Banned Users - Open Discussion

[Deleted User] · July 2013

And yet, I'm still here.

If you're not going to delete my account as I have asked several times now, how about ya stop censoring my posts? Kthx.

NYCMercedes · July 2013

It's 5:03. End of their day. Still no answers from yesterday.

Viczaesar · July 2013

KnotJackie said:

Thanks for calming it down and bringing this to a conversation. Some things I want to address and then we'll be focusing back on bigger picture items:

1 -- All users who were banned today received a PM with reasoning 30 minutes before the ban took place.

2- The users were well aware of their reputation and complaints we were receiving. It is no secret to anyone on here that these members were notorious for loud and attention grabbing behavior on the boards.
While we did work closely with them, their overall presence on the boards was negative and degrading to most and kept other members from taking part in conversations (no, not just the sensitive ones - more "regs" than you would think). We cannot discuss details, but we received well over 40 complaints, the most of any active users. The overall team, not just me and KP, decided this was best for the community.

3- The magazine team that chooses quotes from community is in no way connected to us. However, due to recent circumstances, all future quotes in the magazine will be run past me and KP before publishing.

We appreciate all the feedback - and we are seeing it all. However, this decision with today's users will stand as it has been an ongoing discussion and issue for months.

This is complete bullshit. StageManager gave some of the best advice here, hands down.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

I am a regular.

I complained to KGs about harassing behaviour in PMs and about behaviour on the boards that I thought went beyond the pale of even the snarkiest of snarky answers.

I'm willing to put my name out here, because I frankly don't give a rat's ass (and I have a thick enough skin to tolerate whatever happens), since you asked, @itzMS for people to say if they complained.

But do you really expect anyone to honestly say, "Oh, I bitched about Stage and Linger" after the way you're all idolizing them here? No way. People are going to be afraid to say, "Oh, I complained," because they'll get reamed for it.

Stage and Linger gave good advice. They were blunt, honest, and to the point. But they also, often, crossed the line into bullying. But they're also the super-cool, popular, high-school mean girls that everyone wanted to be liked by, and no one was willing to disagree with for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, treated condescendingly, or mocked.

I realise this is a public forum and people can say whatever they want, and you can walk away from any threads you don't like. But when the forums are dominated by personalities that intimidate, that stifle commentary and conversation, that mock and ridicule, something has to give.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I am a regular.

I complained to KGs about harassing behaviour in PMs and about behaviour on the boards that I thought went beyond the pale of even the snarkiest of snarky answers.

I'm willing to put my name out here, because I frankly don't give a rat's ass (and I have a thick enough skin to tolerate whatever happens), since you asked, @itzMS for people to say if they complained.

But do you really expect anyone to honestly say, "Oh, I bitched about Stage and Linger" after the way you're all idolizing them here? No way. People are going to be afraid to say, "Oh, I complained," because they'll get reamed for it.

Stage and Linger gave good advice. They were blunt, honest, and to the point. But they also, often, crossed the line into bullying. But they're also the super-cool, popular, high-school mean girls that everyone wanted to be liked by, and no one was willing to disagree with for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, treated condescendingly, or mocked.

I realise this is a public forum and people can say whatever they want, and you can walk away from any threads you don't like. But when the forums are dominated by personalities that intimidate, that stifle commentary and conversation, that mock and ridicule, something has to give.

I am seriously getting livid at the misuse of the word "bullying."

Cyber bullying is a coordinated and systematic attack on someone that subsequently affects someone's (offline) life. That is why kids commit suicide from bullying that occurs online. Someone being rude to you on TK? Are you fucking kidding me?

I couldn't stand Stage sometimes. But she was never a bully.

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I am a regular.

I complained to KGs about harassing behaviour in PMs and about behaviour on the boards that I thought went beyond the pale of even the snarkiest of snarky answers.

I'm willing to put my name out here, because I frankly don't give a rat's ass (and I have a thick enough skin to tolerate whatever happens), since you asked, @itzMS for people to say if they complained.

But do you really expect anyone to honestly say, "Oh, I bitched about Stage and Linger" after the way you're all idolizing them here? No way. People are going to be afraid to say, "Oh, I complained," because they'll get reamed for it.

Stage and Linger gave good advice. They were blunt, honest, and to the point. But they also, often, crossed the line into bullying. But they're also the super-cool, popular, high-school mean girls that everyone wanted to be liked by, and no one was willing to disagree with for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, treated condescendingly, or mocked.

I realise this is a public forum and people can say whatever they want, and you can walk away from any threads you don't like. But when the forums are dominated by personalities that intimidate, that stifle commentary and conversation, that mock and ridicule, something has to give.

