How involved is your groom?

wittykitty14 · February 2013

Mine's probably a 9. We have made every wedding decision together, and he has come to all vendor meetings. The only reason he's a 9 and not a 10 is because I'm the one who does the research, and then we make decisions based on my findings. Also, I'm the point of contact for vendors. But that's pretty much it. He's very involved, and he wants to be! After all, it's his wedding too!

boylepc05 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:e33673c6-5e5f-4608-9891-8bf70227a36e">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How involved is your groom? : LOL good advice...problem is im not that kinda girl haha...thats one of my issues, i dont ever like to ask for help. And honestly I can do most of it, its more his enthusiasm level, if that makes sense. Honestly if it were up to him we would just elope lol
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]

I've been feeling the same way! It's really bumming me out that the future hubs is not into the wedding. I'd say he's maybe a 2 or 3. He did pick out our colors (black and white) and he saw a few venues w/ me before we made a decision. Mostly I meet w/ vendors on my own, tho, and try to report back to him. He's not very conversational about the details, tho. He said he'd take care of a dj, but it's been 3 months and he just asked me if I could do it instead because he hasn't done anything about it. If he would at least seem more enthusiastic about everything I wouldn't mind doing all the planning myself. I'm an event planner, so it's not like I'm not used to this type of thing.

JillianNJohn · February 2013

A bit late on this... My FI is an 8/9 in the planning... He's making calls on his own, learned how to bookmark ideas on my iPad (he doesn't even check email so this is huge). I work days, he works nights so the bookmarking keeps us going... The only things he's not giving input is on music (he loves music but can't remember bands/songs). We sent him pix of the girls dresses from the store. he found the hotel lodging, we deigned the invites together... I'm actually quite proud of my FI. I had told him my idea for the center pieces, came home and he had gotten 70% of the supplies for me.

RM1982 · February 2013

If it's not his thing, I'm sure that's a big part of what you love about him.

My guy is a sensitive guy who is very in touch with his femine side and I love that in him. If your guy is more of a manly guy's guy then it's totally natural for him to be mystified by the wedding experience and to take a back seat to it. In the long run you wouldn't want him to be different from how he is!

mrspadfoot · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:07656b24-525c-4cb8-9051-eb2ff4a78ec1">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, so it def depends on the guy I see. I was starting to get a little b*tt hurt over the fact that FI really wasn't being a super active participant, and then I started to wonder..is it that he doesn't care or is it that its not his thing? lol My guy really is a guys guy,....he hunts, hes into racing, sports, etc, he does have an extremely sensative side to him, and has even raised a daughter so I figured he would be a bit more involved. I would say my guy is somewhere between a 3-5 depending on what is being discussed, kind of similar to what some of you have said. He will give his opinion if asked about venue (and we actually changed the venue several times because what he wanted and what our pockets say we can have did NOT match lol) , food, and what he is wearing... but I'm doing it all, with the exception of he did get the reception number for me, he did discuss guest list, and he will do his attire/GM attire (hasn't been done yet lol)
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Try asking him to choose a couple things to have full control of. My fiance is only interested in the flavours of the cake, and the groomsmen attire. </div><div>
</div><div>Other than that, he is a 10 when it comes to "that sounds great baby"

</div>

Ella and Pedro · March 2013

I feel so out of touch. I don't know who you mean by Randy. HAHA

I'd say my fiance is about an 8. He has areas he expresses interest in, and others he says things like "I wish I understood that," or "I can't visualize that," or "I just don't know as much as you do about that," and then still other areas where I know him enough to know it's just not his thing to care about.

We've gone to every vendor meeting together, and collaborating or at least agreed before sending on every e-mail to the vendors. We've discussed our menu, drinks, flowers, music, officiant, vows, seating, and many other details.

