PSA from a crabby old aunty

jillboston · July 2013

Hi ladies (and gents if there are any here) - I'm sure you are all gracious wonderful people, especially if you are checking out the etiquette board. Just wanted to let you know of a new and obnoxious trend. My niece just sent along a "thank you note" that consisted of a pre-printed card with a picture of her and her new husband holding a thank you sign. Um. Yeah. I'll be sticking that right on my mantel. That is not a proper thank you note dear. After all the hard work and expense on the part of your parents that went into your wedding you would think you could send the guests who gave very generous gifts/checks a proper note acknowledging that particular gift.

elizabetheleven · July 2013

Hey at least you got something! I still haven't received a thank you note from my cousin's wedding last summer.... I'm sure I'm not getting one.

jillboston · July 2013

Yes. This is true Elizabeth. Nothing yet from the other niece whose wedding was the month prior. She's probably just waiting for the pictures to come back .. Sigh..

NYCBruin · July 2013

elizabetheleven said:

Hey at least you got something! I still haven't received a thank you note from my cousin's wedding last summer.... I'm sure I'm not getting one.

I agree! I don't like the pre-printed thank you note trend at all. Although I must say, well played photographers on convincing bride's to buy more things. However, I'll take a pre-printed thank you note over no thank you note, which happens shockingly often.

Also-it doesn't matter whether the couple paid for and planned the entire wedding themselves or if one or both sets of parents chipped in, a thank you note should always be sent to those who give you gifts.

jillboston · July 2013

NYCBruin said:

elizabetheleven said:

Hey at least you got something! I still haven't received a thank you note from my cousin's wedding last summer.... I'm sure I'm not getting one.

I agree! I don't like the pre-printed thank you note trend at all. Although I must say, well played photographers on convincing bride's to buy more things. However, I'll take a pre-printed thank you note over no thank you note, which happens shockingly often.

Also-it doesn't matter whether the couple paid for and planned the entire wedding themselves or if one or both sets of parents chipped in, a thank you note should always be sent to those who give you gifts.

I know it doesn't matter who paid for the wedding. I just find it fascinating that a bride who clearly did not skimp on the wedding, photographer, videographer, flowers etc, etc. etc. happened to miss the one part of weddings that requires her (and/or her husband) to sit down and put pen to paper and properly thank guests for their gifts. I don't know if I would have given her a pass if she'd gotten married in the backyard in her shorts but I would have been less surprised I suppose.

SuperMinty · July 2013

So people who throw less expensive weddings don't have manners?

Blue_Bird · July 2013

SuperMinty said:

So people who throw less expensive weddings don't have manners?

Where in all of what she posted did you get that she thinks this? She's saying that they're being lazy by not writing a proper thank you note, and it's pathetic considering all of the effort/expense put into everything else.

jillboston · July 2013

Nope Super Minty. Sorry it came off that way. I've actually noticed that the more princessy the wedding the more likely that the thank you note gets lost in the shuffle.

Blue_Bird · July 2013

OP I agree with you, but I also think it's better than the nothing I've received from many a bride/groom/baby mama.

32daisies · July 2013

I think the "thank you" signs picture thing is cute, but for just the *front* of the card -- of course the bridge & groom still need to write a note inside, or on the back, as well.

aurianna · July 2013

jillboston said:

I know it doesn't matter who paid for the wedding. I just find it fascinating that a bride who clearly did not skimp on the wedding, photographer, videographer, flowers etc, etc. etc. happened to miss the one part of weddings that requires her (and/or her husband) to sit down and put pen to paper and properly thank guests for their gifts. I don't know if I would have given her a pass if she'd gotten married in the backyard in her shorts but I would have been less surprised I suppose.

Eh. I think this transcends the type of wedding. I've been to inexpensive backyard weddings where the hosts were excellent and I always got a thank you and to swanky, expensive weddings where we didn't hear boo.

I'll actually disagree on the "better pre-printed, thoughtless thank you than no thank you at all." My husband and I went to a wedding of his best friend in high school. We had to travel over 500 miles and there was a cash bar. We still gave a nice cash gift. Four months go by with no thank you and write it off as "Eh. Stuff happens. They probably got busy." But THEN a pre-printed thank you note pops up with their wedding picture on it. Our names are nowhere on it except the pre-printed address label. They did not even sign it themselves. All it said was a pre-printed "Thank you for the gift. We will use it in our life together."

