I know I'm not the only girl who gets a bit jealous when other people get married..

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I know it's quite normal to be jealous when you see a happy couple Tie the knot. I mean I love weddings. I always have. I love looking at the grooms face when he sees his bride for the first time. I love the decor I love the look between the couple once they're married. But sometimes I just get this huge twinge of jealousy because I want my day to come. I feel like your family and friends aren't truly happy for you as a couple until they see you engaged and married. Like ,"oh they're really together I'm so happy for them. " Feels like they can get into that sense of,"well they're cute together but who knows if it'll last. " I know marriage is hard work and all mi know many people wait years before they marrry. I just am so looking forward to the day where ill wake up next to the man who loves me more than anything in the world. Honestly I think some people take marriage for granted and they need to realize that. Just some thoughts I had.

cu97tiger · August 2013

katiecat08 said:

I know it's quite normal to be jealous when you see a happy couple Tie the knot. I mean I love weddings. I always have. I love looking at the grooms face when he sees his bride for the first time. I love the decor I love the look between the couple once they're married. But sometimes I just get this huge twinge of jealousy because I want my day to come. I feel like your family and friends aren't truly happy for you as a couple until they see you engaged and married. Like ,"oh they're really together I'm so happy for them. " Feels like they can get into that sense of,"well they're cute together but who knows if it'll last. " I know marriage is hard work and all mi know many people wait years before they marrry. I just am so looking forward to the day where ill wake up next to the man who loves me more than anything in the world. Honestly I think some people take marriage for granted and they need to realize that. Just some thoughts I had.

Katie - sure, it's normal to have a twinge of jealousy towards someone that has something that you hope to have someday. Just don't spend all your time worrying about that, or waiting for it. If you do, you'll miss the really awesome moments that you and your BF are living right now (I'm assuming you have a boyfriend).

Also, don't look to other people to validate your relationship. It isn't there job to treat it with any kind of gravitas. You show them how serious you are about each other by just living out your life. There have been plenty of people who don't take marriage seriously, so even if they were married, I wouldn't think positively about their relationship cough*Kim Kardashian*cough. So try turning the focus inward instead of outward when those things bother you.

Swazzle · August 2013

You met your BF in January and started dating in May. It's August. Take a fucking chill pill.

bethsmiles · August 2013

katiecat08 said:

I know it's quite normal to be jealous when you see a happy couple Tie the knot. I mean I love weddings. I always have. I love looking at the grooms face when he sees his bride for the first time. I love the decor I love the look between the couple once they're married. But sometimes I just get this huge twinge of jealousy because I want my day to come. I feel like your family and friends aren't truly happy for you as a couple until they see you engaged and married. Like ,"oh they're really together I'm so happy for them. " Feels like they can get into that sense of,"well they're cute together but who knows if it'll last." I know marriage is hard work and all mi know many people wait years before they marrry. I just am so looking forward to the day where ill wake up next to the man who loves me more than anything in the world. Honestly I think some people take marriage for granted and they need to realize that. Just some thoughts I had.

That's ridiculous. My family and friends are incredibly happy for me that I have BF in my life. Just because you aren't married doesn't mean everyone is questioning if its going to last.

@Swazzle - I loved your post

KeptInStitches · August 2013

Ditto Beth. BF and I have been together, oh, somewhere around 4.75 years (I can't be fussed to track exactly how long), and my family is happy that he is in my life. And they were just as happy for me on Day 1 as they are now because they see that we are happy together.

TiaTea · August 2013

I like fairy tales.
They are all about the adventures while looking for The One . The marriage is in the end of the fairy tale: " They got married and they lived happily ever after."

"Happily ever after" is what my parents and grand parents have: they love each other , they take care of each other, they take care of the children together , they argue, they cook , they clean . It's all part of the happily ever after. And it all stars with the wedding.
But the fairy tale is before it

Just enjoy the fairy tale while it lasts.

PS Is there a fairy tale about a married couple?

bethsmiles · August 2013

TiaTea said:

I like fairy tales.
They are all about the adventures while looking for The One . The marriage is in the end of the fairy tale: " They got married and they lived happily ever after."
"Happily ever after" is what my parents and grand parents have: they love each other , they take care of each other, they take care of the children together , they argue, they cook , they clean . It's all part of the happily ever after. And it all stars with the wedding.
But the fairy tale is before it
Just enjoy the fairy tale while it lasts.

PS Is there a fairy tale about a married couple?

Swazzle · August 2013

@bethsmiles - Right back at ya

TiaTea · August 2013

@bethsmiles
"My family and friends are incredibly happy for me that I have BF in my life."

Is that a horror story between the two of you, or your being together makes you throw up ?

beanbot2002 · August 2013

TiaTea said:

@bethsmiles
"My family and friends are incredibly happy for me that I have BF in my life."

