How long is too long to send a thank you note?

Sharpschruter22 · July 2013

I am so embarrassed. It took me two months to get my thank you cards out after the wedding. I only had one person mention it being too long, but it really embarrassed me. We went on our week and a half honeymoon right after the wedding and I moved a few states over right after as well. I know it is supposed to be done within a month, but with the move and everything, it just didn't happen. Would you judge me? How long is too long to get thank yous out?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I won't judge you. My fiance's best man got married May 2012 and they're still talking about sending those thank you notes out.

kipnus · July 2013

No judgement here!

blueobsidian · July 2013

Things happen and life is busy. If it was longer than two months, I might judge a little, but I would still appreciate the thought and time you took to send them out. I tend to reserve most of my judgment for people who never send thank yous.

Weesh · July 2013

blueobsidian said:

Things happen and life is busy. If it was longer than two months, I might judge a little, but I would still appreciate the thought and time you took to send them out. I tend to reserve most of my judgment for people who never send thank yous.

Exactly. I think you're fine!

libby2483 · July 2013

We sent our thank you notes out about 2 months after the wedding. It was a little longer than ideal, but I think it is fine. I've attended weddings where I didn't get a thank you note for over a year, and I've also attended weddings where I've never received a thank you note. Two months isn't bad in the grand scheme of things!

daria24 · July 2013

IMO, within 6 weeks is ideal, but you won't get a side-eye if it's within 3 months. You are totally fine.

annathy03 · July 2013

No side-eye here, 2 months doesn't strike me as long- especially if you were moving in that time frame.

ShesSoCold · July 2013

After 6-8 weeks, I might think a quick, "Where the hell is this thank you? How long ago was that wedding..?", move on and then be mad at myself for thinking that as soon as the note came. You got them done - I think you're fine.

button6004 · July 2013

No side eye from me especially if you moved during that time. I'm still waiting on the thank you I will never get from a wedding last year... And one in 2010.

JellyBean52513 · July 2013

This reminds me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Marie gave her new daughter-in-law Amy a hard time about not having sent out thank you notes, what was it, a week after the wedding? Marie just wanted her friends to receive a thank you note for their gift to the couple that she helped them pick out lol.

Two months is fine, especially considering your circumstances. Did someone actually say to you, once they'd received your TY, that you took too long?? I find that a little....abrasive

efmcc67 · July 2013

When I read the title of your thread, I was going to say "better late than never!" But after reading your post, I have to change my response because two months is not late! You're fine. That person was out of line for saying anything.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

I'm not going to lie, I would probably start wondering where mine was after 6 weeks and would probably roll my eyes when I did get it, but since you've had a lot going on, I think you should focus on getting them done and make it happen. Take my opinion with a grain of salt since my shower was on a Friday and my thank yous were in the mail on Monday.

MaryGraceRich · July 2013

This thread is great. There seems to be a thank you note problem in my circle of friends. A wedding that I was in and gave a gift to, no thank you (not that surprising she was a bridezilla) Later that year I am MOH at my best friends wedding I received a thank you with not even my name written in it. January 2011 I went to a friends wedding, didnt get a thank you until a year later when the bride handed it to me before she moved. The latest was a wedding for a friend this past March. Still no thank you.
There was no less than $200 in each one of the cards I gave for these weddings. I WILL NOT do this to my guests!

s-aries8990 · July 2013

Two months is less than ideal in most cases, but those are also the cases where they go on a honeymoon, come home, and twiddle their fingers in their house - not move several states away. You're totally in the clear (also, waiting until after the move was good, so now they have your new address!)

AddieCake · July 2013

I won't judge you b/c I like you. I judged my cousin for it, though, but that's because I can't stand her.

stantokm · July 2013

Ha, I once got a hand-delivered thank you 2-3 years after the wedding. The bride had written it at the time and it got misplaced until they moved. She wrote on the envelope (already sealed) "Sorry this is so late!!" and explained what happened. It had been so long that I didn't even notice that I didn't receive an acknowledgement.

APDSS22 · July 2013

At 2 months, I wouldn't judge. Especially with the move.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Yeah, I wouldn't judge. Honestly, I usually forget about thank yous until I get one. Or until it's 6 months out and I remember I never got one. It takes a while to get to that point.

banana468 · July 2013

I'd start to judge but I don't think poorly when I get a TY at the 2 mo mark. When I don't get them at all, I find myself in less of a rush to buy other presents for the same person though.

MayDay513 · July 2013

I'm glad you got them all out. Honestly, its better than not getting them out at all. I had mine out the week I got back from HM so that was about 3 weeks after wedding. I was in a wedding in March and no one ever received a TY card from the bride for any shower, bachelorette party (she wanted people to buy her lingerie), and wedding gifts.

MuppetFan · July 2013

I wouldn't judge. I am judging my friend who got married in December and talks about doing her thank you notes but still hasn't. I spent several days making the gumpaste toppers for her cupcakes.

I'm also judging my best friend who hasnt sent hers from 2010... and well, honestly, almost every wedding I've been to in the past 4 years because I still have not received one. I think about it every time I see these people. The only one who thanked me was my cousin who lives in Germany and I didn't attend his wedding, just sent money.

MayDay513 · July 2013

MuppetFan said:

I wouldn't judge. I am judging my friend who got married in December and talks about doing her thank you notes but still hasn't. I spent several days making the gumpaste toppers for her cupcakes.

