Tick tock. (Your guests are waiting.)

ElcaB · August 2013

Someone I know attended a wedding ceremony that began over an hour late because they were waiting on the groom's grandmother. Apparently, grandma practically raised the groom and was in the processional. B & G decided to delay the ceremony until she got there, which was over an hour after the set start time.

I'll admit, this ruffled my feathers. I understand grandma was a VIP, but I feel like making your guests wait around for an hour is incredibly rude. Am I being insensitive, or do you agree?

KatWAG · August 2013

I agree, I can understand waiting a few minutes but an hour is overkill.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

I'd wait no longer than 15 minutes, but I think it would also depend on the circumstances. Were they waiting because grandma was in a minor car accident, were they waiting because grandma had a medical issue, or were they waiting because grandma couldn't decide what earrings to wear?

ETA: Either way an hour is way too long to wait.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

I think it depends on circumstances, but grandma sucks if it was like changing outfits/didn't give enough time for traffic. I would have been so irritated as a guest.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

A wedding I was in started almost an hour late once. The MOB, who was a momzilla to the 3rd degree, sent back the bouquets of flowers when they arrived because they were wrong. We waited outside of the church in the trolley (which we arrived on time at) for the florist to come with the re-done flowers. The florist was a 30 minute drive from the church, so that alone held us up. And then the priest starts glaring at us from the lobby of the church, waiting for us to get going. The FOB comes out and says, "The priest says he have to get started, he's already doing a condensed mass now, but he will need mass to be done and cleared out for Confession" The MOB's response: "CONFESSION CAN WAIT!" I think we still waited another 10 minutes after that before going inside to start. I think the priest said he wouldn't perform the ceremony period if we didn't start. So we all went in and lined up and just as we were about to start to process, the florist burst in the door with the bouquets. From engagement to reception, that was THE worst wedding experience I ever had. I vowed not to ever be like that for my wedding and to just go with the flow.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

@oliveoilsmom just being nosy, are you still friends with the bride?

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

misssunshine17 said:

@oliveoilsmom just being nosy, are you still friends with the bride?

Nope. Basically the whole BP is not friends with her now, with the exception of her sisters.

bethsmiles · August 2013

Even though I understand why they waited, I still would've been really annoyed. After half an hour I might have left to be honest.

@OliveOilsMom - Wow. That is an insane story. I really have to wonder what the hell is wrong with some people.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I'm with KeptIn - I'd give her a reasonable buffer (10-15 minutes) to make it and if she wasn't there, oh well. If I were a VIP in the processional, I'd arrive 30 min early to make damn sure I was there on time.

I went to a wedding (a different culture than mine) a few years ago where the bride walked down the aisle 1.5 hours after the time on the invitation. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Guests were filing in throughout that 1.5 hour time frame and even AFTER she was at the alter. EVERYONE was late. I asked one of the women sitting near me and she laughed and said it was normal. That the bride may not have "felt ready" right at the start time so to just be patient. It was something I totally, to this day will NEVER understand and I'll always remember it as the most bizarre thing ever.

justintime5 · August 2013

ElcaB said:

Someone I know attended a wedding ceremony that began over an hour late because they were waiting on the groom's grandmother. Apparently, grandma practically raised the groom and was in the processional. B & G decided to delay the ceremony until she got there, which was over an hour after the set start time.

I'll admit, this ruffled my feathers. I understand grandma was a VIP, but I feel like making your guests wait around for an hour is incredibly rude. Am I being insensitive, or do you agree?

This happened at my cousins wedding. The stupid uncle who was driving grandma was too stupid to be on time. No joke. He was suppose to be there with grandmas by 4:30 for family photos. Ceremony was 5:30. He didn't get to the venue until 6:05

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

I can see this happening to me, actually.

FI's grandmother raised him, is essentially his mother. She's being seated just before my mother, she's getting a corsage, etc.

She is also perpetually late because she is indecisive and changes her mind and doesn't plan well. She was late to the first meeting with my parents, and it was her idea!

She's already said, "I'm going to try really hard to be early for your wedding." (For her, "early" means "on time.")

I straight-up told FI, if she's not in the back of the church ready to be seated by 2.50 p.m., we're starting without her, because we aren't keeping 145 OTHER PEOPLE waiting on her. He agreed, and told her that.

She laughed and said, "Oh, you wouldn't do that to me."