Is that a horror story between the two of you, or your being together makes you throw up ?

minskat30 · August 2013

@katiecat08 - You've been dating your boyfriend for a few months, you are in your early 20s and you don't even live in the same state or anywhere near each other. I'd advise you to get to know your boyfriend a little more before you worry about marriage.

leia1979 · August 2013

katiecat08 said:

I know it's quite normal to be jealous when you see a happy couple Tie the knot. I mean I love weddings. I always have. I love looking at the grooms face when he sees his bride for the first time. I love the decor I love the look between the couple once they're married. But sometimes I just get this huge twinge of jealousy because I want my day to come. I feel like your family and friends aren't truly happy for you as a couple until they see you engaged and married. Like ,"oh they're really together I'm so happy for them. " Feels like they can get into that sense of,"well they're cute together but who knows if it'll last. " I know marriage is hard work and all mi know many people wait years before they marrry. I just am so looking forward to the day where ill wake up next to the man who loves me more than anything in the world. Honestly I think some people take marriage for granted and they need to realize that. Just some thoughts I had.

You don't have to be married to do that. I did that for over two years before we actually got married.

I don't think people take marriage for granted, but I think a lot of people take their spouse/partner for granted. Marriage is just what two people make it.

phira · August 2013

lolwut

I mean, I think some people take marriage for granted, but only in the context of, "There are lots of places where some people can't get married because it's illegal, and they can't access the privileges and benefits of marriage that the rest of us take for granted."

My friends and family don't treat my relationship as "not that important" just because we're not engaged or married. My partner's father has said, in front of me, that I'm part of the family.

It sounds like you come from a background where folks believe that relationships outside of marriage can't be serious or committed. I hope that listening to other people's stories around here, and prioritizing your wants and needs (love and commitment) above your expectations (wedding and marriage NOW NOW NOW) helps you get out of that mindset.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@phira, I think one of the coolest days of my relationship was when my mom said on the phone to me that she'd told my dad "the kids are coming for dinner" - meaning me and my BF. There was an audible squee followed by me asking if I could tell BF she thought of him as one of her kids (and of course she said yes).

Threadjack over, carry on.

Vintagelove4 · August 2013

Marriage has a wide rage of definitions. Honestly it sounds like you're jealous of that level of relationship and the wedding part more then not being married.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Lilyrose4242 said:

Marriage has a wide rage of definitions. Honestly it sounds like you're jealous of that level of relationship and the wedding part more then not being married.

how is this?

bethsmiles · August 2013

TiaTea said:

@bethsmiles
"My family and friends are incredibly happy for me that I have BF in my life."

Is that a horror story between the two of you, or your being together makes you throw up ?

It means that I thought your response in this thread was absolutely ridiculously cheesy and gag worthy. I was pretty sure my GIF made that clear.

As for my relationship - personally I'll take my relationship here in reality over some ridiculous fairytale any day.

Vintagelove4 · August 2013

@CocoBellaF Well outside of the definition in the dictionary, everyone adds their own expectations and thoughts to it. Thus why everyone thinks of it a bit differently. That's what I meant.

Hummingbird125 · August 2013

cu97tiger said:
It isn't there job to treat it with any kind of gravitas.

I'm going to completely ignore the subject at hand. This just reminded me that when I started dating BF, he was living with a few guy friends and one of them always used the word "gravitas" incorrectly. I don't know if he thought it meant "goodbye" or what, but he always said it when he was leaving or when we were leaving. He'd look at BF, nod, and say "gravitas." I always had to wait until we were out of earshot to burst out laughing. No one had the heart to tell him...

CarolinaPeach13 · August 2013

OP, I totally get it. I feel jealous when all my friends and classmates and sorority sisters post pictures of their weddings and diamond rings and bridal showers, and I can't wait for my time to come too! Heck, I felt ready after a couple months of dating. But we're YOUNG! According to PPs, you're in your early 20s too. Let's have fun with it! Honestly, after a few months, I forgot about weddings and was just having fun dating my BF. Now it's been 3 years and we're finally getting ready to make that commitment. And yeah, so is about half of my group of acquaintances. It's hard. Sometimes it really sucks. But it's not my turn yet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is relaxxxx. These ladies helped calm me down when we first started talking about engagements, and I'm happy to pass on the wisdom. Just have fun for now. There's no "marriage" race to win.

TiaTea · August 2013

@bethsmiles

As I said " I like fairy tales. They are all about the adventures ..."

and
"...love each other , they take care of each other...|

In your case : "As for my relationship - personally I'll take my relationship here in reality over some ridiculous fairytale any day."

If your reality is the opposite of adventures, love, and care for each other, which I described as fairy tale- happily ever after, I am sorry. If yours is adventureLESS and loveLESS to point that makes you sick to even read about something more exciting, I apologize for bringing it up.
I'll only talk about dull and grim stuff to you. Hope it makes you feel better.

bethsmiles · August 2013

TiaTea said:

@bethsmiles

As I said " I like fairy tales. They are all about the adventures ..."
and
"...love each other , they take care of each other...|

In your case : "As for my relationship - personally I'll take my relationship here in reality over some ridiculous fairytale any day."

