Spend time with your significant other instead of wasting your life away blogging!

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

Angusaur · July 2013

He actually doesn't have to go. He was the best man in the wedding. The wedding is done and over with. He stood up as best man, and went to the original reception. I personally think if you want a DW, go for it. Don't do the whole PPD thing when you come home. I know it's technically not because they're not doing a ceremony do-over (right?) but I do a serious eye roll when they want to re-wear the wedding dress and tux. I especially eye roll that they are asking that the BP get all dressed up again and do the whole head table thing.

They need to seat you and FI together, whether that is at the head table (sorry) or at a regular table. Also neither of you are obligated to go. If you'd rather enjoy his birthday doing something else, do just that.

Bubbles2014 · July 2013

They can hold an event on his birthday.

If you aren't comfortable with the plans at the event (I wouldn't be either) then decline and take your FI out for a nice dinner. He did his part, he doesn't have to attend a second reception.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

Yes, you're being a little bit nutty. The birthday thing? Really? And if you go you'll have attitude and leave conspicuously early? Sure, you should be seated with your SO, but retaliatory rudeness is never a good idea.

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

Maybe I should have included the fact we have children and ALWAYS spend birthdays together traveling so this cancelled our plans this year. Both of them knew this when they planned it on his birthday. That's part of my gripe with that.

But I appreciate the advice from you all.

I did tell my fiance that I will not be attending. NOW I have to see what he is going to do. I will definitely relay your thoughts Bubbles2014...one was enough.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

I don't think you're nutty to not want to go, but I do think calling the bride's sister to complain was dramatic and childish. You should have just declined if you didn't want to go. All you did was create a very awkward situation for your FI. And, I'm sorry but the birthday thing is silly, and that is coming from someone where birthdays are a big deal.

Echoed. I think you overreacted and ahve put FI in a tough spot. That being said, you're right about the tables-- you guys shouldn't be separated.

(Except the last part. we don't really care about birthdays at all. If you already had plans, you should have just said you couldn't go. This isn't their wedding. You already went to that.)

AddieCake · July 2013

I think you should be seated together, certainly, but I don't think they are being selfish by having it on his birthday. People cannot always plan their parties and events around other peoples' birthdays and whatnot. There's always going to be SOMETHING going on. Let's say they planned it for the week after. Oops. That's Jim's birthday. Next month? Sorry, Janet's daughter's Confirmation is that weekend.

He doesn't have to go. You didn't have to cancel your standing plans.

Fran1985 · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

I don't think you're nutty to not want to go, but I do think calling the bride's sister to complain was dramatic and childish. You should have just declined if you didn't want to go. All you did was create a very awkward situation for your FI. And, I'm sorry but the birthday thing is silly, and that is coming from someone where birthdays are a big deal.

Agree. I think their rudeness was seating the wedding party separate, yours was in calling the bride's sister and complaining. I think declining the invite was the right move, because you would never want to attend an event with a bad attitude.

MrsMack10612 · July 2013

I have to agree with the overreacting on the birthday thing. Things get double scheduled all the time.

My RD was scheduled for the same night as my father's youngest child's birthday and he told me he may not be able to attend because of it. I was pretty miffed (there's a lot more backstory to that) and all I could think was, she has a birthday every year and I (hopefully) am only getting married once. And it's not like she's a little kid. She's 25 yo. I didn't say a word to him about it - which is where you overreacted, by calling and complaining about it. He did end up coming, but I got the "oh we rearranged plans" style guilt trip.

banana468 · July 2013

Where to begin:
It's ridiculous to "require" the WP to wear their wedding attire for the AHR. The couple should be footing the dry cleaning bills for that. It's also rude to split up established couples because the husband and wife want a head table again. Couples should be seated together so if they insist upon a head table, you should be up there with your FI.

You are so far out of line to complain to the bride's sister that the line is a dot to you. If they cleared the date worth everyone on the guest list they would never have an event. Your FI is a big boy and you can plan that trip for another time. Of course your FI is upset. Now he is having to be put in the position to have to apologize for the inappropriate comments of his FI. Do you think that the bride's sister is going to stay quiet? You opened a big can of worms.