I am seriously getting livid at the misuse of the word "bullying."

Cyber bullying is a coordinated and systematic attack on someone that subsequently affects someone's (offline) life. That is why kids commit suicide from bullying that occurs online. Someone being rude to you on TK? Are you fucking kidding me?

I couldn't stand Stage sometimes. But she was never a bully.

(a) You don't know as much as you think you know, since you don't know what happened in PMs

(b) Thank you for proving my point that people won't say things on here for fear of retaliation by people who want to be cool kids.

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

Wow, I missed a lot while at work today! I'm primarily here for wedding planning help, so I haven't spent much time on SB and I'm not friends with either banned poster, but I think this is a real shame. My theory is that the advice that Stage and the other regs give that advocates a guest-centered approach to wedding planning leads to people spending a lot less money. TK is a business, and good etiquette and practical advice is bad for business. This decision to try to change the tone of the boards probably comes from way above KP and KJ.

I've seen Stage be blunt, but I never saw any abuse. This is really too bad for TK. I've gotten so much great advice here and I hope some voices of reason stick around so future brides will too.

ETA: Poor phrasing.

Viczaesar · July 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I am a regular.

I complained to KGs about harassing behaviour in PMs and about behaviour on the boards that I thought went beyond the pale of even the snarkiest of snarky answers.

I'm willing to put my name out here, because I frankly don't give a rat's ass (and I have a thick enough skin to tolerate whatever happens), since you asked, @itzMS for people to say if they complained.

But do you really expect anyone to honestly say, "Oh, I bitched about Stage and Linger" after the way you're all idolizing them here? No way. People are going to be afraid to say, "Oh, I complained," because they'll get reamed for it.

Stage and Linger gave good advice. They were blunt, honest, and to the point. But they also, often, crossed the line into bullying. But they're also the super-cool, popular, high-school mean girls that everyone wanted to be liked by, and no one was willing to disagree with for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, treated condescendingly, or mocked.

I realise this is a public forum and people can say whatever they want, and you can walk away from any threads you don't like. But when the forums are dominated by personalities that intimidate, that stifle commentary and conversation, that mock and ridicule, something has to give.

Speak for yourself. I have disagreed with both of them and felt perfectly comfortable saying as much.

libby2483 · July 2013

Harry87 said:

Please. The ladies of TK wouldn't know cyber bullying if it hacked into their computers and posted their nudes.

Seriously, an hour on Reddit would make your hair curl. This is just pathetic.

This made me lol.

MobKaz · August 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I am a regular.

I complained to KGs about harassing behaviour in PMs and about behaviour on the boards that I thought went beyond the pale of even the snarkiest of snarky answers.

I'm willing to put my name out here, because I frankly don't give a rat's ass (and I have a thick enough skin to tolerate whatever happens), since you asked, @itzMS for people to say if they complained.

But do you really expect anyone to honestly say, "Oh, I bitched about Stage and Linger" after the way you're all idolizing them here? No way. People are going to be afraid to say, "Oh, I complained," because they'll get reamed for it.

Stage and Linger gave good advice. They were blunt, honest, and to the point. But they also, often, crossed the line into bullying. But they're also the super-cool, popular, high-school mean girls that everyone wanted to be liked by, and no one was willing to disagree with for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, treated condescendingly, or mocked.

I realise this is a public forum and people can say whatever they want, and you can walk away from any threads you don't like. But when the forums are dominated by personalities that intimidate, that stifle commentary and conversation, that mock and ridicule, something has to give.

Your backbone, or lack thereof, is showing.

TKzilla · August 2013

annathy03 · August 2013

This is ridiculous. I don't care who the user is, if you are going to say "policy is 5 warnings = ban" and then ban posters with NO warnings, I call bullshit.

If you are getting complaints the correct action to discuss it with them as a warning and set expectations to avoid future ones. Then if they ignore it and keep doing what they were warned about, you can follow your system and ban once the strike quota has been reached.

As others have pointed out, if the system will sometimes be followed and sometimes "the company" will skip it and ban with just minutes notice, how do any of us know what we can and can't post? When the rules only apply when you (the knot panel) feel like it, the rules don't mean diddly squat.

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

xcalygrl said:

An IP ban leaves posts intact. A name ban does not.

So not only did they get banned, they got the biggest baddest banhammer in the shed. Seriously?

wittykitty14 · August 2013

Here's my two cents on what I see happening.

People disagreed with Stage and Linger's approaches. Fine, disagreements happen. People got butt-hurt due to their own over-sensitivity (btw, I'm a very sensitive person, but I'm an adult. I've gotten a bit of unpleasant feedback on here at times, but I take it like an adult. I keep an open mind, and I'm better for it. People need to grow up).

