Best Man problems

RCantrell123 · July 2013

Just need to vent a little:

So, our wedding is 12 days away and last night my FI gets a random text from his BM simply stating "I am bringing my stepson to your wedding". We aren't having a declared adult only reception, but only 5 children (+ 3 newborns) are coming- and they are all family members. Because they are family members, we obviously know them well (I can't wait to dance with my 6 year old niece- she's a rockstar- lol) and know their parents will keep an eye on them, etc. The BM got married last year (we found out after the fact- his own mother found out after her sister read it in the paper- it's a wild story) and his wife has a 4 year old. We have only met her once and don't even know the child's name... in short, we don't know how he is behaved, etc. Plus, only their names were on the invite, so it clearly wasn't a "family" invitation. For the BM to declare he is bringing the child with less than 2 weeks to go... let's just say I'm not too happy with him at the moment. Even though my fiance already told him we've submitted numbers, the child can't sit at the head table (we are doing a Tuscan style head table so all guests of the bridal party can sit with their significant other), we don't want children at the rehearsal dinner (I mean, there's going to be plenty of adult beverages- if I was a Mom, I wouldn't want my 4 year old there either), etc.

They live 2 hours away and my instincts are telling me that they may just try to pull a fast one and show up to rehearsal with the child, expecting us to not be able to say no them. I was feeling pretty calm and put together until this was thrown at me. Now I'm just feeling completely anxious and unnecessarily stressed. My FI is torn because this is his best friend of 30 years and he doesn't know what to do with him anymore. I shouldn't have to come up with words to say (especially since it's all hypothetical at this point), but if they do arrive with child in tow the day before the wedding, any words of wisdom/advice as to what we should do if the worst case scenario happens?

Vintagelove4 · July 2013

I don't really have any advice. Maybe have a babysitter lined up? Could you ask him about how the child behaves?

Jessica41381 · July 2013

I wouldn't let it ruin your day! Although you don't know how he behaves I'm sure if their aren't other kids his age that he will be just fine. Most kids that I've dealt with dont misbehave unless they are around other kids who also misbehave. Plus I would think the mother would be able to have him under control. I wouldn't automatically think a child is bad he could be the complete opposite. Although I didn't really have much advice I wouldn't let it stress you out or ruin your day. He isn't your child and your guests will know this so it will reflect on their parenting skills not you. They are obligated to watch him and make sure he behaves.

doubleSS07 · July 2013

If he insists on bringing the child can you just have a secondary plan in place to sit the whole family at a nearby table and not the head table? I know it sucks they wont be up there but if it cannot accomdate a child (or you don't want it to) then maybe just sit them at a regular table close by.

RCantrell123 · July 2013

Thanks ladies. I really just needed to vent with this one. We worked it out and have been told the child will not be coming... we shall see. Moving on to a bigger problem... my FI's sister announced to us last night her dress doesn't fit (despite the fact that she received the dress back in May, so she could have told us a little sooner). She ordered a new one (expedited and all- so I definitely appreciate the effort), but the new one is apparently the wrong color. She lives 2.5 hours away so I have no idea how off it really is. Now I'm left with a new decision to make: take her out of the wedding because the new dress will look strange in pics, etc or just roll with it. She's his only sister and I feel horrible. Not to mention, we'd all have to answer lots of "why" questions. Are these things really supposed to happen with less than 2 weeks to go? I'm ready for a honeymoon.

Jessica41381 · July 2013

I would just roll with it, she did make the effort to order a new dress. It might not even be that off and if so she can just have a different dress because shes your new sil. I definitely wouldn't stress about a dress because there could be so many other things far worse. My wedding is next satuday and I just found out my oldest sister and two nieces(all of which were in my wedding party) now cant make it, while its upsetting its not the end of the world and I know her reasoning is beyond her control. Even after hearing all that Im not stressed at all, so I might not be the best when it comes to advice dealing with stressful issues. But I personally would just roll with it and enjoy your day and not worry about her dress.

doubleSS07 · July 2013

Can she send you a picture of the new dress next to the old dress? The dye lot is probably off but it might not be THAT much. Maybe take a look at it before freaking out too much. In the end I'd just roll with it. Unless it's quite a difference most people probably won't even notice. At least your BM HAS a dress. I still have one without a dress and a MOB with no dess. FML

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

I'd probably roll with it too. In the scheme of things it's worth it to have her stand with you.

@Jessica41381 you are an awesome sister! Kudos for being so understanding and I totally admire your calmness.

Jessica41381 · July 2013

Thanks @xstatic3333, with her husband being in the military these things happen and you can't get upset or mad you just go with the flow.

While my sister still is unable to make it, my nieces who are 11 and 13 will still be able to make it. I know my sister is dealing with it and its hard for her to not make it but she knows I completely understand. Life gives you obstacles and you just have to get around it and make the best of the situation at hand.

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