This is why etiquette holds that you don't call people out on their rudeness. On some aspects you're flat out wrong anyway but in the end, all you did was make a mess.

Simply Fated · July 2013

If you don't want to go, don't go. I don't blame you for not wanting to attend.

The whole birthday thing is silly. It's near impossible to find a date that doesn't affect someone. It isn't a slight to your family, just a bad coincidence. Try to think of it that way.

Your fiance has to decide for himself if he wants to attend. Personally, I don't know why he'd want to with everything going on, but it's his choice.

I understand you're angry, but try not to let it get to you. Let them be the bad guys, not you.

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

No, I didn't call and yell at them. I never said that. I called and spoke nicely to my best friend and the bride. I voiced my opinion about the seating as a friend of over 20 years. We keep it real with each other.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Mrshotrod1 said:

My fiance was the BM at a destination wedding in May. We both went and there was a dinner afterward where everyone sat wherever they wanted since there were only about 20 of us. Now, 3 months later, the couple is having a reception here in the United States. They are having the entire wedding party wear their wedding clothes again.

I just found out that they are doing a head table for the WP. I will be seated with the "other wives", (everyone in the WP is married except us). They are also having all their families -( moms, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts) up there at the table also. I think this is the dumbest thing ever... especially since most of the family didn't even attend the destination wedding and they will have on clothes different from the WP.

Anyhow, I do know the other wives but we don't hang out with each other exclusively from when our male counterparts get together. I am quite annoyed and seriously considering not attending. I think it is extremely rude to separate couples. But be clear, I DO NOT want to be up front at the head table. I think this reception/family reunion should have couples sitting together at regular tables.

I also must mention that this reception was planned on my fiance's birthday which was so inconsiderate and selfish. I am also connected to the bride because her sister is my best friend of over 20 years. I called express my displeasure to tell my best friend & her sister(the bride) how rude it was to sit us separately & was told very nastily that I'm making a big deal of nothing and he will have other birthdays. SERIOUSLY!!!???!!!

Now my fiance is pissed with me because I went off on him saying how rude and selfish she is and I'm not going. He previously expressed to me that this is ridiculous & why can't we sit together but said nothing to his best friend. I told him I feel like he "left me out on a limb by myself and did not support me". He feels stuck between a rock and a hard place because he has to go as bestman but he knows I'm pissed off & will have attitude if I go. If I don't go, it will be awkward for him because my best friend, the bride and groom will know why I'm not there...

I told him I may go, eat their food, drink their open bar, & leave way early so they know I was displeased with their rudeness. Or else I won't go at all. I'm not staying the entire time and neither is he! He goes when I go!

What should I do??? Am I being nutty about this?

Calling someone to tell them how rude they are isn't very nice.

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

I did talk to my fiance first. You must not have read my post correctly. I spoke to him and he was with me as I called my best friend on the phone. Her sister(the bride) was right there with her.

Anyway, I'm not apologizing for anything because everyone knows I'm a vocal person who speaks her mind. If you are wrong, I WILL call you out on it, like it or not. Especially with these friends because they have no idea of how things should be done correctly. People need to learn to handle the truth!

There is No "mess" to clean up because our longstanding relationships with our friends are worth more than that. We express ourselves, may get mad, them we get over it and move on with no love lost. My fiance slept fine last night and will do whatever we/I decide because ultimately he has to live with me not them. (Harsh but that's reality.)

I spoke to my best friend this morning and we are fine with each other. She told me I was being a crazy yesterday & I told her they were inconsiderate for this nonsense. We laughed TOGETHER and everyone is fine including her sister(bride). My fiance & his best friend (the groom) never had any problems & everyone will move on.

Thanks for the advice, comments, and such. I vented and your words really helped.

Oh yeah, now the seating is being changed after the first hour so couples can be together. LOL.