Just.Try.Me.

ETA: close open parenthesis

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

@hisgirlfriday13 -- I would tell her that she needs to be there for photos beforehand even if you only use her in one picture of her and your FI just as "insurance."

At this point, given her behaviour, I'd rather she just not come at all. If she's late and misses the wedding, that's on her. If she's late and misses the photos, that's on her. I'm done hand-holding this woman, or making reasonable accommodations, given that she's made it abundantly clear that she wishes he weren't getting married and "leaving her."

Ven&Radio · August 2013

This is one thing I'm going to be a bridezilla about. We're starting the fuck on time. I don't care who is missing (we're doing pictures beforehand so all the key players should be there already). If your ass isn't in a seat at 5:30,youre missing the ceremony. And I will not feel bad.

ElcaB · August 2013

@HisGirlFriday13, I'd definitely have a cousin or other family member be in charge of getting grandma to the church on time!

OliveOilsMom, I find the image of the MOB yelling "CONFESSION CAN WAIT" to be hilarious. How awful.

From my understanding, at this particular wedding there wasn't any catastrophe preventing grandma to show up when she was supposed to.

mcda04 · August 2013

I agree with you OP. My wedding started late (25 min) but it was out of our control. The previous ceremony (15añera) started SUPER late so they cut into our time. Our guests weren't THAT upset because there was nothing we could do about it.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

ElcaB said:

@HisGirlFriday13, I'd definitely have a cousin or other family member be in charge of getting grandma to the church on time!

OliveOilsMom, I find the image of the MOB yelling "CONFESSION CAN WAIT" to be hilarious. How awful.

From my understanding, at this particular wedding there wasn't any catastrophe preventing grandma to show up when she was supposed to.

"CONFESSION CAN WAIT!" became our random phrase to say without this bride around. We still don't get why the flowers had to go back.

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

Oh, that's nothing. At the bridal shower for FI's side of the family (which she hosted!), she took out a photo of him and his ex-GF, passed it around, and said, "She was such a nice girl. I liked her. I don't know what ever happened between them that they didn't get married."

So.....yeah. She's a piece of work. And she's not worth the effort.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

@knotporscha @knotjackie - flags

Miss Esa · August 2013

DH's Dad was late to our wedding, and we didn't wait for him, he ended up being over an hour late and missed the entire ceremony. We made it clear to all the VIPs that we are starting on time and we asked them to show up 30 minutes early for family photos. He couldn't bother to be there for photos so we didn't bother waiting. He didn't give a crap about the wedding anyways and he made it clear that he had other more important things to do and the wedding was an convinced to him. (He had to be someplace to go skinny dipping for the solstice.)

AllieBear725 · August 2013

What the heck is up with the random flags everywhere?

ElcaB · August 2013

AllieBear725 said:

What the heck is up with the random flags everywhere?

I could be wrong, but I think it has to do with the drama surrounding the recent ban of some members. I think someone on another thread mentioned random users were just flagging every post they see or something.

AllieBear725 · August 2013

Yeah, I just got a flag for that post. Someone is on the crazy train.

bethsmiles · August 2013

AllieBear725 said:

What the heck is up with the random flags everywhere?

It's even worse on SB. Someone is just going crazy with the flagging and as far as I can tell even though @knotporscha and @knotjackie have been paged all day by several users they have better things to do today.

I've gotten 19 flags today

kmmssg · August 2013

Tlanute said:

DH's Dad was late to our wedding, and we didn't wait for him, he ended up being over an hour late and missed the entire ceremony. We made it clear to all the VIPs that we are starting on time and we asked them to show up 30 minutes early for family photos. He couldn't bother to be there for photos so we didn't bother waiting. He didn't give a crap about the wedding anyways and he made it clear that he had other more important things to do and the wedding was an convinced to him. (He had to be someplace to go skinny dipping for the solstice.)

To the bold: Are you serious? Skinny dipping? Major super kudos to you for starting without him.

MuppetFan · August 2013

ElcaB said:

Someone I know attended a wedding ceremony that began over an hour late because they were waiting on the groom's grandmother. Apparently, grandma practically raised the groom and was in the processional. B & G decided to delay the ceremony until she got there, which was over an hour after the set start time.

I'll admit, this ruffled my feathers. I understand grandma was a VIP, but I feel like making your guests wait around for an hour is incredibly rude. Am I being insensitive, or do you agree?