I'm also judging my best friend who hasnt sent hers from 2010... and well, honestly, almost every wedding I've been to in the past 4 years because I still have not received one. I think about it every time I see these people. The only one who thanked me was my cousin who lives in Germany and I didn't attend his wedding, just sent money.

Did any of them give the BS excuse of "oh I am waiting to get my photos back from my photographer so I can get TY cards with our wedding pictures on them"? and then still not send any when they got photos?

phira · July 2013

It took me 3 months to get my thank you notes out when I had my Bat Mitzvah. Obviously, it's not a wedding, and I think people expect less from a 13-year-old than an adult who just got married. But because of that, 3 months is the point where I start wondering where my thank-you is.

As has been mentioned earlier, I am much more irritated when I don't get a thank you note at ALL.

I'm getting the feeling that these days, people don't send thank you notes when they say thank you in person, or in some other informal way (e.g. facebook, email). However, I'd rather have someone send me a quick fb message saying, "Thank you so much for the gift!" than never hear anything at all. My partner's brother and sister-in-law STILL have not thanked us (not even in person) for their wedding gift or housewarming gift. I know this might make me petty, but I don't feel very good about getting them any other gifts; no "thank you" makes them seem incredibly entitled and ungrateful.

Jen4948 · July 2013

I won't judge you.

Me, I'm fine with about a 3-month window for thank-you notes after a wedding, allowing for a honeymoon and moving. After that, I'd start to wonder.

MuppetFan · July 2013

huynhette said:

MuppetFan said:

I wouldn't judge. I am judging my friend who got married in December and talks about doing her thank you notes but still hasn't. I spent several days making the gumpaste toppers for her cupcakes.

I'm also judging my best friend who hasnt sent hers from 2010... and well, honestly, almost every wedding I've been to in the past 4 years because I still have not received one. I think about it every time I see these people. The only one who thanked me was my cousin who lives in Germany and I didn't attend his wedding, just sent money.

Did any of them give the BS excuse of "oh I am waiting to get my photos back from my photographer so I can get TY cards with our wedding pictures on them"? and then still not send any when they got photos?

Crickets from most of them, with one exception:

The one I made all the cupcake toppers for in Dec is a good friend and she told me she's done half of them but she hasn't had time to do the other half and she wants them to go all at once. She IS incredibly busy (2) jobs and full time nursing and mom...but she has time to go out with me and go shopping and go to the beach etc... i keep trying to get her to fit in 30 minutes a day. She'll be done in a few days. It's been 8 months.

My mom thinks I'm silly for being annoyed about it because she thinks etiquette gives you 1 year. My mom would smack me silly if *I* waited more than a month

winelover123 · July 2013

I wouldn't side eye a thank you after 2 months. I'm still waiting for any thank you - verbal or written - for a gift from a year ago. As long as you sent them in a reasonable time, you're golden in my book

wittykitty14 · July 2013

I think at 2 months you're ok, especially considering the move! I prefer to have them a little sooner, but I certainly wouldn't judge anyone at 2 months! I might start getting judgy at 3 months. My cousin didn't get hers done until about 9 months afterwards, which baffles me. It drove me nuts, but better late than never?

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

Is there a formal rule about when thank yous should be sent (besides ASAP)? I wouldn't even bat my eyes are two-months. That seems completely normal/standard. After three months I would probably wonder where the damn thing is. But prior to three months, I think you are absolutely in the clear.

walgrrl · July 2013

LavenderHoneyBee said:

Is there a formal rule about when thank yous should be sent (besides ASAP)? I wouldn't even bat my eyes are two-months. That seems completely normal/standard. After three months I would probably wonder where the damn thing is. But prior to three months, I think you are absolutely in the clear.

This is the rule I have heard (everybody please correct me if I'm wrong):

For gifts received before the wedding: thank you notes should be mailed out within two weeks of receiving the gift

For gifts received at the wedding: thank you notes should be mailed out within one month of returning from the honeymoon (if you go on a honeymoon right after the wedding). If you don't go on a honeymoon right away, within one month of your wedding date.

I think I read this in Emily Post and also saw it mentioned on some etiquette website (can't remember where). Although this is the "rule", I think two months is ok, especially considering that nowadays so many people either just don't do them, or send them out ridiculously late.

I just got a thank you note for a wedding I attended in October. Better late than never, I guess, but I thought it was ridiculous, especially since there were not any extenuating circumstances that would make it excusable.

My father suddenly and unexpectedly passed away two weeks after we got back from the honeymoon and I still had my thank you notes mailed out within 5 weeks of my wedding date (4 weeks after the honeymoon). I'm not saying this to make OP feel bad (you're fine!), I'm just saying there's no reason it should take anyone 9 months, no matter what they have going on.

grumbledore · July 2013

You're fine, but do it now. I hold a grudge over no thank you note, I'll be honest. When my XH's brother got married (quite a few years ago, when we were still together), we gave them a very nice gift AND several hundred dollars cash and never got a thank you note. I never got one for her shower gift either. When they had a baby, I refused to give a gift. I can't deal with that kind of rudeness. It actually still makes me mad when I think about it.

Another couple whose wedding we went to two summers ago (truthfully, it was an obnoxious PPD, not a wedding) never sent a thank you note either. I just don't get it.

How long is too long to send a thank you note?

Re: How long is too long to send a thank you note?

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