And if I go, I can choose who I sit with at the table for the first hour. This entire thing is priceless! I COULD NOT make this stuff up if I wanted to!!!

banana468 · July 2013

It must be so hard being right all the time and yet you handle it so well.

::eyeroll::

NYCMercedes · July 2013

I always wondered who this TK etiquette police person was that newbe's complain about. It has now been revealed.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

NYCMercedes said:

I always wondered who this TK etiquette police person was that newbe's complain about. It has now been revealed.

I HOPE IT'S ME!!!!!!!

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

NYCMercedes said:

I always wondered who this TK etiquette police person was that newbe's complain about. It has now been revealed.

What??

MandyMost · July 2013

You can't control other people's behavior. You can only control your behavior.

Expressing ANY opinion whatsoever about someone holding a party on someone else's birthday is not only rude, but it honestly makes you come off as a crazy person.

Expressing ANY opinion whatsoever to the hosts about the seating arrangements at someone else's event is rude. Yes, it's rude not to sit the couples together, but that' snot your business. They're being rude.

crunchymamaof2 · July 2013

I love how the story changes every time someone calls you out on your childish behavior.

wrigleyville · July 2013

But, you weren't right. You were wrong. They do not have to schedule their event around your fiance's birthday. You owe them an apology.

If that hurts, sorry, but I'm just keeping it real.

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

Thank you for recognizing... LOL

Mrshotrod1 · July 2013

Good luck on all your weddings... I have enough feedback now. The issue is solved thanks to the help of all of you! LOL

BMoreBride6 · July 2013

In response to the new title, you're right...all of the ladies who took the time to thoughtfully respond to your post should go spend time yelling at their SO's over things completely out of their control because they just like to tell it like it is.

Viczaesar · July 2013

You don't know the difference between a forum and a blog post, OP?

banana468 · July 2013

Viczaesar said:
You don't know the difference between a forum and a blog post, OP?

If she doesn't know the difference between the right and wrong thing to do, can you really expect her to understand those differences?

rajahmd · July 2013

Mrshotrod1 said:

OliveOilsMom · July 2013

Mrshotrod1 said:

I did talk to my fiance first. You must not have read my post correctly. I spoke to him and he was with me as I called my best friend on the phone. Her sister(the bride) was right there with her.

Anyway, I'm not apologizing for anything because everyone knows I'm a vocal person who speaks her mind. If you are wrong, I WILL call you out on it, like it or not. Especially with these friends because they have no idea of how things should be done correctly. People need to learn to handle the truth!
There is No "mess" to clean up because our longstanding relationships with our friends are worth more than that. We express ourselves, may get mad, them we get over it and move on with no love lost. My fiance slept fine last night and will do whatever we/I decide because ultimately he has to live with me not them. (Harsh but that's reality.)
I spoke to my best friend this morning and we are fine with each other. She told me I was being a crazy yesterday & I told her they were inconsiderate for this nonsense. We laughed TOGETHER and everyone is fine including her sister(bride). My fiance & his best friend (the groom) never had any problems & everyone will move on.

Thanks for the advice, comments, and such. I vented and your words really helped.

Oh yeah, now the seating is being changed after the first hour so couples can be together. LOL.
And if I go, I can choose who I sit with at the table for the first hour. This entire thing is priceless! I COULD NOT make this stuff up if I wanted to!!!

Quoted this one JIC.

OP - You know so much about how "things should be done", but yet you go around telling other people off when they do something wrong. That in and of it self, shouldn't be done because that is NOT how things should be done. You should always be a gracious guest, even if the host is doing something wrong or just decline the invitation if you don't like the plan.

I'm now going to be one of those people: I really feel bad for your FI, for having to put up with you.

NerdyLucy · July 2013

I find the new title very, uh, ironic.

AJuliaNJ · July 2013

It is rude for her not to seat you together, but it is also rude for you to try to direct how she does things at her wedding. It doesn't sound like she asked for your input. You can either go and sit at the "wives" table, or politely decline.

Spend time with your significant other instead of wasting your life away blogging!

Re: Spend time with your significant other instead of wasting your life away blogging!

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