I can't give him a 10 or even a 9 because he has had to have reminders when there have been tasks who we both agreed he'd accomplish - such as getting family contact information from his mother and his stepmother/father. I have yet to see this, but then again, I knew it would be a challenge (it's just not a family trait in his family to be as uber organized/type A as my family can be) so I asked him to get these 5 months before they were critically necesssary. Been 2 months now, so I guess that was a good plan! LOL

He is very into the classic car we found (a '51 white and maroon bentley)...and very into the menu, especially the dessert and some of the entrees. A very cute moment was when we were watching Julie & Julia and they showed the finale recipe (duck en croute) and he said "THAT'S what we should serve for our wedding!" (And we are!)

E

RM1982 · April 2013

I'm feeling really relived today that my groom is involved!

I scheduled a planning meeting with the caterer at noon today and forgot all about it. When I went to check, I saw the date was today and there's no way I could get away from work for it.

So I call up my groom and he's going to the meeting instead of me! Perfect. He says he'll call if he has questions, but I think we are on the same page in terms of vision.

(btw, Randy is on Say Yes to the Dress NY and he is super gay!)

Emmy1493 · July 2013

Don't feel bad at all! When it comes to planning our wedding, my FI would rate an honest 5. He is a full time student getting his Bachelor's in Electronic Engineering and has a full course load. We barely have time for each other, let alone discussing wedding stuff together. He is, however involved in the big stuff of course, and I always let him know that he can have what he wants too (Its both of our wedding, that's how it should be!) So if he isn't as in tune as you, I wouldn't take it to heart. Some guys aren't into all that wedding stuff like most of us brides are.

Hope this helps!

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

emmaxbean93 said:

Don't feel bad at all! When it comes to planning our wedding, my FI would rate an honest 5. He is a full time student getting his Bachelor's in Electronic Engineering and has a full course load. We barely have time for each other, let alone discussing wedding stuff together. He is, however involved in the big stuff of course, and I always let him know that he can have what he wants too (Its both of our wedding, that's how it should be!) So if he isn't as in tune as you, I wouldn't take it to heart. Some guys aren't into all that wedding stuff like most of us brides are. Hope this helps!

Who are you talking to? This thread is 5 months old.

Pentljoe · July 2013

I'd say about 11... He has built and painted the lectern for the officiant, built and decorated the arch for our garden ceremony, plans on doing the food (he is an amazing cook), ordered a ton of stuff from the Internet for our day. He purchased my shoes online, which are beautiful, made the base for the cake and wrapped it in silver, ordered my jewellery which is amazing. He is very much a mans man so I'm pretty impressed, I think he has done more than me! He is an engineer which I think helps. He also used his air miles so my mum could come over from the UK. I'm very lucky.

Pentljoe · July 2013

Whoops didn't notice this was an older post.

AprilH81 · July 2013

My FI has been married before and the previous wedding planning experience was miserable for him (as well as the marriage itself). The former wife dragged him all over town looking at every Michaels and TJ Maxx for just.the.right.vases for the candy bar and all the other details that he didn't care about.

When we started talking marriage I promised them that he could be as involved or uninvolved as he wanted to be. So far I have only requested his input on the venue. I have handled (or will handle) the rest of the vendors myself. I've been keeping him posted on the appointments and offering to have him come with me but so far he doesn't want to.

That works for me because while I try to keep his likes/interests/etc. I can do more or less what I want to with everything.

missjecka · July 2013

My guy is probably around a 4.

The first thing I asked him after I said "yes" to his proposal was, "How much do you want to be involved in the planning of this whole thing??" He simply said, "Not at all!" then laughed and gave me a kiss.

But, he's slowly giving his opinion on things. He was the decider between two venues I couldn't decide between. He also chose our date from the list of available dates at said venue. He has an opinion on the cake and the wedding favors, but has told me that he's fine if I don't listen to his input (although I do plan on taking it into consideration!).

So, he started off as a 1 and is now more like a 4. At this rate, though, he may end up an 8 or 9!

hordol · July 2013

Hmm...my husband was interesting during the planning process. He would constantly say "I have no idea what's going on! It's up to you! It's your decision!" and then I would tell him something I decided and he would say stuff like, "Oh...but don't you wanna do this instead? Don't you think this is a good idea?" Lol...Eventually I told him that unless he was going to actively help me he literally got no say. I know it was his wedding too, but I was unwilling to do everything myself and let him criticize it. So he started to help.