It's one thing to get busy and not do the notes... accidentally forget someone's... for a person to not know any better or not put a high priority on it... (not that those are excuses for being rude. I kind of let it roll off me though).
But for the couple to actively think about it, and know they should send thank you's because it's important and polite... to then just go and send a completely impersonal, AW picture-notes really cheeses me off. Especially if I gave them money because I think, "this is how you spent the money I gave you for your life together? To essentially not thank me but show me a pretty-princess-picture? Really?"
That might just be me though.

annathy03 · July 2013

32daisies said:

I think the "thank you" signs picture thing is cute, but for just the *front* of the card -- of course the bridge & groom still need to write a note inside, or on the back, as well.

This. I've gotten several cards like this but the couple had always written a proper thank you on the back/inside. I actually really like these, but won't be doing them because it means you can't send thank yous until you get your photos back and I'll want to have them done before then. Pre-printing a stock thank you message is tacky and rude regardless of what is on the front of the card.

SuperMinty · July 2013

jillboston said:

NYCBruin said:

elizabetheleven said:

Hey at least you got something! I still haven't received a thank you note from my cousin's wedding last summer.... I'm sure I'm not getting one.

I agree! I don't like the pre-printed thank you note trend at all. Although I must say, well played photographers on convincing bride's to buy more things. However, I'll take a pre-printed thank you note over no thank you note, which happens shockingly often.

Also-it doesn't matter whether the couple paid for and planned the entire wedding themselves or if one or both sets of parents chipped in, a thank you note should always be sent to those who give you gifts.

I know it doesn't matter who paid for the wedding. I just find it fascinating that a bride who clearly did not skimp on the wedding, photographer, videographer, flowers etc, etc. etc. happened to miss the one part of weddings that requires her (and/or her husband) to sit down and put pen to paper and properly thank guests for their gifts. I don't know if I would have given her a pass if she'd gotten married in the backyard in her shorts but I would have been less surprised I suppose.

It doesn't matter who paid for your wedding, how expensive it was, or how generous the gifts were, sending thank you notes is the proper thing to do and I don't see how those factors are relevant.

Edit: I totally agree with you, though. I would roll my eyes if I received a "thank you photo" without a personal note.

32daisies · July 2013

annathy03 said:

32daisies said:

I think the "thank you" signs picture thing is cute, but for just the *front* of the card -- of course the bridge & groom still need to write a note inside, or on the back, as well.

This. I've gotten several cards like this but the couple had always written a proper thank you on the back/inside. I actually really like these, but won't be doing them because it means you can't send thank yous until you get your photos back and I'll want to have them done before then. Pre-printing a stock thank you message is tacky and rude regardless of what is on the front of the card.

Then there's this. I've gone to two showers, spaced a decade apart, where the bride had us address our own thank you envelope. What's the thinking on that? I get why they're doing it, sorta, but I didn't love it. For one of them, the thank you *card* was already inside the envelope, too. So my cousin went ahead and filled the notecard out for herself while she was at it. "Dear Gertrude: Your gift of a set of bath towels was extraordinary. Those towels have changed our life. There is NO WAY we can every thank you enough for those towels, and we will remember your generosity always." Snarky, maybe, but kind of funny. And hey, the bride put the blank notecard in there, she was kind of asking for humor, imho.

Strangely enough, the bride sent back a different, very standard "thank you for your gift" note.

annathy03 · July 2013

@32daisies, that's horrible. If I'm at a shower the bride already has my address- the host would have needed it to invite me- so there is no reason to have people do that beyond laziness. I'd be tempted to be just as snarky as your cousin.

kipnus · July 2013

We used "Thank You" photos, but we also enclosed individualized notes and we asked our photographer to rush those photos so that we could get them out in a timely fashion.

32daisies · July 2013

annathy03 said:

@32daisies, that's horrible. If I'm at a shower the bride already has my address- the host would have needed it to invite me- so there is no reason to have people do that beyond laziness. I'd be tempted to be just as snarky as your cousin.

I was tempted, but didn't have the guts to do it. I applauded her for it.

