Destination Wedding Thank Yous

onlinebanker12 · July 2013

Hi Knotties,

We are planning a destination wedding, and have gotten our Welcome Bags all sorted out.

Our idea was to put handwritten, personalized welcome/thank you notes in each bag, but we aren't sure if we also should send thank yous after the wedding.

We are happy to write 2 thank you notes, but we weren't sure if it would be overkill, since we'd basically be thanking people for coming in both letters. If we do 2 thank you notes, we could definitely personalize it to the time we spent with them that weekend, but I thought getting a little advice would be great.

Thoughts??

THANKS!

AllyIdo · July 2013

Something sent in the mail is best. Take the time to write and send something to express your gratitude.

Could the letter in the bag say welcome, thanks for coming, and also go over the plans for the weekend?

wrigleyville · July 2013

You only need to send thank you notes for gifts received. You don't have to send them to thank people for coming. The reception is your thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.

I think having a nice note in the welcome bag is fine, but I'd be sure to send thank yous to anyone who brings a gift. You might get a lot of cards with checks and gift cards since it's a DW.

Teddy917 · July 2013

Another reason to make sure to send them after for gifts is to let people know that you received them.

TerriHugg · July 2013

@onlinebanker12

We put a welcome/thank you note in each welcome bag and sent thank you notes after the wedding. The notes in the bags weren't personalized though. This is what they said:

Love Knows No Bounds

To Our Family & Friends,
If there was ever any doubt that we were loved, you erased it when you crossed the ocean for us. The fact that you journeyed all the way to Nassau means more to us than you know.
It's because of you, we know how to love in the first place. The support you've showered us with, the encouragement you've given and the laughter we've shared are what brought us here. You have contributed to our lives in such monumental ways. You are the ones we lean on, our partners in crime and favorite people in the world. We can't thank you enough for all you have done over the years.
We hope you enjoy the celebration and those we'll share for years to come.
Love always,
*we put that on nice cards that matched our wedding colors from Vista Print. On the back of the cards were the group activities we had planned for one of the days there.

saric83 · July 2013

We sent out personalized thank-you's a few weeks prior to the trip (we mailed luggage tags to everyone with event information (exact times weren't ready when we sent invites)) and then we sent out more generic thank-you's to everyone on a photo card with the whole group, so you could do something like that.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

saric83 said:

We sent out personalized thank-you's a few weeks prior to the trip (we mailed luggage tags to everyone with event information (exact times weren't ready when we sent invites)) and then we sent out more generic thank-you's to everyone on a photo card with the whole group, so you could do something like that.

Please tell me you made the generic thank you's somewhat personal? And they weren't just a postcard sayign Thank You! without a personal note from your and DH?

OP - I would send a second thank you after the event, regardless of gift. I understand (but don't agree with) the theory that the reception is the thank you, in the case of a destination wedding though, your guests deserve a handwritten thank you after the fact.

AllyIdo · July 2013

I plan to send all of my guests "thank you for coming" cards a few weeks after our destination wedding in Las Vegas. I don't care if they gave me a gift or not, they definitely went above and beyond by just attending.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

@allyscud. Be aware that guests who didn't give gifts may be hurt by this and view it as a passive aggressive dig. You thank people for coming in person at the reception, either with a receiving line or table visits. Sending a mailed thank you is superfluous.

AllyIdo · July 2013

I disagree @starmoon44. If someone cares enough about me and my FI to take off from work and spend the money to fly across the country to witness our nuptials, I am truly grateful. My mom always told me to write cards to express my appreciation, and I wouldn't want to let her down now!

None of my friends would take me sending them a personal note to express my gratitude as "a dig."

onlinebanker12 · August 2013

Not to add to the confusion, but we've started receiving HoneyFund gifts, and I keep reading that if you get a gift well before your wedding date, you're supposed to send a Thank You right away. I am more than happy to do this... and then I can still write a "We're happy you're here" note to put in the Welcome bags, but then do you think we need to do an after-destination-wedding Thank You also?

I'm fine writing as many thank yous as are appropriate- we love our friends and family dearly, so it's not like we want to thank people less... Just not sure 100% what to do.

