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Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

KeptInStitches · August 2013

Congratulations! You're married. I think what you should do is ask your dad if you can use the money to throw a kick-ass party. No wedding dress, no bridal party, no bridal showers/bachelorette parties ... that ship has sailed.

What you can do and I wouldn't side-eye in the least is throw an awesome dinner and dance to celebrate your marriage. I wouldn't be opposed to a spotlight dance - perhaps in the form of you and your husband opening the dancing - but I wouldn't call it a "first dance." I wouldn't make a big deal out of cutting the cake. In short, I'd try to avoid the trappings of a wedding, if that makes sense.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

Congratulations! I suggest throwing an awesome anniversary party. This isn't a wedding, since you're already a wife. I would skip a ceremony since it doesn't have any legality. Wear a gorgeous dress (I would avoid white- again, you're a wife) and have awesome food, drink & music.

I would take out words like wedding and reception since it is not that. This can be hard to hear for many people, but the boat has sailed on a traditional wedding. You had your wedding in Vegas. If you skipped your college graduation, you wouldn't dress up in a cap & gown years later and re do it, would you? This is the same situation.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@hugsandkissesxoxo, so if BF and I get married at the courthouse, we didn't have a wedding? That's incredibly insulting to many posters on this boards, and I urge you to lurk and reconsider that POV.

MayDay513 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

My husband and I decided to have a baby when we were 20 and when our son was 2 months old we went to Vegas for my aunts renewal of vows and decided to go to the Drive Thru Wedding Chapel while we were there. We did not have the financials to have a real wedding but we wanted to be a real family instead of people saying I was his "baby momma". So we got married in our car with our 2 month old son in the back seat as a witness. Now I am 22 and my dad has offered to pay for a real wedding for me (I am his only daughter). My husband and I are so excited to be having a real wedding. It wont be super big, about 70 people. But I don't know whats "proper" since I am already married. I don't think I should have to miss out on our first dance, or anything just because we have a married certificate already. I know it was my choice to get married in Vegas but I don't think I should have to miss out on having a real wedding because of that. I don't want people to think I am a bad person for wanting to share the love I have for my husband and son...

Congrats on your happy loving family. I agree with the previous poster. You are already married, enjoy it. If you insist on having a party, you can. But skip the gown and everything else. We understand the circumstances, but it doesn't change that you are already married.

If I were you and had money to spare, I would go on a fantastic family vacation. Or if you feel your son is old enough, maybe leaving him with the grandparents and go on the honeymoon you have always dreamed of.

Another idea, would be to start a college fund for your son. That would be cool. too.

EDIT because I can't spell

itzMS · August 2013

@hugsandkissesxoxo

Now if that's not an AE profile at it's best...I don't know what is.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

I don't see why I shouldn't be able to renew my vows with my husband. Don't most couples renew vows and have a wedding again? my aunt did the weekend I got married in Vegas and she was 45 in a huge ballroom gown (i think it was a bit too much but she was happy). she didn't have a real wedding with her husband because she was pregnant and decided to have one 30 years later. I don't see why its so bad for my husband to have a first dance with me, we have never danced together. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess for a day and my daddy deserves to walk his only daughter down the isle.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Please for the love of all that is holy stop referring to this PPD as a "real wedding"!!!

You had a real wedding, it was when you and your H got married at a drive thru chapel in Vegas. Was it what you may have always dreamed of? No, but it was still your wedding. Also, a 2 month old can be considered a witness?

If you want to have a big anniversary party then go for it. Honestly a 2 year anniversary blow out would seem weird to me but whatevs. Just don't turn it into a "wedding" because it isn't one becasue you are already marreidand had a wedding.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

The thing is, you and your husband have not been married very long. I think a lot of people will side-eye a vow renewal that takes place less than 5 years after you got married. Your aunt and uncle were married 30+ years ago; presumably they have weathered major storms and come out the other side still very much in love. Renewing vows at that point (it has been a long time) makes sense and is an excuse for an awesome ceremony and party.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

You made a choice, you decide to elope instead of waiting and planning a more traditional ceremony & reception. You can have a party to celebrate but I am a believer that when you decide to get elope, you forgore some of the traditional wedding traditions, such as bachlor/bachlorette parties, bridal showers,, bridal party, the big dress etc. Please stop referring it to as your "real" wedding. That implies that what you did in Vegas was fake or not legal

MayDay513 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I don't see why I shouldn't be able to renew my vows with my husband. Don't most couples renew vows and have a wedding again? my aunt did the weekend I got married in Vegas and she was 45 in a huge ballroom gown (i think it was a bit too much but she was happy). she didn't have a real wedding with her husband because she was pregnant and decided to have one 30 years later. I don't see why its so bad for my husband to have a first dance with me, we have never danced together. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess for a day and my daddy deserves to walk his only daughter down the isle.

OP - Base on your original post you said "REAL WEDDING". If you want to do a vow renewal then fine.

If every girl deserves a princess day and every daddy deserves to walk his daughter down the aisle, then you shouldn't have taken that opportunity away by GETTING MARRIED without it.