At the wedding I most recently attended, the Bride made the wedding start 45 minutes late. No call, no indication that this was happening. Most people left right after the food was served, though, I think they may have left regardless of when the wedding started.

pittiemama14 · August 2013

So serious question about this, if the invitations say 4, does that mean we can start the ceremony right at 4, or does that mean we need to wait a while before starting? My family is completely incapable of being on time, and I have never been to the wedding of a family member that started on time. I want to start right at 4 because we are on a pretty tight schedule for the day, but my mom thinks we need to wait at least a half hour because she thinks a lot of people will miss the ceremony then. As far as I'm concerned, too bad, we gave you a time for a reason, but I'm not sure what the proper etiquette on this is.

bethsmiles · August 2013

pittiemama14 said:

So serious question about this, if the invitations say 4, does that mean we can start the ceremony right at 4, or does that mean we need to wait a while before starting? My family is completely incapable of being on time, and I have never been to the wedding of a family member that started on time. I want to start right at 4 because we are on a pretty tight schedule for the day, but my mom thinks we need to wait at least a half hour because she thinks a lot of people will miss the ceremony then. As far as I'm concerned, too bad, we gave you a time for a reason, but I'm not sure what the proper etiquette on this is.

Do not start half an hour late. I usually show up to weddings 20-30 minutes before the start time, I would be pissed if I sat there for an unexpected 30 minutes. It's incredibly rude to make your guests wait on you.

I don't think a bride and groom should ever plan on starting late. If circumstances the day of make them want to wait I don't think more than 5-10 minutes would be appropriate.

pittiemama14 · August 2013

Ok that's I thought, thank you!

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

bethsmiles said:

pittiemama14 said:

So serious question about this, if the invitations say 4, does that mean we can start the ceremony right at 4, or does that mean we need to wait a while before starting? My family is completely incapable of being on time, and I have never been to the wedding of a family member that started on time. I want to start right at 4 because we are on a pretty tight schedule for the day, but my mom thinks we need to wait at least a half hour because she thinks a lot of people will miss the ceremony then. As far as I'm concerned, too bad, we gave you a time for a reason, but I'm not sure what the proper etiquette on this is.

Do not start half an hour late. I usually show up to weddings 20-30 minutes before the start time, I would be pissed if I sat there for an unexpected 30 minutes. It's incredibly rude to make your guests wait on you.

I don't think a bride and groom should ever plan on starting late. If circumstances the day of make them want to wait I don't think more than 5-10 minutes would be appropriate.

Ditto @bethsmiles. Most guests can show up early to a wedding. People who can't suffer the consequences. But it would be terribly rude to make your OTHER guests wait just because your family is late.

Plusalso, any time a wedding doesn't start on time (I've been to three that didn't), guests spend the reception wondering whether it was the bride or the groom who got cold feet and had to be talked round to going through with it. You really don't want your guests wondering that about you.

pittiemama14 · August 2013

I am totally ok with starting right at 4, its my mother that has a problem with it, because she thinks that a lot of people will miss it. Honestly, I could care less if people miss the ceremony because they did not have the courtesy to show up on time. She thinks its rude to start before everyone gets there, and the one thing we do agree on is there will be late people. So how do I tell her we are not waiting for stragglers, and it's rude for us to keep the guests that did show up on time waiting? Should I just coordinate with the officiant and let her know we are to start promptly at four and leave mom out of it? I'm just afraid she will keep trying to push the time back somehow, and like I said we are on a really strict schedule for the day of.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

I am totally ok with starting right at 4, its my mother that has a problem with it, because she thinks that a lot of people will miss it. Honestly, I could care less if people miss the ceremony because they did not have the courtesy to show up on time. She thinks its rude to start before everyone gets there, and the one thing we do agree on is there will be late people. So how do I tell her we are not waiting for stragglers, and it's rude for us to keep the guests that did show up on time waiting? Should I just coordinate with the officiant and let her know we are to start promptly at four and leave mom out of it? I'm just afraid she will keep trying to push the time back somehow, and like I said we are on a really strict schedule for the day of.

"Mom, we won't make the people who can tell time wait for the people who can't. The ceremony will begin promptly at 4".

How are you going to know if everyone is there? Roll call? What about no shows - You could be waiting forever for people who aren't planning on showing up.

Tick tock. (Your guests are waiting.)

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