If your reality is the opposite of adventures, love, and care for each other, which I described as fairy tale- happily ever after, I am sorry. If yours is adventureLESS and loveLESS to point that makes you sick to even read about something more exciting, I apologize for bringing it up.
I'll only talk about dull and grim stuff to you. Hope it makes you feel better.

psychbabe314 · August 2013

@TiaTea, cute :-P, a little too cute for me but good for you for having such a positive view on life! We all need that once in awhile and that is something that I have struggled to keep in my life. While some may think believing in your fairy tale ending is childish, I think that it is a wonderful thing to look forward to, as long as you acknowledge that there will be challenges and it may not be that perfect ending all the time (which you did!) :-) No reason your ending can't start a new story!

@katiecat08, I kinda of understand where you are coming from... about people not validating your relationship, but it really does not bother me. I have parents who have put pressure on me to get busy for the past few years. I'm talking about, me listening to my mom when I was 18 "joking" about me having a kid so that the state would give me more for college (she offered to care for the kid), and the constant reminders that my parents were married 4 months into their relationship (1.5 years now of DATING for me). But, just because I'm not moving as fast as they did and I don't plan to (it actually makes me a little gun shy when they get riled up over the subject) does not me I will not enjoy every moment of the way our relationship is now.

Good luck, but just move at a pace good for you and your BF.

TiaTea · August 2013

@psychbabe314 "a little too cute for me but good for you for having such a positive view"
I do have a positive view.
But what I said is based on a well known ( or so I thought) old joke . It has nothing to do with cute . I think it was some stand up comedian who came up with the line : Why do all fairy tales end with the wedding? The key word being END. But I tought everybody knew this one.
Hence "Just enjoy the fairy tale while it lasts."

"Happily ever after" is great , but it's not a faiy tale . No need to rush there, IMO

cu97tiger · August 2013

@hummingbird125 - I'll ignore the topic at hand for just a minute, too, and point out that clearly I spelled 'their' wrong in my original post. Dammit. I almost didn't use 'gravitas' because it just seemed too much like a $5 word for what is generally a $1 discussion thread.

@tiatea - I've never heard even a whiff of whatever that comedian's joke was. In general, it's a little nauseating to hear someone speak about their life being a fairy tale. There is a reason that it's a 'tale'... because it's make believe... a story. I can't speak for anyone else, but while my life with my DH is filled with love, laughter, happiness, joy, contentment and adventure, it is also work. I feel that what I put into my marriage (relationship) is what I'll get out of it. So glossing that relationship over by comparing it to a fairy tale makes me think you don't really understand (or want) what comes with a committed relationship.

Also, holy crap, you've been together for two months? I probably wouldn't be giving your relationship a whole lot of credibility yet, either, though I would respect it.

Swazzle · August 2013

@TiaTea - I have never heard of this "old joke" either. The whole fairy tale things seems extremely juvenile to me.

kelley198721 · August 2013

Meh. I don't get jealous, I'm happy for them. I've been dating my BF for almost a year and we have discussed marriage. But I'm content to wait because we need to get our finances in order first. Plus our engagement will likely be a year to two years. So I'm just trying to enjoy our relationship the way it is now.

You should do the same. Don't be jealous of other people getting married. Be happy for them, your time will come someday. Besides, think about this. Yes, they're getting married. But would you want to be in that marriage, would you want to marry that particular guy? No, you wouldn't. Be happy with your BF and try to be patient. It's hard, I know, but you will be fine

loves2shop4shoes · August 2013

I've never got jealous over anyone else's wedding. To be fair, I got married pretty young. Then again, if someone has something I want, I don't get jealous of them. I'm happy someone I love has something great.

Also, I agree with @cu97tiger. Why do you need other people to validate your relationship? You can be with "the man who will love you more than anything" well before you're married. And if @swazzle is correct about your relationship timelines, then yeah, you need to take it down SEVERAL notches.

How old are you, anyway?

bethsmiles · August 2013

cu97tiger said:

@hummingbird125 - I'll ignore the topic at hand for just a minute, too, and point out that clearly I spelled 'their' wrong in my original post. Dammit. I almost didn't use 'gravitas' because it just seemed too much like a $5 word for what is generally a $1 discussion thread.

@tiatea - I've never heard even a whiff of whatever that comedian's joke was. In general, it's a little nauseating to hear someone speak about their life being a fairy tale. There is a reason that it's a 'tale'... because it's make believe... a story. I can't speak for anyone else, but while my life with my DH is filled with love, laughter, happiness, joy, contentment and adventure, it is also work. I feel that what I put into my marriage (relationship) is what I'll get out of it. So glossing that relationship over by comparing it to a fairy tale makes me think you don't really understand (or want) what comes with a committed relationship.

Also, holy crap, you've been together for two months? I probably wouldn't be giving your relationship a whole lot of credibility yet, either, though I would respect it.

You can speak for me

I agree 100% and you stated it so perfectly.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@bethsmiles

Swazzle · August 2013

@loves2shop4shoes - OP's very first thread: CLICK

I know I'm not the only girl who gets a bit jealous when other people get married..

Re: I know I'm not the only girl who gets a bit jealous when other people get married..

Choose Another Board

Search Boards