AddieCake · August 2013

hugsandkissesxoxo said:

KeptInStitches said:

@hugsandkissesxoxo, so if BF and I get married at the courthouse, we didn't have a wedding? That's incredibly insulting to many posters on this boards, and I urge you to lurk and reconsider that POV.

I am just agreeing with the bride, whats wrong with that?

This is supposed to be a supportive place for brides to come for advice!!!

You look like you could use this.

Jen4948 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I don't see why I shouldn't be able to renew my vows with my husband. Don't most couples renew vows and have a wedding again? my aunt did the weekend I got married in Vegas and she was 45 in a huge ballroom gown (i think it was a bit too much but she was happy). she didn't have a real wedding with her husband because she was pregnant and decided to have one 30 years later. I don't see why its so bad for my husband to have a first dance with me, we have never danced together. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess for a day and my daddy deserves to walk his only daughter down the isle.

No, most couples don't renew vows or "have a wedding again" unless they got divorced and are getting remarried.

Sorry, but no girl who was not born into a royal family "deserves to feel like a princess for a day" and many royal women will tell you that their lives were hell and they never got to feel like what you classify as "a princess for a day" in that they definitely didn't get to have everything their way. They had to bow to custom, tradition, religion, politics, social mores, and etiquette.

And sorry, but if you get married in a legal ceremony, even if your daddy didn't walk you down the aisle and you didn't wear a white dress, you are MARRIED. That ceremony WAS your REAL AND ONLY WEDDING. Anything that follows is playacting, and if you keep the legal ceremony secret while inviting all your nearest and dearest to the thing with the white dress and walking down the aisle and the big party, you are LYING.

itzMS · August 2013

This is clearly a phony thread set up by two AE's to try to rile up the masses.

It even includes the notorious TK irritation with the misspelling of "aisle" as "isle".

Not believing a thing, here.

aurianna · August 2013

Sadly no one "deserves" to feel like a princess (though I know I constantly try to be).
You made the adult decision to have a baby followed by the adult decision to get married. Now you need to live with the consequences of your decisions (aka not walking down the aisle in a big white dress). However just because you didn't walk down the aisle does not make your marriage any less real. Hopefully you've lived a wonderful life the last two years with your husband and son. There is no need to go back and reenact a fake wedding. Look forward instead. Throw an awesome party instead. Your friends and family would appreciate it more than having to pretend to be excited to watch two people who are already married pretend to get married. And instead of a white dress you'll never wear again, spend the money on a gorgeous designer cocktail dress that will be the envy of all. (Or putting money in a college fund is also a good way of looking forward)

Simply Fated · August 2013

You got married so people wouldn't call you a "baby mama." You got married. It was a real wedding. It might not have been your dream wedding, but it was a real wedding.

Throwing around words like "real" makes you sound delusional.

Have a vow renewal. Call it a vow renewal. Call it what it is.

You got off to a bad start here because you're effectively calling some people's marriages on here a sham.

You made choices in your life and you need to own them. Dismissing them as though your choices don't matter is degrading to yourself.

Enjoy your vow renewal that your dad offered to pay for and keep making good choices!

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

It is real. I am a real person and what I typed really happened. So I made a typo. My bad. I would never try to "rile up the masses" and hurt other brides' feelings. It was an honest question.

elizabetheleven · August 2013

My first wedding was with a JOP and I wore a Walmart dress... No flowers.

Shit.... I should call my divorce lawyer and let him know it was unnecessary and get my money back. I didn't know it wasn't real, thanks.

OP you are already married. Have a awesome party to celebrate your marriage. Congrats on your family and good luck.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

I am not saying I didn't have a wedding. I am saying that I didn't get the chance to experience sharing it with my loved ones. I am glad I married my husband when I did and don't regret it in any way.

elizabetheleven · August 2013

asims4210 said:
I am not saying I didn't have a wedding. I am saying that I didn't get the chance to experience sharing it with my loved ones. I am glad I married my husband when I did and don't regret it in any way.

Sorry but the way you phrased it made it sound as such. You made the choice not to get married that way. What's done is done. However, you can have a kick ass get together to celebrate.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

GOOD BYE

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

asims4210 said:
I don't see why I shouldn't be able to renew my vows with my husband. Don't most couples renew vows and have a wedding again? my aunt did the weekend I got married in Vegas and she was 45 in a huge ballroom gown (i think it was a bit too much but she was happy). she didn't have a real wedding with her husband because she was pregnant and decided to have one 30 years later. I don't see why its so bad for my husband to have a first dance with me, we have never danced together. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess for a day and my daddy deserves to walk his only daughter down the isle.

@asims4210, I'm only going to address the whole "real" wedding thing. I realize it probably wasn't what you envisioned your wedding day as, but by saying that your courthouse/JOP/Vegas/drive through wedding is any less real than big blowout parties is really insulting to those couples who choose to go that route for their wedding. All of the fluff isn't what a wedding is; it's the legal union of two people. There is no such thing as just getting married on paper or just getting the legal stuff out of the way; that is an ignorant way of looking at something so sacred and desired by many, especially given the recent fights for legalized same sex marriages so those couples could obtain the rights that come along with getting married.