That's kind of what I thought about the addresses, but I've had people tell me it's totally common. Not something I want to do at my shower, though, I'm sure about that.

annathy03 · July 2013

kipnus said:

We used "Thank You" photos, but we also enclosed individualized notes and we asked our photographer to rush those photos so that we could get them out in a timely fashion.

I didn't mean to imply they wouldn't be timely, sorry if that's what you got from my post. It's more that if people send us gifts before the wedding I want to keep on top of them rather than have to write them all when the photo cards arrive. I'm curious did you do different cards for gifts you received earlier? Not being snarky, I just can't imagine writing 50-100 thank yous in a few days.

jillboston · July 2013

kipnus said:

We used "Thank You" photos, but we also enclosed individualized notes and we asked our photographer to rush those photos so that we could get them out in a timely fashion.

I love the idea of the thank you photo - I think it is cute. But acknowledge my gift - as that is the point of the thank you note in the first place.

xxstardust · July 2013

Maybe it's regional, but we have only gotten one gift so far (getting married in less than 2 weeks). Around here, we tend to just get cards at the wedding itself and gifts are rarely sent in advance. I sent a thank you card for the one gift I received on the cards I bought for my shower, and will ask the photographer to rush our thank you card picture (and may well ask a friend with a good camera to also snap that shot for us, to play it safe).

Ajuliana · July 2013

My cousin did the same thing, and my grandmother just thought it was wonderful. She idolizes my cousin and cousin's grandmother (her sister) so in her eyes this must be the epitome of class. Preprinted "Thank you, Love Bride&Groom ". Puke.

HuckSC · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

Yeah, I'm still not understanding why @jillboston would be "less surprised" to not get a proper thank you note from a casual backyard wedding. What the hell was the point in even saying that?

Because anything other than a 200 person high mass ceremony with a four course dinner after a wedding is not a real wedding and doesn't have to be treated as such. <sarcasm>

kipnus · July 2013

annathy03 said:

kipnus said:

We used "Thank You" photos, but we also enclosed individualized notes and we asked our photographer to rush those photos so that we could get them out in a timely fashion.

I didn't mean to imply they wouldn't be timely, sorry if that's what you got from my post. It's more that if people send us gifts before the wedding I want to keep on top of them rather than have to write them all when the photo cards arrive. I'm curious did you do different cards for gifts you received earlier? Not being snarky, I just can't imagine writing 50-100 thank yous in a few days.

I don't think we actually got any gifts before the wedding, other than shower gifts. I used different cards for those, of course.

Ajuliana · July 2013

@hucksc cute beagle! Btw, it's actually anything less than "300" at that mass ceremony. Lol.

PatriceC59 · July 2013

For the record, I would be appalled if my shower guests were asked to fill out their address on envelopes. The only place I do that is at the dentist for my reminder card! But I have full faith in my BM's that they are not that tacky.

Just had to share....a couple my FI and I are friends with told us a few months ago that their wedding was over 2 years ago. And they didn't send one thank you card. They just "never got around to it." I was horrified.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2013

StageManager14 said:

That's not a new trend, but most brides actually write a thank you note on the back of or inside it. I agree that if there wasn't an actual note as well, it's rude.

My FBIL and FSIL sent a pre printed card/college of them with some words like "thank you for sharing in our day blah blah blah.." I was like this is so rude! I can't believe they didn't take the time to hand write Thank You's. Then like 6 months later, it fell off my fridge and I saw there was a long hand written note on the back! So make sure you check the back! lol

HuckSC · July 2013

Thanks @Ajuliana ! He's actually a coonhound. With only the face to go one he just looks like a hound.

BrandNewJ · July 2013

I would love a card like that! One wedding over a year ago we didn't get any thank yous for engagement, shower or wedding, and the other we got a text that said "thanks guys". So rude!

Ajuliana · July 2013

HuckSC said:

Thanks @Ajuliana ! He's actually a coonhound. With only the face to go one he just looks like a hound.

Oh now I feel silly. He's a cutie either way!

AllyIdo · July 2013

I flew to Vegas for my BFFs bachelorette party, then to the Caribbean for her wedding. Was a helpful bridesmaid. Got her a lovely gift off her registry. I got a pre-printed "thank you" photo that said "Thanks for sharing in our special day! Mr. and Mrs. X." No written note. Very generic. I was kind of hurt she couldn't take the time to write anything. Oh well.

PSA from a crabby old aunty

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