NER: A new question on the old shoes-in-the-house debate

krizzo17 · August 2013

So I've seen the whole "Is it ok to ask your guests to take their shoes off" debate on here more than once, but last night I was mopping my floors and thought of a question that I haven't seen on here before.

Is it ok to ask guests to leave their shoes on? We never ask our guests to take their shoes off, but friends of my husband, who always ask guests to take shoes off at their home, immediately de-shoe upon entering our home. If they're the first people there, other guests see their shoes by the door and follow suit. Honestly, I find this awkward at a more organized gathering (if you're just coming over to play video games with my husband, I really don't care). I always remove my shoes at their house even though I'd prefer not to.

I'd probably never go so far as to ask them to leave their shoes on, but would it be ok to ask them to put their shoes in a discrete location, instead of right in front of my door, so other guests don't feel obligated to remove their shoes?

Disclaimer: I realize this would be pretty passive-aggressive since I'm mostly annoyed at having to take off my shoes at their house (they stand by the door and freak out that you're even in their entryway with your shoes on), so I'll probably never say anything anyway. I'm just curious.

krizzo17 · August 2013

Lobster1987 said:

I think you worry too much.

Haha I *know* I worry too much. This was mostly just a curiosity question, particularly since I don't ever expect everyone to agree on the shoes on/off debate. Trust me, this is not keeping me up at night.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

I know this is just a "I'm curious" post, but I'd say to not say anything. I know I don't like taking my shoes off, either.

Amsdragonfly · August 2013

In my house, with hardwood floors and possible doggie drool, it's "Take your shoes off at your own risk"- I walk around with my shoes on sometimes. I mean, if you didn't just walk through mud or if it's not snowing or raining outside, I don't care. I think it's pretty common though to take your shoes off when you know your shoes are wet or whatever. But it really doesn't bother me. If I had carpeting I think we would be more conscious of taking them off just because of the rug needing to be shampooed would be more of a pain than sweeping or mopping to me.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

Interesting question! Your friends may be like me. I tend to take my shoes off out of habit when entering any house, and then sometimes I realize my hosts are still wearing theirs and feel awkward. Usually if the host says "feel free to keep your shoes on! we don't mind," I take that as a polite cue that they'd prefer I shoe up.

MoonlightSilver · August 2013

Do you have somewhere discrete for your guest to put their shoes? Perhaps invest in a shoe cubbie? If you're really worried about this, I'd just go "Oh, (friend), I'm going to stick your shoes in this cubbie, okay?"

ETA: But I hate wearing shoes and always take them off as soon as possible, so I'd still be taking my shoes off.

LavenderHoneyBee · August 2013

If I were you I would just hang around the entryway as guests enter and say, "Oh don't worry about - you can leave your shoes one!"

Havana2014 · August 2013

I think if it was a more dressy affair than just popping over to see a friend it would annoy me to have to take them off - I spend time getting myself dressed up and the shoes are an important part of that. I think I'd wonder why I bothered.

TheVirginians · August 2013

Just take their shoes and put them in the closet. Just tell this couple that's where they can find them. If you want to be snarky, you can add that you don't like shoes cluttering up the front hall.

AJuliaNJ · August 2013

I prefer to keep my shoes on most of the time, but I look to what the host is doing for guidance. You should have shoes on when the guests arrive and if someone starts deshoeing, let them know they don't have to. If they want to, that's a different story.

In my old state, I only knew a few people who had a no shoes rule and it was usually because they had a new rug or a newborn. In my new city, taking off shoes is the norm. It's fine if the floor is clean and the house is warm, but we know one family with a dirty floor with small kid toys all over to step on, and another who has a freezing cold house. I've started carrying socks with me.

Lowell14 · August 2013

This sounds silly but FI and I both have 'indoor' shoes. We take our boots, work shoes, etc off when we come in the door. I have flipflops and FI had pool shoes he wears. I know my floors are clean but I still like the option of wearing something.

I also have a pair of ballet flats I bring to my inlaws to wear in the house so my feet aren't cold on the tiles.

GlassButton · August 2013

I'm sorry but most of my family (including extended) is like that. When we have guests over we just politely show them where to put their shoes. We do offer indoor slippers and flip flops and keep the house very warm (at least 24 degrees even if it's minus that outside).

When we visit people that don't mind shoes they just politely tell us to leave them on. We get the hint.

The only incident I've heard of someone being upset that our cousin asked her (his sister) to take her shoes off was when she was new to Canada. In our country people just wipe their feet on the door mats.

krizzo17 · August 2013

I wasn't trying to reopen the "is it ok to ask guests to take their shoes off" debate that pops up here every once in a while, just wondering if it's ok to ask guests to leave their shoes on, or if guests always have the option to take their shoes off at your door. (Which the consensus seems to be yes, you can ask them to leave their shoes on, or move their shoes away from your door so other guests don't feel obligated to do the same). Though when people insist on taking their shoes off because that's what they do at their home, I do kind of feel like they're insinuating that the way I run my house is wrong, and they're fixing that for me.

Cold houses are a completely different issue - this is why I always bring a sweater or hoodie with me everywhere, but then again I find most people's houses overly cold, especially in A/C weather.

jessicabessica · August 2013

krizzo17 said:

I wasn't trying to reopen the "is it ok to ask guests to take their shoes off" debate that pops up here every once in a while, just wondering if it's ok to ask guests to leave their shoes on, or if guests always have the option to take their shoes off at your door. (Which the consensus seems to be yes, you can ask them to leave their shoes on, or move their shoes away from your door so other guests don't feel obligated to do the same). Though when people insist on taking their shoes off because that's what they do at their home, I do kind of feel like they're insinuating that the way I run my house is wrong, and they're fixing that for me.
Cold houses are a completely different issue - this is why I always bring a sweater or hoodie with me everywhere, but then again I find most people's houses overly cold, especially in A/C weather.

I don't really see a big difference between asking your guests to remove their shoes and asking them to leave them on, so it's kind of the same debate IMO.

I think you're reading into it way too much. It's fine to let them know that you don't mind shoes in the house, but I would say something like, "We're fine with shoes in the house, whatever makes you comfortable," not "Please leave your shoes on." It's fine for you to move their shoes (or ask them to put their shoes in a particular place) to be out of the way. It's also fine for you to let subsequent guests know that you are fine with shoes in the house.

MrsLillyG · August 2013

I know this wasnt the question but I wanted to chime in on my opinion. I think asking grown men and women to take off their shoes upon entering your house is just as silly as asking them to remove their pants. It's just odd to me to dictate to people what to wear because they are in your house. I think vaccuming once a week does the trick of getting rid of unwanted dirt in your house.

kipnus · August 2013

I grew up in a Muslim country and now live in Canada, where taking shoes off inside is the norm. I hate wearing shoes (I'm barefoot or in flip-flops as much of the time as possible), so I know I would take them off without even thinking about it. I really can't wrap my head around going from outside to inside in the same shoes!

NOLAbridealmost · August 2013

MrsLillyG said:

I know this wasnt the question but I wanted to chime in on my opinion. I think asking grown men and women to take off their shoes upon entering your house is just as silly as asking them to remove their pants. It's just odd to me to dictate to people what to wear because they are in your house. I think vaccuming once a week does the trick of getting rid of unwanted dirt in your house.

I quite agree. I would never ask a guest to remove or to keep on an article of clothing (unless of course a guest started to completely disrobe....but at that point they were rude first for getting nekkid in your house).

I just don't think it's appropriate. If you want super clean floors, either don't invite people over or prepare to sweep/mop after having company. If the idea of having a couple pairs of shoes cluttering the doorway for a couple hours is cringe-inducing then, again, either don't have people over or get some cubbies/baskets where guests can place their shoes.

leia1979 · August 2013

I live in a largely Asian community, and we rarely keep shoes on in someone's house. At the vast majority of homes (including my own), the shoes come off at the door/front hallway. I'm sure that while it's totally normal to me, it's weird to others.

At any rate, I think it would be fine to tell people that you would prefer they keep their shoes on, if it really bothers you. Though it sounds like just telling them they don't have to take them off would suffice.

Ashes_3 · August 2013

My mom has really weak ankles and is flatfooted. She has to wear shoes to support her ankles and arches. If she goes walking around without shoes on she starts limping and is in pain. She has had to leave peoples homes before so she could put her shoes back on. I know she tries to go along with the request of the homeowner. She now tries to avoid going to certain family members homes because she feels bad about not being able to stay long, or violating the request of the owner so she isn't in pain.

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

They sell storage benches you can set in the entry way and they can sit take their shoes.off and store shoes inside. They sell them at Macy's and jcpenney and I'm sure you can find them online. Or you can say you don't have to take your shoes offi ts fine.

jessicabessica · August 2013

Ashes_3 said:

My mom has really weak ankles and is flatfooted. She has to wear shoes to support her ankles and arches. If she goes walking around without shoes on she starts limping and is in pain. She has had to leave peoples homes before so she could put her shoes back on. I know she tries to go along with the request of the homeowner. She now tries to avoid going to certain family members homes because she feels bad about not being able to stay long, or violating the request of the owner so she isn't in pain.

I don't know what sort of shoes are comfortable for her, but if there are any flats/sandals/clogs that she can wear, why not have a pair of those as her house shoes, and then she can bring those with her. We are a shoes off house, and I would be fine if my guest wanted to leave her shoes because of some issue like this, but if she is so uncomfortable doing that that she avoids certain houses, I would think about carrying house shoes on these visits.

kipnus · August 2013

jessicabessica said:

Ashes_3 said:

My mom has really weak ankles and is flatfooted. She has to wear shoes to support her ankles and arches. If she goes walking around without shoes on she starts limping and is in pain. She has had to leave peoples homes before so she could put her shoes back on. I know she tries to go along with the request of the homeowner. She now tries to avoid going to certain family members homes because she feels bad about not being able to stay long, or violating the request of the owner so she isn't in pain.

I don't know what sort of shoes are comfortable for her, but if there are any flats/sandals/clogs that she can wear, why not have a pair of those as her house shoes, and then she can bring those with her. We are a shoes off house, and I would be fine if my guest wanted to leave her shoes because of some issue like this, but if she is so uncomfortable doing that that she avoids certain houses, I would think about carrying house shoes on these visits.

This. If I had problems that required me to wear shoes all the time, I would bring along "indoor" shoes.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I wouldn't think it appropriate to ask people to remove their shoes without them knowing beforehand. I have several people in my life that wear orthotics and other shoes due to foot issues, myself included.

mercimarie · August 2013

As a Canadian, I still find it so interesting that people wear their shoes in their houses. It is just not done here (blatant generalization alert). My guess is it has something to do with weather, maybe Northern states will agree? Especially in the winter, not only do we take our shoes off upon entering the house, but we have a boot room where shoes, ski boots, whatevers are removed before even getting into the actual apartment. It is unusual to go to someone's house and leave your shoes on, it may even get a negative response. I know I wouldn't like it if someone wore dirty shoes into my house, and God help them if I've just mopped the floors. Having said that, if someone had a legitimate foot problem, I'd probably be ok with it and just vacuum when they leave.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

I agree with @mercimarie for weather-related reasons. If it's not winter and snowy where I am, it's summer and muddy. That being said, I don't fight over it with my guests (except during the winter or if it's really muddy outside), and I vacuum when they leave.

Jessa617 · August 2013

I think most people look down and if they see shoes, they take them off. I take them off in my own home and most of our guests do, but they were never told to take them off.

The way I look at it,if nothing is said, then the guest will do what they are comfortable with. It may not be necessary to tell someone "Hey, you can leave your shoes on if you want", but if they ask if they need to take their shoes off, then you say no.

flutterfly88 · August 2013

I too am a Canadian and I find things to be opposite what @mercimarie said, where I live it's more common for me to here "oh don't worry about taking your shoes off, you can leave them on if you want", even in homes with lots of carpeting

mercimarie · August 2013

@flutterfly88, really! That is interesting! Do you mind if I ask where in Canada you live? My guess is southern Ontario, but I may be way off. I live in a ski resort and a lot of the Ontario imports, especially a good friend of mine from Windsor, tend to be in favour of shoes staying on. Seems so strange to me!

flutterfly88 · August 2013

@mercimarie I live in the lower mainland of BC, what about you, where's your ski resort located (if you don't mind my asking?)

mercimarie · August 2013

I'm in Sun Peaks, near Kamloops! We're practically neighbours!

mercimarie · August 2013

Wait a minute, is saying my specific place of residence against the TOS? @KnotJackie?

NER: A new question on the old shoes-in-the-house debate

Re: NER: A new question on the old shoes-in-the-house debate

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