring it up, don't guilt trip her or anything. Your SIL has a right to have whoever she wants as a bridesmaid.

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2013
    OP, you have children. Think about the example you are setting for them. You can either accept this graciously and with dignity and stop taking it personally, or you can show them that it's okay to whine and cry actual tears for days on end and let it affect your relationship from here on out because you were given the honor of reader instead of bridesmaid. I get that you are hurt, but they DID include you, just not in the pretty poofy dress that your sister got to wear (for what it's worth, that makes you sound like a 12-year old). You were in pictures, just not all of them, but I bet they hang the ones that have family along with the ones of the wedding party.

    I was a reader in my brother's wedding, and I was thrilled that he asked me. Maybe they like your reading voice and thought you'd be an excellent choice? That's why my brother asked me. I'd done readings at family funerals and weddings before, and a lot of cousins asked me to do readings at their weddings after that. It was always an honor. Try to see the bright side of this.

    harper0813jendemeyer
  • OP, I understand being a little miffed that your other sister was "favored" in some way by being asked to be a bridesmaid, but your SIL (and more importantly your brother) did nothing wrong and holding onto this anger is not worth it. I think it was Gandhi who said that anger is like grabbing a hot coal to throw at your enemy...it's going to glance off them and burn the hell out of your hand. 

    FWIW, I have a couple friends who grew up in the South and they always said it was tradition in their circle to ask one of the siblings of the bride/groom to stand up in the wedding party on the opposite family's side.  I have never heard of such a tradition before and haven't seen it mentioned on TK before, but maybe your SIL was thinking of something similar?

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