Thoughts?

delujm0 · August 2013

At a destination wedding, their attendance is your gift. For example, FI and I are in a wedding in St. Lucia in December. The Bride and Groom do not want (or expect) gifts, since this is costing each couple about $3k to attend. Just because people don't give them an additional gift doesn't mean they didn't have a serious financial outlay to attend - thank you notes are always appropriate.

Also, "the reception is the thank you" doesn't really apply when all of the guests have already paid out of their own pocket to stay at the All-Inclusive venue, where the reception is essentially free - basically everyone is paying for their own meal, since it would have been included in the cost of the room regardless. Now, these people are putting on a number of events throughout the weekend to include the guests, and there is some out of pocket cost, but if that was me i would be thanking everyone who came over and over again for YEARS because those people clearly care a lot about you if they're willing to pay that much to be in attendance.

Our wedding isn't really a "destination" - it's where we live, but 80% of the guests will still be from out of town - even though the travel cost per couple is very low, we are still treating them to casual dinner/drinks Friday night, the reception Saturday, and brunch Sunday - because we understand that everyone has already had a large out of pocket cost associated with the trip. In this case, I will consider the reception/other events the thank you, and will send personalized, hand written thank you notes for any gifts received (generic, pre-printed, or picture-only thank you notes are NEVER acceptable in any circumstance).

saric83 · August 2013

LavenderHoneyBee said:

saric83 said:

We sent out personalized thank-you's a few weeks prior to the trip (we mailed luggage tags to everyone with event information (exact times weren't ready when we sent invites)) and then we sent out more generic thank-you's to everyone on a photo card with the whole group, so you could do something like that.

Please tell me you made the generic thank you's somewhat personal? And they weren't just a postcard sayign Thank You! without a personal note from your and DH?

Of course...why would you automatically assume the negative? So all of our guests received two handwritten thank you's from us. One was a little card with the luggage tags before the trip, and the other with the photo after the trip. I suggested it simply as a way to graciously thank the guests without it feeling redundant with the same card twice or something.

onlinebanker12 · August 2013

Not that it should change the answer to my question about how many thank you notes we should write (which hasn't completely been solved for me here), but we are actually paying for all of our guests to spend 4 days at the all-inclusive resort, including paying for their airport transfers. We understand that destination weddings can be incredibly expensive, and while we aren't paying for the airfares, we are trying our best to help with the costs.

I would still love input about the actual Thank Yous... I'm assuming at least 2 Thank Yous, but does anyone out there think there should be 3 in cases where people sent gifts? Is there anything anyone out there can say that might be more helpful on this topic rather than just replying with assumptions about what we are and are not paying for and how unfair you might think we're being?

TerriHugg · August 2013

Hi @Onlinebank12

I don't think you are being unfair at all. Nor am I making assumptions about your actions. I thought my previous answer to you about my experience with a thank you note in the welcome bag and then sending one after the wedding would suffice, but I guess it didn't judging by your above response.

So I will elaborate to say this: Send two thank you notes. Put one in the welcome bags and then send one after the wedding. If the person sent you a gift you can include a blurb about that in the second thank you note unless they sent you one before the wedding. If they didn't send you a gift the second thank you card could just be a reiteration about your appreciation of their attendance and support. And no, I don't think people will consider it a dig if they didn't give you a gift.

I hope that helps you out a bit. Good luck.

onlinebanker12 · August 2013

Terrihugg- Thanks for your answer! Yours was fairly helpful... until I ran into the early gifts situation, and then I wasn't sure if I should send 2 or 3 Thank Yous.

I think I will stick with the 2, and only send immediate Thank Yous to the gift senders who aren't coming, and thank people for the early gifts in the Welcome Thank You... and then thank people after, too.

Thanks again.

STARMOON44 · August 2013

No. You really need to thank people for gifts right away when you get them, so they know they've been received. I really don't care about all of the special destination thank yous stuff, but you need to get those thank yous out right away, just like any other bride should.

WinstonsGirl · August 2013

We did a DW with welcome bags. We did include a personalized note welcoming them to the island and thanking them for joining us. We also sent out Thank you notes when we received gifts, but only to people who sent them. All were personalized as well. The notes in the bag were more of a welcome to the wedding and here's what's in the bag versus a thank you for your gift. People who attended but didn't send/give a gift didn't receive the second thank you note.

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