Please note that not all of that was directed at you in particular, but we see so many wives that come here with those opinions and it is really selfish and sad.

Good luck with your family and anniversary party, if you so choose to have one.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

asims4210 said:

It is real. I am a real person and what I typed really happened. So I made a typo. My bad. I would never try to "rile up the masses" and hurt other brides' feelings. It was an honest question.

asims4210 said:

I am not saying I didn't have a wedding. I am saying that I didn't get the chance to experience sharing it with my loved ones. I am glad I married my husband when I did and don't regret it in any way.

Vow renewals are saved for big milestone years. Like your Aunt & Uncles 30th. I'm with other posters, you should just throw a kick-ass anniversary party. Don't have a fake ceremony.

You decided to get married, that was an adult decision. Now act like an adult and own your previous decision. My H had no insurance when we got engaged, so it would have been beneficial to him to just do a quick ceremony at the courthouse. But we decided it was more important to marry in our Church in front of our family & friends, so H waited another 1 year and 3 months until we married to get insurance.

Jessa617 · August 2013

If you are already married I would totally take the money and put it towards my child or a really nice vacation. Weddings are expensive! It's not worth it to spend the money on a fake one.

Have an anniversary party and have your father escort you into the room.

GlassButton · August 2013

@asims4210

I'm not saying you should leave or anything similar to that. I just think your question would be better recieved at offbeat bride, wedding bee, or even wedding wire.

I wish you the best of luck with your wedding planning.

harper0813 · August 2013

asims4210 said:
GOOD BYE

For the record, I'm the one that "loved" this post. Not sorry to see her go after she insulted JOP marriages by calling non-foofy weddings not real.

Goodness gracious.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Another DD. So sad.

OP you don't deserve to have a big showy wedding and your daddy (do adults really still call their parents daddy?) doesn't deserve to walk you down the aisle. If either of those things were so important to you then you should have waited instead of eloping. So either act like the adult you are and own that decision and just throw a great party (have a "first" dance, just don't have a pretend ceremony or showers or call yourself a bride). Nothing wrong with that.

FTR- I've been a "baby mama" for going on 4 years now. It would have been nice to have been married but the traditional wedding was important to me and I wanted my grandfather to walk me down the aisle. So we waited. Not wanting to be a baby mama is a poor excuse as to why you should get a re-do wedding.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

I didnt insult anyone. I wasnt calling non-frooy weddings not real. I got married. I didnt have a wedding. I really dont care what anyone here thinks or says. My husband wants to see me in a wedding dress with our family and friends there so thats what i am going to do. 3 years is a milestone for us. None of you know what someone has been through in their relationship. Its not a fake ceremony either. I am an adult and I am making an adult decision to have a wedding with my husband. He deserves it and so do i and anyone who thinks otherwise...well you can keep your opinions and rude comments to yourself. Have a nice day.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I don't see why I shouldn't be able to renew my vows with my husband. Don't most couples renew vows and have a wedding again? my aunt did the weekend I got married in Vegas and she was 45 in a huge ballroom gown (i think it was a bit too much but she was happy). she didn't have a real wedding with her husband because she was pregnant and decided to have one 30 years later. I don't see why its so bad for my husband to have a first dance with me, we have never danced together. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess for a day and my daddy deserves to walk his only daughter down the isle.

There's no way this wasn't MUD.

itzMS · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I didnt insult anyone. I wasnt calling non-frooy weddings not real. I got married. I didnt have a wedding. I really dont care what anyone here thinks or says. My husband wants to see me in a wedding dress with our family and friends there so thats what i am going to do. 3 years is a milestone for us. None of you know what someone has been through in their relationship. Its not a fake ceremony either. I am an adult and I am making an adult decision to have a wedding with my husband. He deserves it and so do i and anyone who thinks otherwise...well you can keep your opinions and rude comments to yourself. Have a nice day.

But but but...a wedding is when you get married, not when you play dress up and pretend to be a bride when you're a WIFE.

MayDay513 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I didnt insult anyone. I wasnt calling non-frooy weddings not real. I got married. I didnt have a wedding. I really dont care what anyone here thinks or says. My husband wants to see me in a wedding dress with our family and friends there so thats what i am going to do. 3 years is a milestone for us. None of you know what someone has been through in their relationship. Its not a fake ceremony either. I am an adult and I am making an adult decision to have a wedding with my husband. He deserves it and so do i and anyone who thinks otherwise...well you can keep your opinions and rude comments to yourself. Have a nice day.

No one has been rude to you. You asked in your original post about the proper way to do this. There is no proper way to do this. You asked on an etiquette board. The etiquette is if you are married you don't get another wedding. Your wedding was at a drive through with your son in the back seat. You and your husband chose that. If you are choosing to re do that, that's fine.

Just because we dont agree with you doesn't make us rude.

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