My FH and I have looked at probably close to 10 to 15 venues for our wedding, some we have toured on 2 different occasions. We looked at one last week and are trying to set up one more visit to a venue I found out about on my local board. Some venues are all inclusive, some let us bring in catering but we have to bar through them. Almost all of them have told us to do things that are very rude to our guests or just act like that by picking that venue they have become the wedding planner.
I ruled out a few places we have visited because of how the coordinator have spoken to us. The venue we looked at last week said we shouldn't care that FMIL is severely allergic to tree nuts and if the chef makes a dish with pesto/almonds/walnuts or whatever other tree nut, she can just avoid it. He even said that for vegetarian guests to order from a local Mexican restaurant because why offer a vegetarian option for maybe 2 guests. He also said that it is OK to make guests stand for the service since they can only hold maybe 140 in the chapel and having some guests sit in a separate room from the restof the guests is OK. He also said that of the 300 guests we plan on inviting maybe 90 to 100 will come to the ceremony and the rest will come to the dinner. I realize not everyone will make it to the ceremony but not almost the entire guest list, especially when 90% of our guest list will have to travel over 2 hours to the wedding.
Another venue, I partially ruled out because the coordinator actually told us we don't want certain things, like a plated dinner or chair covers for the ugly chairs at the venue, because its more work. That lady runs a restaurant attached to the venue, but you can bring in your own caterer, so I asked for catering options from her restaurant, as they are on the approved caterers list for another venue. She wouldn't give me anything and seemed in a rush to get us out of the venue because it seemed like we were interrupting her day.
For me, it isn't just venues who are telling me to basically screw my guests and just do whatever I want. My supervisor told me that I shouldn't care that my FMIL has a severe allergy, she should know how to avoid the foods with the nuts in them. And worrying about cross contamination isn't a real problem because you know, kitchen staffs never get busy and accidentally use the spoon that stirred the pesto and use it to stir marinaria sauce. How does someone have such a blatant lack of respect for other people? She is newly married and said that she didn't care if guests couldn't eat because of allergies, it was her day.
Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you end up picking a venue and still be able to be a wonderful host? I think it is one of the reasons my FH and I can't agree on a venue because I refuse to be rude to our guests.
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
- Barbara DeAngelis