Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Second Weddings
tiffanyohio1228
member
help!!
I am 24 and I got married when I was 22 (august 2011). After a year of absolute hell I decided I couldnt take it anymore and left my exhusband. After only a week of being seperated I started hanging out with a man who I am now dating... I have never felt like this before not even with my ex... Our marriage was rushed into and neither of us were ready for it. My now boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and the idea has been brought up quite a few times lately... I am positive I have found my soulmate and my best friend but I am afraid.of what people will say and think since my last marriage only.lasted a year. He says he just wants a small wedding with just our.immediate family, but I want a real wedding. I hated everything about my first wedding... It was fun dont get me wrong.but that's only because I have an awesome family and fun friends but everything else totally sucked. I feel like I was robbed of that "dream day" and I want a small backyard like wedding with a BBQ and bonfire type reception but a real wedding nonetheless.... What do I do? I don't want people to think I'm just doing it to get gifts or be the center of attention or something like that or that I'm one of those people who have a million marriages.... I want this one to be the last one!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: help!!
I was engaged at 22 and married at 24. My marriage lasted only 2 years. I, too, met my now DH during my divorce process. We started dating when my divorce was final and we dated for 6 years before getting married. I was young and had a lot of growing up to do before I could even think about getting married again, even though I knew I had met an amazing man and wanted him to be my husband. We had a small wedding (just the two of us) last year in Australia. We both agreed on the type of wedding we wanted, so that made it a little easier. But, I do not see how having a small and intimate wedding is somehow a bad thing. In fact, I wanted a small, intimate wedding the first time, and was talked out of it by my family. My small, private wedding was ten millions times more meaningful and special than my six figure classic, traditional wedding. However, I think what you are asking for is actually small and intimate. It just sounds like he wants a few less people.
It seems to me that a few things need to occur in your situation.
1) absolutely take your time with this. If he truly is "the one", he's not going anywhere. Speaking from experience, I changed immensely between my marriage at 24, my divorce at 26, and my second marriage at 32. As I grew, we grew as a couple, so when I did marry last year, it was just that much more meaningful. And as @Mikes said, whether we all realize it or not, we all have things to recover and learn from in our divorces. Take the time to recover and learn more about yourself.
2) It sounds like you two are not far apart on what type of wedding to have. I think a good conversation needs to occur. Talk to him and tell him your idea- backyard BBQ- and tell him that you feel this is the nice, intimate setting he imagined, but you were hoping to have a few more people around to share in your special day. Explain why it's important to you to have certain people there. You can also compromise with him up front. Only have family present for the ceremony, but then have a larger reception with friends. People will understand that you only wanted family to be a part of the ceremony because they will still be present to celebrate with you afterwards.
3) even if you do decide to get engaged right away, take your time in planning. Involve your BF in planning and it may be that as you are looking at ideas and options, you will both change your idea of what you want.