I would say I still did most of the planning, but DH was AMAZING when it came to the day of the wedding. He took care of almost everything. I was so proud of him and he did an incredible job. He did a lot of the set up, was in charge of all the pop, water, and alcohol transportation (we got to bring our own in), set up the ceremony chairs, got lunch for everyone, etc. It was so nice because I was able to kind of relax and enjoy the day a little more and just focus on getting hair/makeup/dressed, etc.

ETA: Oops, I also didn't realize how old this post was lol.

harper0813 · July 2013

Oh what the hell, I'll respond to the zombie thread. I'm bored.

About a 3. He came along to tour the venues and taste cakes. He enjoyed the cakes VERY much and was quite outspoken. It was cute. He's s uninvolved otherwise that he regularly complains that I'm doing too much and we should just hire a planner to do it ALL for us. He wants our guests to think we're very wealthy and important, and he wants the whole ordeal to be very cookie-cutter, dollar dance and all. Once he rants a minute or so, he lets it go and is once again fine with the plans I've made for us.

He's been really sweet with consulting me on the menswear. So I know that he DOES appreciate that I work on and care about the wedding, and that I understand it better than he does.

I haven't asked him to do a whole lot, which he appreciates.

KDM323 · July 2013

My fiancé cared about food, the bar, the venue...that's about it. He'd probably prefer to walk across hot coals than be bothered choosing flowers, invitations, etc.

NYCBruin · July 2013

FI is very involved. I'd say an 8 or 9. I would have happily eloped or done a small destination wedding, but he really wanted to have a big wedding. He's super excited/into everything. He picked the church, venue, band, and the colors thus far. He's very excited about selecting our menu and cake. He's been researching signature cocktail ideas.

He didn't have strong feelings about our photographer. I imagine he'll be the same way about flowers (although I also don't really care so this might get outsourced to FMIL who is very concerned about flowers). He's expressed interest in invitations and invitations.

pittiemama14 · July 2013

A 1 if I'm being generous. He has had nothing to do with anything, at all! Its been my parents and I the whole time. He has been gone ( doing an internship out of state, he is living in company housing right now and will not be back till the day before the wedding) but I feel like even if he was around it would be the same. Whenever I bring up wedding stuff, he tries to change the subject. He is the "do whatever you want, I'm sure it will be great" type.

icecreamS04 · July 2013

Not sure how to rate this...
FI is involved when it comes to talking to vendors for stuff he likes (church, reception hall, food, drink, DJ) and getting quotes from different places, but when it comes to chosing wedding bands, the guest lift, a first dance song, a cake baker, photos, decorations, invitations, the timeline, he only tells me if he absolutely doesn't like what I want/chose... if he doesn't object, I'm free to choose whatever I like in this areas... he's going to design the invitations the way I tell him to (he's great with photoshop as he's using it at work)... he helps whenever I ask him to...
we picked the date together and he's doing stuff I ask him to do...

RedJacks25 · July 2013

Uh, he's maybe a 6. He has a lot of ideas, but tells me to figure out how to make them happen. He has tons of opinions on everything, but leaves it to me to ultimately do them.

Bookie7 · August 2013

I'd say a 4 or 5. He just started helping with our wedding planning a few weeks ago (we're at the 2 month to go mark now). Before this, it was like pulling teeth to get his opinion on anything. He actually admitted that most of his married friends advised him to stay out of any wedding planning because in their experience their opinions didn't matter and ended in fights. I don't agree with this, but now he's seeing that it's a lot less stressful when he helps.

+misslisa · August 2013

Mine said he wasn't particularly interested, perhaps a 3 or 4, but every time a new task approached a deadline, he suddenly had an opinion. I was thrilled that he was in on the process, I just wish I would have known sooner that he cared about certain details, so I could have revised the plans I started making when he said he didn't care!

How involved is your groom?

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