Some 40 ish people were upset with Linger and Stage's approach (it's an open forum, in case people didn't know), and then sent PMs to KJ and KP about them. Now, the two of them are banned because some people can't handle them. Does that about sum it up?

What I find most interesting is that there have been several users on here that have pissed me the fuck off. Some of them have since been banned, some of them not. I could have done what these 40 have, and ran to our "higher ups", saying that I found them personally offensive. But do you know why I didn't? BECAUSE THOSE USERS NEVER VIOLATED THE TOS. I knew that it was open on here, so I kept my mouth shut, and responded publically to these users when I felt it was necessary to call them out. I don't recall Stage EVER violating the TOS, and I only remember Linger doing it once, and she knew what she was doing, and it was one of those threads where it was very justified (I think the fetus funeral fiasco, and there were a few people who openly violated the TOS)

This is ridiculous, @KnotPorscha, @KnotJackie.

And while I have your attention, I'm curious, and I want you to answer this question too. Do YOU actually want them gone? Or is this just an order from the Gods? Who's really behind this? With your non-sensical explanations, I'm starting to think that this decision came directly from above, not you. I feel like if you two made this decision on your own, you'd be able to explain yourselves much better and stand by your convictions with logical arguments.

manateehugger · August 2013

WhatTheMeg said:

Yeah I bet TheKnotJackie and TheKnotPorscha were behind the JFK assassination too! We want answers! We want the TRUTH! Why were people who openly mocked and ridiculed others on the boards banned for mocking and ridiculing others? Oh wait.

Good one.

manateehugger · August 2013

WhatTheMeg said:

Thanks PDKH! And I can't pick up on sarcasm AT ALL, so I appreciate the response I too will tell you "Good one"

Good one again. ZING!

manateehugger · August 2013

WhatTheMeg said:

Oh boy, so now where going to go back and forth? Haha why is everyone sooo angry on this thread? You would think brides and brides to be talking about weddings would idk...be happy? By the way I picked up on the sarcasm again. ZING back at ya! Hey look at us acting like grown ups!

I'm happy. Why aren't you?

manateehugger · August 2013

Who decides what is respectful?

AllieBear725 · August 2013

WhatTheMeg said:

Oh ok! I'm happy too! I guess I don't understand why people are so upset? If The Knot wants to ban someone because they weren't being respectful of other people on the boards then that's their decision. I don't want to have to worry someone is going to start ripping me on here. This is a wedding message board, its not like we are talking heavy political topics, etc.

Are you planning a PPD or a cash bar? I feel that since I can't speak my mind about it I should tell you those are both WONDERFUL ideas, and GO FOR IT!

itzMS · August 2013

@LeSwan85, Yeah, that stuff is 100% true.

Getting rid of the two top posters equals immediate shift of power in favor of the waffling and wavering KG's.

melissanjoe21 · August 2013

I am more of a lurker. I actually don't come here much anymore.

I want to say though that if you people don't want honest advice then they should just go to their mom, sister, friend or whoever will tell them what they want to hear. I have three kids and have been a member of a board in which we have watched each other raise our children via the internet. I have known them since i was ttc my first child. We have had heated discussions to breastfeeding, spanking don't spank, relationships, politics and more. I come to them because I want honest honest opinions not the sugar coating. Sometimes we just need to know the truth. I hate to say but some of the brides that come here need a swift kick to understand what they are doing is wrong. I am talking about things beyond PPD and money dances. I have never in all my life would have even thought of some of the things I have seen here.

To punish those that have given HONEST opinions wth. The came here for advice. I mean seriously its like a bad singer going on American idol and being told they are suck and then saying the judges are cruel.. If they don't want the advice they should leave. Advice is advice you either take it or leave it. As a lurker I quite enjoyed the posts of stage and linger. This was totally wrong. It truly tells me that any boards associated with the knot, the bump or whatever are not places I would want to be a part of.

Amyliz1215 · August 2013

Maybe the fact that this is causing such an uproar on the boards would be a hint that this is not what the community wants. If we were all scared of stage and linger, wouldn't we just go on with our lives and be quietly grateful for the banning? I appreciated their advice. I am by no means a regular - I post occasionally but I learned a lot from the regulars here. I appreciate their honesty, however brutal it may be. I am personally sad to see them go and I know the boards will not be the same without them. It's a shame that some people who can't take honesty complained and ruined it for those of us who wanted real, non sugar coated advice. I, for one, know my wedding next year will be better because of the advice received from all of the regulars here.

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