Relatives are driving me nuts!

amorrison340 · July 2013

Awhile back I posted a question of what to do with an estranged aunt who, after receiving her save the date (at my father's request) asked that her grown children and their spouses also be invited. Got great advice and replied kindly that unfortunately due to the size of our wedding we wouldn't be able to accommodate her request. She never replied and I assumed the matter was closed. Last week, she emailed me to letting me know she would now like to bring her daughter and her 16 year old granddaughter.

What gives? I want to scream.

Help!

banana468 · July 2013

Some people just aren't used to being told no. They think that they should get what they want, when they want and how they want. I also dealt with a little bit of this with some older relatives thinking that they could shove their opinions in like they knew better than me just due to age.

Just re-state that the invitation is just for her and you can make plans to get together with the daughter and grandchild sometime after the big day.

annathy03 · July 2013

Rinse and repeat from before. "Aunt so-and-so, the invitation was for you and SO. Unfortunately we are unable to accommodate any additional guests, but we're looking forward to seeing you there."

Add wine if necessary.

ETA: KindaSparkly has excellent wording I didn't see before submitting, I'd respond with that.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

"Dear Aunt PainInMyAss,
As I mentioned before in our previous discussion, we simply cannot accommodate extra guests. I am delighted to extend an invitation to you {or you and Uncle Bob} but further additions are not feasible. I do hope that you {or you and Bob} can attend.
Sincerely, Exasperated Niece"

THIS. This. This.

This.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

I would be so pissed, too. Kinda's wording is perfect.

phira · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:

"Dear Aunt PainInMyAss,
As I mentioned before in our previous discussion, we simply cannot accommodate extra guests. I am delighted to extend an invitation to you {or you and Uncle Bob} but further additions are not feasible. I do hope that you {or you and Bob} can attend.
Sincerely, Exasperated Niece"

Copy and paste this. Including "Aunt PainInMyAss" and "Exasperated Niece."

Jen4948 · July 2013

Dear Aunt PainInMyAss,
As I mentioned to you previously, the invitation we sent you is for you and Uncle Bob alone. It does not include anyone else as we are not able to accommodate them. While we look forward to seeing you and Uncle Bob, please consider the subject of additional guests closed.

Sincerely,
amorrison340

banana468 · July 2013

KindaSparkly said:
"Dear Aunt PainInMyAss,
As I mentioned before in our previous discussion, we simply cannot accommodate extra guests. I am delighted to extend an invitation to you {or you and Uncle Bob} but further additions are not feasible. I do hope that you {or you and Bob} can attend.
Sincerely, Exasperated Niece"

Perfection!

amorrison340 · July 2013

Thanks everyone! I also don't feel guilty or mean anymore. Can I really call her Aunt PaininMyAss? Kidding! (mostly)

cmiles89 · July 2013

amorrison340 said:

Thanks everyone! I also don't feel guilty or mean anymore. Can I really call her Aunt PaininMyAss? Kidding! (mostly)

If you did, I would say she may not be a problem anymore... ever. Ever ever. So if that's a good payoff for you... could be worth it...

coolwhipz1 · July 2013

Yep. I agree with kindas answer.

amorrison340 · July 2013

She's divorced, my dad (it's his sister) has told me she never had an issue going to events like this alone before, and she's been informed there will be quite a few single people in her age group there. Honestly, I think I would have been okay with it if after she got her invite, she asked to bring her daughter for company. The fact that she asked originally to bring 4 extra people, was told nicely, "no" then asked to bring 2 people, one of which is a kid (she knows we're not having kids at the wedding) has me digging in my heels.

I feel like if I offer to let just her daughter come at this point, then in a few weeks she'll be asking for someone else until I back down on everyone. I have had more contact with her in the last 4 months due to this issue than I have in the last 10 years or more. So, I guess I really don't feel I owe her anything in this department.

misssunshine17 · July 2013

Go ahead and call her Aunt Pain in the Ass since she probably doesn't read your messages or listen anyway since she doesn't comprehend that you're not inviting all these randoms haha. *facepam*

amorrison340 · July 2013

The only people that got guests were those in a relationship - as in we simply asked those people that were single if they were seeing someone (didn't want to judge how they viewed their relationship), so we could directly invite that person. And the rest of people not bringing anyone we have spoken to and let them know discreetly that we are limited and they had no problem with it. Most of our combined aunts and uncles are divorced and only one of them is bringing someone. She actually does know my mom's family, and I figured I would seat her with them, although we're all kind of shocked she's even coming. Long story behind the estrangement, but there's no bad blood in it with her, so it's not like she'll be ostracized!

I guess I was trying to be consistent in how I handle the plus one's. I think making exceptions could easily upset others. There's actually quite a few single people that will be coming who don't really know many other people (like one of my bridesmaid's mom, who only knows her daughter and me or my dad's best friend from college, who really only knows my dad). She's been told all this, and it doesn't sink in.

I think I know what I'm going to say thanks to everyone's help! Hopefully this will be the time she gets it. I really appreciate the support, and now I know I'm not being completely crazy.

Thank you!

Relatives are driving me nuts!

Re: Relatives are driving me nuts!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards